Be Not Afraid
by alexajaye
Summary: She came to the monastery as a baby. No parents. No family. They raised her even though they didn't know how. Over time, their care for her grew cruel so they could control her. They named her Lilith as her defiance grew. What changes with her presence? What stays the same? Sort of a fix-it, at least for me. Mostly canon-compliant. Part 1 of a Series.
1. Orphaned

**I have not uploaded a story in so long! And I know I have unfinished stories in there that need to be finished. But this story came to me so quickly that I couldn't ignore it.  
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**I recently starting watching Vikings, and I fell in love with it and the characters. And I was hit with the idea for this story a week after watching it. I hope everyone who reads it likes it. If not, I'll just post it for those who do.**

**A bit of warning up here. While this will have many of the pairings involved on the show, and it will also have many events that happen in the show, this is not a Ragnar/Athelstan story. Though I love their dynamic on the show and enjoy their friendship, that's all I see it as. Plus so many stories I've seen are about that. I wanted my story to be different.**

**So if that's okay with you, then please, read on!**

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_**Orphaned**_

_Lindisfarne 780_

The baby's cries could be heard through the entire monastery, waking almost every monk inside its walls and stirring something that had not awakened in years, possibly decades. The abbot, Father Cuthbert had already been awake, praying at his altar, and hurried to the main entrance before he had the chance to put on his outer robes.

The small basket at the front steps looked like a simple bread basket but for the bundle inside. Swaddled inside a white blanket lay the most unsuspecting babe the man had ever seen. The cries rang through the air like the piercing call of a ghost, sending shivers down the man's spine. He nearly dropped the basket after lifting it in his hands, but he prayed for the strength to bring the babe inside the monastery where others were waking to the cries.

"What in God's name is that, Father Cuthbert?"

The abbott looked up at the man in front of him, his eyes fearful as he clutched his cross. "It is a baby, Brother Cenwar. It will no more harm you than a breeze on the wind. Fetch some milk from the kitchens, if you please."

Brother Cenwar hesitated, remaining planted until the abbott looked up from the basket and glared. "Go now unless you wish to be whipped."

He scurried off, needing to be free of the piercing cries that filled the front hall of the monastery. Father Cuthbert set the basket on a table and reached in for the bundle, lifting the small babe in his arms and finding a small envelope left behind.

With as much care to the bundle as he could afford, he took the envelope and pulled out a note written in elegant script.

"_You are holding in your arms my daughter whom I love dearly but cannot care for in my current state. I cannot place her anywhere else, and I wish for her to be close to her birthplace. Please care for her as God does all his creatures. You will not find a more deserving child."_

There was no signature, no name of a family or even a parent. And there was no name given to the child. Father Cuthbert was at a loss. Who would leave a newborn babe, a girl no less, at the front steps of a monastery and not a nunnery? Surely, there were places better suited. Even though the note said this was closer to her home, the mother of this child had to know there were no women here to look after her daughter.

"Father Cuthbert."

He looked up from the note to see their youngest brother, Athelstan, who was only seven years old, there with a small bottle of milk. He urged the boy forward and sat down in a chair nearby.

"Brother Cenwar said to bring this to you for . . . for a baby."

"Yes, Brother Athelstan, someone left a baby at our door, and we will do our best to care for her." He reached for the bottle and put it on the table. "Go back to your studies, and tell Brother Cenwar to gather everyone in the main hall. We will decide the fate of this child while we break our fast."

For nearly a minute, Athelstan did not move, watching the baby. Father Cuthbert looked at the boy and glared.

"I'll whip you, boy, the way I said I would Brother Cenwar for not obeying me. Now go."

Athelstan was more reluctant than Brother Cenwar had been, leaving slowly as the baby began crying again.

The sun was good and bright when the brothers congregated to eat, and Father Cuthbert brought the child to keep her from stirring. Simply her presence made some of the other men uncomfortable. She didn't cry out once now that she had been fed, and he felt that was a sufficient time to decide what to do.

"She doesn't belong here!" a brother called out from three tables away. "We should send her to King Aelle. Let him deal with her."

"It is too far a journey for any of us to make alone, my brother," Cuthbert surmised. "And in any case, the issue of her well-being would remain."

"How can we charge ourselves with the care of a baby we know nothing about?" another voice shouted. "This is no place for a baby, a girl no less. As she grows, will she not need the presence of a woman for womanly things? None of us here can give her that."

Father Cuthbert chuckled softly. "Thank you, Brother Cenred, for making it very clear that you will not be volunteering regardless, for either of those roles."

Some of the others laughed as well, and finally, Brother Cenwar stood up. "Father Cuthbert, the fact is that not all of us want that child anywhere near here. You heard her crying. Like a banshee from Hell. Her presence here would only bring hardship to us and her."

The abbott sighed as he cradled the baby. "I understand your concerns, brothers. And I agree. But it is not in our hands to say where this child belongs. Only God's. I will pray on this and have my decision by morning. In the meantime, I will need someone to assist me in her care until a better situation can be found."

No one spoke up until Athelstan stood up from the first table as he sat beside Brother Cenwar.

"Father Cuthbert, if it please. I had an elder sister before my mother and father brought me here. If none of the others wish to volunteer, then I will."

The abbott looked at all the older men, seeing how hesitant and frightened they were. He couldn't say he was surprised. Honestly, his mind was already made up, but he would still confer with God to do what was right. He turned to his young volunteer and motioned for him to come forward. Athelstan did not hesitate, moving to the head table and sitting next the abbott. He turned the bundle to the boy and lay the baby in his small arms.

"You must cradle her head like this," he instructed softly. "And always keep her feet covered. Don't want her to catch cold."

"Yes, Father."

Father Cuthbert turned to the others as they watched with concern in their eyes and on their faces. "Until I have reached my decision, we will welcome this child into our care and our home. Brother Cenwulf, I will ask you to take over Brother Athelstan's duties every other day until we know God's will."

He was about to say more to Athelstan when he realized the baby was sleeping soundly in the boy's arms, and the entire hall became quiet. It wasn't until then that he looked up at Father Cuthbert and smiled.

"Right," the man said and cleared his throat. "Brother Athelstan, if you will take her back to the infirmary. I'll bring you something to eat. The rest of you, get back to your food. We all have much work to do today."

Athelstan again did not hesitate, rising with the baby and leaving the room as the other brothers erupted in their gossip and complaints. Father Cuthbert watched the boy carefully, realizing that he would have to work hard to ensure that this child did nothing to hinder the boy's progress.

During the day, Father Cuthbert charged one of their builders to make a crib, and he took further concerns from three more brothers who opposed the baby's presence in the monastery. Their concerns were the same as the others, and the abbott took their concerns into consideration. By the time the baby needed to be fed again, Father Cuthbert had cleaned a bottle they used to milk the baby goats and used it to give her enough for the night.

Cleaning her was a challenge, as they did not have a sufficient washtub for her, but he did his best, putting her down in a clean christening gown and deciding they at least needed to name her if she was to go out into the world when she was older. He wanted her to have God's Grace to protect her, taking it upon himself to Bless her while she slept. He was firm believer in fate and deliverance, and surely, God wanted this child to be at the monastery for a good reason. Father Cuthbert wasn't one to deny God's will, and he wouldn't do it now.

The following morning, Father Cuthbert carried the baby to the main hall where everyone was already gathered for his decision. Athelstan was again seated at the first table, and when the abbott beckoned his forward, he rose and joined the older man at the head table. Once the boy was beside him, he stood up to face the brothers.

"I have decided to keep this child here in the monastery," he announced, to their immediate discord. He held up his hand to stop them, succeeding only slightly. "This child was brought here to us for reasons we do not know, and cannot know if we send her away. And I, for one, will not question those reasons as they stand. I understand that not everyone agrees with this decision, and I absolve you all of any obligation to help in raising her. As I said the night previous, Brother Athelstan will assist me, as will any one who wishes it. We will decide any future rules when the time comes. That is all."

And that was that.

The first order of business was making clothes for their newest addition. They couldn't make but simple things for her to wear, but they also made cloth diapers and shoes. Father Cuthbert made sure she had enough milk even though they didn't have very much to spare. Of the few brothers willing to help with her, they separated duties and set up some semblance of a schedule that wouldn't interfere with their other responsibilities.

A week passed, and then a month, and the baby girl grew slowly. Her hair grew, a polished brown that began to match her eyes. She began to sit up on her own and after another month or two, she began pushing herself up. Father Cuthbert had a small bed made for her so she wouldn't be restricted to the infirmary at night, and though she still cried some nights, it only took a good set of arms to hold her for it to stop. Brother Athelstan also helped, but the abbott didn't want the boy to become too attached.

As it had been the beginning of Autumn when the baby arrived, it was easy to keep up with how old she was, and soon, it was Spring. More brothers became hesitant about being around her, and Brother Cenwar absolutely refused to be in the same room with her. Father Cuthbert had to ensure no one who didn't wish to watch over her didn't have to.

There was again the issue of what to name her, especially since none of them were practiced in that area. They couldn't very well continue to call her Girl for the rest of her life. Some of the brothers called her She-Devil when they thought he couldn't hear them. He heard all of it, and it disappointed him. He thought of calling her Mary, but that seemed a bit much, especially considering how she had arrived. As she approached her ninth month and began crawling and then walking, she became more adventurous, and he decided a new name for her. She would be Lilith after Adam's first wife, for it was her desire to run away when it was time for bed or a bath that prompted the comparison.

Brother Athelstan enjoyed her company the most, since he could easily teach her about the monastery so she would understand. His name as well as the names of the animals around the barn were her first words as she came to turn a year old.

Though they didn't celebrate, Father Cuthbert had the brothers who wanted to make a new bed for her as well a new pair of shoes. Brother Athelstan wanted to gift her a cross, but the abbott refused until she was older and more likely to understand. He also forbid anyone teaching her about the outside world. If he could stave off the inevitable questions, then he would do so as best as he could.

He could not, however, prevent Brother Athelstan from teaching her to read when she was nearly four years old. Most of the brothers were opposed, but Father Cuthbert relented under one condition.

"You will teach her scripture and nothing more," the abbott said the morning Athelstan asked him. "We will teach her holiness and absolutely nothing else. Is that understood, Brother Athelstan?"

The boy, who had just turned eleven, nodded and smiled. "Yes, Father. Thank you."

Of course, without telling the abbot, Athelstan found books that weren't scripture and taught her those. He wanted her to know Latin and English, and he taught her that as well.

By the time Lilith was almost ten, she could speak English and Latin fluently, and she knew the scriptures better than any of the brothers. It was mostly due to having a teacher who was patient with her and didn't smack her hands with a cane when she pronounced something wrong, like Brother Cenwulf was prone to do.

Then it was announced that the young brothers were old enough to help their elders spread the word of God to other peoples and places. Athelstan was chosen, along with Brother Cenwulf, leaving Lilith almost solely in the care of Father Cuthbert.

"Mind Father Cuthbert while I'm gone," her teacher instructed the night before he would leave. "He's set in his ways and usually doesn't like to be questioned, I've discovered."

Lilith only sighed, having been tucked in and only watching the candle as it flickered by her bed. "I wish I was going with you," she lamented. "It's going to be boring here without you."

Athelstan grinned as he sat beside her. "I'm sure you'll find something to do outside of your studies. And you will keep up with those, yes?"

She nodded.

He placed his hand on both of hers and smiled. "Good. The places I'm going aren't safe for little girls, even ones special like you. And when I come back, I will tell you all about them. All right?"

Again, she nodded, and he leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"Good night, sweet girl," he whispered. "Sleep well."

Lilith was awake for nearly an hour after he left, laying in her dim room and listening to the birds and mice as they chirped and scurried close to the walls. She finally fell asleep, dreaming of a giant wave crashing over the island and washing almost everything away.

When he left in the morning, Lilith watched from the beach with Father Cuthbert, and when Athelstan waved back at her, she waved back, knowing she wouldn't see him for the next three months. She didn't know what she would do with herself.

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**I know I sometimes do prologues, but that didn't feel right this time. And I hope I can bring Lilith to life as much as any of the other characters.**

**Since this is based on a tv show, I'm going to say right now that while I have done research on the time period as far as clothes and whatnot, I will be trying to stay within the canon of the show. I have opted not to give a history lesson, and I hope that's okay.**

**Also, this will be centered around Athelstan and Lilith, whom I know is an OC, but I hope you give her a chance. I have special plans for her.**

**All right, moving on to chapter two.**


	2. Defiant

**This chapter is told from Lilith's perspective, and I hope I did okay. It's been a while since I was a ten-year-old, and even if I wanted her to be a little wise beyond her years, I still wanted her to act like a child.  
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**There's also a small scene of child abuse at the beginning of the chapter. I tried to make it as brief as possible, but I hope it's not too bad. There will be many places in the story where I had to take creative license without taking away from the time period.**

**Also, of course, because I'm old school, I don't own Vikings. You should know this. Please keep reading!**

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_**Defiant**_

Lilith could hear Father Cuthbert yelling for her above the wind as it howled around the eave of the roof, and she knew she was in trouble. The sea was in turmoil today, signaling a storm on the horizon, and that usually meant she had to close all the window sills and make sure the gutters were clean. He was always giving her disgusting things to do, and she never liked doing them.

"Lilith Incarnatus! Get out here this very instant! Don't make me get the whip on you, girl!"

Lilith Incarnatus. Like an insult. Like she was a demon for making him look for her. She huffed, rising and walking off in the opposite direction so she could ease around to the front walkway like she had been there the whole time. Athelstan always liked when she played jokes like this on him. Father Cuthbert, not so much.

The abbot was out of breath when he came back around the corner, huffing and then glaring when he saw her there. Though he'd been old when she was a baby, he was even older now and therefore always cross with her when she did what she wanted. He'd already taken a paddle to her, and she was sure the next time would be worse.

"Oh, you little devil," he cursed. "I ought to whip you until you can't sit down. Get inside now. Before I decide to make you miss your supper."

"I'm not a little devil," she countered as he grabbed her arm to pull her inside. "Athelstan always says I'm more innocent than any of you."

He yanked on her arm, dragging her along until they were in his study. "That boy has completely spoiled you," he complained. "Believe me, I'll be doing something about that when he returns. Not enough discipline for you, not nearly enough!"

Pushing her into the chair in front of his desk, he opened the drawer on the left of his prayer podium and took out the razor he only used once a year. He stepped toward her and strapped both her arms down, warning her with his eyes not to fight him or it would be worse. Before the blade touched her arm, she screamed.

"Athelstan!"

Father Cuthbert glared at her, for she always invoked Athelstan's name when she defied him. He flipped her arm over so the underside showed ten identical marks in her flesh, not hesitating as he pressed the blade and drew blood.

"Athelstan!"

The blade burned as it tore through her skin and the layer underneath, sending pain through her whole arm just like every other time he'd done it.

Just as the blade withdrew, she lifted her foot and kicked him away, knowing she couldn't get out of the chair and watching him fall into his desk and curse under his breath. Without saying anything to her, he slammed the blade down and stormed out of the room. She didn't know where he was going, but it couldn't be good at all.

The entire time he was gone, she tried to pull her arm from the ropes holding her to the chair, to no avail, and when he returned with Brother Cenwar, Lilith knew she was in serious trouble.

"Athelstan can't help you, devil," Brother Cenwar spat, which was something he did often. "You can yell for him all you want. He's not coming."

So that's what she did, over and over until she was taken to her room and locked inside with two fresh wounds on her forearm to go with the ten already there.

Athelstan wasn't supposed to be back for another two months. These new marks would be healed by then.

She wanted him back now.

That night, she dreamed of a shadow slipping under her door and out of her room to where the others slept. It slid in and out of every dark nook and cranny of the monastery until it reached Brother Cenwar. The man only barely woke when he saw the shadow and screamed. Lilith screamed too, as loud and as long as she could until she was awakened by Father Cuthbert shaking her.

"Stop your crying, child," he commanded, holding her against him the way Athelstan always did.

She couldn't. She couldn't stop seeing the shadow. It covered everything. There was no escaping it.

The next morning, Brother Cenwar was found dead in his room, the door locked and the window latched.

The missionaries returned a month before her birthday, their heads filled with stories of their new churches and their stories sounding like the ones Lilith read in the books she kept hidden in her room. Athelstan had only amazing things to say about where they'd gone, showing her the drawings in his book he'd sketched while they had traveled.

"There weren't many people who wished to receive the word of God," he told her as they ate supper in the main hall with everyone else. "But the ones who did were astounded by our message. And the world out there is so big. I never realized how much there was to see. I can't wait to go to Paris. Brother Cenwar says the churches there are incredible. Where is he? I haven't seen him since we came back."

Lilith pushed the food around on her plate, not meeting his eyes as she spoke. "He's dead," she revealed. "And . . . I think I killed him."

He stopped eating, glancing around before he turned her to face him and lowered his voice. "Why on Earth would you say something like that?" he demanded.

"Because it's true," she cried.

He shushed her before anyone could hear her, taking her hand and pulling her out of the main hall to the chapel as it set empty.

"Tell me what happened," he commanded gently.

"I had a dream about a shadow," she began. "It was here in the monastery, and it slipped outside my room to where the others were sleeping. It hovered over him, and he screamed. And then I screamed, like I do when I have night terrors. When Brother Cenred found him the next morning, he was dead. They said it looked like he was suffocated."

Tears fell from her eyes before Lilith realized she was crying, but she wasn't sad. She hated Brother Cenwar, and he hated her. There had been no love lost with his death. No. Lilith was scared. And Athelstan could see that she was scared. He took her hands in his, kneeling in front of her so she wouldn't have to look up at him.

"Just because you had a bad dream, it doesn't mean you had anything to do with what happened," he assured her. "Everyone has bad dreams, Lili. I have bad dreams. I had quite a few of them while I was away. I was worried about you. One night, I even thought I could hear you calling for me. But that's all they are. Bad dreams. Do you understand me?"

"But what if it's true?" she begged. "What if what Brother Cenwar said was true? What if I'm evil?"

Athelstan sighed softly. "Brother Cenwar was a cruel, unkind man for treating you the way he did. What happened to him was not your doing. No matter what he said, none of it is true, all right?"

Frowning, she bowed her head and nodded. He stood up then and lifted her in his arms to carry her back to the main hall. She felt him strain a little, but he adjusted his hold on her so she wouldn't fall.

"I've only been gone for three months," he said. "How have you gotten so heavy?"

That made her laugh, and he leaned up to kiss her cheek.

They made it back to the main hall, and he looked at the brothers as they all watched him. The room was quiet for a minute before the conversations that had stopped began again, and Lilith whispered to Athelstan where no one else could hear her.

"There was something else about the dream that scared me," she said.

"And what was that?" he asked.

She hesitated, only speaking when he looked at her. "I was the shadow."

That night, Athelstan told Lilith about everything he'd seen. He showed her everything he'd drawn in his journal and new words he'd learned.

"Everything was so green and beautiful," he revealed as he turned pages in his journal. "The coastlines were so high, and the people were all dressed so colorfully. Brother Cenwulf kept saying it was ungodly to be so colorful."

Lilith snorted. "Of course he would," she laughed

"But I thought they looked amazing. I wanted to bring a dress back to you, but Brother Cenwulf said we didn't have time for that. One of these times I come back, I'll bring you something from our journeys."

She looked at him, watching his face as he still flipped through the journal. "As long as you come back in one piece, I'll be happy."

He turned his gaze to her, sighing softly and leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "All right, sweet girl. It's your bed time."

He moved to stand up, but she stopped him, gripping his arm as hard as she could.

"Athelstan, I need to tell you something. About Father Cuthbert and Brother Cenwar."

He slipped his hand into hers. "What is it?"

She opened her mouth to speak just as the door opened, allowing Father Cuthbert inside alone.

Athelstan stood up from the bed quickly, stepping at least three steps away. "Father Cuthbert. I was just putting Lili to bed."

The older man glanced in her direction, not glaring but looking at her severely before he spoke. "Yes, well, I believe she is quite old enough to do that herself. And besides that, I have made changes to your duties while you are here, and until it is time for your next mission. Starting tomorrow morning, I will expect you in the scriptorium, copying the old texts into new bindings, and I expect this will take you most of the day, as we have many texts that need to be copied."

Athelstan glanced at Lilith, quiet half a minute before he spoke. "What about Lili?" he asked.

"There are plenty of others in the monastery who will be able to look after her studies, myself included. There's no need for you to concern yourself with her well-being when there are more than twenty people around her who can do just as well."

"But she — "

"Brother Athelstan, I will remind you that the care of this child is not solely your responsibility," Father Cuthbert said and huffed. "You are to do your newly assigned duties in the morning. Is that clear?"

Athelstan bowed his head. "Yes, Father."

"Good," the older man said curtly. "Now off you go. Lots to do tomorrow."

With no other option available, Athelstan glanced at Lilith and nodded slightly. "Go on to bed, Lili. I'll see you in the morning."

He turned to leave, but Father Cuthbert stopped him at the door, whispering sharply before releasing him abruptly. The older man turned his eyes to Lilith, warning her with his eyes. He left then and slammed her door shut, locking it behind him.

The next morning, during breakfast, Father Cuthbert announced they would be sending more missionaries out at the start of Autumn and that these would last twice as long to do twice the work. Of course, he chose Athelstan to go with the main group, and that meant he would be gone for six months.

Lilith knew why Father Cuthbert was sending Athelstan away. She knew it was because of her, and she knew it wasn't a good sign. And there was nothing she could do about it.

Thankfully, he allowed them to still celebrate her birthday, though only a few of the brothers chose to participate. One of them gave her a new pair of shoes, and another gave her a new dress that was longer since she was taller, and this one was as soft as the other was. It was only Athelstan's gift that she loved, as it was a leather bracelet that looked like it had been hand-sewn with every color imaginable.

"The merchant said it was the most difficult stitch that could be made, and so of course, it was worth quite a lot. And now you will have something of your very own to keep with you while I'm away. I promise I will think of you every day, sweet girl."

The bracelet was large enough to fit around the top of her arm, but she simply held it in her hands to look at all the colors and trace how they wove together over the leather. She'd never seen anything so beautiful.

When it was time for Athelstan and the other missionaries to leave, Father Cuthbert made Lilith remain in the monastery, forcing her to say goodbye to her favorite companion far away from the beach.

"I'll miss you, sweet girl," he whispered as they embraced. "I'll think of you every day." He leaned back and looked straight in her eyes so she would listen. "Behave. Please. And no more bad dreams, yes?"

She nodded and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. He returned her gesture and held her closer before turning to leave.

She stayed there until she could no longer see the boats, until the sun crested on the horizon behind her, until it was too cold for her to stay there. Once she made it back to her room, she found her bracelet and fastened it around the top of her arm under her gown, skipping supper and reading one of the books she'd hidden away.

Brother Cenred took over her reading lessons while Athelstan was away, and though he wasn't as cruel as Brother Cenwar, he still treated her the same as the others. And much like Brother Cenwulf, though not as frequently, whenever she pronounced something wrong, he used a cane on her hands to keep her from doing it again.

Lilith thought that if she did asshe was told that Father Cuthbert would grant her a few freedoms, but that turned out not to be the case. In fact, the longer Athelstan was gone, the more restrictive he became and more insistent that punishing her was the only way to keep her from becoming wicked. With each new mark he inflicted on her, she only hated him more. Nothing of what she'd read made her believe anything he said. Nothing she'd learned from Athelstan agreed with what Father Cuthbert told her. It just made her want to defy him even more. So she did.

She kept her word on the bad dreams, as far as she was able. The only dream she had was the same as the one she'd had before Athelstan left the first time. The wave got bigger every time, and different people died every time. Once it was Brother Cenred, and another time, it was Brother Cenwulf. Father Cuthbert always died. Lilith and Athelstan always survived.

The winter was as harsh as it always had been, and Lilith tended to the fires throughout the monastery like she was told. She wrote in the small journal every night, putting down her thoughts and fears, and she prayed for Athelstan every night, remembering what he'd said about hearing her call out for him. Though she wasn't screaming, she still hoped he heard her.

Spring finally came, and when the boats did not arrive as they were expected, Father Cuthbert instructed everyone to pray, so they did. Lilith watched the beach even though she wasn't supposed to be there. She saw them before anyone else, and she waited as the bells began ringing, running ahead of everyone else to greet Athelstan as he exited the boat.

"Athelstan!" she exclaimed as he caught her in his arms. "We worried about you. Father Cuthbert has been praying since last night."

"I'm here now, dear girl," he chuckled. "Thanks to a turn in the wind and helpful waves. I've missed you. Let's go inside. I've something to show you."

They walked to the monastery together, ahead of the others and passed Father Cuthbert as he watched from the embankment. Athelstan looked upon this place that he still called home like he was seeing it for the first time in years, and Lilith could see he was happy. She didn't want to ruin that, so when she thought about telling him what Father Cuthbert had done to her, she chose not to, not even when Athelstan presented her with a new gift.

"It's called amber," he said, holding out a beaded necklace that shimmered in the low light of the chapel. "They trade this all over the Baltic."

Lilith took the necklace and ran her fingers over the beads. "What is it made of?" she asked.

He smiled as he answered her. "Tree resin. One of the merchants said it stays in the trees for millions of years to harden like this, and when they harvest it, it takes the shade of burnt gold. I thought of you the instant I saw this. Isn't it beautiful?"

She turned the beads over in her hands, feeling their coolness against her skin. "It's the most lovely thing I've ever seen. Thank you, Athelstan."

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "You're very welcome, sweet girl. You'll just need to find a good hiding spot so Father Cuthbert won't find it. Now," he said and covered her hands with his so she would look at him. "Tell me. You've not had any more bad dreams, have you? I know it's not easy in this place, but still."

Lilith didn't hesitate. "No. No bad dreams. I missed you every day, so I told myself to be strong for you."

Athelstan nearly blushed, but he wrapped his arms around her all the same and kissed the top of her head. "Oh, I did the same thing. Even though we were charged with bringing new villages and people into the Word of God, I thought of you. I thought of your smile and how mischievous it can be when you are up to no good. Father Cuthbert must be familiar with it by now."

She laughed softly against his chest, almost crying before she could stop herself. She had not been able to cope with watching him leave this last time. She didn't know how she would do it the next time.

He squeezed her gently as they sat together and then stood up with her. "Come, now. It must be around supper. Let's get something to eat. I'm famished."

The main hall was full when they stepped inside, and he sat her at the head table so he could get the last of the food and then eat with her. Some of the brothers watched them. Athelstan watched each of them, unable to deter them despite his best efforts.

Everyone inside the hall was quiet when Father Cuthbert stood to address them.

"I have decided that for the time being, we will be tending to the monastery until it is brought back into a better state. The living quarters have suffered severely with so many of our brothers gone. And while spreading the Word of God is a truly blessed thing to do, it is also said that cleanliness is Godliness. And once the state of this monastery is up to my standards, we will again revisit our travels."

Athelstan chose that moment to lean over and whisper to Lilith. "Plenty of time for me to teach you something new," he said. "Something everyone on an island surrounded by water must know how to do. But we mustn't allow Father Cuthbert to know. He wouldn't understand. Yes?"

Lilith smiled as she always did and nodded. "Yes."

After supper, Athelstan took her back to her room so she could find a hiding spot for her necklace, and once she was ready for bed, they both sat up so he could show her his new drawings.

"I wish I could paint like you," she said as they flipped through the new pages. "All Brother Cenred will do is make me read and write. And he smacks my fingers every time I make a mistake."

"He shouldn't do that," Athelstan said. He sighed softly, disappointed. "And now that I'm here, I'll talk with him and make sure he doesn't do it anymore. I promise." He squeezed her gently, and she looked up at him. "And I'll show you how to paint. You already do it when you're writing, but those are just words. Father Cuthbert won't approve, but I'll do it anyway if it's what you want."

Lilith smiled again and nodded.

"Then it's decided. Come on. Time for bed. I'm sure Father Cuthbert will have new texts for me to do in the morning."

He rose from the bed slowly, tucking her in and kissing her forehead before he extinguished all but one of the candles in her room so she could sleep.

Lilith watched him leave and then looked at her candle. She wondered about the places Athelstan had seen and whether she would ever see them. Father Cuthbert had already forbidden her from ever leaving the monastery, but she knew she would not always live in the monastery. And when she asked Brother Cenred about the places outside the monastery, he admonished her for even being curious about it. Lilith knew Athelstan would never do that, so she would continue to ask him about it.

The dream she had that night was filled with clear, perfect water all around her. She floated on top of it, and it surrounded her like it never had before. It wasn't a flood like in her other dreams. It was peaceful and inviting. She had never had a dream like it before, and it gave her hope.

* * *

**Like I said, I did actually do a bit of research, and I discovered quite a few interesting things about this time period. I tried to incorporate it into the story as best as I could.**

**And I know the abuse of a child is nothing to romanticize. Believe me. I know. I hoping that by having this in her perspective, it can be revisited later on and dealt with.**

**So I'm hoping to upload one chapter a week. I'm still working on this one, but I'm also already working on part 2, so we'll see how this goes. I wanted to put these up since they're both kinda short.**

**I hope everyone likes it. Until next time!**


	3. Teacher

_**This chapter picks up pretty much where the last one ended, but it also covers a bit of ground. This is also in Lilith's perspective, and it's still a challenge.**_

_**This also has a little more abuse, but not much. It's the last of it as far as I can promise. I honestly don't know if it would really happen, but I can say that it ties into the larger picture as a whole.**_

_**This chapter is also longer since it has a little more to do than most of the others I've written for this story.**_

_**Thanks so much to everyone who's added this to their favorites and follows. I really appreciate it!**_

_**Read on and I'll leave more at the bottom.**_

* * *

_**Teacher**_

It was early still when Athelstan woke Lilith up before the other monks. The insects chirped, and the little birds sang with the new light, signaling that dawn would be soon. She knew it was time for her new lessons, and all Athelstan told her was that it had everything to do with the water.

"It's usually best to do this when it is warm," he whispered to her as they walked through the monastery to go outside. "But who knows when Father Cuthbert will decide when we go on our next mission. And besides, you're old enough to know how to do so much more than what he deems appropriate. I already knew this when I came here."

"What is it then?" she asked. They stepped outside into the early morning chill, and he draped a cloak over her.

"I'm going to teach you how to swim, Lili."

The beach was as still as it had been since the last missionaries had returned, the boats pulled up onto the sand and the baskets meant to hold the clams they harvested empty. The waves ebbed and flowed gentle as ever, giving the semblance of order, but Lilith knew that not to be the case.

"This is also best done without clothing," Athelstan said when they stopped and put the clothes they had carried at their feet. "But that wouldn't be quite right in this case. So I've brought one of your older dresses for you to wear. Now," he said and turned her to face him, "you trust me, yes?"

Lilith nodded.

He took off her cloak and held it up so there was a partition between them. "Change then, and take off your shoes."

She did as he said, changing out of her newer dress and putting on the older one that barely went to her knees. Her shoes took the place beside her clothes, and she took her cloak from him to wrap it round herself. "And what about you?" she asked.

Athelstan frowned at her but then picked up a pair of pants he'd brought. He put them on under his robes before removing his hood and then the habit that covered his body. As soon as he did, Lilith saw a fresh scar over the curve of his shoulder.

"Athelstan! You have a scar!" She rushed forward and immediately touched the wound that looked like it was still healing. "How?"

He looked at her hand as she traced the scar with her finger. "Well, while we might be good servants of God, I'm afraid not all of us are able fishermen. Brother Cenwulf especially. We had barely enough fishing line to close it, but we did our best." He laid his hand over hers. "It is only a scar, Lili. We all have them, and we all heal from them. When you're older, you will understand. Now come. We have only enough time for a little this morning, but perhaps we will have more time later."

He took her hand in his, and together, they walked to the edge of the water. The first little wave came in just as they reached the wet sand. Lilith gasped at the coldness, holding Athelstan's hand tighter.

"Don't be afraid," he encouraged. "It's only water. If you do not fear it, then it will not harm you. And I'm right here. I won't let anything hurt you."

Lilith took a deep breath and took another step into the water. Slowly, they both walked into the water until it was almost to her waist, and Athelstan turned her to face him.

"You still trust me?" he pressed, and she nodded. "Good. Right now, I need you to trust my hands. I will not let you go until you are ready."

He reached into the water for her and lifted her in his arms, holding her until she relaxed and then laying her on the water. "Let the water cradle you, Lili. Let it envelope you like a blanket. You will float and then you will not be afraid."

First, her head was covered so that only her face was above the water. When before she had been grasping onto Athelstan's arm, after a moment, she extended both her arms into the water. Then her legs and feet took to the water, allowing her to lay on top of it like he said she would.

"That's it!" he exclaimed. "You're doing it! That's good, Lili. That's wonderful."

For another minute, Lilith reveled in the feeling of the water around her as Athelstan supported her. She opened her eyes to see the brightening sky above her, feeling weightless for the first time in her life. She forgot about the horrible things Father Cuthbert did to her. She forgot about the terrible things Brother Cenwar had said to her when he was alive and all the awful things Brother Cenred did to make her learn. It all faded away as she floated in the water.

"Are you ready, Lili?" Athelstan questioned, and she knew what he meant.

"I'm ready," she answered after thinking on it less than a second.

Gently, he let go, allowing her to float on her own.

Athelstan and Lilith snuck back into the monastery before the sun had finally crept over the horizon. They stopped by her room and put away her wet clothes before sitting down to comb her hair.

"You will have to tell Father Cuthbert that you've already had your bath," he said as they finished. He turned her to face him. "And when he presses, you must not let him know. He can be persistent, but you must also be."

She reached for his hand and took it in hers. "It will be our secret," she agreed.

For the next two months, every morning, Athelstan and Lilith snuck down to the beach, and he taught her to swim the way he did. And then every night, after supper, he showed her his drawings so she could learn how to paint them like he did. He bound her a new book so she could draw in it, and she practiced every day while he was in the scripture room with the old texts.

It was the first time since Athelstan had begun traveling that she felt happy again, even with Father Cuthbert punishing her every day for any of his rules being broken. Every day, she thought about telling Athelstan, but then she saw how happy he was to be back in the monastery, and she couldn't bring herself to say anything. So she endured whatever the abbot decided was necessary.

At the end of May, when the spring rains had brought flowers and fragrance to the island, Father Cuthbert announced they would leave on their next mission and go to Paris before the beginning of June. This time, they would be gone until the beginning of the next spring, meaning they would not return for almost a year. Lilith wasn't surprised when Father Cuthbert chose Athelstan to go with them, and she wasn't surprised when he separated them at the end of the night with the intention of the boats leaving the following morning.

This time, she didn't get the chance to say goodbye to him.

There wasn't much time for Lilith to mope or hide the way she wanted to. The day after the boats left with Athelstan, Father Cuthbert saw to keeping her as busy as he could. He gave her chores to do in the kitchens and the latrines. It was disgusting work, and it did nothing to keep her from missing the one person she could talk to and who at least tried to understand her. It did nothing to deter her from practicing her drawing, even if it did keep her from swimming.

Soon, it was summer, and though she was tempted every morning to swim in the cool waters off the beach, Lilith knew Father Cuthbert would do more than punish her. She tried to at least keep up her reading and writing, and Brother Cenred saw how much she missed Athelstan. When he could do nothing to distract her, he released her from her studies, which allowed her to spend more time in her room with her journal.

Time stretched into September, and for the first time since she'd been a year old, Lilith had to face having her birthday without Athelstan. Instead of having a small celebration like they'd been doing, Father Cuthbert simply left her new clothes on her bed and another book of gospels for her to read. All day, she could not keep the tears out of her eyes. At breakfast. During prayer. While she was fed the goats. Not even when she sat with Brother Cenred in the chapel reading.

"You must stop crying, girl," he demanded, exasperated. "We've not finished even half of your lesson today."

Lilith tried to swallow her tears. "I'm sorry, Brother Cenred." She began reading the text again, but her voice would not stop quivering. Then she had to stop, making her tutor huff again.

"Oh, you are useless like this. Go on back to your room. I'll come get you when it's time for supper."

She didn't wait, rising and hurrying away before he changed his mind. She had cried more in one day than she had in all her life, and she had no power to stop it. Without Athelstan there, the monastery was just a cold, horrible place, and she hated it there alone. And with everything Father Cuthbert did, Lilith realized that she was miserable.

Autumn disappeared, turning to winter and forcing Lilith to remain inside even when all she wanted was to go outside. Even on days when the sun came out, the cold seeped through the windows and kept her sitting at the hearth in the main hall from sunup until sunset. Brother Cenred would have her read there, instead of making her do it in the chapel, and Father Cuthbert made her only tend the fires in the chapel and the main hall. It wasn't much, so she resisted only a little.

There was more ice than snow that covered the ground, making everything shimmery instead of iridescent. It wasn't uninviting, but it was much more slippery and it hurt when she fell on it. It only happened a few times, and she had to tend to her bruises on her own, but she was used to doing that. Eventually, she had to stay away from the icy paths and keep to the grass that crunched beneath her feet.

The ice melted away as Spring drew closer, and the little flowers began to bloom again, meaning that the missionaries would be back soon. It meant Athelstan would be back soon, hopefully in one piece with regards to Brother Cenwulf. Father Cuthbert forbid her from going to the beach to greet them, so she stayed at the top of the embankment, watching them pull out of the water and land where they usually did.

Athelstan was the first one out of the first boat, and though it took him a moment to find her, once he did, he waved. She waved back, grateful for him to be back, but also worried for the next time he would leave.

Lilith waited until he was in front of her, smiling with his arms open, to go to him, holding him for the first time in over nine months and crying for the first time since her birthday. He held her as tight as he ever had, speaking softly to her in the moments they had before the others made it up from the beach.

"Stop crying, sweet girl," he murmured. "I'm here now. I'm not leaving again. Not for a long time. Not if I can help it."

He nudged her back gently, leaning over just a little to look at her. "You've gotten taller," he said, and he looked proud. "And your hair has gotten so long. I hope Brother Cenred has been tending to it like I asked him to."

Lilith laughed just once and then started crying again.

Athelstan stood up and pulled her closer, turning so they could go inside.

"Come on," he said as they walked. "I've brought you many gifts, to make up for being gone so long."

She didn't argue, allowing him to take her wherever he wanted.

They went to the chapel, and Athelstan opened his satchel, pulling out no less than four wrapped packages. The first was a leather bound journal with smooth parchment paper. The smallest package held a shiny, silver cross that looked just long enough for her to wear under her dress. The last two packages held the largest pieces, as Athelstan revealed a blue stitched dress and a matching blue cloak.

"I had to think of a few ways to get these packed without Brother Cenwulf finding them," he said as she flipped through the pages of the journal. "And even though I might not have succeeded, I paid for all of it myself, so it's not like he could stop me. The journal and dressings were all made especially for you, Lili. And Father Cuthbert never wanted you to have your own cross because he wanted you to know what it meant to wear one. In a way, I understand his reasoning because you were a baby. But now, I believe you understand better than most of the others here. You understand, don't you, Lili?"

She looked at the cross in its cloth pouch, marveled by its shimmer and knowing it must have cost a lot. While she realized he was asking her about her faith and belief, Lilith knew it was who gave her the cross that meant more to her than what it represented. So when she looked at Athelstan and his pleading blue eyes, she answered him the only way she could.

"I understand," she promised.

He leaned over and kissed her head, scooting closer as he pulled his own journal from his satchel. "Good. Now, these things I've brought for you are yours and no one else's. We'll have to find a safe place for them in your room. And more than that, this," he said and opened the journal to a new drawing, "is the abbey of Saint-Germain-des-Prés. We visited it while we were at the market."

Lilith reached out without waiting, tracing the lines of the abbey as he had drawn them. "It looks so much bigger than the monastery," she said, awed by how beautiful it looked.

"Oh, it was," Athelstan affirmed. "So many more rooms and a chapel probably ten times the size of this one. I wanted you to see it as soon as I did."

Her fingers came over the lines of the doors just as his met hers, and he took her small hand in his.

"Lili, I'm sorry I missed your birthday," he said gently. "I promise you it won't happen again. I should have fought to stay here until after, like I always do. The next time Father Cuthbert sends missionaries out, I won't be going with them."

She lifted her eyes to his, wanting to believe him and knowing it wouldn't be that easy. "And if he still makes you go?"

"I won't go," he assured her. "I suppose if you had not come when you were a baby, I would do anything Father Cuthbert asked, but you did come. And I realized while I was gone this time that it used to matter to me that I did as Father Cuthbert asked. But it doesn't matter so much anymore."

He paused, and she spoke before he could continue. "And what matters more to you now?" she asked.

He exhaled heavily. "Don't you know by now?" he questioned. She shook her head just once before he stopped her. "You matter to me more, Lili. I've been caring for you since you were a baby, and I've watched you grow to be so beautiful. I am more than certain that this is what God would want me to do. To keep you safe and watch you grow into a beautiful young woman. And nothing Father Cuthbert says will keep me from doing that now. I swear."

She almost told him right then. The only thing keeping her from it was knowing that somehow, one day, Father Cuthbert would know what she did, and she knew that would be the end of her time with Athelstan. Even though they were alone, the walls had ears, she'd discovered. And only a few of the monks still believed she belonged there, so none of them would be inclined to help her if that ever happened.

So, still, she said nothing. She took her gifts and held them like the precious things they were, and when she sat at supper with Athelstan that night, she prayed for the strength to endure her punishments a little while longer.

The next morning, Athelstan resumed their swimming lessons, and he showed her how to tread water before taking her further out so he could teach her to kick and use her arms to move. Since she wore her older dress, Lilith felt safe in the water, and she felt safe with Athelstan. One day soon, she would feel safe enough to tell him the truth.

Spring blended into Summer, and the green grass and colorful flowers bloomed for Lilith to draw and paint. The goats and geese all obeyed her when she sat down to draw them in her journal, and sometimes, the sky did as well, allowing the sun to shine so she could be outside for as long as she wanted. Athelstan sat with her often, keeping her company and showing her different ways to sketch the things around her.

At the end of August, about a month from her birthday, Athelstan revealed to her that he wished to teach her some of the languages he'd learned while traveling. She already knew Latin better than most of the monks in the monastery, and Athelstan was certain she would pick up the others he knew just as well.

"We will need Father Cuthbert's permission," he said as they walked to the abbot's study. "Because to teach you, we will need to use the scriptorium where you learn your other studies, but if I make the case properly, he will have no reason not to grant my request."

"What about him not wanting me to learn anything outside the monastery?" she asked as they stopped at the door to the study.

Athelstan smiled. "Well, we've already broached that subject, haven't we?"

Lilith smiled as well, bowing her head as he knocked on the door.

"Enter!"

They stepped into the room together as Father Cuthbert rose from his altar to face them.

"Brother Athelstan, what brings you here when you should be preparing for supper?" the old man asked, eyeing Lilith pointedly.

"We're on our way to the kitchens now, Father Cuthbert," he assured the abbot. "But I wanted to ask you about Lilith's lessons. She's already done so well with Latin, and she writes better than half the rest of us. I wondered if it would be possible to teach her some of the languages I learned while traveling."

Father Cuthbert immediately shook his head. "I have already forbid teaching her anything outside these walls. And we taught her those things only out of charity. To do more than only necessary would make her more curious of the world, and to do that would make her more defiant than she already is. No."

Athelstan looked at Lilith as she looked up at him, and he spoke again, more insistently. "Father Cuthbert, with all due respect, I am the one who taught her to read. I taught her to write, and I have helped her more than anyone here. If anyone knows of her curiosity, it is me, and I believe teaching her about the world will give her more than we ever could. I will take full responsibility of her from now on."

The abbot watched Athelstan and then Lilith. "That will not be possible," he said, "as you will be leaving on our next mission before the end of the week. And therefore, you will not be able to teach her these new things."

Lilith sighed as she stood next to Athelstan, knowing it had been too good to be true. Of course Father Cuthbert would continue to take him away from her.

"No," Athelstan said, and she looked at him, seeing his teeth clenched.

Father Cuthbert was stunned silent for almost a minute. "No?" he repeated.

Athelstan shook his head. "No, Father Cuthbert. I will not be leaving again. You sent me on those missions because the Word of God needed to be told, and I have done that. But I also realized the last time that you might have also done it to separate me from Lili. She needs someone familiar with her now, and I can see that I'm the only one she trusts. So I won't leave her again. And while I'm here, I will decide what she's taught. I'm only asking your permission because I will need the scriptorium to do so. Will you grant me that?"

The old man couldn't speak for a moment, looking at Athelstan like he was a demon. He clutched his cross with both hands, turning his eyes to Lilith before he relented. "Go on then. You have my permission. Just go."

Athelstan smiled instantly, holding Lilith hand tighter before he pulled her out of the abbot's study so they could go about their day. Lilith smiled with him, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her little shoulders for the first time in nearly two years.

The first language Athelstan taught Lilith was Frankish. He said it was spoken in Paris, and that none of the other monks had thought to learn more than basic words to get by with people outside the city. It wasn't like her mother tongue or Latin, and it was difficult to form the words even with her teacher to help her. None of the sounds of the words seemed to fit in her mouth at first, but slowly, she could hear them form from the papers Athelstan wrote them on. Slowly, she began to feel the connections with what she heard to what she saw.

After a couple of weeks, Athelstan began writing down the Northern languages he'd encountered in places called Denmark and Svealand. He explained that while none of it had been written for him to learn in the beginning, he had encountered enough of the sounds and phrases to memorize them as they related to different things. The Northern languages were even more different from what Lilith was accustomed to, and her pronunciation of many of the words suffered greatly even as her teacher remained patient with her.

It helped that they were mostly by themselves in the scriptorium when they practiced, since none of the monks wanted to listen to other languages being spoken. To Lilith's ears, it sounded like the word she wanted but slightly different. To the monks apparently, she could have been cursing them to eternal hell. Maybe she was. In any case, once it was time for her to go outside and tend to the animals, they all returned to their work and left her alone with hers.

Before she knew it, the night before her birthday arrived, and Athelstan tucked her in after supper and a long day of reading and writing.

"You pick up these words like you have a spirit whispering in your ear, telling you what they mean," he teased as he put her journal away. "It took me nearly a month just to learn simple words, and soon, you'll be speaking in complete sentences in four different languages. There aren't words for me to describe how proud I am of you."

Lilith couldn't help but smile. "Even though it's a sin to have pride," she teased back, and Athelstan blushed slightly.

"Well," he said and pursed his lips. "I think perhaps it is pride in oneself that would be a sin, and while I do take pride in the work I do in the Name of God, it is not for myself. But this is so different. You are different, Lili. Not in the way Father Cuthbert says, but in a good way. In an amazingly human way. And in that, I am proud of you. Get some sleep, dear girl," he said and kissed her forehead. "Lots more to do tomorrow."

She took a deep breath as he rose and put out all her candles but one and left silently, and she was content for the first time in her life.

It was still quiet and dark when she woke from a dream, only this one she couldn't remember. The candle burned low, making her room as dark as it could be without being pitch black. At first, she tried to go back to sleep, but a twinge in her belly made her curl on her side. It stopped after half a minute, and she rose from bed to find some of the matches Athelstan had left for her. She relit the candle on her table and turned to go back to bed, seeing a dark spot on her bed where she had been laying.

Curiously, she carried the candle closer and reached to touch the spot, discovering it still wet and warm. Was it blood? Was she bleeding?

She searched her arms for a new mark or maybe an old scar that had begun to bleed again, pulling her gown off and then seeing the back with the same dark spot on it. Where was the blood coming from?

Lilith moved to the window and saw that it was only just brightening outside, deciding she needed to clean up before any of the others woke. She took one of her older gowns from the corner and slipped her feet into her shoes, thinking she should wake Athelstan but wanting to be clean when Father Cuthbert saw her this morning. So she decided to go by herself.

The halls of the monastery were quiet and dark as she crept through them silently, holding her cloak around her as she unlatched the main door and slipped out into the predawn that still smelt dewy from the cool air. She ran down the embankment to the beach as it set empty, and she looked back once more before removing her cloak, her shoes and then her gown.

She was in the water when she realized where the blood was coming from. As she tread water off the beach, she slid her hands through the water, saw the blood again and looked down, realizing the source was inside her but not from her marks, since the last one was more than two weeks old.

The sky lightened as she hovered in the water, her back to the beach for much longer than she intended. She meant to be inside before anyone was awake, but then she heard footsteps coming closer, turning to see Brother Cenwulf and Brother Cenred running toward her.

"Get out of the water this instant, girl!" Brother Cenwulf shouted at her.

Lilith didn't move from where she was, because she was naked and Athelstan always told her not to let any of the other monks see her without her gown, including him.

Brother Cenred stalked into the water toward her. "Get out of the water now!"

Before she could move away, he grabbed her and dragged her to the beach where her clothes were laying.

"Let me go!" she screamed. "Please!"

He nearly threw her down, glaring but also looking at her more strangely than anyone ever had.

"Father Cuthbert will have a lot to say about this, you little devil," Brother Cenwulf sneered at her.

The cold air cut through Lilith's bare skin like a knife being driven through her, and even when she tried to grab her gown, Brother Cenred stopped her and picked her up. Neither of them did anything to cover her up as they hurried away from the beach and took her inside to where Father Cuthbert was certainly already taking his morning prayers.

Lilith couldn't keep from crying. Not only had she been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing, but she was also fairly certain Father Cuthbert would see the blood on her and no longer regard for her as a child. Of everything she'd read in the scriptures and stories, she no longer _was_ a child.

Unexpectedly, when Brother Cenred and Brother Cenwulf dragged her into Father Cuthbert's study, she saw Athelstan there already and reached for him.

"Athelstan!"

Of the men in the room, he was the only one who looked concerned for her, hurrying to her immediately.

"What's the meaning of this?" he demanded, trying to reach for her but being stopped by Brother Cenred.

"This little heathen was swimming in the water just now, Father Cuthbert," he shouted, squeezing her arms in his hands so she would scream. And she did.

"Brother Cenred, let her go," Athelstan ordered.

"Athelstan, I'm sorry!" she cried. "I'm sorry."

He looked up at Brother Cenred, clenching his jaws. "If you do not let her go now, you will not have to worry about God anymore, Brother Cenred."

Something about Athelstan's eyes frightened him enough to comply, and instantly, she was in Athelstan's arms, crying harder than she ever had.

"Have neither of you any compassion?" he pleaded to the two men who had brought her in.

"Brother Athelstan," Father Cuthbert said calmly, and Athelstan turned to the older man. "Let us not make idle threats until we know the extent of what has happened. Brother Cenred, why have you brought this child here now?"

The older of the two glanced at her, glaring as he spoke. "This little beast was swimming in the water when Brother Cenwulf and I were collecting the baskets for the kitchens. None of us here has taught her to swim. If it wasn't plain enough when she came here, it should be known now. She's got the devil in her."

Athelstan sighed as he held Lilith tighter, doing his best to cover her body from them. "Brother Cenred, you are mistaken."

"You say that only because she has bewitched you, Brother Athelstan," Brother Cenwulf accused. "If you had remained distant like the rest of us, you would believe the same as we do. We thought separating you from her would diminish her influence on you, but clearly — "

"I taught her to swim! Just as I've taught her everything else she's learned here. None of you has ever learned anything about her, and she does not have the devil in her. How would any of you know what that even means?"

"She's an abomination!" Brother Cenred shouted.

"She's a little girl!" Athelstan shouted back.

"She's dangerous!" Brother Cenwulf cried.

"You're all scaring her! The only thing any of you has ever shown her is fear and hatred, and all she's ever done is be born and live in this place that is no place for a child. She has sinned no more than any of the rest of us, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves for behaving this way."

He looked down at her as she looked up at him, but he didn't smile. While he still kept her covered, Athelstan took her arm and turned it over, discovering the marks there she had been hiding from him.

"What is this?" he demanded.

Lilith bit her lip, still shivering and trying not show it.

None of the others said anything, causing him to raise his voice. "What are these? Are these scars?"

When the men around him still didn't answer him, Athelstan grabbed her gown from Brother Cenwulf and pulled it over her before he stood before them all with her behind him.

"Who did this to her?" he yelled.

Finally, Father Cuthbert spoke, calmly and as though it was not as large as concern as it was being made. "I am the one who saw to discipline her when she was defiant," he confessed. "And I had every right in my capacity as the abbot of this monastery, as I have exercised with the rest of you. It was my responsibility to ensure she was rid of her wickedness. But I see now that there was no hope of that with you looking after her."

The anger in Athelstan's eyes changed to fury immediately. "You mean, you abused her. Because she didn't follow your rules? Because she has a mind of her own? You mutilated her for what? Because you couldn't control her?"

"Yes," the old man admitted. "And it is clear to me now that she has already corrupted you."

Athelstan clenched his jaws again. "Then I am better for it," he countered, and the old man gasped. "And I should pray to God that none of you ends up exactly where you all belong. For doing this to a child. An innocent child who never did anything but stir up your pride and your wrath, and in others, lust, because I see it in their eyes."

He took her cloak and her shoes from Brother Cenwulf, taking her hand and addressing them all directly.

"None of you have to be concerned with her well-being anymore," he told them. "She won't need any of you to help her after this. And for the first time since I came here, I am ashamed of all of you."

He didn't give them a chance to respond, pulling Lilith from the room and taking her back to her room.

Neither of them spoke as they walked, but Lilith wanted to tell him everything. She hadn't wanted him to find out like this.

"I don't blame you for this, Lili," he said just as they reached her room. "None of this should have happened to you." He opened the door and then closed them inside, sitting on the bed with her. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

She sighed as two thick tears fell from her eyes. "I wanted to," she cried, and he embraced her as tightly as he could. "But Father Cuthbert said he would take me away from you. He said he would send me away. I thought he would stop if I was good, but I was never good enough."

The room was quiet outside her cries, and he held her until she stopped, leaning away to look at her as he wiped her tears away.

"He should not have done that," Athelstan said, still holding her. "I would never have let him do that. I swear." He exhaled heavily, looking over her shoulders as he spoke again. "How long has this been happening?"

Lilith bit her lip like she had before. Her shivering had stopped, but she was still scared of him seeing how bad it was.

Athelstan took her shoulders and made her look at him, asking again. "Lili, how long?"

"Since I was a baby."

The horror in his eyes and on his face made her feel worse. She tried to move away, but he wouldn't let go.

"Since you were a baby? Why in God's name would he do that to a baby? I don't understand. I always knew you were defiant, but I never believed he would ever harm a baby like this. Lili, look at me."

She lifted her eyes to his, and he sighed softly.

"It's all right. You don't have to worry about him hurting you ever again. From now on, it will only be you and me. I promise."

That made her cry even more, and he embraced her again.

"No one will hurt you again," he whispered. "I swear that to you."

Once Lilith was calm enough, and after Athelstan had dried and combed her hair, he sat on the bed and turned her back him. She knew she could trust him not to hurt her, but it didn't change the fact that it still terrified her for anyone else to see.

"I promise not to be angry," he said as gently as he could. "But I need to see. I need to see what he did to you. And if I need to tend to any of them. With any hope, he would not allow them to become infected."

He tried to pull the gown up but she stopped him before he could.

"Wait," she pleaded.

"Lili, I promise, it's all right."

She shook her head. "It's not that. I want you to see what he did. Because he is a cruel old man who deserves whatever happens to him. It's something else. It's why I was outside. I was trying to get clean."

"Because of what?" Athelstan asked. "Why would you go outside to clean yourself?"

She bit her lip again, keeping her arms over her chest. "When I woke up this morning, I was bleeding. From inside me."

For one torturous minute, he said nothing and did nothing. Then he turned her to face him, holding her still as he spoke. "Lili, you are only twelve years old. How is that possible?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. But it's like what I've read. It's because I'm a girl. I saw it in my bed when I woke up, and it was on my sleeping gown. I knew Father Cuthbert wouldn't like it. I didn't want him to find out."

Athelstan took a deep breath, processing what she said and easing his hold on her. "It's all right. He won't ever know. I won't tell him. I promise. But we will need to be careful. Even if he doesn't ever know, the others won't understand either. So we will adjust your bathing schedule accordingly."

She nodded and turned around so he could lift her gown over head. His gasp was bad enough, but then he touched the most recent one that was near her waist. She shivered, covering her chest again instinctively.

"How long ago was this?" he asked of the most recent mark.

"A fortnight ago. I was in the kitchens when I wasn't supposed to be, and he had Brother Cenred hold me down."

He pushed out a heavy sigh, whispering softly a small prayer before he spoke again. "Lili, I am so sorry I never realized. This should not have happened to you. I should have – "

"You didn't do anything," she said, stopping him.

"But I should have known! I should have seen. I am responsible for you and your well-being. I should never have allowed anyone else here to care for you. Please, Lili. Please forgive me."

"Of course, I forgive you. I always will."

He didn't do anything for another minute, and then he moved his fingers over the marks covering the back of both her arms and then down the length of her back. It took no time for her to know what he was doing.

He was counting.

Lilith didn't need to count with him. She knew how many there were. Once a year since her first birthday, and then once for every infraction incurred. She finished her own calculations just as Athelstan did.

"Dear God," he whispered. "There are over seven hundred marks! Why in God's name would anyone do this to a child? I don't understand."

Her room stayed silent as she stood there, and when he finally pulled her gown over her to cover her again, he turned her to face him.

"I don't know how to make this right," he admitted. "But I promise you I will try every day after this. I promise you. All right?"

She nodded, and he held her closer.

"We should get you cleaned up properly, and I'll get us some breakfast."

That ended it right there, and when he felt all right leaving her alone, he slipped away to the kitchens to take some bread and meat.

Lilith felt a little lighter now that Athelstan knew what Father Cuthbert had been doing to her. She didn't like that he had to carry the weight of it with her, but now he could share the load, she knew nothing would be as bad as it had been ever again.

* * *

_**I tried to think of these marks like lashes, but just a few didn't make sense to me. I hope it's not too much for anyone.**_

_**This is also is where I tried to make Athelstan a little different from how he is in the show. I always viewed him as a strong person, but sometimes, the show took that away from him. So I tried to write him the way I see him.**_

_**Plus, this changes Lilith too. I can speak from experience that abuse changes a child, but I also know having someone there to share the burden gives you the freedom that was taken away.**_

_**Stay with me, and we'll do this together.**_

_**The next chapter will be from Athelstan's perspective. Until next time!**_


	4. Outcasts

_**Thank you to everyone who has followed this story and put it in their favorites! I really appreciate it. I hope some of you eventually let me know how I'm doing.**_

_**This new chapter is in Athelstan's perspective, and it deals with the consequences of the previous chapter. It felt right to keep his faith even if his feelings toward the other monks suffered, so it might change what comes later.**_

_**It's also a little shorter than the last one, but I think it's still good.**_

_**More notes at the bottom!**_

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_**Outcasts**_

It took no time at all for every monk in the monastery to know what had happened in Father Cuthbert's study. Apparently, there was no punishment for not only spreading the story but also giving an even more elaborate tale as to what had happened with each telling. Brother Cenred was the worst of the two between him and Brother Cenwulf, but they both avoided Athelstan and Lilith like they both had the same wickedness inside them. It did not help matters that Father Cuthbert insisted on Athelstan still tending to his duties in the scriptorium with the other monks, leaving Lilith by herself for most of the morning. But seeing as how everyone in the monastery other than Athelstan was afraid of her, he knew she was as safe as she could be given what had already happened to her.

When he collected her for supper, she was always in good spirits, showing him the new words she had written and some of the new flowers she had drawn. She didn't seem affected by the new turn of events, and Athelstan couldn't begrudge her that. She had already been through something horrible. He couldn't force her to spend time with people who would not see her for the little girl she was. He was happy she was happy, it seemed for the first time in her life.

But he found himself conflicted more than ever. It wasn't that his faith wavered. On the contrary, now that he was the only one looking after Lilith and ensuring her well-being, he had more faith in what he was doing than ever before. But with each passing day, he became more conflicted about his place in the monastery and with the other monks. He could see them watching him, probably expecting him to sprout devils' wings at any moment. None of them seemed able to overlook the rumors and stories and simply let him be.

Was this really how it was meant to be? Was he meant to forsake his brothers for one child, even if he had known her all her life? Surely, there had to be a way to make the others see how innocent she was, even when she did things that scared them. Athelstan prayed every night for a way to show them, but for days and then weeks, there was nothing. He tried many times on his own, but he only met terrified eyes and brother after brother crossing themselves to block the bad spirits. How any of them could continue to behave that way confounded and angered him.

How many of them had known what Father Cuthbert had done to Lilith? Had they all just stood by and allowed it to happen? Were they all so pious and self-righteous that abusing a child had seemed necessary in their eyes, not only to bring salvation to her but also to themselves? How could any of them think that way?

Athelstan had no answers. He wasn't sure he would like them if he ever found them.

Meal times were the worst times for Athelstan to be around the others, even when all he did was fill a bowl with food and take two wedges of bread to the head table where he and Lilith still ate next to Father Cuthbert.

Her bleeding had stopped within a week, and explaining his need of extra material for her had not been easy when Brother Cenwulf asked one day in the infirmary. But still, some of the brothers looked at her the way a man would a grown woman, and Athelstan was in constant fear that one of them would find her alone one day, no matter how improbable that might be.

"Father Cuthbert," he said at dinner one day. "I've been meaning to ask you. Now that I'm taking care of Lili myself, I wonder if it might be possible for her to eat in the kitchens with me. To keep her out of trouble."

The old man didn't say anything for a moment as he ate. He kept his eyes forward, neither reacting nor contemplating. "Very well," he uttered, finally looking in Athelstan's direction but not in his eyes. "From now on, you will both eat in the kitchens. But I will still expect you to be in the scrptorium every morning after breakfast."

It was hard not to smile at his victory, but Athelstan glanced at Lilith, seeing her little grin and then speaking. "Yes, Father."

After that, the only person to worry over was Brother Cuthren, who grudgingly allowed Lilith to have as many eggs in the morning, as she wanted as long as she replenished what she took while she was tending to the chickens as part of her chores. He was an older man, but not as old as Father Cuthbert, and though he wasn't overjoyed with Lilith's exuberance or her appetite, he revealed that it was partially his fault for her last punishment. He admitted to Athelstan that he was ashamed and would not wish such horrors on any children ever again.

It was a small gesture, but for Athelstan, it was enough for the time being.

The closer it got to winter, the more blankets Athelstan brought to Lilith's room, and he replaced the dress she had stained with a new one from the lone robe maker in the monastery. He never told the man why he wanted this one to be the same material of their robes, and the man didn't ask. When she had her bleeding next, Athelstan had her wear the extra dressings and the robe so it would be more difficult to see.

"So will I wash these the way you do?" she asked one morning while they were in the wash room by themselves.

"I will show you how," he said, "yes. For right now, we just need to make sure no one else finds out. Some of the dressings, we might have to dispose of them. We'll know soon enough. Come on. Before anyone else is awake."

He helped her out of the small washtub they'd been using and wrapped a fresh linen around her before they stepped into the outer corridor. It was already getting cold this early, but once he was certain they were alone, they hurried back to her room where her dressings waited. Because he tried to give her a little privacy, she struggled with the dressings, but once they were on, Athelstan pulled the robe over her and sat her on the bed.

"Very soon," he said, "you will be able to bathe and dress by yourself. I'll bring everything you need in here so you won't have to bother the others, or so they won't bother you."

"But what will you do then?" she asked.

He sighed even as he smiled. "Well, I suppose I will arrive earlier in the kitchens to have our breakfast ready. You know your way to the kitchens still, yes?"

She laughed when she realized he was teasing her. "Yes, I know how to get to the kitchens. But once I start to care for myself, what will you do?"

Athelstan's smile faded a little as he sat on the bed beside her. "I will do what I have always done, my dear Lili. I will watch out for you, and I will find new things for you to learn and see and read, and time will go on. Just you and me, remember?"

She nodded and took in a deep breath. He did as well, kissing her head and rising to take her hand.

"Let's go and get breakfast then. Perhaps Brother Cuthren will have something different for us this morning."

Despite not wearing the same hooded cowl as the other monks, when Lilith was seen wearing a dress made of the same material as their robes, many of them complained to Father Cuthbert. They didn't confront Athelstan or even make a point of saying anything in the main hall where it could be dealt with properly. One at a time, for nearly a week, they all went to the abbot and demanded him to do something.

But he did nothing. He said nothing to Athelstan. The only way he or Lilith found out was through Brother Cuthren, who had heard the others discussing privately what to do. It made Athelstan uneasy to know that his . . . ruse was causing the other monks to behave so suspiciously, but he did nothing to change the way he did anything. Their concerns were no longer his concerns, and as long as Father Cuthbert said nothing about the change, then nothing would come of it. And nothing did.

Some mornings, while he was in the scriptorium, he would hear them whispering around him. He tried not to let it distract him, but it was difficult when Brother Cenwulf couldn't keep his opinions to himself.

"It's not natural for such a creature to wear our sacred robe," he whispered, while not to Athelstan, definitely in his direction. "She is unholy. We should not dress her as we dress ourselves."

Others murmured around him, agreeing with him.

Athelstan clenched his jaws and pressed his lips together, doing everything in his power to hold in everything he wanted to shout at them. He wanted to berate them as they tried to justify their words by taking God's name. He prayed for the strength to let their words not affect him, but mostly, he sat there with his mouth shut. He knew it wasn't worth it to argue with them anymore.

Winter overtook the island abruptly, as it usually did, and Lilith grew almost half an inch, prompting Athelstan to have a new bed made for her as well as a better pair of shoes. The carpenter grumbled the whole time, but he made the best bed he could, helping Athelstan carry it to her room and cover it with new blankets. Of course, the man wasn't expecting the young monk to ask for his own bed be moved into the room as well.

That was when the whispering and objections took a more appalling turn.

Finally, Brother Cenred and Brother Cenwulf couldn't leave him be in the scriptorium, openly discussing their grievances with the others and aiming all their vitriol in Athelstan's direction.

"He is already lost to the creature," Brother Cenred spat over his podium. "Perhaps he always was lost. And now he will burn in hell for his deviance."

"And how unnatural it is for him to be sharing a room with that little heathen," Brother Cenwulf jeered from the other side of the room. "No doubt she has corrupted him like the devil she truly is."

Athelstan almost dropped the brush in his hand, closing his eyes from them all before he took a cleansing breath. He continued to tell himself how ignorant they all were of Lilith, of how closed-minded they had all been since she was a baby. He steeled himself against their cruelty and prayed for strength. He somehow knew that he wouldn't be able to listen to it for much longer, but until it stopped, he would not give in to their taunts.

Every afternoon was a small blessing, since Athelstan was able to spend those hours with Lilith in the barn with the animals. He never told her about what the others said. Whether she understood or not, he still wanted to protect her from everything that was said no matter how vile they made it sound. And of course, he never told anyone else that some nights, he would push his bed against Lilith's so she could hold his hand while she slept. She was finally happy, and whatever he had to do for that to remain, he would do it.

Then as if by the Grace of God, Father Cuthbert finally released Athelstan from his morning duties in the scriptorium. He still required all the monks to attend prayer before breakfast, and he still gave Athelstan materials the rebind. But he allowed Athelstan to do them wherever he wanted, as long as they were completed when requested. That meant that even though the gossip didn't stop — in fact it got worse — Athelstan did not have to encounter it as often. He was more glad of that than he had been since leaving on his first mision.

"So that means you won't be able to bring me more books to read?" Lilith asked as they carried wood to the hearth in the main hall.

"No, of course not. There are many times when I can take books from the library. I'm actually glad of the change. When Spring comes again, I'll have more time to read to you outside. Father Cuthbert has already agreed to it. So we can swim whenever we want, and we can go to the beach and dig up clams if you want. We'll just have to do it when the others are working in the mornings, so they won't disturb us."

They made it to the main hall as it set mostly empty. Athelstan paid no attention to the lone monk sitting at the other end of the hall as he read. Instead, he helped Lilith put the new logs in the hearth, adding them to the embers and sitting her in front of him to get warm.

"I know it seems like so much has changed," he said to her, glancing back at the lone monk. "And I know it hasn't been easy. But I promise you we're safe. We both are, and no matter what else changes, I'll do everything I can to keep us that way."

She smiled as she sat over his lap. "I know you will. Even after what Father Cuthbert did, I know that's all you wanted to do. I'm sorry about everything else that's happened."

Athelstan sighed, holding her closer. "Lili, I need you to listen to me. Please. None of what has happened is because of you. Not really. With Brother Cenwar and Brother Cenwulf and Brother Cenred, they blame you because of their own insecurities. Your mother left you with us because she could not care for you herself. I believe she loved you, just as my family loved me even though they could not care for me either. In a way, you and I are both the same. And it is my belief that you were sent here because I was here and would know how to care for you. Whatever happens after all of this, nothing they've done will take any of that away. Do you understand?"

She looked at him, still smiling, and she nodded.

"Good," he said and looked back at the fire. "Now it is almost supper. We should go help Brother Cuthren with whatever he's prepared."

Neither of them paid any attention to the lone monk, leaving the main hall and walking to the kitchens.

The ice and snow of winter melted into spring as the rains began and brought the green grass and colorful little flowers from a long drought of light. With the rain came storms, and with storms came the need to have extra candles as well as extra parchment to teach Lilith inside when they could not go outside. Athelstan had missed the last few Springs with her, but this one, he enjoyed. He could see that she enjoyed it as well. Whether they were the only ones who did mattered to neither of them.

The other monks never went outside when it stormed, and many of them refused orders from Father Cuthbert to continue their chores. Many times, he was forced to use Athelstan as an assistant in the chapel, since Brother Cenred wouldn't leave the scriptorium. Usually when it was only the abbot with Athelstan, they mostly went over the bindings he'd done for the day. They never spoke about Lilith, and Athelstan preferred that way.

Stronger storms came toward the end of May, as well as lightening storms that would sometimes shake the entire monastery. There was one that had nearly everyone in the monastery locked in their dorms, huddled in prayer.

Lilith, however, was not afraid. She watched the storm from her window, and Athelstan watched her from where he usually read to her.

"I bet Brother Cenwulf is terrified right now," she said teasingly. "He never liked Spring storms."

Athelstan sighed as he put his book away. "Nevertheless, we shouldn't take any pleasure in someone else's discomfort. Lots of people don't like storms, Lili."

She sighed as the sky lit up and boomed. "I suppose you're right."

He stood up from the chair he normally occupied, moving to the bed where she stood looking out the window. "Come on. Time for bed."

The sky flashed even more then, highlighting shapes in the clouds. "Athelstan, look! It's a bird!"

Curious, he climbed up onto the bed beside her, looking out the window and seeing what she saw. But it wasn't a bird in the clouds. It was something much bigger. It looked like a serpent. Or maybe –

"That's not a bird, Lili. That's a dragon."

He took her away from the window then and lay her in her bed, tucking her in as he spoke softly.

"I have to go the scriptorium, Lili," he said. "You will stay here until I return, and if what I remember is true, then this is an omen. And I'll need to move you somewhere safer than this room."

She held his hands to keep him from going. "What is an omen?" she asked.

Athelstan sighed, squeezing her hands gently. "It's like a sign, that something is coming. When you see lightning, you know a storm is coming, yes?"

She nodded.

"Well, when you see an omen, especially one you've read about, it means something bad might be coming. And if something bad is coming, then I need to keep you safe."

"So you'll be back when the storm is over?" she asked him pointedly.

Athelstan nodded. "I will be back much sooner than that. Stay here. Don't open the door to anyone. All right?"

She nodded, and he kissed her forehead before he left quickly.

If he was right, then this wasn't just any omen. It was _the_ omen. The one they'd always feared.

* * *

_**Yes, this is the storm from episode two. In the next chapter, actual events will take place. Since we've already seen that sort of from Athelstan's perspective, this upcoming chapter will be from Lilith's perspective.**_

_**I actually looked it up to see if I could call it anything other than a dragon, but that's what was written by people who recorded what happened, so it stays.**_

_**I'm going to try and upload the next chapter before Monday, so we'll see.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	5. Protector

_**Finally, we're getting to the story I wanted to tell. This is where is starts to go down. This will be told in Lilith's perspective, since we already know what happens from Athelstan's (for the most part). **_

_**A good portion of this will be familiar, and though I don't own any of it, I did try to punch it up a little to fit with the story I'm telling. I hope I do a good job.**_

_**You'll also notice, I hope, that familiar characters go unnamed until their names are actually said. It only felt fair.**_

_**More notes at the bottom!**_

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_**Protector**_

Lilith could hear the bells in every corner of the monastery as she hurried from the main hall to her room just as Athelstan had told her. She avoided the other monks who scurried around like chickens, and she covered her head when two monks almost knocked her into the wall after falling through a heavy door. She didn't know what was happening, but whatever it was, it was coming fast.

"_I will come and get you as soon as I've helped secure the monastery," Athelstan said as they finished in the scriptorium. "Please do not go outside."_

And so she hadn't. Of course, there were crawlspaces that allowed her to stay inside, and she made it to her room within just a few minutes of leaving Athelstan in the chapel. She gathered up her cloak in case they had to hide in the cellar, and she tucked her journal into her waist so it wouldn't get damaged. That left the smaller things her for to decide if she wanted to take them with her. Her leather band was still around her arm, and when she saw the cross on the table beside her bed, she had to choose between it and her amber necklace, which was already on her.

She was about to reach for it when Athelstan burst through her door alone.

"Lili, we have to go," he ordered, grabbing her hand and pulling her from the room before she could take her cross.

"What's happening?" she cried as they ran outside through the main courtyard where everyone was still scurrying around like rats. "Are we going somewhere safe?"

"We're being invaded by savages. I don't think anywhere is safe right now," he admitted as they ran to the altar room. "But I know none of the others will keep you out of harm. I at least have to try. Come on. Behind the main altar. Perhaps they won't hear us."

She didn't argue, tucking her legs as close to her chest as she could as Athelstan wrapped his own body around hers, covering her head.

The sound of a hammer clanging against the gate echoed through the air, pinging inside Lilith's head and bringing her hands up to her ears to stop her head from hurting. Athelstan held her closer, jumping as the gate was broken and pressing his mouth to the back of her head to keep from making noise.

The chickens clucked, and the geese called for almost a minute, and it seemed like nothing was happening. Then the other monks started screaming. Some of them were praying loudly. The most awful sound filled the airs as pained cries followed the screaming.

Lilith did not have to guess what was happening. She did not know these sounds, but she understood them. Those monks who were screaming and praying and crying out were all dying.

Slowly, the doors to the altar room opened, allowing in three heavy footfalls to enter the room. One of them spoke and then another. It took Lilith's ear just a few phrases to understand them.

"Perhaps they think their god protects them," a third said.

It was Northern.

The second man scoffed, and the sound echoed around the room. "If this is their god, then he is dead. He is nailed to a cross."

"He cannot protect anyone!" the first man shouted, almost laughing. "He is not alive like Odin, Thor or Freyr!"

Lilith didn't mean to move, but the wood beneath her feet creaked as she did, and the voices stopped.

Before half a minute could pass, big hands grabbed Athelstan from behind the altar, and Lilith with him as they were both dragged out into the open. She screamed helplessly even with Athelstan covering her still and shouting for mercy in the Northen language.

"Vinsamlegast ekki drepa okkur!"_  
_

The one in front, a tall man with large blue eyes and a curious look about him, stared down at them.

"You speak our language," he said, surprised. "How do you speak our language?"

Athelstan hesitated, still covered her from them, glancing at the others. The one in front of him drew a knife and aimed it at him.

"How?" he demanded.

"I've traveled," Athelstan stammered, holding Lilith closer. "We are told to travel to take the Word of God. Please. Do not kill us."

The tall man turned his eyes to Lilith as she lifted her eyes to his. "And who is this? Your daughter?"

Athelstan shook his head, holding her tighter. "No. But — I am responsible for her. I am the only one here who cares for her."

The severity in his blue eyes slowly faded to curiosity. He glanced at the other two and then around the room before he looked at Athelstan again. "All the treasures I see in this room, and you have chosen to protect a single child. Why?"

"Because she is innocent," Athelstan declared. "And protecting the innocent is the sole purpose for me being in this place. The world is full of darkness, and by protecting her, there is a little more light within it."

Athelstan's words struck a chord with this man, and he backed away, allowing him to stand with Lilith behind him. Just as he was about to speak, another taller man came into the altar room, burly and built like no man Lilith had ever seen.

"This is a strange place indeed," he announced, the smile on his face anything but good. "We have looked everywhere, and so far, we have found no women. Only these strange men."

The one with the blue eyes responded, still partially blocking the burly man's view of Athelstan and Lilith. "I believe these are the priests of their God."

More men filtered in behind him, and Athelstan's grip on Lilith tightened.

"Take what you will," the burly man ordered. "This is why we came here!"

Without hesitation, the men began carrying away the gold and silver caskets on the offering tables. The burly one stopped in front of the man with the blue eyes, finally having seen Athelstan.

"So they do have a woman," the burly man noted.

"She is a little girl," the man with the blue eyes corrected. "Not a woman. No older than my own daughter."

"And why have you not killed him?" he pointed at Athelstan.

The man with the blue eyes glanced back at them, grinning curiously before he spoke again. "I believe he is more valuable alive. To sell as a slave."

The burly man moved forward a little. "I say he dies. We have no more room on the boat for extra bodies."

Before he could grab Athelstan, the man with the blue eyes stopped him, pushing him away. "I forbid it," he exhaled.

"How can you forbid it, little brother? We are all equals. And I say he dies."

The burly man tried again, but his brother stopped him a second time, lowering his voice to a warning. "Does it really mean that much to you, brother?" They stared at one another before the blue-eyed man spoke again. "If it matters to you so much, Rollo, I will take responsibility of them off your hands. Hmm?"

Rollo smirked and laughed, raising the ax in his hands before he smashed the cross on the wall in such a manner that Athelstan jumped, startled as he held Lilith tighter against him. Rollo shoved the ax against Athelstan's chest, taunting him.

"This is what I care for your God!" he growled.

The confrontation ended abruptly as Rollo backed away and stormed out, leaving his brother and one of the other men still in the altar room.

"Go on, Leif," the blue-eyed man said.

He left, and then it was just Athelstan and Lilith with the one who had turned out to be their savior.

"Sir," Athelstan said, and he looked at them. "I will resign myself to whatever fate awaits me, but I beg you. Please do not let anyone hurt this child. She deserves to be protected."

The curious grin returned as he spoke. "And why is that?" he asked.

Athelstan glanced at Lilith as she looked at him. "Because she is an orphan. She has no one else outside this monastery, and she has nowhere else to go."

The blue-eyed man finally looked at Lilith, leaning over to look at her face and then in her eyes. He didn't look scary, and his voice didn't sound scary. Maybe he wasn't as bad as the other monks would say.

He didn't respond to Athelstan, taking twined rope from the pouch behind him and roughly tying Athelstan's wrists together. Then, still without speaking, he reached for Lilith's little hand, questioning her. She understood instantly, lifting her eyes to Athelstan and waiting for him to nod before she put her hand in the older man's.

"What is your name, little one?" he asked.

"Lilith," she answered, not meaning to sound small and failing.

He nodded, holding her hand gently. "I am Ragnar," he said softly.

In two movements, he scooped her up in one arm and grabbed the rope with the other, pulling Athelstan out of the empty altar room as he carried Lilith like she weighed nothing.

Outside the altar room was a scene Lilith had only ever had described to her by Athelstan, after he'd read parts of Revelations to her from the Bible. Bodies of monks lay on the ground, some bleeding, some with their heads detached from their bodies. All dead. A small group of men dressed like the one holding Lilith huddled around an even smaller group of monks being tied up. Lilith knew she wasn't supposed to look, but she couldn't stop, wanting to be in Athelstan's arms but somehow feeling safe in the ones currently carrying her.

From the courtyard, the monks were all filed out of the monastery, and the one called Leif stopped beside Ragnar.

"Leif," he called and gently handed her over. "Take her to the boat. Watch the others."

Lilith tried to resist, but Leif cradled her against him. "Come, little one. You are safe now."

She glanced back at Athelstan as she was carried off, wanting to believe everything would be all right but now afraid their troubles were only getting worse.

The beach was silent but for the waves, and Leif carried Lilith to a bigger boat as it set anchored just off the shore. The monastery shrank slowly, a short line of blacks and tans mixed in as the small group of monks that included Athelstan wound its way toward the sea. Gently, Leif sat Lilith inside the hull of the boat, looking at her curiously as he also watched for his companions.

She reached out without meaning to, almost touching his face as he looked at her. He backed away just a little, but at the last second, allowed her to touch his cheek. "You are Leif," she said.

He grinned, his green eyes twinkling. "Yes, little one. I am Leif. And what is your name?"

"Lilith," she said, straightening her back reflexively.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl."

"Stop your flirting, boy!" an older man with hair as long as Lilith's called, chuckling as he came closer with a gold casket. "She is only a child."

Leif shrugged as he stood over Lilith, almost guarding her.

Slowly, the captured monks, along with Athelstan, filed down the beach. Lilith watched Brother Cenwulf, the coward he was, attempt to escape by running into the sea. Rollo stopped him and dragged him along the beach as his companions brought the gold and silver from the altar room and piled it into the boat.

Athelstan spotted Lilith, lifting his eyebrows in his own question, and she nodded before he bowed his head. She saw the Ragnar come up with the end of the group, along with a spirally man with thinning hair and black paint on his face. Then behind them, she saw the monastery on fire, the black smoke filling the sky like she had never seen.

Lilith realized she wasn't sad. She wasn't angry or even a little upset. For the first time in her life, she was relieved. Since Athelstan had come back from Paris, she had known a time like this would come. And when he'd found her marks, a part of her wanted something like this to happen. Maybe she hadn't wanted anyone to die. Except maybe Brother Cenwar. But this was more impossible than anything she had ever imagined.

Ragnar took over Leif's guard of her once he climbed into the boat. The other men with him said nothing as he took her to the bow of the boat and set her over the ropes covering the hull. The monks were put against the two masts, and Athelstan was deposited in front of her by chance, as was Brother Cenwulf. Rollo and the hairy man who had teased Leif were the last two in the boat as it shoved off into the water.

"Have you ever been in a boat?" Ragnar asked her, holding her in his hands as they pushed further and further into the sea.

She looked up at him to see a grin on his face. "No," she shook her head

He chuckled softly. "Well, then, I hope you don't get sea sick."

That was the last thing he said before pulling her onto his lap while he watched Athelstan watch the two of them.

While it had been cool on the beach, once they were on the open water, it became cold. Lilith was only covered by her cloak, and when she began to shiver, Ragnar found something heavier to drape over her shoulders. He turned her from Athelstan to face the sea, and the waves carried them further out until the only thing they could see was water. She had lived on an island her whole life, and though it was surrounded by water, it had at least been stationary. Now the earth beneath her moved, and she didn't know what to do.

"You're doing well," Ragnar said to her. "How old are you, little one?"

"I am twelve," she replied.

He smiled and touched her cheek. "I have a daughter who is almost twelve. Her name is Gyda."

Lilith smiled too. "That is a pretty name."

He acknowledged her words with a nod and gestured for her to sit next to him as the other men rowed them further and further from the island. With her uneasiness slowly fading, Lilith finally exhaled, clutching her new cloak as she watched Athelstan.

* * *

_**One translation courtesy of my nifty translator: **_

_Vinsamlegast ekki drepa okkur! - Please do not kill us! (Icelandic)_

**_Which I have read is what the show uses since it sounds most like Old Norse. It felt right._**

**_It will be at least a week until my next update, and that chapter will be in Athelstan's perspective. Thank you to everyone who's read and followed and put this in your favorites._**

**_Until next time!_**


	6. A New World

_**Good morning, everybody who's reading! I hope you like this upcoming chapter. It feels like we're moving right along, so wish me luck getting this story finished.**_

_**This chapter will be in Athelstan's perspective (I hope), and there will again be stuff in here that recognizable. Telling a story through a canon character always kinda does that. I had to condense a couple of things, because there's much more I want to write. We'll see what happens.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed this story, and especially everyone who's put this in their favorites.**_

_**As usual, I don't own anything that's recognizable, but everything else (Lilith) is mine.**_

_**More notes at the bottom.**_

* * *

_**A New World**_

When the island had finally disappeared behind them, Athelstan could only clutch his robes around him as the sea drenched him and the boat rocked uncontrollably. It wasn't like any boat he had been in before. It was larger and sturdier, able to go faster and ride the waves better. He had no problem keeping his constitution, but he still had trouble maintaining his balance. The sky changed, becoming darker as the cloud grew in front of them. The sun crept back toward the west, giving way to a new night and new problems as Brother Cenwulf shivered beside him.

After the fool had run into the water, attempting escape or worse, he had not dried, nor had he stopped shaking. Athelstan felt no sympathy for him. He wasn't sure he wanted to, even if he knew he should. They were clearly going to a place not meant for them, but all Athelstan truly felt was relief. For the last few months, he'd endured accusing looks and hushed rumors, and that was all over now.

Lilith was no longer in danger of being persecuted just for being a child or a girl. He wasn't yet certain if she was in no danger at all. Already, one of the men in this boat had looked at her the way all men looked at grown women, and that worried him. But the man who had saved them was protecting her. With any hope, he would continue to do so.

Something else Athelstan was grateful for was the fact that with Brother Cenwulf chattering his teeth so loudly, he could no longer utter any words of fear or even contempt. Though the sound was annoying enough, it was bliss not to have to listen to him for once. And none of the others taken had spoken either. Maybe they all believed this was a punishment from God. Athelstan did not know if it was or wasn't. Perhaps God had forsaken them all for what they had done — all of the others for persecuting Lilith and him for not protecting her.

Lilith looked to be in good enough spirits, eating what looked like fish from the man watching her and then learning about the boat as he showed it to her. Her eyes found Athelstan's once in a while, and he would nod that he was all right. As long as she wasn't hurt, he wasn't worried about himself. There was a good distance between her and the big, burly one, so Athelstan could relax at that.

As each passing moment turned into hours, one thing that worried Athelstan was what would happen to Lilith once they arrived wherever they were going. Clearly these men had come from the North, and why they had decided to come to England was still a mystery, but what would happen when they got back with their treasure? Would Lilith also become a slave? From what Athelstan knew of other lands that used slaves, it was no better a life than the one she'd already had. How could he convince this man who had saved them that she deserved more?

The first night came, and though he couldn't sleep, Athelstan watched Lilith sleep away from the men on the boat. The stars above them belied their perilous circumstances, as did the moon when she rose to make the water glow like snow-covered mountains. He found himself thankful for the full belly he'd had that morning, and he was grateful that at least someone was concerned with Lilith's well-being.

He didn't know if it meant they would ever feed him, but he would survive.

The next night, again while nearly all the men were sleeping except for the blue-eyed man who had saved her, she found her way to Athelstan's side as he sat facing her.

"Athelstan," she whispered as she sat beside him.

Though he was tired, he gave her all his attention, barely noticing how the man watching them did so with a small smile.

"Yes, Lili?" he whispered.

"I needed to tell you something," she said. "Something I should have told you a long time ago. About my dreams."

Athelstan pulled in a deep, exhausted breath. "I told you, Lili, those were just dreams. There is no need to be afraid of them. Not even now."

She took his hands in hers, holding them as tightly as she could. "I know. But this one I had didn't make me afraid. I think it was trying to tell me something. Something about you and me."

He looked at her. "And what is that? What was this dream?"

Hesitating a little, she glanced around her before speaking in a determined voice. "I dreamt that a wave came and covered the island and washed everything away. It took Father Cuthbert and many of the other monks with it. Sometimes Brother Cenred died, and sometimes it was Brother Cenwulf. But you and I always survived."

When she finished, Athelstan just stared at her.

"Don't you see?" she whispered. "My dream came true."

Another day and night passed before the sun rose on a red morning, the tale of the previous days plain in the clouds. Blood had been spilled, and so the earth mourned. Then a squall rolled in, pitching the boat as the men around Athelstan began celebrating their victory and their treasure.

"We did it, brother," the blue-eyed man said to his brother, the burly one, Rollo.

A laugh followed, and the burly one responded. "Yes, brother, we did. Let's just hope the Earl sees it that way."

Athelstan looked up at the blue-eyed man settled in front of him, glancing up toward the bow where Lilith was just waking up.

"What is your name?" the man asked softly.

"Athelstan," was the reply he got.

"I am Ragnar. Lothbrok. And what was that place called?"

"Lindisfarne."

"England?" he asked.

Athelstan nodded. "Yes." Boldly, he leaned forward, remembering the reasons for the bells and the omen in the sky he had seen. "It was foretold that divine punishment for fall upon God's chosen people for all our grievous sins. And so it has happened. And that is why we're here."

Ragnar Lothbrok grinned his curious grin. "No. You're here because I spared your lives."

Athelstan clenched his jaws. "Why did you spare us? Out of all the others."

Ragnar glanced back at Lilith and then forward to the burly man who was his brother. "You, I don't know yet. But her. You said she is an orphan. How did an orphaned girl come to live in a place filled with men?"

Athelstan bowed his head. "She was placed on our doorstep by whom we think was her mother when she was an infant. There was nowhere else for her to go, and so she stayed with us." Athelstan paused and lowered his voice more. "Ragnar Lothbrok, I beg you. Wherever we're going, please, do not sell her as a slave. Though we were a simple monastery, my brothers were not kind to her, and she has suffered enough."

Ragnar leaned away, his face unreadable. "You speak of her as though she is yours, and yet you say she is not your child. You have raised her since she was a baby, yes?"

Athelstan nodded.

Ragnar shrugged. "So what would you have me do, Priest? If she will not be a slave, then what?"

"Surely, there is someone among your people who would be willing to take in a child who has no one."

"But she does not have no one, as you say," Ragnar pointed out. "She has you."

He went silent, contemplating without his face showing what he was thinking. Several minutes passed before he spoke.

"I will do this, Priest," he bargained. "When we reach Kattegat, I will make my decision on what to do with you both. It seems you will not leave her side, and so I will allow you to remain there for the duration of our journey back. But once there, you will be a captive. As to her, it will be decided when we arrive. Perhaps I will take her home with me. I have a young daughter at home who needs a sister."

Athelstan couldn't tell if Ragnar was being serious, but when the older man grinned and sat further up the hull next to Lilith, he gestured to Athelstan and nodded for her to go to him. She didn't hesitate, rising slowly and taking her new cloak with her as she sat down next to Athelstan.

"You're cold," she whispered and wrapped her little arms around him.

Athelstan bowed his head and kissed her hand. "I am, my dear girl. But I will survive. You will survive. I promise."

She lay her head over his shoulder and relaxed even as the sky grew pink from the early light illuminating the low clouds. He lay his head over hers, looking up at Ragnar.

"We're all right, Lili. I'm sure we'll be all right."

When Ragnar gave Lilith another bit of fish, she shared it with Athelstan, and when Ragnar reached for her, she waited for Athelstan to nod before she went to her new friend so he could show her something she never seen before.

When he lifted her up, his hands found something under her cloak, and Lilith squealed as he set her down and reached for what was under the heavy material.

"What is this?" he asked, more playfully than Athelstan expected him to.

"It is a book," Lilith said as Ragnar flipped through it to words she had written and images she had drawn. "Athelstan gave it to me when I was eleven."

Ragnar flipped through the pages, looking at her and then at Athelstan. "So you both speak our language," he deduced. "You both read and write. What marvels you show me with this book, Lilith."

She glanced at Athelstan, seeing his disapproving eyes and bowing her head. "I wanted to save it," she said, and Ragnar turned her face to him. "It was the only other thing I cared about."

Ragnar looked back at Athelstan. "Other than your teacher," he added.

"Yes," Lilith said.

Slowly, Ragnar closed the book and handed it back to her. "Keep your treasure safe, Lilith. I feel it will come in great use where we are headed."

She took it with both her little hands and clutched it to her chest, still allowing him to hold her as their journey continued.

With every passing minute, every passing hour, and every passing noon hour, Athelstan realized they were getting closer to land again. The waves calmed and the winds turned cool again. The other monks continued to shiver and whimper. They were all still terrified. Athelstan couldn't say he wasn't, but he decided he would do whatever it took to keep Lilith and himself safe. It didn't matter what that was anymore.

After so long sitting down, Athelstan realized he would give anything to stand up and stretch his legs. That turned out not to be the case for Brother Cenwulf, whose body had gone limp beside him. He didn't want to believe it true, but the man's cold body showed all the signs.

"Ragnar Lothbrok," he called up to the man who in turn sat up from his resting spot.

"What is it?"

"Brother Cenwulf here beside me," Athelstan gestured. "I think he's dead."

A short examination of the corpse confirmed Athelstan's fears, and Ragnar called back to another to help him.

"Leif."

Together, they lifted the man's body, and with little effort, tossed him over the side of the boat into the icy depths below.

Athelstan was stunned. He hadn't known what to expect. Of course these Northmen were not like him, but without a proper burial, it would be almost impossible for Brother Cenwulf's soul to be found in the afterlife. Athelstan felt himself praying for the man for the first time in a year, knowing that no man deserved such a fate.

"May God rest your soul, Brother Cenwulf," he whispered and crossed himself. He glanced at Lilith as he finished, seeing the same look on her face that was on his.

Suddenly, he remembered her dream. He looked around at the other monks who were just as frightened. A sinking feeling in his gut forced him to close his eyes. That meant they would all die as well.

God, Help them.

The fjord rose high above them on either side, green and lush and unfamiliar to Athelstan in every direction. He'd been to Denmark and Svealand, but this was completely new. The sky shined bright and blue, belying this new ominous world that sounded so unfamiliar. Whatever awaited Athelstan at the end of this journey, he hoped he was ready for it.

The other tall man, whose name was Leif, took possession of Lilith when they finally docked, disembarking the boat with her in one arm and a heavy gold casket in his other free hand. Athelstan followed the pull of the rope around his wrists, being grouped with the other monks until everything that had been in the boat was on the docks. Many people had gathered to greet them, and many offered congratulations on the successful raid. It was almost humiliating. Ragnar was the last one off the boat, tying another rope around Athelstan's neck and pulling him on to leave the docks like he was pulling a pack of dogs.

Athelstan tried to keep his sights on Lilith, even as a red-haired man shorter than Ragnar stopped him abruptly.

"Knut," Ragnar taunted, grinning. "You're too late. You missed the boat!"

Knut merely popped his chin out, pushing his shoulders back as he looked at Ragnar. "I came to tell you that Earl Haraldson summons you to see him in the Great Hall, Ragnar Lothbrok."

Ragnar smirked, thinking quickly before he responded. "It would be a pleasure," he agreed and started off without so much as a glance in Knut's direction. They walked on for several feet before Ragnar called back to him. "Are you coming, Knut?"

If the journey across the open sea hadn't worn Athelstan down, then this short walk from the docks to the Great Hall surely did, as he stumbled from one point to the other as if he'd forgotten how to walk. He glanced back a few times to make sure Lilith safe as she remained in Leif's care. Athelstan wondered if Ragnar Lothbrok would keep his word. Would he welcome a foreign child into his home solely on the word of a foreign man who happened to have raised her?

He could only hope.

The Great Hall reminded Athelstan of a grand church, with a tall roof, thatched with straw and wood, and two wide doors that were meant to receive large groups of people. There was certainly enough of that around here as men and women and children crowded around the returned travelers and their treasure. Athelstan couldn't look at everything fast enough, and it seemed to go by so quickly.

They all clamored into the Great Hall until it was full to the brim, and while it seemed like Ragnar's men kept Lilith at a distance, Athelstan was pulled all the way to the front where everyone could see him. He had tried to save a gospel from burning at the chapel, but because he hadn't, he felt naked now as he stood before these heathen people.

"My Lord," Ragnar said as he faced a regal looking man and woman who seemed to be in charge of these people. "It was easy to take all of these things. The priests in the temples. They had no weapons. They were like babies." He grabbed Athelstan's rope and tugged him forward. "This is one of their priests. We captured many of them to be sold as slaves." He shoved Athelstan away, continuing. "It must be true that there are many more places in England, and the west, and many more treasures. And to sail there, would benefit us all."

Earl Haraldson leaned forward. "How did you succeed sailing west, when so many others before you have failed?"

Ragnar grinned. "My Lord, we were more fortunate than others. We had Thor on our side."

The Earl nodded. "Yes. Then you were fortunate. But you understand that all of this," he said and waved his hands around, "belongs to me. By right."

They both hushed their voices to where Athelstan could not here, but it did not look like a happy agreement. Then Haraldson spoke up.

"Here is what I have decided," he said, as guards filtered into the hall. "Each of you will take one thing from this hoard."

"One?" Leif demanded.

"Yes, and you will all still be richer than you were before. And now the world will see how generous and magnanimous is your lord. Especially since you disobeyed me." He sat up straight and the leaned back to his chair. "So, Ragnar Lothbrok, what will you choose?"

Ragnar moved like it was a joke, from this trinket to that one, all while glancing back at the Earl with a flippant grin about his face. He even turned a golden bowl upside down on his head to sell his joke. Then he stopped and looked right at Athelstan, his gaze burning a hole through his chest before he turned to the Earl.

After a long pause, he decided. "I will take the priest. For my slave."

Earl Haraldson actually blinked, looking at Athelstan and then Ragnar. "The priest?" he confirmed.

The woman beside him giggled, and everyone else behind them did as well, but Athelstan knew Ragnar was being serious. After a few stolen laughs, the Earl did as well. He clenched his jaws then and pressed his lips together.

"Granted."

That ended the longest moment of Athelstan's life as he was sat down on the bench next to the fire, and Ragnar waved Leif forward.

"My Lord, I have one last grievance, in light of your benevolence," Ragnar said as Leif carried Lilith to the front and set her down in front of the Earl. "This orphaned little girl was being held captive amongst the priests where we raided. From what my new slave tells me, she has no other family and needs a good home in which to grow up. I humbly request that this child be made a member of my household, with all its advantages and privileges."

The Earl was instantly intrigued, glancing at the woman beside him and taking in her smile before he beckoned them both forward.

"Can you understand me, child?" he asked her.

Lilith nodded. "Yes, sir."

"And what is your name?"

"My name is Lilith, sir," she answered, to which a lot of people gasped.

Haralson glanced at the woman and then looked at her again. "And is it true that you have no family in that place where you come from?"

"Yes, it's true, sir."

He looked up at Ragnar. "And do you wish to become a part of this man's family even though he is not your father?"

Lilith looked up at Ragnar too, holding his hand tighter. He nodded, and she looked at Haraldson. "Yes, sir. I do."

Haraldson looked over her face and then her dress before he looked at the woman and then gestured to her. Lilith glanced at Ragnar, who again nodded, and then she stepped up to be in front of the woman.

"Hello," the brown-haired woman said sweetly. "I am Siggy. Your name is Lilith?"

Lilith bowed her head. "Yes, ma'am."

She reached for Lilith's hand and took it gently in both of hers. "You have been well-cared for. Did you lose your family in a sickness? Or a ship wreck?"

"No, ma'am. My mother left me at the monastery when I was a baby."

Siggy was surprised, glancing at Haraldson, who was clearly her spouse, before she pulled Lilith closer to lean forward and kiss her on the lips.

"Bless you, child. Go on with your new father."

Lilith glanced at Ragnar, allowing him to take her hand and pull her away to be back at his side.

"So you take full responsibility for this child and all of her care, all of her needs?" Earl Haraldson demanded of Ragnar.

"I do. Completely."

Haraldson nodded. "And so it will be. Go on."

Ragnar bowed as low as he could, keeping Lilith in his arm and tugging on the rope tied to Athelstan.

The burly man, Rollo, followed them out of the Great Hall, barreling through the streets as they walked passed little houses and people tending to animals. Athelstan listened to them argue, knowing it had to do with what Earl Haraldson had done and understanding Ragnar's anger. When he was done arguing with Rollo, Ragnar glanced at Athelstan and took Lilith under his arm to guide them away from the main part of the town.

"It will take over night to reach my home," Ragnar said as they walked briskly. He glanced at Athelstan again. "When we arrive, you will only speak once I've spoken to you." He looked at Lilith and smiled. "You, on the other hand, will be able to do as you please, my child."

Lilith smiled with him, looking at Athelstan and waiting for him to nod before she allowed Ragnar to take her hand.

Athelstan accepted that he would be treated differently now that he was as a slave. It wasn't something he believed would ever happen to him, but with Lilith safe and now in the charge of someone who genuinely seemed to care for her, Athelstan would take his lot in life. At least they were together.

* * *

_**Next chapter should be up in a week or so, depending on a lot of things. It will be from Lilith's perspective.**_

_**I'd like to say like the pros that I have this all mapped out somewhere, and that's true, because it's all in my head. So let's see how that pans out.**_

_**As usual, I hope you all like this chapter, and I'll see you next time!**_


	7. Family

_**Got a new chapter for everybody! We're moving back to Lilith's perspective, and we're about to meet Ragnar's family. Again, there will be familiar stuff here, but everything else is all me.**_

_**This is a shorter chapter, but longer ones are on their way. I'm already really close to the ending of this one, and it's shaping up nicely.**_

_**Thanks again to all the people following and putting this in their favorites, and those who have reviewed.**_

_**More notes at the bottom!**_

* * *

_**Family**_

The world around Lilith felt completely different than the one she had just come from. The birds sounded different. The ground smelled different. Even the wind rustled differently through the trees. But she wasn't scared. She had learned early not to be afraid of things that were unfamiliar to her. Growing up in a monastery filled with little frightened men had done that to her.

It was also much colder than she was accustomed. Even with her shoes covering her feet and her cloak giving her added warmth, the air was almost frigid as she walked with Ragnar while he pulled Athelstan behind them. If it would take overnight to reach Ragnar's home, then they would stop somewhere to sleep until morning. Maybe a fire would help get her warm.

Athelstan said nothing as he was tugged behind them, grunting occasionally and yanking on his rope to keep from tripping on the ground. Lilith took the food Ragnar gave her as they walked, listening to the strange sounds and locking it all away the way she always did. She was so used to not saying anything that when Ragnar spoke to her, she did not know what to say.

"You are intrigued by the world around you, aren't you, Little One?" he asked her.

She looked up at him, hesitating, biting her lip nervously.

He squeezed her hand gently. "It's all right. I would be as well. After a lifetime in that place where you grew up."

He glanced back at Athelstan, grinning and slowing his pace while also shortening the length of rope between them. "I can tell you all about this world," Ragnar said to Lilith. "The trees and the birds and the wind."

She looked around as the noises formed a strange symphony of sounds around her. "The wind?" she said. "Isn't it just wind?"

He grinned. "Well, yes, but no, my child. Surely, your teacher told you about the wind." He looked at Athelstan but said nothing as he turned his eyes back to hers. "I will tell you of the wind. And when you meet my daughter and my son, they will show you. Their mother, who will be your mother, will show you as well. And perhaps, if he is lucky, we will also 'show' your teacher."

They walked on as the light continued to diminish, farther from town and deeper into the wilderness.

The stars came out as they had for the last several days, only this time, it was through the canopy Lilith saw them, as she laid on a warm pallet with Ragnar tending to a small fire between them. Athelstan sat on his own, still shivering, but he had not complained the entire way. Every thirty minutes, he forced a breath in and out, relaxing a little before he started shivering again.

Ragnar gave Lilith a good portion of the cured meat he had brought, looking at Athelstan just once before he passed on a few bites to him as well. Lilith had never tasted this kind of meat before. It was salty and rough against the inside of her mouth. But she ate it, and when she finished, Ragnar gestured to the pallet.

"We should get as much sleep as we can, Little One," he said. "Still a long way to go."

Lilith turned her eyes to Athelstan as he finished his small portion of food. "What about Athelstan?"

Grudgingly, Ragnar sighed loudly. "I suppose he can sleep by the fire as well. I can't very well allow him to die from the cold, now can I?"

Slowly, they all huddled by the fire. Lilith lay securely inside Ragnar's arm, watching Athelstan pull his hood up and lay on his side, facing her. She didn't want to take her eyes off him, but slowly, her eyes drooped, and then she was asleep.

A new dream found Lilith as she slept, of white willowy snow falling from the sky, even though she had never seen it like this before. She stood in the snow without being cold, and when she looked at her hands, she saw she was older. She looked in front of her and saw Athelstan but he was older as well. His hair was longer, his eyes were wiser, kinder. It seemed the waves had washed away everything but them, and all that mattered was they were together.

Morning came abruptly as a raven cawed, bringing them all to life after a short sleep. Ragnar stamped out the fire, allowing Lilith to rise before he rolled up the pallet and draped it over Athelstan's shoulder. Then without a word, they resumed their walk.

Just as it had been on the island, morning here was dewey and fragrant. Lilith took in so many sights and sounds that it felt like she missed more than she saw. Pretty birds chirped as they passed, and slowly, the sound of waves crashing onto the beach filled the air.

"We are here," Ragnar said, pulling Lilith to his side and bowing his head to speak only to her. "I think my wife and daughter will love you first, and then my son. Let's see which one of us is right."

From the clearing in the trees, a new dwelling appeared, not as tall as the Great Hall or the monastery, but cozy all the same as chickens clucked and goats bleated. The first occupant they spotted was a girl about Lilith's size with lighter hair as she wore a red dress. She was currently knelt over a pale of water, and Ragnar gestured for Lilith to be quiet before he slowly snuck up on the girl, clucking like a chicken to surprise her.

Lilith watched them greet one another quietly before a boy emerged from the house.

"Father! You're home!"

The boy ran to Ragnar, embracing him, before finally a tall, blond woman stepped outside to see them all there.

She walked up to Ragnar, smiling at him like he was her whole world and reaching him before she kissed him on the lips. Lilith had never seen anyone kiss like that before, and she looked up at Athelstan to see him slightly embarrassed by what they saw.

"So," the woman said to Ragnar. "Where's all the treasure you promised?"

With a sigh, Ragnar confessed. "The Earl took it all for himself." He paused and added, "But I found it! And it filled the boat."

She smiled still, impressed. "I believe you," she declared.

With a glance behind him, Ragnar backed up toward where he'd tied Athelstan to the post. "You ought to believe me," he urged. "This is a priest from their temple to prove it. Priest, this is my family. His name is Athelstan. Though he's a foreigner, he speaks our language. Don't you?" Ragnar pushed.

Athelstan bowed his head. "A little, yes."

The blond woman saw Lilith before Ragnar could introduce her. "And whose child is this?" she asked curiously.

Ragnar reached for Lilith and turned her to face his family. "This, Lagertha," he said and stroked her hair gently, "is an orphan who we found on the island to where we traveled. She was being cared for by Athelstan, and we rescued her."

Lagertha looked at Lilith, gently touching her shoulder as she looked to Ragnar. "And what is she doing here, might I ask?"

Only slightly hesitating, Ragnar stood a little taller, obviously proud of himself. "I asked the Earl to let her stay with us," he announced. "So you might say you have gained a new daughter, Lagertha."

Slowly, she took in what he said, turning Lilith to face her as she spoke softly. "Do you understand me, dear child?" she asked, meeting Lilith's brown eyes with her own clear, blue ones.

Lilith nodded. "I do."

"And what is your name?"

She glanced back at Athelstan, waiting for him to nod before she looked at Lagertha. "My name is Lilith."

Lagertha lifted her eyes to Ragnar's, and he nodded as well. She looked at Lilith and squeezed her shoulders gently. "That is a very beautiful name. And you are a very beautiful girl. I will gladly take you into our home, where I will clothe and feed you as if you are my own. Would you like that, Lilith?"

Slowly, Lilith nodded. "Yes. I would."

Lagertha bowed her head, turning Lilith to the other girl and the boy. "Children, this is Lilith. She will be staying with us from now on, and we will treat her like family. Is that understood?"

The girl nodded first, stepping in front of Lilith. "Hello," she said. "I am Gyda. I like your dress. Did you make it?"

Lilith shook her head. "No. Athelstan had it made for me while he was on his last mission. And my cloak as well. But I like your dress too."

Gyda touched the blue dress Lilith wore, smiling. "We can show you how to make your own dresses."

"Thank you," Lilith said as the boy stepped closer to them.

"I am Bjorn," he announced, standing tall. "But I won't be sharing any of my clothes with you." He turned back to Ragnar, who was watching them with Lagertha beside him. "Father, what about the priest?"

Ragnar turned to Athelstan. "I don't know yet. I told the Earl I would take him as a slave. What do you think, Bjorn?"

The boy stepped closer, and when Ragnar pushed Athelstan forward, Bjorn reached out to touch his shaved head.

"What is wrong with your head?" Bjorn exclaimed.

Embarrassed, Athelstan exhaled. "When we become monks, they cut our hair. It marks us out."

Glancing at Lilith, Gyda stepped forward then too. "If you're a priest, which god do you like best?" she asked.

Athelstan drew back, dismayed. "There is only one God!" he proclaimed.

That wiped the grin off Ragnar's face for a second or two, but then he handed the rope around Athelstan's neck to Bjorn.

"It's all right," he said to his children. "You can touch him."

Ragnar turned to Lilith and nodded for her to stay with Athelstan, and once he did, Bjorn and Gyda stepped closer to him as well. Lilith only heard Lagertha laugh before she and Ragnar disappeared inside the small house.

"Hello," Gyda said to Athelstan, the same as she had to Lilith. "I am Gyda."

Athelstan smiled despite being tied up. "Hello, Gyda."

"You will need a cloak," Gyda said as a statement of fact. "I will find one for you tonight."

"Thank you, Gyda," Athelstan said and bowed his head.

"And we will have to find you better shoes. Did you make Lilith's shoes?" she asked, gesturing to the leather shoes on Lilith's feet.

Athelstan shook his head. "I didn't, no. But a monk in the monastery did. We made her new shoes every year. And a new dress as well."

Gyda glanced at Lilith and reached for her hand. "Then Mother and I will have to make you both new clothes then." She pulled Lilith away. "Come. I will show you the goats and pigs."

Lilith glanced back at Athelstan as she was taken toward a smaller hut that surely held the animals on the farm. He tugged on the rope around his neck, nodding that it was all right even as Bjorn continued to take in the robe covering him.

For supper, Lagertha gave Lilith an extra helping of soup and bread, and Ragnar observed silently, glancing between her and Athelstan even though he never said anything.

"We don't want your dress to get dirty," Lagertha said as they finished their food. "So I will give you one of Gyda's dresses that she sleeps in for tonight. And tomorrow, I will begin making you one of your very own. Would you like that, Lilith?"

"Yes, thank you."

Lagertha smiled. "Well, it is only fair now that you are a member of our family for us to share what we have with you. Is that not how it was done where you come from?"

Lilith shook her head. "No. I wasn't allowed to share anything with the other monks. Only Athelstan shared things with me. Like food and books."

It only took a glance in Athelstan's direction as he sat alone by the fire in the middle of the room for Lagertha to nod at him to join them at the table. Slowly, he rose and did so, sitting uneasily at the edge of the bench close to Ragnar who was still silent. She passed a small bowl of soup to him and then a piece of bread, never uttering a word as he began eating quietly.

After a few more minutes of that, Ragnar turned to his own food, satisfied with this turn of events and smiling proudly to himself. Lilith could tell he was a good man, especially given the experiences she'd had with the monks. He reminded her of Brother Cuthren, but also of Athelstan with his quiet strength. Maybe this would turn out to be all right after all.

* * *

_**Who else wants Lilith and Gyda to spend every hour of every day together now? Because I do. I'm really going to work on punching up her dialogue. I loved her quiet demeanor in the show, but this is a little girl who is her age and her size. I want her to be a little girl with Lilith.**_

_**And I will try to include as many innuendos from the show as I can, those that I liked anyway. But I make no promises.**_

_**Next chapter will be up in a week. Until next time!**_


	8. Discovery

_**Good afternoon everybody! Here we are with a new chapter. It's a little longer than the last one, but not by much. Longer chapters are on their way, I promise.**_

_**There is a brief mention of Lilith's scars in this one, but only what's necessary. I think the way this happens brings her and Athelstan closer to being in the family, so I hope it makes sense. There's also a brief mention of something else at the beginning, so you can guess what it is.**_

_**More notes at the bottom!**_

* * *

_**Discovery**_

When Lagertha handed Lilith a white gown that went almost to her ankles, she worried the woman would see her marks and think Athelstan had something to do with them. Thankfully, Lagertha showed her to a place where Gyda apparently changed and allowed her to pull the gown on without looking at her body. Then it was time for bed. As the newest child in the house, Lagertha nudged Lilith into a little alcove where Bjorn and Gyda slept first. Gyda followed and then Bjorn, making it so he would be the first one to leave the next morning.

Lilith wasn't very sleepy, though she was tired and closed her eyes to rest right away. She had no dreams, sleeping more soundly than she had in her whole life and only waking when she heard feet shuffling passed the alcove. She opened her eyes to see it was already dawn, and when she looked at Bjorn and Gyda still asleep, she carefully crawled over them to find Athelstan. He wasn't in the house, so she left to find him.

The morning air was cool but humid, meaning it might rain later, and Lilith took in the new world around her as she walked passed the shed with the animals still bleating and clucking. A few minutes passed before she turned toward the water and saw Athelstan there alone. She started toward him as he splashed water onto his face, only to hear him crying just as she reached him.

"Athelstan, are you hurt?" she pleaded, kneeling beside him as he sucked in a deep breath.

"No, Lili, I am not hurt," he said, his voice thick with tears.

"But you're crying! What's wrong?"

He huffed and more tears slipped down his face. She reached for his face, turning it toward her as his eyes closed so she wouldn't see them. Quickly, she wiped his cheeks and then lifted his chin. "Are you sad?" she whispered.

"I am … scared. For us both."

Lilith was confused. Neither Ragnar nor Lagertha had mistreated either of them so far. True, it had only been a single night, but what could have possibly happened to make him react this way? She moved forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders the way he always did to her when she was scared. He held onto her as he stopped crying, breathing deep and then leaning back to look at her.

"Forgive me," he pleaded. "I do not mean to give in to despair. We are both alive. That's the only thing that matters."

"What happened?"

He struggled for half a minute, clinging to her in way he never had before. "I almost – I mean, I didn't, but I almost – And I couldn't have taken it back. And it – I was weak, and I would've – Please just forgive me, Lili. Please."

"Of course, I forgive you," she promised. She moved forward and held him again. "And you are not weak, Athelstan. You are the strongest person I know. No matter what you might have almost done. You didn't do it, did you?"

He shook his head, holding her closer. "No," he affirmed.

"Then you didn't do anything wrong," she assured him. "Isn't that what you're always telling me?"

His soft laugh halted as he cradled her head and leaned back to kiss her cheek. "I take it you slept well last night?" he asked.

She nodded as he stood up, and the first thing he noticed was her bare feet, of course.

"But where are your shoes?" he exclaimed. "How many times have I allowed to be barefoot outside in the mornings?"

Lilith tried not to smile as they walked back to the house. "Only when it's just me and you. But we're not in the monastery anymore. Can't I just this once?"

He squeezed her hand. "Just this once, I suppose."

She looked up at him as he bowed his head, and when she saw his hair, she stopped and blinked. "Athelstan, your hair!"

While she still held his hand, she pulled him down, touching the new hair that was growing over his scalp. Athelstan sighed heavily as she did, rising to keep her from doing that for too long.

"Is that what's wrong?" she asked. "Other than what you almost didn't do."

He nodded and looked at her. "It's part of it. But do not worry over me. It's my job to worry over you."

Slowly, he pulled her back to the house as Lagertha came out.

"What are you two doing?" she asked pointedly.

Lilith looked up at Athelstan, and he walked closer to Lagertha.

"She was looking for me. I was just getting myself together. It won't happen again."

Lagertha looked at Lilith, not saying anything for half a minute before she turned to allow them inside. "I need you to tend the fire while I take Gyda and Lilith to bathe."

Lilith grasped Athelstan's hand tighter, thinking of her marks and suddenly afraid. He turned her to face him, leaning over to look at her.

"It's all right, Lili. You're safe here. I promise."

She looked up at Lagertha, biting her lip and letting go of his hand so the kind woman could reach for her and guide her inside. Athelstan followed them, doing as Lagertha asked while she gathered up the girls to leave the house.

The only other thing Liliththought about as she walked along the narrow path to the springs with Lagertha and Gyda was that she had not bled in nearly four weeks. Even though it had only been nine months since she had begun, she had tried to keep track of it so she knew when to wear her dressings. Athelstan had always told her not to let others know, especially the monks around her, but now that she was no longer in the monastery, she didn't know if anyone else should know. She still didn't know what it meant, even if she knew it was because she was a girl.

"We usually only wash every few days," Gyda said as they walked. She reached for Lilith's hand and pulled her to her side. "But since you're here now, we will show you where it is so you can do it also. How often did you bathe in your monastery?"

Lilith hesitated for only a second. "Every other day," she admitted. "When it was cold, probably once every three days. And then every day when I was . . ." She stopped, not knowing how to say it. There had been no words for it in the books she had read, and of course, having only Athelstan to confide in, there had never been a woman or even another girl for her to talk to about it.

Lagertha noticed her hesitation instantly, turning to face her and then leaning down to look at her. "When you were what, Lilith?" She caressed Lilith's cheek and squeezed her shoulder. "It is all right, child. You can tell me."

Glancing at Gyda, Lilith took a deep breath. "When I was bleeding," she revealed.

She didn't have to say anything else. Lagertha sighed softly and smiled. "Then forgive me for calling you a child. You are a young woman, and this is something that we should rejoice in."

Lagertha stood up and pulling Lilith closer, holding her and stroking her hair. "Come," she said and reached for Gyda. "We will bathe, and then we will talk."

Lilith pushed out a heavy breath, relieved as they all continued on the path to the springs.

Though the morning air was cool, the waters they arrived at had steam rising from them. It was a small grove, surrounded by trees that allowed for a good amount of privacy. Lagertha deposited the pouch she had brought with her, and she and Gyda began to undress. Lilith watched them, having never seen anyone else naked, much less any other women, and she became afraid again.

"Lilith, come," Lagertha beckoned, urging her forward.

Not moving, Lilith kept her arms around her, trembling as Lagertha moved closer to her to remove her gown.

"No, please," Lilith cried, backing away.

Lagertha didn't move, her hands empty as she held them palms up in front of Lilith. "I will not harm you, Lilith. It is all right."

Lilith bit her lip, unfolding her arms and then holding her hands at her sides in fists. Slowly, she moved forward so Lagertha could take off the gown. Almost immediately, she saw the scars on Lilith's arms. Her reaction was similar to Athelstan's, but she was much gentler, easing her hands up Lilith's arms to her shoulders and feeling how they went around to her back. She turned Lilith around to look, still gentle as she stood and pulled Lilith into her arms.

"Oh, my child," she murmured. "Who could have done this to you? Why would the gods have allowed you to be harmed in such a way?"

Lilith had no control over the tears in her eyes as she began crying, and Lagertha held her for a minute before releasing her and kneeling in front of her.

"I am sorry this happened to you. No child should ever be made to endure anything like this. I promise you that no one here will ever harm you this way, and I promise that I will do everything I can to make you safe here. I swear this to you on my life."

Lilith cried just a little more as Lagertha wiped her tears away and stood. She took Lilith's hand and pulled her gently to the water.

"It is all right," she said again.

It took another half minute for Lilith to relax, and once she did, her tears stopped and Lagertha helped her bathe.

But then, when they finished, Lagertha's gentleness faded completely. She gathered Lilith and Gyda and started back to the farm, her face turning hard and her lips pressed into a thin line. Lilith worried she would be angry with Athelstan, but she hoped Lagertha would give him a chance to explain.

Athelstan was outside when they made it back to the house, and Lagertha confronted him as soon as she saw him.

"Did you do it?" she demanded.

Stunned, he drew back. "Do what?"

She glanced at Lilith and then looked at him. "This child has been harmed in a way that no child ever should be. It sickens me, and it angers me. Did you do this to her?"

Athelstan sighed, also looking in Lilith's direction before he answered. "No. But I should have stopped it a long time before I discovered it myself."

Nearly none of Lagertha's anger dissipated, but she stepped away from him, reaching for Lilith and Gyda and then nodding for him to go inside where Ragnar and Bjorn were already eating.

"Ragnar, you need to see this," she said, and immediately, he looked up.

"What is it?" he asked.

Lagertha held Lilith to her and then turned her to look at her. "It is all right," she said a third time. "You can trust us."

Lilith hesitated again, looking at Athelstan. He nodded, and she looked at Lagertha, nodding herself.

Slowly, as carefully as she could, Lagertha helped Lilith out of the top of the gown she wore, keeping it over her chest as she turned Lilith's back to face Ragnar. The man's face immediately fell, and he turned to them from his food, reaching out and touching Lilith's back so lightly that she barely felt it. That was all he did before he looked at Athelstan, his expression as hard as Lagertha's had been.

"You had better explain this," he commanded. "And quickly before I do the same thing to you."

Athelstan sat beside Lagertha, reaching for Lilith and covering her up. "It's not really mine to tell," he said and lifted his eyes to Lilith's. "Since I only discovered it about nine months ago. It's all right, Lili. You can tell them."

She inhaled as deeply as she could, turning to face Ragnar and sitting on Athelstan's leg. "It was Father Cuthbert who did it to me," she began. "Because he did not think I would behave without it. I was a baby the first time he did it. I only know that because of these," she said and held out her arm where the first ten marks still shown on her skin, "have been here my whole life. The first time I remember it, I was five."

Lilith exhaled as more tears fell down her cheeks. "He always told me I was evil and that I was spoiled. And he never let me just be. He was always punishing me for something. I was never good enough for him to let me just be."

Ragnar watched her face as she spoke, listening before he looked at Athelstan. "Is this true?" he asked, his voice low and threatening.

"It is," Athelstan admitted, bowing his head. Quickly, he added, "As soon as I found out, I stopped it straight away. I moved her to another part of the monastery and I stayed with her as much as I could. I would have gladly taken any punishment he thought she deserved. I was the only one there who wasn't afraid of her. She's only ever been innocent to me, and I suppose I basically cursed them all when I saw what had been done to her."

Precious seconds passed as Ragnar took in Athelstan's words. The air around them almost crackled with fire waiting for Ragnar to speak. Lilith held Athelstan's hands as he held her, waiting for Ragnar to react. Slowly, the older man took a deep breath, covering his face and rubbing his forehead. It didn't look like he would say anything until he lifted his eyes to her and beckoned her forward.

Lilith went this time without waiting for Athelstan to do anything, allowing Ragnar to embrace her. He held her so tight that he nearly crushed her, cradling her head and pressing the side of his head to hers.

"You have my word, my child, that this will never happen to you again for as long as I live," he swore to her. "And if anyone tries, they will have me to answer to."

He leaned back to look at her, holding her face in his hands. "Yes?" he questioned.

Lilith nodded, and he pulled her closer to hold her again.

"And you, Athelstan. You raised her and protected her as best as you could. And so she is yours and mine together, and no one will harm you. I am angry at the men who did this, not you. Hmm?"

Athelstan gave his answer by nodding as well, and that ended the matter.

For the rest of the day, Lagertha and Gyda took Lilith around the farm, showing her every corner of it while Athelstan did chores close to the house. By the time supper was made and put on the table, everything about what Lilith had said was forgotten. It had been a long time for her to carry the weight of what had happened to her alone, before Athelstan had known about it. Now she felt that she never had to carry it alone again.

The days began to pass quickly, even with summer setting in. Lilith loved playing with the animals, and Gyda took her swimming in the springs again. She hadn't been free like this in all her life, even though Athelstan had done his best to give her what he could. He mostly did what Ragnar and Lagertha asked him to do, but he was still allowed to sit with Lilith and read with her before supper. Lilith almost forgot that she lived somewhere else the first twelve years of her life.

After a few weeks, Ragnar traveled back to Kattegat with Athelstan, but Lagertha didn't say why they were going. They were gone for nearly four days, coming back with news that made Lilith worry.

"I have the Earl's permission to sail back to England," he announced almost as soon as he was back. "I want to leave as soon as possible."

Lagertha glanced at Bjorn and then Gyda and Lilith before she spoke. "How soon is that?"

"Tomorrow," he revealed.

Her face remained unchanged as she listened, and she turned to him with a sigh. "We all wish you success," she said and turned to him. "We will sacrifice to Odin."

Ragnar paused as he kept his back to her. "Are you not coming?" he asked her.

Lagertha also paused, almost smiling. "What?"

He turned to her, grinning his curious grin. "I want you to come with me," he asserted.

She glanced at the children and Athelstan as they sat around the table. "But the farm," she said to Ragnar. "The children."

"Bjorn is still too young," Ragnar determined. "Although he can help out on the farm."

Bjorn looked between his mother and father before then looking at Gyda and Lilith. "Then who is to be in charge?" he asked, confused.

"The Priest," he stated, glancing at Athelstan. "I will leave him with the key."

Bjorn was on his feet immediately, shouting. "Father! You cannot place a slave above me," he exclaimed. "Your natural son."

Ragnar didn't react, only eyeing his son and telling him to sit down without saying anything. Then he glanced at Lilith before he spoke while looking at Athelstan. "I don't regard him as a slave," Ragnar said. He reached out and touched Lilith's cheek. "He's a responsible person. Especially to have raised a much more well-behaved child than mine."

Athelstan rose slowly, looking at Lilith and then Gyda and Bjorn. "Ragnar Lothbrok, are you certain you want to do this?"

Ragnar looked at Gyda as she sat next to Lilith. "What do you think, Gyda?"

"I don't mind," she said simply. "I like the priest."

Ragnar smiled and glanced at Athelstan before he stepped away and began to pack. Lagertha waited until he was far enough away to lean over in front of Athelstan.

"While we are away, it will be your responsibility to keep my children safe." She also glanced at Lilith, reaching for her and moving hair from her face. "All my children. But if any harm comes to them, the consequences for you will be much more dire than what Ragnar would have done when you first arrived."

Athelstan took in her words as he had everything else, clasping his hands together and sitting up straight. "I will do everything in my power to keep them all safe. I swear," he said and looked up at her.

She moved away then also, leaving the four of them at the table alone. Bjorn fumed the whole time they waited for Ragnar and Lagertha to come back and sit down for supper. Lilith watched for any sign that maybe they hadn't meant what they said, but she saw now. She hadn't ever been anywhere with just Athelstan, and even though Bjorn and Gyda would be with her now, she found herself looking forward to it.

Even if it only lasted a little while.

* * *

_**So it seems like that thing that happened between Ragnar and Lagertha and Athelstan might have still happened. There's probably a version of that in my head somewhere, but who knows if it will ever see the light of day?**_

_**Anyway, here we are. I'm currently toiling along in one of the later chapters, so I'll leave this here. I hope you like it.**_

_**Thank you so much to everyone who followed this and put it in your favorites. I hope more of you tell me what you think, even just to drop me a line or two.**_

_**Next chapter should be up next week! Until then.**_


	9. Adjustment

_**Happy Sunday everybody! I hope we're all enjoying it as best as we can before some of us go back to work or school. **_

_**This chapter is in Athelstan's perspective, and I hope everyone likes it. There's some familiar stuff in here, obviously, but I tried to make it fit a little better. Of course, I don't own anything like that.**_

_**I also had to start entwining these two in the daily life of the world around them. It's a longer chapter than the last few have been, since this takes place during episode four.**_

_**More notes at the bottom. Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Adjustment**_

The morning after Ragnar and Lagertha left for Kattegat, Athelstan found himself in a most unusual position. When he'd been at the monastery, the bells had always woke him, alerting him to a new day of chores and prayers. In the last nine months, he'd slept far enough away from the dormitory that no one saw him until he was in the scriptorium working on the old texts. Sometimes he would even wait until after breakfast to talk to anyone except Lilith, since she was usually awake before he was.

This time was completely different.

Because Athelstan didn't have a bed exactly, the first thing he heard was the sound of the dogs rising and leaving the little alcove they shared. After only a few weeks away from the bells of the monastery, he already appreciated not waking up to them. He didn't know if it was good or not, but he knew he had chores to do, so he rose and let the dogs out of the house.

The fire had diminished to embers, and Athelstan gathered up enough wood so he could cook something for his three charges. For twelve years, he'd been taking care of Lilith, so the idea wasn't so foreign. Many of the same instincts came to him as he collected what he thought Bjorn and Gyda would eat. There wasn't a cook to make the food, but Athelstan had helped in the kitchens often enough.

As soon as he decided he'd waited long enough, Athelstan moved back to the alcove where the children slept. He saw Bjorn first, remembering the boy's displeasure with their current situation but hoping it wasn't always like that. Gyda lay behind her brother, the softness of her spirit etched on her face as it was in her words and mannerisms. He already saw that she would be a good friend to Lilith. His first charge was tucked against the farthest wall of the alcove, sleeping more soundly than he'd ever seen. Since coming, Lilith had adjusted almost to the point of him thinking she was always meant to be here with these people.

That made Athelstan more conflicted about his place than ever before. If she was meant to be here with Ragnar and Lagertha and their children, what did that mean for him? Where was he meant to be?

"Bjorn," he said and nudged the boy's shoulder. "It's time to wake up."

Slowly, Bjorn opened his eyes, and for one precious second, the events of the day previous were forgotten. He lifted his gaze to Athelstan and sighed, rubbing his face and lifting his head to look back at Gyda and Lilith. Then he pulled in a deep breath and sat up, throwing his blanket away and climbing out of the alcove without saying anything to Athelstan. He stomped out of the house, pushing Athelstan out of his way and making his feelings clear.

It took all of Athelstan's strength not to respond. He let Bjorn go, knowing this wasn't going to be as easy as he'd hoped. It seemed he'd left the monastery with one stubborn child and had now gained another. Oh, how God was playing a game with him now.

He had to climb a step or two to reach into the alcove to wake Gyda, lightly touching her shoulder and waiting for her to open her eyes. When she saw him, she gave him a small smile, and he smiled as well, gesturing behind her.

"Good morning, Gyda," he said softly. "If you'll wake up Lili, I'll see what I can do about making us all some breakfast. All right?"

She nodded, and he squeezed her shoulder gently, leaving the alcove.

The girls were much easier to please than Bjorn, finding eggs and cured meat to eat before Gyda decided to show Lilith the loom in the corner. Bjorn only grudgingly ate his part of the food, taking the rest of it and leaving the house without a word to anyone else. He truly reminded Athelstan of Lilith in so many ways, even if it was clear he was just being stubborn because he was angry.

"I will try to find you better clothes to wear, Priest," Gyda said as she showed Lilith the loom. "Mother said it would be all right until we could make something. I will also look through the shoes we have to see if any fit you."

Athelstan smiled as he put more wood on the fire. "I would be in your debt for anything you can give me, Gyda," he said and nodded. "It is more than I expected."

He glanced back to see her pointing out parts of the loom to Lilith and laughing softly. Yes, they would be good friends.

Lilith had never had a friend other than him. It made him happy that she finally had someone her age to talk to and play with.

"Athelstan," Lilith said, and he turned to her. "Can we go swimming later? After all our chores are done."

He only glanced back at the door to the house, thinking of Bjorn but also Ragnar and Lagertha. He thought about the villagers in the farm who had all been curious about him, and he worried it would be worse if they saw Lilith. Despite her being a little girl, Athelstan didn't think that would make any difference.

"We will see," he said as honestly as he could.

She watched him like she could read his mind, only waiting a minute before she nodded.

Most, if not all the chores on the farm were so similar to those at the monastery that Athelstan only knew where he was when he looked up from whatever task he was finishing. Gyda and Lilith milked the goats and fed the chickens. Bjorn did most of the tasks that required going to the next farm over, leaving around noon and returning just before it was time for supper. Athelstan could see on his face that he was still angry, and he barely helped prepare the food, sitting beside Lilith as they all sat around the table.

"Will we be able to go swimming?" Lilith asked, nibbling on her food.

Athelstan glanced at Bjorn and then Gyda before answering her. "It's too late for us to do that tonight, Lili," he said. He knew it was still light out, but that meant others might see her, and he still wanted to protect her.

She put her head down, disappointed, and he sighed.

"Perhaps we can do that tomorrow," he suggested, and she looked up at him, smiling.

It was quiet for a minute before Gyda spoke up.

"We can go back to the springs tomorrow if you want," she said to Lilith. "We can all go. I found you clothes to wear, Priest. We can all bathe and then come back to do our chores."

They both looked at Athelstan, and for a split second, he hesitated. He had worked harder most of Lilith's life to shield her from seeing the other monks when they bathed or changed. While he finally understood they were no longer in the monastery, he still wasn't sure it was safe for her to see things she wasn't ready to see.

But then he looked at her pleading face, and he couldn't say no again. "All right," he said after thinking on it. "We'll all go. In the morning."

Lilith's victorious smile warmed his heart more than he realized it would. She clearly wasn't worried, so he would find a way not to be as well.

That night, after Gyda and Lilith went to bed, and after Bjorn had stubbornly followed them but said he would not sleep because he was told to do so by a slave, Athelstan tried to sit in his own alcove and pray. He hadn't done so in nearly three weeks, but he'd been so busy that he had not the time to be concerned about it. Now he finally had time to come to terms with everything that had happened.

He thought of the other monks that had been captured, and he remembered the bodies he'd seen hanging in the town square not two weeks after being brought to this place. He prayed for their souls the same way he'd done for Brother Cenwulf, but he did not know if it helped. Eventually, he thought of the destruction of the monastery and the monks who had not been buried, who were surely rotted where they had landed after being struck down. Whether news of their deaths had reached any of the nearby towns was unknown, and Athelstan found that he had no time to worry about any of those places. He could only worry about the children he had been charged with caring for in their parents' absence.

Somewhere in his prayer, Athelstan fell asleep, dreaming for the first time about something other than the Northmen invading the monastery. He dreamt he was in a green field, at the very middle as the sun shone on every part of it except one dark corner. Athelstan wasn't afraid, moving to the darkness and almost stepping inside it before he heard Lilith call to him from across the field. He wanted to look into the darkness, to explore it, but then he felt Lilith's hand in his, pulling him away.

"Athelstan!"

His eyes flew open to see the inside of the house around him and Lilith in front of him in her night gown. He realized his heart in his throat before he took a deep breath and reached for her. "Lili. Why are you awake?"

She grasped onto his hand a little tighter. "I am bleeding," she said urgently.

His instinct to protect her overrode his need to wake Bjorn or Gyda, and he stood up with Lilith so they could leave the house.

It was early still as they hurried toward the beach. Athelstan looked in every direction, making sure no one else was around before he took off his sandals and then his robes so he was in the simple shift he'd been wearing to sleep in. While she was still wearing her gown, he walked into the water with her, waiting until she could swim out a little deeper without him.

"Give me your gown," he said softly. "If it's stained, we will need to wash it."

Once she had done that, Athelstan pushed his sleeves up and began looking over the fabric. Thankfully, there was no stain, and he nodded for her to come back.

Slowly, she swam back to him, standing up and reaching for him as she looked behind him.

He did as well, seeing Gyda there alone.

"What's wrong?" she asked them.

Athelstan looked at Lilith as she stood in his arms. "It's all right, Gyda. Just give us a moment."

Undeterred, Gyda stepped closer to them without stepping into the water. "Is she bleeding?"

Finally, he turned around so Lilith was behind him. "How did you know?" he nearly demanded. Then he remembered the morning Lagertha had taken the girls to the springs to bathe, and how the woman had discovered Lilith's marks on her back. He looked at Lilith, seeing that she wasn't scared and sighing heavily. "Lili," he chastised.

"It is all right," Gyda said quickly. "Mother was not angry. If she needs help, I can help. We can go wash before Bjorn wakes up."

Athelstan realized he was standing in the water up to his waist and then Lilith was naked in the water behind him. He quickly turned to her and pulled the gown in his hands over her head even though it was soaked. Slowly, he helped her out of the water so they were standing in front of Gyda.

"I will be back," she said, turning and hurrying to the house.

While she was gone, Athelstan helped Lilith wring the water from her gown, doing the same to his own and picking up his sandals as Gyda came back with a large pouch in her arms. He didn't ask her to explain, taking Lilith's hand and following Gyda away from the beach so they could walk to the springs.

Because he'd been so busy with chores and with Ragnar dragging him to town a few times, Athelstan had only really bathed a few times since arriving here. He'd been wearing his robes the entire time, and no one had seemed to mind. He knew he couldn't wear them for much longer, but what was he to do? He couldn't exactly make his own clothes.

Athelstan heard the water flowing before he saw it, allowing Gyda to pull Lilith ahead of them so they could undress and get in the water. He waited a few minutes before he followed them, sitting down beside the water to remove his shift. Though he was naked like they were, they were far enough away that he could sink into the water before they turned to see him there. He thought he would worry about it, but he wasn't worried at all.

Gyda left the water first, covering herself with a new gown and then opening the pouch to reveal new clothes for Athelstan. Somehow she had managed to fit a pair of boots in there as well, beckoning him toward her as she spoke.

"These are some of Father's old boots," she said as she showed them to him. "As well as a pair of his old pants and a shirt. You can wear these with your cloak when we have to leave the farm. I brought Lili's dress for her as well."

Athelstan took a deep breath, glancing at Lilith and nodding for her to come to him. "I don't know if it would be good for her Lili to wear her dress right now. But she can wear my robes, since you've brought me something else to wear."

Curiously, Gyda sat on the ground beside the water. "Why would it not be good for her to wear her dress?" she asked. "Is it because of her bleeding?"

He nodded. "Yes. When we were in the monastery, I had to keep her covered so the others wouldn't see. I knew they would not understand. They were not as open-minded toward her as they should have been."

"Why would they not understand? Mother said it was a normal thing for a girl to bleed to become a woman. She does not keep it from us when it is her time."

Athelstan sighed, nodding for Lilith to go to Gyda so she could put her gown back on. While Gyda helped her, he climbed out of the water and found the pants that Gyda had brought for him. When they were all dressed again, Athelstan decided they had been gone long enough, gathering up the girls so they could get back.

"Perhaps, Gyda," he said as they walked. "You could help me explain to Lili what this means for her. It never felt right for me to do it, since I am a man. What did your mother tell you about this?"

She was quiet a minute before she began. "For a little while now, since she says it is close to my time as well. As a girl grows older, and her body matures, it becomes suited to have a baby. She says that only a woman's body can do it, and so we must pray to Freya for the strength when the time comes. She hasn't yet told me how a woman comes to be with a baby, but she probably would if I asked, if you wished for me to."

Athelstan opened his mouth to stop her, but Lilith spoke instead.

"So this happened to my mother before she had me?" she asked, more to Gyda than to Athelstan.

"Yes," Gyda said. "But it is a blessing. That's what Mother says. She says it is always a blessing when a woman has a baby. I want to have a baby one day, when I'm old enough. So I can teach her how to be a shield maiden like my mother. What about you, Lili? Would you like to have a baby one day?"

Athelstan blushed unintentionally, looking up and discovering Lilith's curious gaze upon him.

"If I can teach her the way Athelstan has taught me," she said, "then yes. I would like that."

Bjorn was sitting at the fire when they all returned, looking up as they stepped inside the house. He rose to face them, pulling in a deep breath and about to speak when Gyda spoke instead.

"We've already had our bath," she said, taking Lilith's hand. "You should go as well. The Priest has to make breakfast for us."

Though he was older, Bjorn only hesitated a few seconds before he did as she said. He glanced at Athelstan's clothes, glaring and then leaving the house.

As expected, Lilith's bleeding only lasted a week or so, and when she asked Athelstan if she could wear his robes to keep her dress clean, he let her only after deciding to ask Lagertha about an alternative since it was warmer outside. He didn't want Lilith walking around in anything so cumbersome now that she would be in the sun more often.

Bjorn's behavior only improved a little as they all worked on the farm together. The daily work was tiring for them all, and Athelstan often found himself too exhausted to think about what Ragnar and Lagertha or what they were doing. By his counting, it had taken almost a week to make the passage from England to Kattegat. He didn't know who exactly they would encounter or what they would do given the warmer weather and the prospect of more riches awaiting them.

Gyda and Lilith went off by themselves after breakfast almost every morning, and when they came back at noon, they carried flowers and vegetables that apparently grew in a nearby garden. After Lilith's bleeding stopped, she wore her dress more freely, and she always tried to leave the house without her shoes. Athelstan knew it was a lot to ask, but Gyda surprised him when she began wearing her own shoes so their feet wouldn't be dirty when they came back.

Some nights before bed, Lilith wanted Athelstan to tell her stories like he had at the monastery, and even though he had no books to read to her, he tried to remember what he could from those nights previous. Sometimes, Gyda sat with them while he spoke, listening the same way Lilith did and asking questions. Bjorn never did. Athelstan didn't really expect him to, and he was grateful that Bjorn didn't do anything to stop him.

"Once," he began one night after supper, "a very long time ago, when God had determined that mankind had grown corrupt and overrun with sin, he sought to wash away all the sinners and start over. He knew he would need someone to start humanity over again, and he had to choose a very special man for this task. He chose Noah because he was a carpenter like his only son Jesus Christ, and because Noah was a very holy man. He told Noah that there would be a great flood that would cover every inch of this earth, and that in order for life to be preserved, he would have to gather all the innocent animals and insects and plants to regrow them when it was time.

"Noah was an obedient man, and so he did as God asked. He gathered up two of every animal on earth to save them from this flood. God told Noah he would need to build a very special vessel to hold all of these animals, and he told him how to build it. While Noah waited for the great flood, he built this very special vessel. Many who tell the story say it was a like a boat. They called it an Ark. It was a vast structure, large enough to hold all of the animals and Noah's family. When it was time, Noah sealed his family and himself in his vessel, and the great flood came.

"It rained for so long that the world was covered with water. Noah was locked in his vessel for nearly a year, waiting for land to reappear. First, he sent a dove to find land, but when it couldn't, it returned to the Ark. Seven days later, he sent it out again, and when it came back this time, it was carrying an olive branch. Land. God said to Noah, 'Come out of the Ark, you and your wife and your sons and their wives. Bring out every living creature that is with you — the birds, the animals and all the creatures that move along the ground – so they can multiply on the earth and be fruitful and increase in number upon it.' And that is what Noah did."

Lilith clapped lightly, smiling the whole time as she gathered up the blanket covering her and Gyda. "You must tell Gyda about Genesis, Athelstan," she urged. "It's the best one of them all."

Athelstan pushed out a heavy sigh, exhausted from his day enough as it was. "Perhaps another time, Lili," he said. "It is late. You both must sleep."

Lilith sighed too, nodding as she held both his hands in hers.

He leaned up to kiss her forehead and stood up slowly from Ragnar and Lagertha's bed where they had laid to keep from disturbing Bjorn. At first, he hadn't thought it was a good idea, but after he'd started, it didn't seem like a problem.

Before he could move away, Gyda spoke up. "If there was a flood and your God wanted to save all the life in the world, why did he not save all the people? Why only this one family? What was so special about them?"

Athelstan thought for a minute, sitting back down before he said anything. "Well, Noah and his family were chosen. They were — It's just a story, Gyda. And even so, we learn that the Flood is more about baptism than it is about doing away with people who are corrupt."

She scrunched up her nose and her mouth. "What is baptism?" she asked.

Again, he thought for a minute, remembering his own baptism so long ago. "Baptism for Christians is when you welcome the Lord back into your life. It's meant to wash away your sins so that you are born anew."

"Are all Christians baptized?"

Athelstan bowed his head. "Most are, yes. It's very rare to find one that isn't."

She began to ask another question, but he stopped her.

"Gyda, please. There will be more time for questions tomorrow. Now both of you, sleep."

She sighed the same way Lilith had, relenting.

They both turned to the middle of the bed, and Athelstan rose again, moving around the fire to his little alcove where the dog was laying.

He watched the girls sleep, the same way he had inadvertently watched Ragnar and Lagertha, again thinking of them and wondering what they were doing. Nearly three weeks had passed, and there had been no word. Surely, they would be back soon.

Another day passed, and Gyda had even more questions for Athelstan. While Bjorn went fishing, the girls looked after the goats and chickens. Lilith remembered the goats on the island that she had named, and she asked Athelstan if she could name one of the goats on the farm.

"I don't see why not," he replied when she did. "But we should both remember how that went when Brother Cuthren had to slaughter one of them for the winter. Try not to pick one of the males this time."

She thought about what he said and nodded, tossing feed on the ground for the chickens as they clucked around for it.

Gyda watched them, asking a new question when it was quiet. "Do you have any family, Priest? Since Lili's mother is gone."

Athelstan sighed, thinking silently before he spoke. "I had four older brothers and a sister," he said. "They all died of a fever, like my mother and father. I only survived because I was sent to the monastery as a child. They had too many mouths to feed."

"So you are alone as well? Neither you nor Lili has any family left?"

He glanced at Lilith as she stood on the other side of the pen. "Well, no," he said. "God is our Father, and so we are never alone. And he brought Lili to the monastery as a baby for her to be taken care of. I know it was the reason why I was there now. And we have each other. God made sure of that."

"What does your God look like?" Gyda asked, looking at Lilith as well as she now sat between them.

"No one can know what God looks like," Athelstan said sadly. He looked at Lilith, thinking that maybe sometimes she understood too well. "It would be like looking into the sun. It cannot be done. But he did send his only son to live on the earth, and he looked like a man."

"Odin, Thor and Loki look like men," Gyda stated simply. "Only they are gods."

"They aren't gods. They don't exist," Athelstan said, unsure why he would say such a thing.

Gyda's eyebrows knit together as she shook her head, and she was about to speak when the quick footfalls outside the pen caught her attention.

Athelstan turned to see Bjorn there, his glare plain as his lips twisted into what looked like a curse. The young boy didn't say anything, hurrying away before any of them could stop him.

"Bjorn!" Athelstan called after him.

It was quiet another minute before Lilith spoke to break the silence.

"It is almost time for supper," she said. "We should find some vegetables to eat with our bread. Gyda, come."

She only hesitated a little, staring at Athelstan and then looking after her brother. Lilith took her hand and pulled her off a moment later.

Athelstan sat by himself with the goats a few minutes, thinking of what he'd said to Gyda and wondering if she would tell Ragnar and Lagertha. He knew it was wrong to worship false gods, but it wasn't his place to judge those who did. In all his travels, he'd encountered many people who did not worship God, and none of those people were evil. Gyda was as precious as Lilith and worshiping a pagan god didn't change that. Since he'd been little, he'd been taught to look down at those who did not follow Christ. But he could not look down at Gyda or Bjorn, or Ragnar and Lagertha for that matter.

Bjorn was already making the meat when Athelstan came into the house, and he only kept glaring at him, not saying anything. Athelstan moved to help the girls, and they all worked silently before carrying everything to the table to eat. Lilith seemed hungry enough, watching as Bjorn filled her plate and then Gyda's before his own. Athelstan got his food last, as he usually did, and before they could start, Bjorn spoke.

"I want to go to Kattegat," he said, looking at Athelstan as he did. It was hard not to hear the demand in his voice. "I want to see my father return soon. He must return soon."

Athelstan sighed heavily, knowing it was important but also knowing it wasn't possible. "I gave your father my word that I would look after all of you here."

Bjorn scoffed. "You're not looking after us," he argued. "We look after ourselves. And Gyda has helped my new sister better than you have."

"I cannot allow you to go on your own to Kattegat," he countered, glancing at Gyda and Lilith and taking deep breath. "Your father would never tolerate such a thing."

Bjorn pressed further. "Then we should go together," he suggested. "The four of us. I know the way. It would not be difficult."

"And who then would look after the farm?" Athelstan asked, knowing the boy would not have an answer.

He stopped his prodding for a minute, giving Athelstan a chance to look at Lilith so she would do as he did while he blessed their food.

"For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful. Amen."

Once that was done, Athelstan moved to pour their drinks, making sure to give the girls water before he gave a full glass of ale to Bjorn and himself. Gyda spoke up before taking her first bite.

"Can Lili and I have some ale?" she asked, curious.

Athelstan grinned slightly as he glanced at her. "You and Lili are too young to drink ale," he determined, not only because of the fact that it was true, but also because he knew firsthand the effects of drinking far too much in a single night.

Bjorn did not like him saying that, stopping in his eating and taking an extra cup so he could pour some ale into it for Gyda and Lilith. It was with a satisfied glint in his eyes that Bjorn sat back down in front of them, and Athelstan clenched his teeth, doing his best to avoid a direct confrontation. He would have to talk to Lilith later about this, but for now, he did not wish to argue about it anymore.

Both Gyda and Lilith had taken a drink of the ale before Bjorn started again, continuing his defiance.

"I want to make a sacrifice to Thor," he commanded. "For my father's safe return."

Athelstan shook his head, grinning as he replied. "What will you sacrifice?" he inquired, knowing they did not have any animals to spare for such a thing.

Bjorn jumped to his feet, glaring and growling almost the way his father did. "YOU!" he shouted, knocking his own cup off the table and then storming off.

Gyda did not feel like listening to a story that night, and even though Athelstan could see she was upset, he didn't press her to talk to him like she'd been doing. Lilith was upset as well, but not for the same reasons. He knew she'd never heard anyone speak to him like that, and it was obvious she didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't give her much choice, tucking her in silently and bidding her to at least get some rest.

As he had been trying to do since Ragnar and Lagertha left, after the girls were in bed, Athelstan sat in his alcove close to the dogs, leaning over the small candle he'd been given so he could pray. It hadn't been easy the last few weeks, even if he knew all the prayers of the Gospel by heart. He'd been reading them almost his entire life, since he'd been put in the monastery at the age of five.

Athelstan had felt the conflict in him rising the last few weeks, being alone with the children. He had been charged with their safety and well-being, and he knew after taking care of Lilith for twelve years that he was up to the task physically. But his heart was torn. His spirit was not so singular anymore. And he didn't understand why it was so.

"Where are you, Lord?" he whispered so as not to wake anyone else in the house. He stared into the flame, keeping his hands clasped together. "Tell me," he pleaded, "is it your will that Lili and I are here with these Heathens?" He sighed, knowing he would ask Gyda's forgiveness in the morning. "How does it serve you?" he demanded. "I don't understand. I thought I had accepted what happened all those months ago. It was done and could not be undone. But for the first time in my life, I'm angry with you. You allowed a small child to be abused and mutilated, even though you say all children are innocent. You allowed me and my brothers to be captured, to be sold and slaughtered. Is this really your will?" he implored. The silence nudged his frustration further. "For the first time, I feel like an outsider. Lili has already found her new family, but where does that leave me? Where are you, Lord?" he demanded again. "Where are you? And why don't you answer me?"

Even in his deep thought, a soft fluttering broke through Athelstan's prayers, and he left his alcove, thinking it was coming from outside the house. He held his candle high, looking around and then up, spotting a lone owl in the rafters gazing back at him. Athelstan sighed softly, remembering his prayers and wondering if this was just God's way of playing with him. His faith had never been tested before, but now, there was a test around every corner.

But this was just an owl. It had probably come in through the empty space where the smoke stack left the house. It watched him like it knew what he was thinking, but that wasn't possible. Wasn't it?

Athelstan stood still another minute, remembering how Bjorn continued to test him of late as well. It wasn't usually his nature to give in, not since he'd found out about Lilith's marks. But in this case, perhaps it was merciful to both him and Bjorn to leave the small space of the farm. Perhaps this would bridge the gap that kept growing between them.

He turned from the owl then, moving toward the alcove where the children slept and deciding before he reached out to wake Bjorn.

"Bjorn," he whispered, nudging the boy's arm gently. "Bjorn, wake up."

Slowly, he opened his eyes, turning and seeing Athelstan there. In his sleepy mind, Bjorn sighed softly. "What is it?" he muttered.

Athelstan pressed his lips into a line, pushing out a heavy breath. "We'll go to Kattegat," he allowed. "All of us. Tomorrow."

That ended the arguing and prodding.

Athelstan returned to his alcove and pulled his cloak over his shoulders, relaxing for the first time all day. With any luck, he would be able to get a little sleep before their journey. With any hope, this was what they were meant to do now.

* * *

_**I found the story of Noah's ark online, and I can't remember the website where I found it. But it seemed like a good story for Athelstan to tell the girls.**_

_**And the story is about to pick up the pace, so to speak, so there's that to look forward to.**_

_**Thank you so much for reading, and thanks to everyone who followed this and put it in their favorites. If you have any questions, just let me know!**_

_**Until next time!**_


	10. Kattegat

_**Just about didn't get this posted today, but here we are. I hate to call this chapter a filler, but some of those will be necessary, so yeah. I also have a confession to make, because of the nature of this story, some scenes can't be re-written. This chapter is like that. And I'll say that I tried to do it this time, and it didn't work.**_

_**We learn a few things in this chapter, and it looks like Bjorn is warming up to Athelstan, so that's a plus.**_

_**More notes at the bottom!**_

* * *

_**Kattegat**_

The next morning, Bjorn woke before anyone else. When Athelstan woke, the boy had already stamped out the fire in the hearth. His down pallet was already rolled up, and he had set out three more for everyone else to have one of their own. Gyda helped Lilith with hers after they changed into warmer clothes, and Athelstan gathered up his, along with a good portion of food and water for them to use on the journey into town. Neither of the girls looked to be concerned about leaving the farm, and Athelstan wished he could draw strength from them to do the same. But as they left the house and began walking the path away from the farm, he found himself anxious.

The skies were perfectly clear when they left, and that should have made Athelstan feel better about the journey. For most of the morning, he only thought about keeping Lilith and Gyda in his sight so they would not stray from the path as Bjorn led them all along through the trees and across streams of water.

"You should not be so anxious, Priest," Bjorn called to him as they walked. "If anything happens, I will be able to defend us."

Athelstan only smirked in the boy's direction, having to rush to keep up with Lilith as she trotted on after Gyda. "Not so fast, Lili. We've a long way to go still."

She sighed when he grabbed her hand, slowing down and reaching for Gyda so she would do the same thing. Bjorn glanced back at them, huffing and falling into step to keep leading them without being so far ahead. He didn't say anything, only shaking his head.

Athelstan tried to save as much food and water as he could, even with Bjorn demanding something to eat at the noon hour despite only stopping so the girls could relieve themselves. While they waited, Athelstan spoke to Bjorn as nonchalantly as he could.

"Bjorn, how often do you go into town with your father?" he asked.

"I have only been once," the boy revealed. "When I received my arm ring and became a man. Why do you ask me this, Priest?"

Athelstan had to choose this words carefully. "Do you know how they punish people here?" he asked, remembering the sight of his brothers hanging in the square almost two weeks after arriving in Kattegat.

"That depends on the crime. Some people have things thrown at them if they steal. Some people are killed when they killed someone else. Why does it matter? Are you worried you will be punished for taking us from our farm?"

"No," Athelstan said shaking his head. "I do not believe your father would do that, even now. But there were others with me, who came from the monastery. I wonder how they might have been treated once they were . . . sold."

Bjorn thought for a second. "If they did not do as they were told, they would be beaten. If they did not bend to their master's will, they would be put out. If they were not useful at all, they would be shown to other slaves, so they would know what would happen to them if they behaved the same way. Why do you ask me this?" he asked again.

Finally, Athelstan sighed, closing his eyes. "When your father and I went back to town just before he left, I saw them hanging in the square. Would they still be there now, after so many weeks?"

"I do not know," Bjorn shrugged. "Why does it matter?"

A rustling in the bushes alerted them to the girls' return, and Athelstan looked up to see Lilith coming closer with Gyda.

"I do not want Lili to see something like that after everything else she has seen," he admitted.

Whatever Bjorn wanted to say, he did not get to say it, as Gyda and Lilith rejoined them so they could continue on their journey.

Once it began to get dark, Athelstan decided to stop for the night, and for once, Bjorn didn't argue with him. Instead he found sticks and rocks to build a fire while Gyda showed Lilith how to lay out her pallet to sleep on. Athelstan separated half the food he'd brought between the four of them, also separating the water so they would have just enough before it was time to sleep.

"When we arrive in Kattegat tomorrow," he said to them all, "I will need you all to stay with me until we see Ragnar and Lagertha. I know it seems like we're all traveling on a holiday, but Kattegat is a dangerous place. We must all stay together while we are there. Yes? Please."

He thought Bjorn might object to his request, but when he nodded his agreement, Athelstan sighed, relieved. When Gyda also agreed with him, Athelstan looked at Lilith to see a little smile on her face.

"What is it?" he asked.

She stood up and moved to his side, sitting under his cloak with him before she spoke. "We've never been on a holiday before," she said and snuggled up beside him. "And we've never been on an adventure. Now we get to do both."

Athelstan grinned and held her closer. "I always wanted you to see Paris," he whispered softly. "I don't know if that will ever happen now, but whatever we do, we will do it together. Yes?"

She nodded, and he kissed her head gently.

"For now, we should all get some rest," he decided. He looked up at Gyda and Bjorn, nodding for them to lay down. "We all still have a good distance to walk."

Even though Lilith had a place of her own to sleep, when Athelstan moved to lay over his pallet, she went with him, sharing his warmth and falling asleep as quickly as she had been since arriving here. Normally, he would not allow her to do so, especially since when they'd been in the monastery, it would have been punishable for them both. But here, she was free to do as she pleased. And Athelstan found that he could not deny her what she wished.

So while Bjorn and Gyda slept on their own pallets by the fire, Athelstan slept with Lilith in his arms for the first time in her life. He dreamt while he lay there, of a tall, beautiful woman with bright brown eyes and freckles across her cheeks. She wore a long, white gown and intricate braids in her hair, smiling at him as it snowed and beckoning him to her as she waited. He did not know what she waited for, but he went to her all the same.

It wasn't until he woke with her secure in his arms, with the feel of her heart beating in time with his, that Athelstan realized the woman in his dream was Lilith.

Morning was kinder this time, as Athelstan put the fire out and helped Lilith and Gyda roll up their pallets. Bjorn was ready to get moving before they were, almost annoyed at having to wait but staying quiet all the same until they again began walking along the path. He led the way, walking quickly but not so fast that they couldn't keep up with him.

Athelstan remained silent as they walked, staying close to Lilith and Gyda, and trying desperately to understand what he'd dreamed. He'd never had a dream like it before, and it frightened him a little. He cared for Lilith with so much of his heart, and he wanted her to be happy here. She finally had a family who would care for her the way she deserved, and he was more glad of that than anything else. But she was a little girl. Why would he dream of her as a woman?

He remembered the dreams Lilith had told him she'd had at the monastery, about Brother Cenwar and about the wave that had flooded the entire island, killing everyone but the two of them. Was that what it meant? Maybe he would see her grow into that woman, and nothing more? Athelstan wanted to see her grow up, and maybe now he knew she would. Maybe that would be enough.

They all shared the rest of the food and water as they walked, arriving at the edge of Kattegat as the last bit of water disappeared into Bjorn's mouth. Still, he led them all through town to the center square. Athelstan prepared himself to explain to Lilith about the other monks who had been hanging there before, but as they passed through, he discovered them all gone. He had never been more relieved.

Commotion outside the Great Hall drew them all inside, and Bjorn pushed his way to the front. They found Lagertha there, along with most of the others who had been with Ragnar when he raided the monastery. Lagertha glanced at Athelstan and then at her children, barely acknowledging him as she faced forward again.

At the front of the hall sat Earl Haraldson and his wife, Siggy, who had both overseen the first hoard Ragnar had brought back, and before Athelstan knew what was going on, the man beside the Earl called to everyone attention.

"Bring in the prisoner!"

From the back of the Hall, several of the Earl's men brought a man forward. Athelstan was stunned to see that it was Ragnar, and Bjorn glanced at his mother.

"Look at him!" Bjorn exclaimed. "He's in chains."

Ragnar turned to him, looking at them all with a slight smirk. "It's all right, boy," he assured him.

Earl Haraldson sat up in his chair then, drawing everyone's attention to him. His eyes fell on Bjorn and then Lilith as he looked around. Athelstan wrapped his arm around Lilith protectively, glancing at Bjorn as he looked up at him.

"We are all aware of our sacred duty here," Haraldson began and looked at everyone else. He looked at Ragnar. "You stand accused of the willful murder of Knut, my brother. Knut, as some of you may know, was the bastard of my father, but I loved him like a brother. I asked Knut to go with Ragnar to England, where they raided a town and brought back many spoils. While they were raiding this town, Ragnar Lothbrok took it upon himself to cold-bloodedly kill my brother.

"It's easy to imagine why a man like this would do such a thing," Haraldson posed. He pointed to Ragnar, singling him out. "This is an ambitious man. He doesn't care to share his spoils, and he resents the fact that he owes me loyalty and obedience as his chieftain. This is man who does not believe in our traditions!" he accused. "This is a man who does not believe in our laws!" he leveled, and many of the people around them agreed.

The man beside Haraldson, who must have been like an advisor, called above the people who had begun to shout. "Silence!" he shouted.

The yelling died down, and Haraldson addressed Ragnar again.

"What do you have to say," he asked Ragnar, "when you stay before us and know that you must speak the truth?"

Ragnar waited only a second, calm and confident as he spoke. "It is true," he said, "that I killed Knut, sadly, your brother. But I killed him when I found him trying to rape my wife."

The crowd gasped collectively. Athelstan held Lilith closer as he looked at Lagertha, horrified at the thought of anyone trying to hurt her. Her eyes never left Ragnar, not even when he turned to the crowd to address them.

"I ask all of you free men, what would have you done if you were in my place? Would have you just stood back? Encouraged the culprit?" he demanded, meeting all their eyes. "I don't think you would."

He turned back to face the Earl. "And even if I had have known at the time he was your brother, I would have carried out the same sentence."

Haraldson's advisor, Athelstan did not yet know his name, looked at Ragnar with nothing but contempt. "Do you seriously ask us to believe your story?"

Without waiting for Ragnar's response, Lagertha stepped forward. "I can confirm the story," she declared.

Haraldson turned to her, his eyes fixed on her even as his brows furrowed. "You are the wife of Ragnar Lothbrok?" he inquired.

Lagertha bowed her head. "I am, Lord."

The Earl scoffed. "How extraordinary that you happened to be there at the same time," he marveled, to which many people in the crowd laughed. Then his face turned hard as he sneered at her. "Your husband is lying! And you are so under his thumb, that he has persuaded you to lie for him!"

Lagertha clenched her teeth, and then her fists at her sides. "May Thor strike you dead," she cursed.

Haraldson sneered at her again. "What did you say?" he demanded.

"My husband did not kill Knut Thordorth!" she yelled.

"Then who did?" the advisor questioned.

"I did!" she exclaimed. "I killed him! I stabbed in the heart when he tried his best to rape me!"

A smirk spread across the advisor's face as he addressed the crowd gathered. "A murder is committed, and the only witnesses are a husband and his wife," he proclaimed even as he chuckled.

Haraldson shrugged. "Unfortunately, we can't tell who did it because they both claim credit for it," he dismissed. He kept his contempt eyes on Lagertha. "You didn't kill my brother. Look at you. How could you?" Then he pointed at Ragnar, singling him out once again. "He killed my brother!" he growled. "Ragnar Lothbrok killed my brother!"

The advisor spoke up then. "We have proof," he announced. "A witness to the killing."

Athelstan watched all the color drain from Lagertha's face, and she glanced back at him and her children before she looked at Ragnar. He was already searching the crowd from whoever this was that seen what happened. Athelstan remembered the man called Knut from his first day in Kattegat. Surely, if Lagertha said she stabbed him in the heart, he was not the witness they spoke of.

Then slowly, Ragnar's brother, Rollo, stepped forward. The crowd obviously knew this man, quieting quickly to hear what he had to say.

"You say you are a witness to the death of Knut Thordorth," the advisor prompted.

"Yes," Rollo said simply.

"You swear this upon your arm ring?"

Rollo sighed. "Yes. I was there. I saw everything."

The Earl sat back, nodding for Rollo to speak. "So who killed my brother?" he bellowed.

With just a look in his brother's direction, Rollo spoke plainly. "Ragnar Lothbrok killed him."

"In cold blood?" Haraldson specified.

Without looking away from Ragnar, Rollo said, "No, Lord. For a good reason." He turned to the crowd and raised his voice. "What Ragnar Lothbrok has sworn is true." Then he faced the Earl. "Your half-brother was caught raping a Saxon woman, and then he attempted to rape Ragnar's lawful wife, Lagertha, the shieldmaiden. So unfortunately, you cannot punish him."

The disappointed look on the Earl's face was so obvious. Even Lilith saw it, lifting her hands to Athelstan's arm as he held her against him. He glanced at her, relieved, before he looked up and saw more than just disappointment on the Earl's face. For a second, he almost looked betrayed.

Ragnar did not hesitate at all, glancing at his wife and children and grinning before he looked back at Haraldson and lifted his arms expectantly. "Who has the keys?" he requested, and it was clear he hadn't meant to be in chains for long.

The same two men who had brought Ragnar into the Hall both looked at Haraldson, waiting. He didn't say anything, nodding without looking at anyone. The men moved to Ragnar's side, removing the chains and allowing him to leave.

Ragnar said nothing to them, absently rubbing his wrists as he glanced at his brother and then turned to face Lagertha and the children. He ruffled Bjorn's hair, cupping the back of his neck and pulling him into his arm. With his other arm, he embraced Gyda and kissed her head. Finally, he faced Athelstan and Lilith, clapping his hand on Athelstan's shoulder and leaning over to look Lilith in the eyes.

"You weren't worried, were you, Little One?" he teased.

Quickly, she shook her head and moved forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He held her against him as well, standing as he called back to the men with him. "Now it's time to celebrate," he proclaimed.

With that, he led them all out of the Great Hall.

* * *

_**I also have to confess about the name of Knut, that I could not figure out another way to spell it.**_

_**I'll try to post the next chapter a little sooner, but it depends on how my week goes. I'm still working on the last few chapters for this story, and it's coming along nicely. Right now, the story is going well, but the changes are on their way.**_

_**Thanks to everyone following this and putting it in their favorites, and thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed this.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	11. Reunion

_**Happy Sunday everybody! I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to Autumn. Hopefully, you're all enjoying it too.**_

_**This new chapter follows immediately after the previous one, and again, anything from the show doesn't belong to me. Also, this chapter is split between Lilith and Athelstan. It was better to do it this way than to have two very short chapters, and I kind of liked doing this way. Many chapters after this one will have this same format.**_

_**A few new things happen in this chapter, so I hope you like what I added.**_

_**More notes at the bottom!**_

* * *

_**Reunion**_

Lagertha kept the children and Athelstan with her while Ragnar and the men with him claimed the half of the hoard that Haraldson was obligated to give to him after he was acquitted. Lilith had only ever seen so much gold one other time in her life, and that had been when Ragnar had taken her and Athelstan from the monastery a month or so earlier. She had never been allowed to look at the gold and treasures in the altar room, even when she had been there with the other monks. It was an impressive sight to say the least. Ragnar was especially protective of a wooden case with gold trim, having Leif carry it out of the Great Hall with him as they moved through the passages to a new dwelling that was like Ragnar and Lagertha's home but a little bigger.

Once inside, they settled in and began to celebrate. Lilith had never been around so many happy people in her life. Leif and Ragnar brought her around to a few of the other men with them, especially the tall spindly one who always wore black paint around his eyes.

"So this is your new daughter, Ragnar Lothbrok," he said as he gazed into Lilith's eyes with his.

Ragnar smiled as he kept her in his arms, holding her securely as the man eased closer. "Yes, this is Lilith," he answered, stroking her cheek gently. Then he leaned down, so he and this man were level-eyed. "Lilith, my daughter, this is Floki. He is a boatbuilder, among other things. He built the boat that carried you and the Priest here, and with any luck, he will build us new boats to go west again after this."

Floki touched her forehead, almost looking inside her, and Lilith was afraid for a second. Then he smiled and almost giggled. "She is a good one, Ragnar," he said. "She has the touch of the gods."

Ragnar laughed just once, and Lilith looked at him. He kissed her cheek and nudged her toward Lagertha who was already lavishing affection on Gyda and Bjorn. "Go on and sit with your mother. She will have something for you to eat."

She went without saying anything, glancing to where Athelstan had taken a seat away from everyone else. He smiled when she looked at him, and he nodded for her to go before she turned to sit with Lagertha.

"There you are, my daughter," she greeted happily. "Come sit with me. We are celebrating, and my children will all celebrate with us. I have missed all of you. Did you miss me?"

Lilith nodded, and Lagertha leaned up to kiss her other cheek.

"Here," she said and handed Lilith her cup. "Drink! It is a special occasion." She leaned in closer and lowered her voice. "And besides, you are a woman like me. You should have some ale every now and then."

Graciously, Lilith took the cup, sipping a little and tasting the bitterness but not having the heart to tell Lagertha she didn't really like the taste.

The men all drank deep into their cups, becoming rowdier and happier. The golden hoard was laid out on the tables so they could all see what had been brought back. Lilith saw all the crosses and offering plates that looked like supper plates. Gold coins were mixed in with all of it, as were necklaces and rings that were brighter and heavier than anything Lilith had ever seen. It made her think of the amber necklace she still wore that Athelstan had given her, and she couldn't imagine wearing anything else.

Leif and another man who he called Arne both tried to give her golden trinkets, drunkenly gulping down their own cups and laughing uproariously when they found more jewels and more ornate decorations. Ragnar watched from the other side of the fire, as Athelstan did, but neither of them looked worried. More drinks were passed around, and she sat back down with Lagertha and Gyda as Bjorn gave in to the ale he'd already drunk.

Lagertha embraced Lilith and Gyda happily as she drank her own cup, squeezing them in her arms. Lilith had never been held so much in her life, not even by Athelstan. He'd given her as much of his attention as he could under the circumstances, and she knew it wasn't his fault. Now he could be as attentive with her as he needed to be, and along with him, Lagertha and Ragnar seemed like they would do the same thing. For the first time in her life, Lilith felt so fully loved.

When Lagertha rose to get another drink, Lilith moved away from Gyda and Leif's mother Elisef, sitting next to Athelstan as he still sat by himself. Almost as soon as she was beside him, he took her under his arm, kissing her temple and squeezing her against him.

"You certainly look happy," he commented. "You're not tired, are you?"

Lilith shook her head. "No, I'm not tired. And I am happy. Aren't you happy?" she asked him, taking his hand in both of hers.

He lay his other hand over hers, kissing her forehead. "I am happy that you are happy. And I am happy that you are safe. I'll be happier when we go back to the farm."

She sighed softly, scooting a little closer to him and accepting what he said.

Leif stood up then, a jug of ale in one hand and an empty mug in the other. "Let's drink a toast," he called over the lot of them. "To Ragnar. To his future and to his freedom."

Ragnar smiled but nudged Leif. "No, to friends," he said, looking toward Lilith and Athelstan before he went on, "and to freedom."

Everyone raised their cups, and more ale was poured as Ragnar nodded to Leif and then wove through the small group to sit with the two newest members of his family. He sat as close to Lilith as he could, handing a horn to Athelstan.

"Will you drink with me?" he questioned as he raised the jug to pour more ale.

Athelstan smiled at Lilith and took the horn. "Of course," he agreed.

They shared a quiet moment, and Ragnar nodded to Athelstan. "Thank you for taking care of my children." He lowered his gaze to Lilith as she sat between them. "All of my children."

Athelstan nodded with him. "Of course," he said, also looking at Lilith and holding her closer. "It was no trouble at all."

Ragnar nudged his arm. "You're a good Christian," he teased.

Athelstan managed a soft laug, drinking from his horn as Leif brought the wooden case with gold trim on it to where they were sitting. Ragnar passed the jug and his horn back to Leif, opening the case and revealing something Lilith never thought she would see again.

"I have something for you both," he said, gesturing to the case as it held fresh parchment, brushes, ink and paints. "These are gifts that I would like you to use in the teaching of my children. I want you, Athelstan, to teach my son Bjorn and my daughter Gyda to read and write the way you did for Lilith. If it is agreeable, of course."

Lilith reached for the parchment, feeling the smoothness of the paper and glancing back at Athelstan as he watched her. He smiled, looking at Ragnar.

"I would be honored," he agreed.

Ragnar nodded only once, taking his horn and lifting it so Athelstan could do the same. "Perhaps you can even teach me more than what you already have," he suggested, to which Athelstan laughed again.

Floki stood up suddenly, his cup and another jug in both his hands, talking over everyone else. "Ragnar! Did you see Haraldson's face when he had to acquit you and give you half his hoard?" he joked, laughing even as he scrunched up his face like he was trying not to defecate. Everyone laughed, and Floki kept laughing as well.

* * *

Lagertha left Bjorn and Gyda with Leif's mother, moving to where Lilith was still sitting with Athelstan and Ragnar. They all switched places so Athelstan and Lilith were between them, and she lifted her horn to meet Athelstan's.

"I also wish to thank you, Priest," she gushed, taking another sip of her ale. "My children are happy and safe and in one piece. I admit that while I did not have any doubts, I was concerned that you would be overwhelmed. Handling three children is much different than just one, is it not?"

Athelstan laughed softly. "Oh, it is, I agree. But Lilith is a handful all by herself," he teased, smiling at her before he kissed her brow. "Bjorn has that in common with her, but we managed. And Gyda was no trouble at all. It was my pleasure to look after them for you."

Lagertha nodded. "Good. Your words are kind, and I would like to reward you." She lifted her horn again, and he met her halfway, hoping that was all she meant. "From now on, you will eat with us and have a bed of your own. And while you are at the farm, you will not be regarded as a slave. You will still have chores like the children, but we will protect you as though you are ours. Is that agreeable?"

He couldn't speak for almost a whole minute, blinking several times before he realized she was serious. "Yes," he said quickly. "Yes, I would like that. Very much."

She touched his shoulder gently, smiling as she leaned down and kissed Lilith's head the way he had.

Slowly, the celebration wound down. Leif's father left to go outside, and they began separating the hoard, since everyone was supposed to get an equal share. Ragnar made sure to put the wooden case with the parchment and paints in the corner with his and Lagertha's belongings from the boat. Lagertha and Elisef both had to help Bjorn to his feet, and Athelstan gathered up Lilith and Gyda. While they were waiting, Leif brought over a silver bracelet, speaking quite formerly.

"May I give this to Lilith?" he asked, speaking to Athelstan without saying his name.

Athelstan looked at Lilith as she looked up at him. "I don't see why not," he agreed.

Leif knelt in front of Lilith, presenting her with the bracelet as it had the embellishment of a butterfly over the top. "Consider this a token of my friendship, Lilith," he pledged. "Every free woman should have something to show they are free. And I know you are only a girl now, but one day, you will be a woman. I hope you find a good man who will give you many sons and daughters."

Lilith laughed just once, taking the bracelet and then moving forward to embrace her friend. He returned her gesture, holding her tightly before he released her and rose to face Athelstan.

"I am glad you are both here," he nodded. "I sense this will be a good place for you, that it will bring you friendship and prosperity. And I say this even knowing how you both arrived. The gods work in ways we cannot fully know in the beginning. I hope with time that you might consider me a friend as well, Priest."

He held out his hand to Athelstan, waiting for reciprocation before he nodded a second time. He almost let go when Athelstan spoke purposefully.

"My name is Athelstan," he said, watching Leif's eyebrow quirk up. "If we're going to be friends, then we should be able to speak each other's names. Shouldn't we, Leif?"

He grinned, still holding Athelstan's hand and then clapping his hand over his back. "We should," he agreed.

Gently, he nudged Athelstan toward the back where Lagertha was waiting with Bjorn.

Before he could go very far, the doors to the dwelling burst open, disrupting the celebration and alerting everyone of men brandishing axes and swords. Ragnar stood up to be between these men and everyone else since he was closest to them. The one in front appeared to like this most of all.

"Ragnar Lothbrok!" he shouted.

Ragnar glanced around before he held out his hands to show them empty. "I am unarmed," he assured them. Then Ragnar looked at Lagertha, noting the distance between her and their children. He looked at Athelstan, speaking urgently to Lagertha. "Get the children. And the Priest."

Before she could move, the men attacked them all. Lagertha fought to get to where Athelstan and Elisef were keeping the children, and in the ensuing fight, they all shuffled Lilith, Gyda and Bjorn out of the front room of the house. In the chaos, the wooden case was forgotten, and the shouts of men fighting and dying followed them until they were safely closed inside the wash room with the bolt on the door.

Though every man who attacked them was killed and disposed of before they were allowed to come out of the room, in the confusion, they discovered Leif's father Erik had been killed outside the dwelling. Athelstan stood beside Lagertha as they watched Leif and Elisef come to grips with the loss, but when he looked at Ragnar, Athelstan saw the man angrier than he ever had.

It was never said who had done this, but everyone knew. Athelstan knew, even if it sickened and worried him. If Haraldson was capable of this, how easy would it be for him to revoke everything he'd ever given to Ragnar, including Lilith and Athelstan himself? How long would it be before he attacked Ragnar head on, and would they escape the crossfire then as well? Was this man really so paranoid and insecure that he would endanger children and innocent people over an insignificant dispute with a man who had challenged him in public?

The answer to the last question was obviously yes. And that frightened Athelstan more than anything.

The walk home wasn't easy, even after Ragnar insisted on bringing the case with him when they left Leif's home. He said nothing to Athelstan, nodding for him to help him with the case so they could follow Lagertha as she kept the children with her. In the soft light of dawn, the world tried to play tricks on Athelstan's mind as he kept his eyes on everything around him. They only stopped once for Lagertha and the girls to relieve themselves, and then they kept on so they could be as far from town as they could before they stopped that night.

Ragnar still refused to speak, even as he put two rabbits on the fire they made. He stalked off after that, leaving Athelstan to tend the food while Lagertha helped the children to spread out their pallets. Once that was done, and the food was ready, they each got a share, leaving some for Ragnar, and Lilith spoke over her food.

"Is Leif's father in Heaven now?" she asked.

She looked at Athelstan over the rabbits' meat, and he glanced at her before looking at Lagertha.

The woman's solemn face lifted only a little. "No, my child. If he died a good death, Erik would be in Valhalla now. It is where we all go when we die a good death. But Erik was killed in a dishonorable way. The Æsir may choose to welcome him into the Great Hall. A man like Erik does not deserve an eternity in Hel."

That was all she said, dropping the subject, and Athelstan decided it was all right to mention the parchment and paints.

"When we arrive at the farm," he began, "do you and Ragnar want to set aside the mornings or the evenings for me to show Bjorn and Gyda to read and to write. I can show them Lili's journal so they can see how it is done, if it's all right with you."

Lagertha sighed over her own food, glancing around them and then at her own children. "I will speak with Ragnar," she assented. "The evenings would be better, but we will see. Hmm?"

Athelstan nodded, accepting her answer even as he heard her hesitation. He looked at Lilith then, reaching for her to take her under his arm and his cloak, and he squeezed her gently. "You would like that, wouldn't you? Having Gyda and Bjorn to learn with?"

She nodded, and he kissed her head before going back to his food.

Ragnar returned after another half hour, still quiet and still fuming, and he gave none of them a chance to say anything, taking his pallet and dragging it away. He was almost completely in the dark before Lagertha got up and followed him.

Athelstan watched as they whispered to each other urgently, almost arguing before Ragnar simply sat down on his pallet and then laid down so his back was to her. Lagertha huffed, leaving him alone and returning to the fire where they all watched quietly. She pulled in a cleansing breath, beckoning Gyda to her.

"We should all get some sleep," she said. "Whatever we need to do tomorrow will wait."

Gyda lay with her mother without hesitating, and Bjorn took his pallet as well, glancing back at his father before he laid down to sleep. Athelstan gathered Lilith into his arms, staring off into the distance where Ragnar lay alone and wondering what he was thinking of doing. No one else in Athelstan's life had ever behaved this way, so he had no way of anticipating what he would do next.

"Athelstan," Lilith whispered so softly that he barely heard her.

He lowered his eyes to hers. "Yes, Lili?"

"Do you think it would be all right for me to pray for Leif's father?" she asked.

He looked across the fire at Lagertha as she lay with her eyes closed, and then he looked to where Ragnar was laying. Though he wasn't worried they would do anything to her if they found out, Athelstan was learning more about this new world and the people in it. If the people on the farm were any indication, being different in their eyes wasn't any safer here than it was in the monastery. But Athelstan looked at Lilith as she still watched him, and he couldn't tell her no.

"Of course it's all right," he nodded. "But quietly. We don't want to wake anyone else. Hmm?"

She nodded with him, smiling when he brought his hands together and covering them with hers before he began softly in Latin.

* * *

_**So far, so good, right? And the thing Floki says in the beginning is a clue.**_

_**I'm trying to be subtle. Is it working?**_

_**The next chapter should be up in a week. Thank you to everyone following this and putting it in their favorites. And thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	12. Attack

_**Good evening everybody! I almost didn't get this edited on time, but here we are. I hope we've all enjoyed this weekend. It's never long enough.**_

_**Again, this follows up from the previous chapter, but we're also filling in some gaps from what I felt needed to be explained a little. I also wanted to have Lilith and Ragnar to have a little scene of their own, so I hope you like it. This chapter is in Lilith's perspective, so I tried to show how she noticed what was happening around her.**_

_**This is also a longer chapter, and there are longer chapters on their way.**_

_**More at the bottom. Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Attack**_

The farm looked a hundred times more inviting than it had the first time Lilith had seen it when they all returned after only being in Kattegat a few days. Ragnar had not spoken at all, even as he and Athelstan carried the wooden case all the way to the long house and deposited it by the fire. He stormed out after that, and though she had never seen anyone behave this way, it was obvious he was upset. Well, he was much more than upset, but she had no other words for how he was acting.

"Do not worry, my child," Lagertha said as she shared a pouch of cured meat between her and Gyda and Bjorn. "Sometimes, Ragnar is like a bear. He is angry and nothing can stop him from being so. It is only for us to be here for him when he comes out of his anger. You have nothing to fear."

Lilith only glanced at Gyda and Bjorn, seeing they were accustomed to it and accepting what Lagertha said since she had no reason to believe otherwise.

"Now," Lagertha said. "We have something more important to discuss than my dear husband's mood. We must set aside time for you and Athelstan to show Gyda and Bjorn your materials we have brought from England. Would you like that?"

For the first time since the night before, Lilith smiled and nodded.

Lagertha reached out and caressed her cheek, looking toward the door and revealing that Athelstan had been standing there the whole time. She nodded for him to come closer, and he sat next to Lilith and Gyda with a smile to them both. Bjorn was the only one who remained silent, but at least he didn't object.

"For now," Lagertha decided, "I think some time in the evenings just before supper will be sufficient enough, and then later on, if you wish to do more, we can have time in the mornings after breakfast. We still have our chores, and we need to focus on those as well. Hmm?"

Lilith nodded, and Lagertha laughed softly, reaching for her hands and squeezing them gently.

"Finish eating, and then you and Gyda can go outside to feed the animals. I must speak with Athelstan and Bjorn before we all get too busy."

She looked at Athelstan curiously, but she didn't argue, settling in beside Gyda to finish her own food. There wasn't much, but once it was gone, Gyda led the way outside so they could do as they had been bid. It was still warm outside, but Lilith enjoyed it even if she knew it was mostly to keep her busy so she wouldn't worry about what was happening with Ragnar.

"Father doesn't do this often," Gyda said as they walked to the barn. "He's usually very calm, at least with me he is. And he will be with you as well. It is usually only with Bjorn that he gets irritated. Now that you and Athelstan are here, I am sure he will be patient with you both. We only have to give him time."

Lilith accepted this the same way she had accepted Athelstan's reaction to finding her marks, when he had all but cursed Father Cuthbert for having done it at all. She still remembered how angry he'd been, and she realized that Ragnar was acting the same way. Not because it had happened, but because he had not been able to stop it. Maybe Ragnar was more like Athelstan than she had believed in the beginning.

She and Gyda worked in the barn until it was time to eat again at noon, and they made their way back to the long house.

"Gyda," she said as they walked close together, "how long has Ragnar been fighting?"

Gyda's brow furrowed. "Fighting?" she asked.

Lilith tried to reword her question. "Exploring?" she asked. "What he was doing when he came to the monastery."

"You mean raiding?"

"Is that what it's called?" Lilith asked, and Gyda nodded.

"He's been doing it for as long as I can remember," Gyda explained. "Mother as well."

"Why do they do it?"

Gyda sighed softly. "It is simply the way it is here," she said. "All the men must provide for the rest of us, and sometimes, it is only by going to other places that they are able to do that. It isn't always safe, but we live however we can."

"Do you and Bjorn want to do it as well?" Lilith asked.

"Bjorn does," Gyda answered immediately. "He has been learning to fight from Father, and he has already received his arm ring that makes him a man."

That made Lilith pause a little, thinking of how Lagertha had called her a woman because of her bleeding. Athelstan still called her a little girl, which was fine with her, but it was curious how different things were here. Because he had chosen it, Bjorn was a man. But because of something Lilith had no control over, she was a woman. Could she not choose like Bjorn had?

"Do you want to raid as well, Gyda?" Lilith asked pointedly.

For half a minute, Gyda didn't answer her. Then she spoke softly. "Mother wants me to," she admitted. "And she has already begun to show me how to use a shield. But it will be many years before I will be as good as she is. And she says I can choose to be whatever I wish to be. What about you? Has Athelstan begun showing you to fight?"

"No," Lilith answered immediately. "Why would he? There was no need for him to. He has taught me to survive, but I had no need to fight before. Should I have learned by now?"

"Not necessarily," Gyda assured her. "And you can always learn. Mother will not mind teaching you. She will teach you to fight, and Athelstan will teach me and Bjorn to read and write like you do."

Lilith looked at Gyda, seeing her smile, and when she offered her hand, Lilith took it instantly, walking into the house together.

That night, before supper, Athelstan sat with Lilith, Gyda and Bjorn to show them everything that had been in the wooden case Ragnar had brought them. Lilith helped with the quills and brushes, and she showed Gyda the inks and paints. Bjorn didn't say much during this first lesson, especially since there wasn't much to do without getting into the words and images needed to teach anything. Gyda especially loved the paints and brushes, and she immediately wanted to know what they were used for. Athelstan showed her how colorful the paints were, and he drew her a goat from the barn so she could see what it looked like.

Ragnar didn't say anything the entire time they sat at the table looking through the materials he'd brought them. He barely ate anything, and when he finished, he left the house again to go outside. Lilith saw how angry he still was, but she didn't understand why he would not talk about it. She remembered when Athelstan had been angry at Father Cuthbert or Brother Cenwulf, but he had at least talked to her about it. And soon, his anger had abated. Ragnar just got angrier as the hours passed, and it looked like that was how he wanted it.

Lagertha didn't try to explain his behavior again, waiting until after supper to leave the house and follow her husband to wherever he had gone. When she came back, she announced it was time for bed.

"Is Father going to sleep outside?" Gyda asked as she and Lilith got ready for bed.

"Of course not, Gyda," Lagertha said and sighed. She helped Lilith with the strings of her dress, lifting it over her head and handing her a gown to sleep in before she helped Gyda. "But until his anger subsides, we must simply carry on as we normally would. Everything will be back to normal soon enough. Now, I want the two of you to get in bed and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I can already see that."

Bjorn was already in the little alcove asleep when Lilith and Gyda climbed into their alcove. Lagertha waited until they were settled in to go get ready for bed herself. Lilith waited until Lagertha was gone to speak softly.

"Gyda, how often does Ragnar go raiding?" she asked.

After a minute, Gyda whispered back. "Only in the Spring and Summer. That is the only time when it's safe to cross the sea. Since he has already gone twice this summer already, I doubt if he will go out again. He probably will not. Are you worried about that?"

"He is so angry," Lilith said. "I have never seen anyone so angry."

Gently, Gyda took Lilith's hand in hers, comforting her easily. "Don't worry, Sister," she said and smiled. "Mother and I will protect you. Bjorn will protect you. And I'm sure Athelstan will protect you as well, as he surely always has."

"Both of you be quiet and go to sleep," Bjorn groaned.

Lilith couldn't keep from laughing, and Gyda laughed as well before they settled in. She relaxed easily, closing her eyes so she could get some sleep.

It was almost dawn when she woke up and needed to use the latrine, and she climbed over Gyda and Bjorn so she could hurry outside. It was a little colder outside than it had been the day before, and when she was coming back from the trees, she saw little flurries floating through the air. It was the first time in her life she had seen snow so early in the year, but winter was months away. Was this normal for this place?

When she stepped back into the house, she discovered Ragnar sitting by the hearth with a cup of ale, and when he saw her, she noticed his expression was much calmer than it had been. He reached for her, and she went to him without hesitating, smiling when he folded his arms around her and enveloped her in his warmth.

"You're awake early," he said softly.

"I had to go make water," she explained.

Ragnar grinned even as he furrowed his brow. "Is that what you call it in England?" he inquired.

Lilith shrugged. "I don't know. That's just always what Athelstan called it. I never did it where the other monks did it anyway. Athelstan was always careful to make sure none of them bothered me or really knew when I did it. They weren't very considerate about things like that."

He held her closer to him, kissing her head gently. "He's taken very good care of you," he said of Athelstan. He paused for a minute before continuing. "I am sorry I haven't been a good father to you since you arrived. That wasn't my intention. Forgive me."

Lilith sighed as she watched him drink more of his ale. "It's all right," she assured him. "I understand."

Ragnar laughed just once, squeezing her again. "And I'm sorry I've been so angry. It is not your fault. I will never be angry that you are here. Hmm?"

She nodded, and he kissed her head again before becoming quiet.

Several minutes passed as they sat there, and even though no one else was awake, Lilith felt the need to ask her next question as quietly as she could. "Ragnar?"

"Yes, my child?"

"How long does Athelstan have to remain a slave?" she asked, pleading.

He was quiet for a minute, probably, and Lilith thought he might not answer her. "That depends on him," he said after another minute.

Lilith thought on that for just a bit longer, responding quietly. "So he has to want to not be a slave?" she asked.

"In so many words," he concurred. "But it's also not up to me, dear one."

"Who decides who will not be a slave?" she pressed.

Ragnar stayed quiet still, and Lilith felt him take in a cleansing breath even when he pushed out an angry huff. "Earl Haraldson," he answered simply.

And just like that, his anger returned. Lilith could see it in his eyes, and when he clenched his jaw, she knew whatever calm had overcome him had passed. His hold on her tightened only a little before he nudged her away from him. Just as he did, Athelstan appeared at the front door, having also left and returned without either of them noticing. His hair was wet, and his tunic was wet in his hand, revealing his bare chest.

"Come and take her," Ragnar commanded in a low growl.

Athelstan didn't hesitate, hurrying forward and beckoning Lilith into his arms. She went without waiting, climbing onto the bench and allowing Athelstan to lift her up so her legs were wrapped around him. He did not struggle to hold her or even stumble once she was in place, holding her more securely than he ever had and cradling her head as Ragnar side-stepped them to leave.

"Where are you going?" Athelstan almost pleaded.

Ragnar did not answer him, storming out much like he had the day before. Lilith watched as she clung to Athelstan with both her arms.

"It's my fault," she confessed.

"No," Athelstan said and held her closer. "He's been angry since we left Kattegat. That's not your fault. Why would you say that?"

"Because of what I said," she explained. "Because I asked about you."

He furrowed his brow. "What about me?"

"I asked him how much longer you would have to be a slave," she revealed. "And when he told me, he said Earl Haraldson would have to decide that. And he was angry."

Athelstan sighed softly, rubbing her back absently. He moved away from the hearth toward the back of the house where Lagertha was still sleeping. "I'm grateful for your concern, Lili," he assured her. "But you shouldn't be worried about me. I know when we first arrived that I was frightened for you, but I'm not so much anymore. Lagertha and Ragnar have kept us safe, and whatever other people see me as, what matters is that we're together."

He held her closer, arriving at the bed where its occupant currently laid to one side. "And we are together, Lili. We're safe. So don't worry over me, please. Let me worry over you. All right?"

With her arms around his shoulders, Lilith held him tighter, only reluctantly letting go as he lowered her to the bed. The movement woke Lagertha easily, and she looked up to see them there.

"What is it?" she asked quietly.

"She needs to sleep a little longer, but I don't want her to wake Bjorn and Gyda."

Nothing else needed to be said as Lagertha pulled the furs back so Lilith would be able to lay with her. "Come, Lilith. And you, Athelstan," she ordered gently. "We all need our rest."

He hesitated, and it was clear he was thinking back to something she did not know about, and even if it looked innocent enough, Lilith knew there was a reason had not shared a bed all these years, even when she had been a baby.

Then Lagertha looked up at him and nodded pointedly for him to do as she said, and Lilith knew it wasn't a request. So for the first time in almost thirteen years, Athelstan climbed into the large bed with Lilith between him and Lagertha. Under the furs, it was warmer than it had been outside, and when Lilith snuggled up next to Athelstan, it got even warmer. Slowly, they both relaxed, forgetting why they'd never done this before now. Lilith lifted her hand to Athelstan's face just before he went to sleep, remembering her talk with Ragnar and hoping it became possible one day.

For over a week, nearly two, Ragnar fumed. Lilith watched as he barely ate or slept, and even if Lagertha was certain it would end soon, she did not modify any of their chores or meals. And she allowed Athelstan and Lilith to sit down with Gyda and Bjorn to teach them to read and write. They sat down before supper, and for an hour, they all learned to read the runes and carvings of the North.

Since Lilith had only just begun learning this language, she learned as well, helping Gyda with the letters and showing her how Athelstan had translated the shapes into letters. Gyda learned quicker than Bjorn did, but that was probably because he didn't think he had to learn as much since he was older. And whenever Ragnar appeared and disappeared, Bjorn followed him even if he was only outside doing menial things like chopping more wood for the fire.

Lilith saw this only because in addition to their lessons with Athelstan, they also had chores to do every day. She saw Bjorn watching Ragnar like he was waiting for something big to happen, and even if Athelstan was always close to make sure she and Gyda were safe, it was obvious he was worried as well. He always tried to look like everything was all right, but when Ragnar left the farm with his pallet and didn't come back for supper or breakfast the next morning, it seemed Athelstan couldn't keep from needing to know what was happening.

"What is Ragnar doing sitting on the hillside?" Athelstan asked as they sat eating supper on the second night Ragnar was gone from the house.

Lagertha looked up from her food, holding his gaze for probably half a minute before she looked at Lilith and then Gyda and Bjorn. Lilith could see she had gone through this before, but when Lagertha didn't have an answer, she went back to her food without a word. Lilith looked at Athelstan, but he didn't look satisfied with the answer he'd been given. He tried to smile at her, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, confirming her fear that it was worse than Lagertha had originally stated.

This went on for a couple of days, and Ragnar did not return. Lagertha changed chores for Lilith and Gyda, having them change out the hay for the horses and walk to the garden patch for vegetables. Lilith didn't mind the work. She was used to it after being on the island, but as every hour passed, she worried more about Ragnar. And slowly, she began to worry over Athelstan. It became obvious to Lilith that he was watching Ragnar and his worry over the man continued to grow as well.

"Come inside, daughters," Lagertha told them when they had enough bounty for their meal that night. "We must prepare supper. In case your father returns tonight."

Lilith sighed as she watched Athelstan, and when he glanced back at her with a small smile, she did as she was asked, following Gyda into the house so they could cut up the vegetables they'd picked.

They were just finishing when Athelstan came inside by himself, drawing all their attention and looking at Lagertha as she looked up at him.

"I know what he's doing," Athelstan announced. "He's preparing himself."

Just like before, she had no answer for him, even to disagree. When before she had remained quiet, this time, she glanced at Lilith and Gyda before turning back to him. "We need wood for the fire. Go and get some," she ordered with finality.

Athelstan glanced at Lilith, huffing but now knowing what he'd said had been confirmed. He didn't say anything else, turning and leaving to do as he'd been told.

Ragnar didn't return for supper that night, much to Lagertha's irritation, and she sent Lilith, Gyda and Bjorn to bed right after they finished eating. She left the house afterward, staying outside for so long that it seemed like she had gone to find Ragnar. For another night, Lilith found that she couldn't sleep, and she climbed out of the bed with Gyda and Bjorn, finding Athelstan as he slept by the fire.

She didn't realize that he wasn't sleeping either until she noticed his eyes barely closed. Normally, she would sit on him to wake him, like when he had been teaching her to swim at the monastery. But she could already see how worried he was, and she didn't want to make it worse, sitting in front of him and touching his face so he would look at her.

"You should be sleeping, Lili," he chastised. "It's too late for you to be up right now."

"I can't sleep," she informed him. "Sit up. It's cold."

Reluctantly, he followed her command, reaching for her and allowing her to sit inside his arms so the fire would warm them both. He rubbed her arms like he always did, pressing his cheek to hers even if half his face was as cold as it was outside.

"Athelstan, I'm worried," she said after a minute.

He sighed as he squeezed her against him, kissing the side of her head. "I know you are. I'm worried as well. I don't know what's about to happen, and that scares me. For you. And for Gyda and Bjorn. But no matter what happens, Lagertha and I will keep you safe. I swear."

It was quiet for another minute, and just when he was about to get up and put her back to bed, Lagertha returned, discovering them there and sighing heavily as she disrobed to her night gown. She didn't order him to send Lilith to bed or even to go to bed himself. She simply reached for Lilith's hand to pull her from the fire.

"Come on, both of you. You will both be useless tomorrow if neither of you get any sleep."

When before he had hesitated, there was none of that as Athelstan stood up with Lilith and followed Lagertha back to the bed she shared with Ragnar. Lilith lay between them, facing Athelstan so she could watch him.

"Ragnar will come back tomorrow," Lagertha told them both. "I believe the bear in him has calmed enough for him to rejoin the world. And we will have much to do, as winter will be soon, and we must prepare. So both of you sleep."

Lilith relaxed slowly, in Lagertha's arms as she held her securely. Slowly, her eyes began to droop, and she felt Athelstan's hand on her cheek before she fell asleep.

Just as Lagertha said, Ragnar returned the next morning, and while he wasn't in a much better mood, he still sat with them to eat breakfast and smiled at Lilith and Gyda so they would know it was all right. Lagertha looked pleased enough, and when breakfast was finished, she showed Lilith and Gyda where the loom stood with a half-woven piece of fabric.

"This," Lagertha gestured to the loom, "is how we make most of our clothes. We keep all the fabric here, and we can trade for more when a special piece of clothing is needed. Like armor for the men and wedding dresses for the women. And this," she said, reaching behind the loom and revealing a simple green dress, "is for you."

Lilith reached for the dress with a smile on her face, the same way she had when Athelstan had given her the blue dress she still wore. It was only the second time anyone had given her anything that was hers alone, and she looked up at Lagertha, seeing the woman smiling as well.

"Do you like it?" she asked even though it was obvious she knew the answer.

"It's beautiful," Lilith gushed.

"Here," Lagertha said and handed her the dress. "You will have two dresses. Just like Gyda. Now," she said, "both of you change out of your sleeping gowns and go check on the chickens. Maybe we will have a special supper tonight now that Ragnar has returned."

They all moved to leave the loom when Ragnar came in through the side door alone. He looked at each of them before he spoke.

"The Priest and I are going fishing," he announced and left.

Lagertha sighed without saying anything, pressing her lips together and looking at Gyda and then Lilith. "Go on," she urged. "Lots of work to do today."

She left them to that, disappearing toward the front of the house where it was clear she was trying to follow Ragnar.

Gyda helped Lilith with her new dress, and they put away their gowns before leaving the house to check on the animals. They fed the goats and the pigs before Gyda decided they could walk up to the garden to pick more carrots and onions for supper that night. Lilith's new dress was heavier and warmer than her blue dress had been, and her shoes matched the stitching on the dress. As she worked, she wondered how long it would be before she could have a new one like when she had at the monastery.

"Gyda," she said as they picked vegetables. "How do you tell what month it is?"

Gyda was quiet for a minute before she spoke. "Mostly by the moon. I know some women call their monthly bleeding Moon Blood. Why? Is it nearly time for yours again?"

"No," Lilith said quickly. "I do not think that will be for another week or two. But I wondered what month it was. It has been a few months since we came here, hasn't it?"

"It has," Gyda agreed. "Why?"

Lilith hesitated a little, thinking of the time that had gone by and how busy they had all been. Gyda looked back at her, still questioning. Lilith sighed. "It's because of my birthday," she said.

Slowly, Gyda moved to be in front of her. "When were you born?" she asked.

"Athelstan says it was at the beginning of Autumn. So that's always when we celebrated it. We have been so busy. I did not think of it until today when Lagertha gave me my dress. Do you think Athelstan told her?"

"It's possible," Gyda shrugged. "Father said you were twelve when you arrived. So this means you are thirteen now?"

"I suppose it does," Lilith agreed.

It was quiet for a minute, and then Gyda smiled. "Well, I always wanted an older sister," she revealed. "So now I have one."

That made Lilith smile as well, and Gyda moved forward to take the basket of vegetables from her.

"Come, Big Sister. We should get these back to Mother so she can start cooking for supper."

That was the last thing that was said before they walked back to the house.

When they made it back, Lilith noticed that the boat was back on the beach and the fishing cages were empty, but when she stepped inside with Gyda, she saw only Lagertha and Athelstan inside getting everything ready to cook.

"Where is Father?" Gyda asked.

"He's gone hunting," Lagertha informed her. "For a buck, possibly. If he has a good hunt, we will have a great deal of meat for the winter. Come. We will cut up these vegetables, and then Gyda, you will show Lilith how to spool the fabric and threads for a new dress."

Neither of them complained, moving around to do what she asked.

"Athelstan," Lilith said after giving the vegetables to Lagertha, "did you see my new dress?"

He smiled as she did a twirl for him. "It's beautiful, Lili," he chuckled.

She sat down next to him as he sat across from Lagertha. "It's warmer than my blue dress as well."

"That's good," he nodded. "It's getting colder out, and so you need a warmer dress."

She thought about mentioning her birthday to him, but she decided it wasn't important now that Ragnar had rejoined them. There would always be more birthdays.

It turned out that spooling was the easiest thing to do on the farm, even though Gyda made sure Lilith knew how important it was for the fabric and threads to all match since they had to do specific things in any of the clothes made with them. And they had a special place in the house where it all stayed so it wouldn't get dirty. Of everything she had learned to do since she learned to read at four years old, spooling was strangely the most fun thing she'd done. And when she laughed about this, Gyda did as well.

The house was quiet outside everyone working on their individual tasks, and Bjorn left to replace the fishing traps in the boats outside while Lagertha and Athelstan began putting food into the pot for their supper. Lilith wondered when Ragnar would return, but she knew he would be back to eat, so she didn't worry.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until they all heard screaming outside the house. And then there was shouting, and Lagertha hurried to the side door to see what the commotion was about.

"We're under attack," she exclaimed. "Bjorn!"

She realized he wasn't in the house and turned to Athelstan. "Get Bjorn," she ordered.

He glanced at Lilith and nodded for her to stay, turning and leaving the house quickly.

"Girls," Lagertha said, beckoning them to her. She passed the knife in her hand to Gyda. "Take this. Stay together."

She grabbed a sword and then a shield, turning to the door as Athelstan and Bjorn came back. "Bjorn, your sword. Give Athelstan your father's ax over there."

He didn't hesitate, doing as she asked and standing behind her so they all faced the door. "What should we do?" he pleaded. "Should we run?"

"No," she huffed. "We fight. We must stay strong, and when your father comes back, he will know what to do."

Bjorn didn't argue, glancing at Athelstan and then Gyda and Lilith.

The screams and shouts outside the house got louder and closer, until they were right outside the door. Lilith couldn't help but remember the day Ragnar had come to the monastery, and all the other monks who had been killed inside the walls of the monastery. She remembered the blood and bodies, and she was squeezing Gyda's hand before she realized it.

Ragnar burst through the door less than half a minute later, wounded and bleeding like all those monks and barely able to stand up.

Lagertha rushed to him, throwing her sword and shield away before she reached his side, holding him up. "You're hurt! What is happening?"

"We must get to the boat," he croaked out, groaning as he held his side with his bloody hand and nudging her toward the back of the house.

"Go," Ragnar shouted. "I'll be right behind you."

In the shuffle of trying to get out of the house through a crawlspace along the back wall, Athelstan disappeared and reappeared with Lilith's cloak and her journal, helping her and Gyda into the crawlspace behind Lagertha as Bjorn waited. Lilith followed Gyda and Lagertha all the way to the opening of the crawlspace before she looked back to see Athelstan and Bjorn behind her, but not Ragnar.

"Where's Ragnar?" she whispered.

Athelstan pressed his finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet, and they waited there until Lagertha said it was safe to go.

Together, they left their hiding spot and hurried across the grass, between men slaughtering the people in the farm and other men burning everything they could reach with torches. They reached the boat as it set tied up on an unnoticeable stretch of sand, and Lagertha helped Gyda and Lilith into the boat before climbing in herself.

"Get down, girls," she said, sitting in the bottom of the boat as Bjorn and Athelstan climbed in after shoving away from the beach. "Athelstan, hold onto my son."

Once they were all in the bottom of the boat, they drifted over the water. Lilith held Gyda's hand still, keeping her eyes shut and trying to forget the memories of the dead monks that she would probably always remember. Lagertha held them both, not speaking or moving for several minutes until they smelled the smoke. Athelstan sat up first, and then Lagertha did. When Lilith looked, she saw the house burning.

She looked down and saw that she was wearing the green dress that Lagertha had given her just that morning, and she realized that her blue dress was still inside the house as it burned. She looked at Athelstan, and then he looked at her, seeing the same thing before he pulled her into his arms to hold her.

"Where is Father?" Gyda asked.

They all looked around then, drifting passed the burning house and the rest of the farm before they were surrounded by high cliff faces. Lilith looked all along the tops of the edges, not seeing anything and worried they may be drifting the wrong direction.

"There he is!" Lagertha cried.

They looked in the same direction she was, and there, atop of the nearest cliff, Ragnar stood on the very edge. It looked like he was covered in more blood, if that was possible, and just before Lagertha could say anything else, Ragnar tipped over the edge of the cliff and fell into the water.

Bjorn scrambled to the edge of the boat. "Where is he? Do you see him?"

Lilith looked with Gyda, holding the oars of the boat as Lagertha peered over the bow into the water.

Before she could do anything, Athelstan nudged her out of the way and dove into the water. Lilith hurried to where he'd been, only stopped by Lagertha as she watched the water.

"It's all right, Lilith," she assured her.

Seconds passed as Athelstan remained in the water before he broke the surface with Ragnar in his arm.

"Father!" Gyda exclaimed.

The instant that Athelstan was within arm's reach, Lagertha reached over the boat and helped hoist Ragnar into the hull. He flopped on the hull like a dead fish, oozing blood from his shoulder and his leg, and Lagertha sprung forward.

She ripped the hem of her dress and nodded for Gyda and Lilith to help her. "We must put pressure on these," she instructed. "Come. It is all right."

"Where should we go?" Athelstan asked as he knelt at Ragnar's feet.

Lagertha looked at him and then Bjorn, nodding to her son.

"Floki's," Bjorn announced. "Grab that oar, Priest. It's not far."

Together, they sat over the middle seat, each taking an oar and turning the boat around to go south instead of north. It took them a few rows to be in sync, but once they were, the boat quickly moved in the direction they wanted.

Lilith watched them for just a few seconds before she turned to help Lagertha with Ragnar's wounds. Wherever they were going, she hoped it was safe for her and Athelstan. She hoped it was safe for Ragnar with him being hurt so badly.

She prayed silently for Ragnar to be healed.

She had just started getting to know him. She wasn't ready to lose him.

* * *

_**I'm just finishing up a big chapter toward the end of the story here, and I've started expanding the world around our characters to see much I can add to it for a more well-rounded story.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who's reading. I hope you're enjoying it. Thank you to everyone following this and putting it in their favorites, and especially to everyone who has left a review.**_

_***I'm gonna have to set a timer for next week so I won't post the next chapter so late.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	13. Floki

_**Good Afternoon! Here we are with a new chapter, and I hope it finds everyone well.**_

_**We're moving right along here with the story, and I made a few changes to the interaction of the characters. I hope it all makes sense.**_

_**It's a shorter chapter, but the next one will be long. We're back in Athelstan's perspective as well.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Floki**_

When the trees around them became less and less familiar, Bjorn nodded for Athelstan to turn right to leave the river, and it was a good thing. They had rowed for longer than Athelstan had in his life, and his arms ached as they reached the last part of their journey. The sun made it impossible to hide, so now they needed shade. The rocky banks changed to a sandy beach that ran up to a small dock, and Bjorn nodded to it so they could row up along side it.

In the hull of the boat, Lagertha desperately pressed what she could to Ragnar's wounds, pointing out where Gyda and Lilith were to do the same as well. She only glanced at Athelstan and Bjorn once, not speaking or even nodding. That was how Athelstan knew it was bad. He'd never seen anyone sustain such injuries and live, and in his heart, he knew the possibility of living was diminishing very quickly for the man who had essentially saved him from a terrible fate.

When he'd jumped into the water after Ragnar, Athelstan had not been thinking of himself. He hadn't even been thinking of Lagertha, of saving her husband. He had been thinking of Bjorn, listening to the boy who always pretended to be so strong and so wise cry out for his father. He had been thinking of Gyda and the frightened look in her golden eyes that he never wanted to see again. And he'd been thinking of Lilith, whom he loved so dearly and could not forsake her this family she had found and loved as much as they had come to love her.

Athelstan knew Lilith had seen her fair share of blood just in the last several months of her young life, but this blood was different. This blood was precious.

Once the boat touched the rocks and sand of the beach, Athelstan jumped out and pulled it further out of the water, reaching for Bjorn's hand and helping him out before he hurried to help Lagertha.

"Help the girls first," she ordered as she pressed her hands to the wound on Ragnar's leg.

He hesitated only a little, reaching for Gyda first and lifting her out of the boat before he turned and helped Lilith. "Go up there and wait for Bjorn," he told them, pointing up the embankment and waiting until they went to turn back to help Lagertha.

"We cannot lift him by ourselves," she huffed even as she sat her husband up so Athelstan could put the man's arm over his shoulders.

"Should we wait for Bjorn?" he asked.

She looked up then, sighing softly, relieved as a new presence came to their aid.

Athelstan glanced back and saw Floki, the boat builder, hurrying toward them with Bjorn on his heels.

"What happened?" Floki demanded.

"It was Earl Haraldson," Lagertha said, and that was all she needed to say.

With just one movement, Floki grabbed Ragnar's leg and his arm from Athelstan, then instructing him to take Ragnar's other limbs. "Come, Priest. We must hurry."

The inclination presented the biggest problem, but thanks to the last few months of working on the farm, Athelstan made the trip with only a small ache in his back. Lagertha hurried ahead of them, finding a nearby hut that extended from a hillside and pulling the door open as they arrived so they could go inside. Athelstan glanced behind him to make sure Bjorn followed with Gyda and Lilith, sighing when he saw them all there.

"Helga!" Floki yelled into the hut.

Athelstan looked up to see a petite, blond woman coming toward them, and when she saw them, the smile on her face fell instantly.

"Get the bark of the ash!" Floki commanded. "And the garlic. And sage. Get the sage. We will make a paste."

Floki guided Athelstan to the fire that burned at the center of the hut, and together, they lay Ragnar on the ground next to it. Lagertha nudged Athelstan to the side, nodding back to where Gyda and Lilith waited as she took his place next to Ragnar.

"First, we must cleanse the wounds," Floki muttered. "The only way to make them clean is with fire. Bjorn, bring more wood. Helga, I need a knife."

Athelstan watched from where he stood with Lilith and Gyda, keeping them close even though he wanted to help as much as he could.

"Is Ragnar going to be all right?" Lilith asked from his side.

He glanced at her, holding her closer and then holding Gyda close as well. "I'm not sure. But it looks like Floki knows what he's doing. We must trust him and pray that Ragnar can recover from this."

Lilith lifted her hand to his that was on her shoulder, and somehow their fingers managed to be linked together. Athelstan squeezed her gently, trying to see around Lagertha and Floki as the petite woman, Helga stood by grounding herbs in a bowl. It looked like they had done something like this before, and even though Athelstan was no stranger to being tended to, he'd never seen people move so quickly to help someone hurt so badly. Even in the monastery, his brothers were never this fast to heal anyone needing care.

As the herbs were ground and ready to be applied to Ragnar's wounds, Helga moved around to Floki's other side, helping him to mix them together for the bloody punctures and gashes covering his leg and his back. Athelstan had no knowledge of how any of the herbs worked together, but he wanted to learn. If something like this happened again, he would need to know. Lagertha kept her hands over the wounds, applying as much pressure as she could and glancing back at Athelstan and her girls without saying anything. She didn't have to.

Helga stood up with her bowl, seeing Athelstan for the first time and then seeing Gyda and Lilith. "You are Ragnar's slave," she stated simply.

Athelstan almost corrected her, only to be stopped by Lagertha.

"He is not a slave," she said definitively. "Not to us. So we will not treat him like one."

Helga bowed her head, taking a step closer to Athelstan and the girls. "You are all safe here," she declared. "I swear it."

She nodded just once, and Athelstan did as well before she moved away to ground more herbs.

As they waited, Lagertha turned her head to look back at Athelstan and Lilith and Gyda. "Come closer for a moment," she requested.

He didn't hesitate, holding Gyda and Lilith tighter as he crossed the distance slowly. Once he was close enough, Lagertha reached for both her girls with one arm.

"I do not want either of you to be afraid," she commanded gently. "I know it will not be easy, but as long as we believe in Floki, he will be able heal Ragnar. Say you believe Ragnar will be healed, and it will be done."

Gyda looked at Lilith, and together, they looked at Lagertha and nodded together. "I believe it," Gyda said.

"I believe it," Lilith echoed.

Lagertha smiled just a little, lifting her eyes to Athelstan's and cupping his cheek as completely as she could. "Until this is finished, you will be responsible for my children. That means you will need to make sure they are cared for and fed and clean. I trust only you with this task. Do you understand?"

Athelstan nodded without hesitating, knowing how important it was to her but also understanding for the first time in three months how important it was to him. "I understand."

She kissed his cheek without pausing or missing a beat, turning back to Ragnar and signaling that she was finished. Athelstan took Gyda's hand and then Lilith's, pulling them up from the floor of the hut and backing up to where they had been standing. His cheek burned from where she had touched him, and he felt faint for a minute before he was able to lean against the post behind him. He held Gyda and Lilith's hands a little tighter, grounding himself so they wouldn't see him fall over. After a minute, Lilith wrapped her other arm around him, and he bent down to kiss her head.

"It's all right, Lili," he whispered. He held Gyda closer. "It's all going to be all right. I promise."

It was quiet for only a minute before Helga stepped closer to him and spoke to him gently. "If you wish for something to do, you may help me with the herbs. I can show you which ones are best."

Athelstan looked at Lilith and Gyda, holding them closer before he looked at Helga and nodded. She smiled and gestured for him to follow her to where she had set her bowl for more herbs.

Another hour passed quietly as Floki and Lagertha worked over Ragnar's wounds, managing to stop the bleeding and wrapping them in linens to keep them from becoming infected. Athelstan helped Helga ground herbs, and she also gave Lilith and Gyda vegetables to cut up for everyone else so they could eat. When it was all said and done, Floki had Athelstan help him lift Ragnar to a small bed by the fire, and Lagertha sat next to him while still covered in his blood. She glanced at Athelstan as he sat with Lilith and Gyda, staring for a few seconds before she nodded for him to come to her.

He didn't hesitate, rising from where he sat and hurrying to her. "Are you all right?" he asked immediately.

"I must wash my face and my hands," she said blankly. "As should you and Bjorn. Helga and Floki can watch my daughters while we go clean up. Bjorn, come."

Her son glanced at his father just once before he left the man's side, following his mother and Athelstan out of the hut as it rained outside.

Lagertha led them down to the water, pointing down the embankment as she arrived. "Bjorn, take Athelstan down to that alcove and help him wash his face. Come back here when you finish and wait for me."

She gave them no time to argue, walking off in the opposite direction and leaving them to find the alcove on their own. Bjorn nodded for Athelstan to follow him, and silently, he did. The rain persisted as they walked, and the cool air soothed Athelstan's face after being by the fire in Floki's hut so long. He remained quiet as they walked, keeping his head down and praying still for Ragnar to recover from this as quickly as possible.

"Come, Priest," Bjorn said. "We should not keep my mother waiting."

They made it to the alcove a minute later, and Bjorn showed Athelstan where they could wash their hands and faces. He leaned over the water after Bjorn, seeing his face for the first time in three months and discovering how different he looked from the last time. He only barely saw the blood smeared across his cheek.

"What is wrong?" Bjorn asked.

Athelstan lifted his head, looking in Bjorn's direction before he spoke. "Nothing," he said as convincingly as he could. "I didn't realize I had blood on my face."

Bjorn just shook his head, rinsing his hands, and after another minute, Athelstan followed his lead, washing the blood from his hands in the cool water.

After he washed his hands and then his face, Bjorn stood up and faced him, looking over his face and then nodding before he led them both back to the embankment. Lagertha sat on the sand in front of the water, staring at nothing as she sat alone, and Athelstan glanced at Bjorn, nodding for him to go on before he went down to sit with her.

She huffed as soon as he sat down, clenching her jaw even as tears slipped down her cheeks. He didn't have to say anything. She just started talking.

"I always knew something like this would happen," she said. "But I never believed it would happen in my home by one of my own people. And I never believed Ragnar would ever almost lose his life because of it." She paused, but still, he did not speak, knowing she wasn't finished. "I do not want to prepare my children for the possibility of losing their father," she wept. "And I do not want to prepare myself for the possibility of losing my husband. Despite our quarrels, he is my partner, and I cannot do this without him."

Athelstan reached out as gently as he could, wrapping his arm around her and comforting her as best as he could. He had only ever comforted Lilith when she'd been scared or when she had woken from bad dreams. He had never had to say anything because it was always just known how he felt and what he would say. But no one else had ever needed him to comfort them before now. And now, he felt like he needed to say something. "You would not be made to carry these burdens if you could not bear them," he said softly. "And you are the strongest person I know. I know this because you have helped me to be strong as well, and I could not do half the things I do were it not for you."

Lagertha scoffed, but not in a skeptical tone or even because she didn't believe what he said. "Is that what your God has taught you?" she asked, her voice still thick with tears.

Athelstan sighed. "No, it is what I have seen. It is what Lili has shown me, and it is what the world has taught me. You are strong, Lagertha. Ragnar is strong. And you will both get through this. I know it."

She didn't say anything else, laying her head over his shoulder and leaning into him as she cried again.

He couldn't remember ever seeing her so vulnerable, but he knew it meant that she trusted him. He knew it meant that she cared about him and probably believed he could help her. So he sat with her until she was ready to get up and go back to the hut. She didn't say anything else to him, but watching her made Athelstan realize something he had never expected.

Even after Lilith had come to the monastery, Athelstan hadn't felt like he had a family or a home. He had cared for Lilith and loved her and protected her, but he'd been a child himself, without any discernible father or mother figure to replace the ones he'd lost. He had done what he could to make sure Lilith never felt unloved, but he admitted to himself that Father Cuthbert had been a terrible role model for him, especially when he considered how the man regarded discipline.

Somehow, in just a few months, Athelstan had become a part of this world he'd been brought to without even meaning to, and more than that, after being with Ragnar and his family, Athelstan had become a part of their lives without even trying to be. It was more than adjusting or adapting. It was more than survival or even acceptance. Because Lilith had accepted them as her family, Athelstan had as well.

He realized that in just a few months, he had begun to care for these people and their well-being, and he hadn't expected that at all. It was easy to understand that where Gyda was concerned. She was such a gentle person. It was easy to care for her and love her. Bjorn was even coming around without too much trouble. Lagertha wasn't exactly welcoming, but she was protective in her own way, and Athelstan was learning how to read her the way he had always been able to do. Ragnar was another issue all by himself.

Athelstan never knew when Ragnar was in a joking mood or when he was being serious, and it was worse than trying to navigate through a den of sleeping wolves. One wrong move, and Athelstan still felt like he would suffer some imagined consequence even if the possibility wasn't very high. Their conversation before this happened was a perfect example, and it was difficult to find common ground when Ragnar constantly challenged his beliefs or even just his knowledge of the world around him. Athelstan had never felt more ignorant in his life, and he didn't like it. Even still, it was impossible to imagine this world without Ragnar in it.

"Athelstan!"

Lilith's voice startled him, and he looked around to discover himself alone on the path that led to Floki's hut. He lifted his head to see her coming toward him, and he hurried to her.

"Did something happen?" he asked frantically.

"No, but you didn't come back with Lagertha, and I was worried about you. Are you all right?"

Athelstan pushed out a heavy breath, relieved as he reached for her hand so they could go back. "I'm all right," he said, squeezing her hand gently. "I'm worried about Ragnar, obviously, but I'm also worried about Lagertha. She will need us all until he is better. And I hope I can count on you and Gyda to do that."

She lifted her other hand to hold onto his arm as they walked. "Of course we will help," she promised. "I love Ragnar as much as Gyda does. Don't you?"

He blushed without meaning to, unable to agree but smiling even as he spoke. "Well, I care for him a great deal, and I am grateful to him caring for you and making you happy. We'll probably have to work on love, if it ever happens."

Lilith laughed softly, stepping ahead of him and pulling him closer to Floki's hut.

Helga was standing at the door when they made it back, watching them with curious eyes and a little smile on her face. "We are nearly ready to cook the food," she said, and it looked like she wanted to say more. "If you still wish to help."

Athelstan nodded. "Of course."

Helga gestured for them to go inside, and she followed them, closing the door to keep out the rain. As soon as they were inside, she spoke. "You are very affectionate with Lilith," she said. "Like she is your family."

He smiled and squeezed Lilith's hand again. "That is because I helped raise her," he explained, adding, "well, we truly raised each other since I was only a child when she came to the monastery we lived in."

"So she is not your family," Helga concluded.

Athelstan shrugged. "Not technically, I suppose. But I have cared for her since she was a baby. If that doesn't make us family, then I don't know what would. If that makes sense."

She nodded, accepting what he said and smiling a little wider as she watched the two of them together.

* * *

_**Probably in the next chapter and obviously many after this, there will be more noticeable changes. I kind of wanted to lay the groundwork here so the beginning of the story was still the same.**_

_**It should suffice to say that as I make more changes, the outcome of certain characters will change. We shall see.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who's following this and putting this in their favorites. And a special thanks to everyone who's reviewed.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	14. Ragnar

_**Happy Sunday everybody! I've been battling with one gnarly cold this past week, but thankfully, I'm doing better now. So here we are with a new chapter.**_

_**This one covers a little bit of time, and I had to do a lot of reading and research for this one, at least to find some new stories for Floki to tell.**_

_**We're back in Lilith's perspective, and it's a bit of a longer chapter. From here on in, the chapters will be longer.**_

_**So read on!**_

* * *

_**Ragnar**_

When the sun rose on the sixth or seventh day of Ragnar's sleep, Lilith had cut every vegetable that had been placed before her for them all to eat. She had watched Helga season the food and listened as the petite woman instructed her how to do it just so. Lilith had never cooked before, but it was an intriguing exercise that not even Athelstan had thought of teaching her. He cut vegetables as well, but he also chopped wood and tended the fire. He and Bjorn collected food to be cut, and they slaughtered the animals when they needed to. For six or seven days they had waited, staying inside close to Ragnar and keeping an eye on him if he woke.

At night, they lay around the hearth, and Lilith told Gyda the stories she could remember that Athelstan had told her. They ate together and slept together, and Lagertha had them wash the bandages in the springs nearby. Floki showed them how to hang the bandages so they could dry, and he made them extra food when it looked like they were hungry.

Lilith liked Floki. He reminded her of Brother Cuthren when the older man would let her have as many eggs in the mornings as she wanted. And Floki always asked her about her God, nearly as much as he asked Athelstan. She couldn't tell if he was truly intrigued, but she told him all the same.

Then on the seventh day, Ragnar woke up.

Bjorn was sitting next to him, watching him as he tended to do after supper. "Mother!" he yelled. "He's awake!"

Lagertha left the table where they were cutting up vegetables for the next day, taking Bjorn's place in front of Ragnar and whispering to him. Lilith looked up at Athelstan, seeing the obvious smile on his face, and then he looked at her, laughing softly as he wrapped his arm around her. He squeezed her gently and kissed her head, and it was clear that he was relieved.

"Girls," Lagertha called. "Come."

Lilith looked at Gyda before she glanced at Athelstan and then reached for her sister's hand so they could follow Lagertha's request. When Lilith saw Ragnar, she smiled and looked at Gyda again. They laughed together as Lagertha stood up for them to take her spot in front of him.

"My daughters," he said so softly they barely heard him. He reached for their hands, waiting until he had them in his to speak again. "I am sure that your mother will tell you this many times over the next several days, as she more than likely already has, but I will say it all the same. You both must be strong now, for your mother and me and yourselves. And Lilith, my love, you must be strong for Athelstan. I know this is still a strange place to you both, and I know it will be an uncertain time. But we are in a safe place. I swear that to you."

Gyda looked at Lilith, still holding her hand and nodding before she looked at her father. "We will all be strong for you, Father," she promised. "No matter what."

He smiled weakly, huffing loudly. "Good. Now let me speak to Athelstan."

Gyda stood up, and then Lilith did, looking behind her to see Athelstan already there. He sighed and then smiled, cupping her shoulder and then sitting down in front of Ragnar.

"So you're still here?" the older man teased even in his weakened state.

Athelstan laughed softly. "Of course I'm still here. I told you I wasn't going anywhere without Lili," he reminded Ragnar, glancing at Lilith as she watched him, "and she seems to have gotten attached to you and your family. Unexpectedly, I suppose."

The smile on Ragnar's face widened just a little as he looked up at Lilith, and he reached for Athelstan's hand the same way he had Gyda and Lilith's. Once he had Athelstan's hand in his, he squeezed it tightly.

"My wife says you saved my life," he exhaled. "So I owe you a debt, my friend. You did not have to risk your life to save me, but I am grateful all the same. Now I will have to think of a way to repay you."

Athelstan laughed again, looking up at Lilith and reaching for her as Lagertha came back to where they were.

"Right now, you need to rest," she commanded. "Athelstan is not going anywhere. None of us are."

Athelstan stood up with Lilith, guiding her back to where Gyda was standing next to Helga with the food.

Immediately, Lilith thought back to the conversation she'd had with Ragnar so many days ago. Maybe he would find a way to make Athelstan free the way she was.

Another week passed, and even though Ragnar couldn't move very much, he still began to eat a little every day. Lilith and Gyda took turns helping him eat, and Lagertha began to gently clean his wounds that needed tending. Athelstan helped Helga with the food, and Bjorn tried to take over the hunting responsibilities from his father so they would have enough to eat. It wasn't easy, since Bjorn could not go far, but he still tried.

Floki did most of the cooking, providing for his guests, and he harvested the vegetables they would cut up for food and for Ragnar's wounds. Lilith wanted to learn how to do that, and though Lagertha was reluctant to allow either of her daughters outside for very long, she agreed when Helga went with them. Lilith had gotten so used to the farm that being around Floki's hut was a new place for her to learn about, and Athelstan always said he wanted her to learn as much as she could. So that's what she did.

"Every plant we grow has a purpose, Little One," Floki said as he pointed out the different herbs in his garden. "Many of them can be used for cooking, but thanks to the gods, they can also be used to heal wounds and relieve pain."

"Like with Ragnar?" she clarified.

He nodded. "That's right. You and Gyda must learn these plants and know when to use them and what to use them for. And always remember that the wrong plant can be fatal."

The next day, while Helga was showing them the different herbs she was mixing for Ragnar's wounds, they got an unexpected visitor in the form of Torstein. Lilith remembered him from when they had all celebrated after Ragnar had almost been imprisoned. She hadn't seen him since, and after he told them what had been happening in town with Earl Haraldson, and after they all sat down with their food, he pointed her and Athelstan out of everyone.

"I remember you from Leif's house," he said to Athelstan, also nodding at Lilith. "I remember you both. You are from England, yes?"

Athelstan glanced at Lilith, smiling and nodding. "We are," he confirmed.

"Athelstan saved my life, Torstein," Ragnar told his friend. "No matter what else you hear about him, always remember that."

Torstein nodded then and clapped his hand over Athelstan's shoulder, smiling at him and then Lilith. "Normally, I would say the gods have blessed you both to be here, but knowing this, perhaps we are all the ones the gods have blessed with your presence. When all of this is over, we should celebrate and rejoice together."

Lilith laughed just once, looking up at Athelstan and seeing him blushing. She scooted closer to him, and he held her closer, clearly happy about this turn of events as much as he had been when Ragnar had awoken.

That night after everyone finished eating, Lagertha bid them all to lay around the hearth as they had been doing for the last two weeks. Bjorn stayed close to his father despite Lagertha's best efforts, and Gyda lay next to her brother to keep an eye on Ragnar well. And though she was worried as much as they were, Lilith found her usual spot next to Athelstan as she usually did. Lagertha was asleep before any time passed, and once it was quiet, Lilith turned to face Athelstan to see him still awake as well.

"Lili, you need to sleep," he whispered.

"I can't sleep," she confessed. "Why aren't you asleep?"

With a heavy sigh, he pulled her closer, cradling her head as he spoke. "I'm worried. About you, and about Gyda and Bjorn. About Lagertha and Ragnar. So much has happened since we arrived here, and I thought we were safe. And now that we're not, I can't stop thinking about what will happen tomorrow or the next day." He exhaled and leaned back, looking at her. "Surely, that isn't why you're not asleep?"

She heard his teasing tone and smiled slightly. "No," she said. "I don't think so."

"Then what is it?"

Lilith hesitated, looking around almost to make sure no one else would hear her when she spoke. "It's just — Is this our home now?"

By the way his brow knit together and his jaw fell slack, Lilith knew he hadn't expected her to ask that. For almost a minute, he didn't say anything, looking around the way she had for the same reason. "I don't know how to answer that," he admitted. "It's not like I ever considered the monastery a home until you came along. And even though it seems like Ragnar and Lagertha have welcomed us at least, not many of the others have. Do you want this to be home, Lili?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. After being in the monastery, I know it's different here. The things people believe and the way they regard things. You've always been my home, Athelstan. I don't want that to change."

He pulled her close to him then, kissing her head and whispering. "That will never change," he swore. "I'll always be here for you, and if you feel like I'm your home, then that's what I will be. And if you wish, then you can be my home as well."

Lilith didn't say anything back, resting her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes even if she still couldn't sleep. She knew he was still adjusting like she was, and she knew she would always have him even if she didn't have anyone else. She decided that would have to be enough.

A third week passed as they all went about their assigned duties around Floki's hut. Ragnar finally got out of the makeshift bed that had been made for him, even if he couldn't go far. Lagertha tried to dissuade him from it, but he declared that he had been in a bed long enough and needed space to move around if he was going to heal. She relented when he allowed Gyda and Lilith to walk around with him, leaning on them despite them being so small.

The weather began to turn as they remained with Floki and Helga, and even if they couldn't go very far from the hut, Lagertha still took them to bathe in a nearby spring at least once so they wouldn't miss their schedule. Of course, this meant that Bjorn and Athelstan went to the spring on their own when the girls came back, and Lagertha took to cleaning Ragnar's wounds by the fire after she had wiped his face clean.

At night, before they all went to bed, Floki and Helga took over the story telling. Lagertha sometimes joined in, and so did Ragnar when he was sitting up with them. But for the most part, it was Floki and Helga at story time. Because Lilith had never heard any of the stories of her new home, those interested her the most, the same way the older stories that Athelstan always told her intrigued her best.

They talked to her about Freyr and his twin sister Freyja, who their people sacrificed to during planting season, and they spoke about Baldr and Loki, who was a bit of a namesake for Floki who invoked his name many times. Floki told them all about Thor, and Helga told the girls around a rarely known goddess Iðunn, whom Lilith latched onto very quickly.

"Oh, she is a beautiful goddess," Helga gushed. "And she is very important though not normally spoken of because of her high position. You see, she doesn't usually consort with us here on Midgard."

"What does she do that is so important?" Lilith asked.

"She has the most important responsibility of all the gods, for it is Iðunn who guards the food of the gods. She is also the granter of eternal life to the gods. The very fruit she guards is so important that she is the only one who guards it. It is so important that one day, she was stolen by a Jötunn who wanted to keep her for himself. He transformed into a great eagle to snatch her away. The god Loki was responsible for taking her, and when Odin found out, he ordered Loki to retrieve her since it was her fruit that gave the gods their eternal existence. Freyja fashioned him a coat that transformed him into a falcon to bring Iðunn back to Asgard, the land of the gods.

"It is to her that we owe thanks for the gods. It is her fruit that keeps them beautiful and young, and without it they began to age. We must always give her our devotion just as much as Freyja and Frigg who bless us as women. It is not uncommon to find sacrifices at her altar by those who wish for her to live as along as the gods do. Any time you fear for the gods, pray to Iðunn so that she might keep the fruit of the gods protected for their eternal life."

Lilith felt herself smiling wider the further into Helga's story she got, silently thinking of all the saints and messengers Athelstan had told her about in the monastery. Father Cuthbert had forbid her from learning those things, but of course, Athelstan had insisted. It was comforting to know that there were gods everywhere who believed the same things she did. She especially loved Freyja and her twin brother Freyr. They reminded her of the twins Diana and Apollo that Athelstan had taught her about.

But there was still so much to learn.

"Tell me about Odin," Lilith pleaded, having heard this name more times than she could count at both Ragnar's farm and in Floki's hut.

Helga grinned and looked at her companion.

The smile that spread across Floki's face wasn't only one of pride and knowledge, but also a playful smile, like he had been asked to speak about the one thing he loved to tell people. "Odin is the Father of us all," he began. "He is wise and strong and cunning, and he knows us all in our hearts and minds. He tests us and rewards us, and gives and takes as only the gods do, and when he is happy, our lives our blessed and plentiful. Every day the sun rises and the tide comes in, we have the Allfather to thank, and we must always give thanks to him. For if we do not, we all experience his wrath. And he already knows how our lives will go, and we are all fated to die a certain way and on a certain day, so we must all live our lives as fully as we possibly can."

He leaned in closer to Lilith, touching her forehead and then pointing to her heart. "Even you, Little One. You were fated to come here, to be here with us now. Odin has laid a great path before you, your destiny, and it is your duty to follow it the only way you know how. Just as he gave the mighty Thor the skies and the thunder, he has given you a great gift that you will soon discover. And one day, you will join Odin in his great hall. One day, you will go to Valhalla and eat and drink with him at the high table. Wouldn't you like that?"

Lilith found herself caught up in his story, smiling as she sat between Bjorn and Gyda and glancing up at Athelstan to see him listening as well. He looked at her, smiling a strange smile and nodding just once. When she looked back at Floki, he was looking up at Athelstan too.

"Floki," she said, and he looked at her. "What does Odin look like?"

The corner of Floki's smile curled up. "Oh, dear child, I would not want to spoil anything for you, but what I can tell you of Odin is the one thing you should always remember of him. He is not like any of the other gods and therefore does not appear as any of them do. He is grand and humble at the same time. He is generous and possessive. Once you have seen him, you never forget him, and he never forgets you. But you will know him when you see him. You will see his one eye and know that he gave the other to gain the knowledge of everything. You will see his broad hat and know that he is a traveler who accompanies us all in the walk of life. And you will see his long beard and know that he commands the respect of everyone he meets in his travels. And when you meet him, you will tell him that Floki was the one who told you about him. Hmm?"

Lilith nodded, the smile on her face never changing.

The stories went on well into the night, and when Ragnar was done with being awake, everyone else decided to lay down to sleep as well. Lilith still stayed close to Athelstan, but her head was filled with Helga and Floki's words. It made her think of all the stories Athelstan told her and all the books she had read that never seemed to satiate her need for more. Now she had found two people who appeared to have an endless supply of stories to tell her, and she couldn't fathom her luck. Now she had two more people in her life that she could love like a family.

A fourth week passed, and it got colder. Ragnar continued to heal, even if his mood did not improve, and Lagertha gave Lilith and Gyda things to do that prevented them from seeing him when he was being difficult. On the days when that was difficult, Athelstan helped, but Lilith still saw. It was something she had never seen, since she had never been around very many of the monks in the monastery who were either sick or injured for one reason or another. She didn't mean to be so interested in Ragnar while he was like this, but she couldn't help it.

Some days, it snowed in the mornings when it was cold enough, and that limited the amount of time they could go outside to bring in food from the stores next to Floki's hut. It was so different from the last winter on the island, and Lilith couldn't help but sense that this new home of hers would continue to have many differences from her previous one.

On the days when it was just warm enough outside to rain, the inside of Floki's hut was a welcome refuge. It wasn't like the spring rains and storms she was accustomed to. Lagertha tried to keep her and Gyda from being out in the rain when it was like that, sending Athelstan to get wood and food, and when he returned, he was always soaked to the bone. Helga would make him strip out of his clothes so they could dry, but it was always morning before he was warm again.

It seemed to rained for days, and that meant Athelstan had to go out in it many times, so it seemed like he was perpetually cold until Lagertha decided he had done enough. Then she began to send Bjorn for wood.

"We don't want you to become ill," Lagertha insisted as she sat by the fire with him. "Not when so many of us need you to be strong for us."

She had already draped a blanket around him after taking his clothes, and Lilith waited until Lagertha stepped back to Ragnar's side to sit beside Athelstan.

"Now it will be up to us to take care of you," she teased even as he clutched the blanket tighter around him. "I will find a towel for your hair."

It took probably an hour for him to stop shaking, and Lilith sat close to him so she could help him stay warm. He couldn't stop her even if he protested profusely.

"You shouldn't worry about me, Lili," he pleaded. "It's still my responsibility to protect you, and you're not making it easy. There was a reason I never wanted you to be alone with the others in the monastery."

She leaned back to look up at him. "And what reason was that?" she asked, adding, "other than them being cruel and obstinate."

He smirked when she used that word, shivering again as he took a deep breath and unfolded his arm from under the blank so he could drape it over her shoulders. "Because you are a little girl," he said to which she immediately made a face at him. He amended it to say, "You _were_ a little girl. And they were grown men. It was wrong for them to be near you that way. I remember that from when I lived with my mother and father, even if it is one of the few things I can remember now. I was trying to protect you not only from them, but from me as well. And I know we're not in the monastery anymore, but I still need to try for as long as I can."

Lilith sighed, pursing her lips slightly. "But you saw me without my clothes when I would bathe," she reminded him. "And it wasn't wrong then. Why is it wrong now?"

That seemed to make him pause as he sat there naked, wrapped in a blanket. "Well," he began but then stopped. "I was . . ." He sighed softly, unable to find the words.

Lilith watched him as he searched his mind for what he wanted to say, and just when he was about to speak, she stopped him. "It's okay," she said. "I know we're not in the monastery anymore. And I know everything is different here. But I don't want everything to change. Can't some of the things we used to do still be the same?"

Athelstan smiled just a little, holding her closer and kissing her head. "Of course," he whispered. "We're adjusting the best we can, I suppose. I just worry about you growing up too fast sometimes. You are sometimes too smart for your own good, even if that is something I appreciate about you now more than before. We're both in a strange place, Lili. I want you to be able to trust me, but I need to be able to trust you as well. Do you understand?"

She scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Her fingertips just barely met on the other side of his chest, and he squeezed her gently. "I understand," she promised.

That night, she still slept close to him, but Lagertha gave her a blanket of her own so she wouldn't have to share with Athelstan like she had been doing.

It was still raining when they woke the next morning, and their routine began again. Athelstan's clothes were dry, so after he was dressed, he sat Lilith and Gyda down with Helga so they could sort through the herbs and vegetables that would serve them breakfast. While they did that, Lagertha got Ragnar out of bed so she could tend to his wounds.

"When will Father be better?" Gyda asked even as she helped Lilith.

Lagertha sighed as she spread ointment over one of Ragnar's wounds. She glanced back at them. "In a few weeks time, my child, your father's wounds will be healed. He only needs to be careful not to make them worse by being impatient."

Ragnar huffed, grimacing when she pressed a little too hard. "It's taking too long already," he complained, not looking at any of them.

"You must have patience, Father," Bjorn interjected, even as Ragnar glared at him.

"You must have patience, Father," Ragnar repeated mockingly. "Shut up!"

Bjorn only glanced back at Gyda and Lilith, not saying anything back.

It was only quiet for a minute when the door to the hut burst open, allowing Floki inside from gathering wood with a soaked Torstein leaned against him.

"I found him wandering around the marshes," Floki said, hurrying to the fire and sitting Torstein down in front of it.

Athelstan rose before Lilith did, and they all gathered around the fire to hear what Torstein said. He was shaking worse than any of them had after being in the rain, his furs practically glued to his skin as he shivered.

"I was lost," Torstein said through chattering teeth. He took a deep breath and looked at Ragnar. "I was visited, in great secrecy by Earl Haralson's wife Siggy," he explained.

He shivered again, pausing to take another breath, and when he looked up at them all, he waited for Ragnar to nod before he continued.

"She told me that her husband had played a trick on Rollo," he said, adding, "and then he imprisoned him, trying to find where you were. Then he tortured him."

Ragnar face changed immediately from curiosity to fury when he heard those words, leaning in as though he had not heard Torstein correctly. "He tortured my brother?" he demanded.

Torstein bowed his head, nodding. "Yes."

With one breath, Ragnar's anger from before the whole ordeal returned. Lilith had not seen this face in many weeks, and she knew it was not a good sign that it had come back.

"Siggy is sure her husband means to kill Rollo," Torstein huffed, "because he will not in any way admit to where you are."

"It's a trap for you, Ragnar," Floki said without missing a beat.

The look on Ragnar's face was difficult to read, but to Lilith, this much was obvious. Earl Haraldson had already attacked them and left them with nothing but the clothes on their backs. That he had attacked Ragnar's brother Rollo only made more sense to Lilith, even if she had not seen Rollo in weeks. Clearly, Earl Haraldson felt threatened by Ragnar, and he would stop at nothing to prove it. Lilith couldn't help thinking of the monks and how they had acted toward her, even if she knew it wasn't the same. Those men had feared her because they believed she was evil. Earl Haraldson feared Ragnar because he had defied him and humiliated him. And now he was doing whatever he could to rid himself of Ragnar and make himself strong again.

This was the kind of behavior Lilith never wanted to understand about men.

Ragnar only sat still a minute, glancing at Lagertha and then Bjorn before he stood up from the fire. He didn't speak, limping away from them across the hut until he came to the door. A whoosh of cool air filled the hut when he pulled the door open, and for another minute, he just stood there, watching it rain. That was when he called Floki to him.

Lilith didn't hear what they said, but she knew it wasn't good. Ragnar had been so angry before he had been hurt, and she knew he was just as angry now, if not more. Whatever he planned to do, it would be even bigger than anything that had happened so far.

When the rain stopped the next morning, and Floki left, the only thing Lilith could get out of Lagertha as they carried clothes to be washed at the spring was that she would explain when the time was right.

"It is something only the men should worry over for now," Lagertha said. "For now, I need you and Gyda to help me with these, and I am going to show you how to make a new piece of clothing for Ragnar."

Lilith didn't have to ask as they walked. Ragnar was a fighter. She knew this. So it didn't take her much thinking to know what Ragnar was about to do. If it was Athelstan, she knew she would fight if it was the last thing she did. So Ragnar would fight. And it was possible he would die.

And Lilith knew without asking anyone that her world was about to change again.

* * *

_**Since we're passed the midpoint of the story (pretty much), the next chapters will have the most changes in them, but I'll still try to keep with the show as much as I can.**_

_**I hope it's all coming together nicely for everyone. I'm finishing up the last several chapters, so I know I'm enjoying myself.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	15. Combat

_**I forgot to thank all the people who have been following this and putting it in their favorites last week, so thank you! Every time I see a fave or a follow come up in my notifications, I smile a little. I would smile even more if I got a review, so if you want to make me smile, please do not hesitate.**_

_**We're covering a few important events in this chapter, but I will admit that I'm not that great at writing fights or battles, so I'll ask forgiveness now if it sucks.**_

_**Also, we're still in Lilith's perspective, so just go with the idea that what happened in the show happens here to. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Combat**_

For the first time in her life, Lilith was worried over someone other than Athelstan. She had never worried over herself, not even when Father Cuthbert had punished her for the most innocuous things. But she had always worried about Athelstan, especially when he had been away on missions. And now, she was worried about someone else. She was worried about Ragnar.

Lagertha had already told her numerous times while Floki was gone not to worry over Ragnar, even if it was plain that she worried about her husband more than anyone. Gyda was worried, but she was better at hiding it. Bjorn tried to be strong for his mother and his father, but Lilith could see he worried just as much as she did. And Athelstan — He sometimes looked like he would not stop worrying even after this whole ordeal was over with.

"Ragnar has only just began to regain his strength," Athelstan said the morning after Floki left to go into Kattegat. "And I know what he plans to do. If anything happens to him, something will happen to me, and I fear, to you as well. And I do not know how to reconcile that."

Lilith listened as carefully as she always had, hearing something else in his words even if she didn't understand completely. "Maybe we should pray for him," she suggested even if she hadn't since Leif's father Erik had been killed.

That brought a little smile to his face, and he pulled her under his arm to hold her close. "We should," he agreed. "But not too loudly. After all, God hears us no matter how softly we speak."

So that was what they did while they waited for breakfast, sitting by the fire as Helga and Lagertha watched quietly. Lilith felt a little better afterward, but she still anxiously waited for Floki to return for the next two days.

"Earl Haraldson has agreed to the challenge," Floki reported as soon as he sat with them around the fire. "In one week's time, he will meet Ragnar in single combat."

Lilith looked at Gyda, and they both looked up at Lagertha. "What does that mean?" Lilith asked even though she could guess based on the way it sounded.

Lagertha sighed not too gently, glancing up at Ragnar and then Floki. She turned to face Lilith and took her hand. "It means that Ragnar and the Earl will fight each other."

"Why? For what reason?"

Lagertha pressed her lips together. "Earl Haraldson has done something dishonorable. He has attacked us and now he has tortured Ragnar's brother Rollo. If we do nothing, if Ragnar does nothing, it means we must live in hiding for the rest of our days. And we have done nothing wrong. So we must try to make this right. Ragnar must do this for his brother, and he must do this for us, for our survival. And if he succeeds, then we will be safe."

Lilith looked over at Ragnar as he sat over the makeshift bed he'd been occupying since arriving here. He tried to smile, but it barely reached his eyes before he frowned and looked away. Lilith glanced at Athelstan as he helped Helga with supper, noticing that while he was listening, he was trying not to react to what Lagertha said or its implications. Finally, she looked up at Lagertha. "What happens if he doesn't?" she asked.

This seemed to be the question none of them had the answer to, and for several minutes, no one spoke. Then Floki sat up and reached for her.

"Come, Little One," he beckoned. "Let me tell you something important about Ragnar Lothbrok."

She went to him easily, sitting beside him as he took her under his arm and spoke as seriously as he always had.

"I have told you of Odin, the Allfather," he began, and she nodded. "And I have told you how the gods always know our destiny and how our lives will end one day." He paused, waiting for her to nod before he continued. "We all must give our thanks to the gods for our lives and this world, and some of us even have the gods to thank for our fighting and our cunning. And Ragnar is one such man. You see, Ragnar is a descendant of Odin, and he is bound for greatness. Just as I am a descendant of Loki, and I am bound for renown myself. The gods have given us all life, and it is our destiny to live up to their greatness."

Lilith met Ragnar's eyes with her own for only a few seconds before she looked up at Floki. "But what does that mean now? Does that mean he will live? Does that mean he will succeed?"

The grin on Floki's face wasn't a confident one, even though he grinned all the same. "Oh, dear child, if only that were true. If it is Ragnar's fate to die, then he will die. If it is his fate to live, then he will live. We can never know the workings of the gods. They live and breathe and die through us, and as long as we respect that, we will meet our fates with our heads high. And don't you worry about anything. You will all have Floki to look after you and keep you safe if anything happens to Ragnar. I swear that upon all the gods."

It took her a minute to understand. It wasn't exactly like what Athelstan always told her when they prayed, but it was the same in that whatever happened was in someone else's hands. This was a familiar feeling for Lilith, especially since she had never really been in control of anything in her life. She knew that Floki meant for this to comfort her, and she knew he meant well. But how could it?

So much of everything that had happened the last few months had been left to chance, and here was one more thing. And no one else seemed to be out of sorts about it. Well, except for Athelstan. But even Gyda looked like she had accepted the uncertainty of what was about to happen. It made Lilith a little angry, but she had to work harder than she ever had to not show it. So she looked up at Floki and gave him a little smile.

"Then I will trust that the gods know what is best," she said, much to his surprise.

He gazed at her for several seconds, it seemed, to ensure that she was being sincere. Then he glanced over at Athelstan, who was now watching them with a furrowed brow. No one said anything for another minute, and then Floki looked at her.

"And now I am certain the gods walk with you, Little One," he declared.

He squeezed her shoulder and giggled in his high-pitched way, which allowed her to respond with a laugh of her own.

With that, the tension of the room lifted, and Lagertha beckoned Gyda and Lilith to sit with her so they could continue working on the new jerkin for Ragnar to wear.

"Perhaps when this is all over," Lagertha said as she stitched and watched Gyda and Lilith sort through the silver rings Helga had brought them, "we will all be able to use a proper loom, and Lilith, I will finally be able to show you how to weave. And then you can make your own blue dress to replace the one you lost. Until then, we will do our best to help Ragnar in his endeavors. Hmm?"

Lilith looked Gyda, and together, they smiled before going on in their sorting.

The week they waited for their world to change again passed quickly. Every day for a week, Ragnar got out of bed and walked around the hut, sometimes limping and sometimes staggering. He didn't want anyone to help him, even if he appreciated it whenever Lagertha made him sit down so he wouldn't use up too much of his energy. For a week, Lilith and Gyda helped make Ragnar's new jerkin, and after a few days, Lilith realized what it was. They were making him armor for him chest and his back.

Athelstan didn't talk much after Floki came back from Kattegat, not even to Lilith, and a few times, she saw him praying to himself before they went to bed. Since she knew there wasn't much she could do in the way of making him stop worrying, she didn't say anything to him about it. Whatever happened, she would stay with Athelstan. It didn't matter what Floki or Lagertha said. She and Athelstan had been through too much for her to choose anyone over him now.

The morning they were meant to go to Kattegat came more quickly than anyone was expecting it to, and Floki left early to get their boat ready to leave and Athelstan went with him. No one was able to eat breakfast, even though Helga tried to nudge a bowl in front of Lagertha. She was still finishing Ragnar's jerkin, stitching furiously with a scowl on her face even if she tried to smile whenever she looked at her children. By the end of the day, they would know one way or another how their lives were about to change, and if that wasn't enough, even Ragnar looked a little worried, though he was better at hiding than Lagertha was.

When Floki and Athelstan came back, they all knew it was time to leave, and Lagertha sent Bjorn with Gyda and Lilith to the boat.

"I must help your father, and then we will be along," she told them. "Go on."

Leaving with Athelstan as Lagertha helped Ragnar stand up was the hardest thing Lilith had done since she was ten and had to watch Athelstan leave on his first mission. Athelstan had come back then. Lilith didn't know if Ragnar would be alive tomorrow.

"Come on, Lili," Athelstan said and held her close to him so they could walk down to the boat together.

Bjorn led the way to the boat as it waited on the beach, glancing back only a couple of times to make sure they were all following him. Floki had an impish grin upon his face the whole time they walked, and Gyda stayed close to Lilith and Athelstan even if she didn't say anything.

"Athelstan," Lilith said as they walked, "are you nervous?"

He sighed and squeezed her shoulder. "A little," he admitted. "And I have been praying for Ragnar, as I'm sure you have. Whatever happens today, I want you to know that I will do what I can to keep you safe. I believe in Ragnar, but sometimes, we have no say in these things. We must trust that our faith is enough to carry us through it. Yes?"

It was the most he'd said to her in days, and it made her smile that he was finally talking again. She looked up at him and waited for him to look at her before she nodded. He laughed softly and squeezed her again, bowing his head a little as they made it to the beach and then the boat.

"I hope you're ready for this, Priest," Floki taunted. "Today, the gods bid for blood to be spilt. And by all the gods, we must oblige them."

Athelstan didn't respond, helping Lilith and Gyda into the boat with Bjorn who was already sitting on the middle seat.

Floki waited on the sand for Lagertha and Ragnar, and the latter of the two pushed her away just before he got to the boat, obviously wanting to do so on his own two feet. Lagertha's scowl returned as she followed her husband and tried to help him climb into the boat, but he waved her off and sat down with his own strength, huffing as he did and groaning the minute he sat down.

No one spoke as Floki pushed the boat into the water and jumped in, sitting with Bjorn on the middle seat and taking the oar beside him so they could push out into the water. Lilith sat beside Gyda, watching Ragnar and then looking up at Athelstan as he also watched Ragnar intently. That worried her. It worried her very much.

Kattegat looked exactly the way it had the last time Lilith had seen it. Lilith wasn't sure why she had expected it to be different, but it wasn't. And it didn't look welcoming at all. Floki and Bjorn got the boat to the dock there, and Athelstan tied the rope to a post before he climbed out and turned to help Lilith and then Gyda.

"Come with me, Priest," Floki bid.

Athelstan hesitated, glancing at Lagertha and Ragnar before he did as Floki said, absently kissing Lilith's forehead and then following Floki to where people were already waiting for the impending fight.

Lilith watched him until Lagertha called to her and then Gyda and Bjorn so they could all help Ragnar out of the boat. He did his best not to stumble, gripping Bjorn's shoulder and then using Gyda and Lilith to support himself as he stood up. He tested his legs even with the pain, again grinning a little and then starting off on his own.

Lagertha followed him closely, nodding for Gyda and Lilith to follow her. Bjorn was already on her other side.

The beach was already crowded, and Ragnar slowed down to diminish the limp in his leg. Floki and Athelstan emerged from the crowd to face Ragnar, and he greeted them both.

"Try not to look so worried," he said to Athelstan, claiming his shoulder as Floki lay his hand over Ragnar's.

Athelstan sighed audibly, sparing a look in Lagertha's direction before he glanced at Lilith and bowed his head slightly.

As Ragnar stepped onto the beach, Lagertha gathered them up in her arms, standing off to the side and holding them all as close to her as she ever had. Lilith lifted her hand to Lagertha's and took Gyda's in her other, taking a deep breath and hoping that her praying hadn't all been for nothing.

Lilith knew nothing of fighting or hand-to-hand combat. None of the books Athelstan had ever shown her gave any details as to what that involved. When Earl Haraldson arrived, even he looked the same as she remembered. Well, now, he looked much angrier than he had before. Were it not for the short, pudgy man speaking as soon as the two men were ready, she would not have understood what was about to happen.

"This is a personal combat," he called over the crowd. "The combatants can choose any weapon and shield they desire. Each man has two shields. If both are broken, there can be no further replacements."

The first thing Ragnar did was throw away his first shield, and Lilith was confused until Haraldson did the same thing. Even in this, it was a competition. The grin on Ragnar's face was unmistakable as he gripped the sword in his hand and took the first swing.

From there, it was a flurry of swords, shields and erratic movements. First Ragnar used his shield to throw Haraldson off balance. Then Haraldson lunged his sword to hit Ragnar in his gut, but he missed. Ragnar's shield broke first, and Lilith felt Lagertha take in a sharp breath. Haraldson's shield broke then as well, and with one swing, he cut Ragnar's sword in half.

Lilith thought that was the end of it, but Ragnar stumbled up to Haraldson, almost taunting him. Haraldson didn't take the bait, stepping back and taking an ax from a man beside him. Ragnar took an ax as well, now holding his leg that had still been healing and limping more pronounced as he circled around his opponent. Again, he took the first swing, meeting Haraldson and catching the man's ax with his own. They pushed away from each other, both stumbling in the sand even as Haraldson's ax sliced through Ragnar's other shoulder.

Lagertha held Lilith and Gyda closer to her, exhaling again and kissing their foreheads gently. Ragnar glanced over at them as he circled Haraldson still, managing to block the older man's next lunge and grab his ax as the other threatened to slam into his. For a second that felt like an eternity, Ragnar and Haraldson didn't move, staring each other down before Ragnar used the butt of his ax to push Haraldson away from him. He stumbled, looking confused as he turned back to Ragnar and lifted his ax again. Ragnar had already gained the advantage, using the butt of his ax again to throw Haraldson off balance and twisting around to slice the blade of his ax through the older man's lower spine.

Lilith gasped suddenly, turning her face into Lagertha's chest even though the image would never leave her. Now she would see it every time she closed her eyes. Now she would always see the blood and hear the sound of a man dying. It was different than it had been at the monastery. Ragnar hadn't been responsible for that. She was sure of it. But this. He was responsible for this. She didn't blame him for it, but she knew she would never forget it.

Ragnar knelt beside Haraldson then, whispering to him and almost seeming to comfort him as he died. Just before he died, Haraldson's wife Siggy ran from where she had been standing, pushing Ragnar out of the way and grabbing her husband's arm. Lilith strained to see what was happening before the short, pudgy man shouted for the first time since the fighting began.

"Kill him," he ordered calmly at first, and when no one reacted, he yelled, "Kill him!"

Lilith didn't know who he meant until Ragnar's brother Rollo grabbed an ax and, without any hesitation, buried the ax in the pudgy man's chest. The short man looked confused, the same way Haraldson had before he died, and he tried to say something before simply falling the ground and dying.

Siggy looked around, stood up, and rushed back to where she had been standing with who Lilith presumed was her daughter. The young woman gave her a small knife, which she then plunged into the fat, ugly man sitting next to the young woman. He cried out, a strangled, disgusting sound, and Siggy threw the knife away.

Lagertha squeezed Gyda and Lilith, nudging them further back while she stepped forward to be closer to Ragnar. Lilith held Gyda's hand, looking back at Athelstan as he still stood next to Floki. He looked disappointed and astonished at the same time, huffing even as he nodded for her to stay where she was.

When Lilith looked at Ragnar and Lagertha, Siggy was close enough now that everyone could see her, and she said something so softly that nearly no one heard her. Then she huffed and spoke louder, as clearly as anyone could.

"HAIL, EARL RAGNAR!"

She dropped to her knee, and quickly, everyone else did as well, shouting her proclamation until it was the only thing that could be heard. Lilith looked at Gyda, thinking they should do the same, but her sister shook her head, keeping her on her feet.

Lilith looked at Bjorn, and he looked at the two of them, exhaling heavily.

"It is finished," he said simply.

The same men who had come to the beach with Haraldson were the same ones to carry his body away, and the women slaves who had come and stood on Haraldson's side all left with him. As soon as they were all gone, Lagertha moved to Ragnar's side, holding him up against her and glancing back at Lilith and Gyda, nodding for them to follow her. Athelstan and Floki joined them as they stepped onto the docks, and the people in front of them led them away from the beach.

"Where are they taking his body?" Lilith asked as she walked between Gyda and Athelstan.

"Because he is an important man," Gyda said, "they must prepare for his funeral. It will take several days, and when it is ready, they will bring him out."

"Out of where, Gyda?" Athelstan asked.

She looked up at him. "The ground. Mother will explain."

The people leading them all away from the beach took them to what looked like the farmhouse but bigger, and inside the house, other women slaves waited with clothes. Lagertha smiled down at Gyda and Lilith and took them under her arm.

"It is all right, my children," she assured them. "While we are changing, I will explain what is happening. Athelstan," she said and turned to him, "you will go with Bjorn and Ragnar, and we will wait until it is time."

For half a minute, he was confused, but then he looked at Lilith and Gyda and understood. He bowed his head then and followed Ragnar and Bjorn as three of the women guided them away.

"My Lady," the eldest woman said. She had dark hair and blue eyes and a kind smile as she addressed Lagertha and Lilith and Gyda. "If you will follow us, we are here to serve you and your daughters."

Lagertha bowed her head politely. "Thank you, and please, call me Lagertha for now."

The woman blushed slightly, glancing behind her and then gesturing so Lagertha would go ahead of her. "I am Ingrid," she announced to them. "I will be attending to you, if it pleases you."

They all left the front room where the hearth already burned brightly, stepping inside a new partition that was even warmer and lined along the top of the walls with windows that let in an abundance of natural light.

In this room, Lagertha gestured for Lilith and Gyda to remove the clothes they were wearing, and she did the same. In place of those, the female slaves presented them all with new clothes. Lilith was a little uneasy being in only her slip dress around these strange women, especially with her scars, but Gyda looked comfortable enough, and so did Lagertha. Was this what Athelstan and Bjorn were going through with Ragnar?

In the end, Ingrid helped Lagertha into a new red dress that looked brand new, discarding the old dress and providing new shoes for Lagertha to wear. A second woman was a little younger, had red hair and green eyes and helped Gyda into a red dress as well. The third slave who helped Lilith out of her green dress and shoes, was a girl barely older then her. Her blond hair was braided away from her face, and her blue eyes were almost the same color as Athelstan's. She uneasily presented Lilith with a royal blue dress instead of a red one, noticing her scars as she helped tie it together and then draping a green cloak over her shoulders.

"Thank you," Lilith said to her, and her eyes widened so much they almost popped out of her head.

"Come, girls," Ingrid said, and the other two followed her away from the space.

Lagertha sighed softly and reached for Gyda and Lilith, sitting them down so she could talk to them.

"Listen to me, my daughters," she said. "I know you are both confused, and I want you to understand. Now that Ragnar has succeeded in his challenge against Earl Haraldson, everything has changed. In ten days, we will have a great funeral Haraldson, and in that time, I will need both of you to stay as close to me as possible. Lilith, my dear child, I know you are still so new to this place, and my first wish is for you to be protected. So I must ask, have you ever seen funeral rites?"

Lilith glanced at Gyda before she spoke. "No," she said to Lagertha. "Athelstan never wanted me to see them. He was afraid I wouldn't understand."

Lagertha held her closer and then reached for Gyda to do the same. "You were so young then," she lamented. "And I wish for you to remain so for as long as possible. So I do not want either of you to leave the long house once it has begun until it is time for the pyre to be lit. I know you won't be innocent forever, but I want you to hang onto it as tightly as you can. Do you understand?"

Lilith nodded, and then Gyda did. Lagertha squeezed them gently and kissed their foreheads.

It was quiet as they sat there waiting, and after a minute, Lilith looked up at Lagertha.

"May I ask something?"

Lagertha looked at her, smiling only a little when she saw the expression on Lilith's face. "You may ask me anything," she told Lilith.

Slowly, the question formed in her head before she spoke it. "Why do they put Earl Haraldson's body in the ground, and then bring it out again?"

"Well," Lagertha said and pushed out a soft breath, "his servants will make new clothes for him to be buried in. A feast must be planned. Arrangements must be made. Those things take time. And while they are done, his body must be preserved. This is the best way to do it. And he was a very important man, so there will be a larger funeral for him than any man."

"And you burn him?" Lilith asked, adding, "on a pyre."

Lagertha nodded. "That is right. It is a high honor."

Lilith thought of the times when older monks would die at the monastery, and it had never been such a grand affair. It was curious that everyone here seemed intent on celebrating death as much as they celebrated life. Suddenly, she was thinking about Brother Cenwar and Father Cuthbert and Brother Cenwulf. Their lives had not been celebrated, and neither had their deaths. It felt wrong.

"Lilith," Lagertha said, and she looked up. "Are you all right?"

"What happens after?" she asked instead of answering.

Lagertha's brow furrowed. "After what?"

"The funeral. What happens after? What happens to us?"

Lagertha sighed again. "After the funeral, life will go on. Winter is close, so we will begin storing grain and sheering the sheep for wool. You and Gyda will have new responsibilities, and so will Athelstan. Ragnar has beaten Earl Haraldson in single combat. So now, as is tradition, if he is accepted by the townspeople, he will become Earl. And when we encounter new experiences, we will do it together. As a family."

Lilith looked at Gyda, seeing the small smile on her face and smiling herself. "Ragnar is the Earl now?" she asked.

Lagertha nodded as she smiled, and even though a new kind of worry crossed her face, there was more relief than anything else.

When it was time, Ingrid came back alone and beckoned them to follow her again from the small space where they had changed. When they stepped back out into the main area, Bjorn and Athelstan were already waiting with Ragnar and the three other women. Bjorn was wearing a bright red tunic and a new belt, along with dark green pants and a bright green cloak. Athelstan wore a simple brown leather tunic over his shirt he'd been wearing. Either the women knew he was a slave or he had insisted on keeping the clothes he wore. Ragnar leaned on a heavy walking stick, his face cleaned and a new heavy black tunic over his torso with a raven over the left shoulder. He looked like he was barely holding it together.

How had they made these clothes so quickly? Surely, Earl Haraldson had not bid them to do so in the event that he lost the challenge with Ragnar. That made no sense. And yet, these clothes all looked brand new, as if they had just come off the loom, in anticipation of their new occupants.

"Everyone has gathered in the Great Hall," Ingrid said. "When they are ready, I will return. Wait here."

Lagertha sat next to Ragnar, looking up at him as he struggled to remain on both his feet. Bjorn sat down as well, watching the doors that remained open, and Gyda sat on her mother's other side. Lilith moved around the hearth to where Athelstan stood by himself, putting her arm around him and looking up at him as he looked down at her.

"Why have you not changed?" she asked him.

He sighed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Because I am only a slave, Lili. I do not need new clothes."

She frowned, about to say something when Ragnar spoke instead.

"For now," he remarked, and they both looked at him.

Lilith immediately remembered the talk she'd had with Ragnar after Leif's father had been killed, about how long Athelstan had to be slave. Ragnar had said it was not up to him, but Earl Haraldson. Earl Haraldson was dead. That meant he couldn't make Athelstan free. It took her a minute to realize that Ragnar now had that ability, because now, Ragnar was the Earl.

He could make Athelstan a free man.

Before Lilith could ask Ragnar what it looked like he knew she wanted to, Ingrid came back, bidding them all to follow her to the Great Hall that was just across the way from the long house.

Everyone in town had gathered in the Great Hall, all clamoring to see Ragnar and call him their Earl. Everyone cheered when he sat in the Earl's seat after hesitating just long enough for them to give their shouts and pleas for him to do so. Leif came forward first, smiling in Lilith's direction before he knelt in front of Ragnar and held out his arm that held his arm ring.

"Lord Ragnar," he affirmed, "I come to swear to you my allegiance and fealty to you and your family from this day."

Ragnar leaned forward, gripping his walking stick. "Leif, you are my friend," he declared. "And you, Torstein, and you, One-Eye. You are my friends."

Leif bowed his head and stood up, joining Torstein and Arne as they also bowed their heads.

The next man who stepped forward was a much older man, but he was a warrior like Ragnar and carried a sword and an ax on each hip. His name was Tostig, and he easily swore allegiance and fealty to Ragnar the same way Leif had. He also asked Ragnar to take him raiding the next time they left. This gave Ragnar pause, but after the strong man gave him several good reasons to allow this, Ragnar stood up to address the entire room of people.

"This summer," he said, "we shall have more ships to go west. For that is our future. When we return to England, let's take him with us. All in favor?"

Less than a second passed before everyone in the Hall sang out in one voice.

"AYE!"

That wasn't the end of it though. Rollo stepped forward to Ragnar, and there was a tense moment before Ragnar spoke.

"There is no need for you to swear," he told Rollo, lifting his finger to his brother's face where a new, ugly scar marred both his cheeks from one side of his face to the other. "You've already paid a heavy price for your loyalty to me."

Rollo swatted his hand away. "Nevertheless, I will swear, brother. I swear to be true to you, your wife and your family. I wish you good fortune always."

Ragnar pulled him closer, and it looked like whatever had happened to cause Rollo's injuries was forgiven. But when Ragnar backed away from Rollo and sat down, the grim expression on his face said otherwise. Lilith looked across the room at Athelstan as he stood there observing, and his eye found hers before he sighed and grinned somewhat sadly.

For ten days, it seemed like everyone in town became increasingly drunk and disorderly. Well, except for Ragnar, but that was mostly because he was still healing from now two arduous ordeals that involved him getting hit with an arrow and nearly impaled with a sword and losing enough blood to render him unconscious. Bjorn wanted to see everything in town, and Lagertha bid Athelstan to stay with him. Weavers worked tirelessly on new clothes for Haraldson, and apart from him, it seemed like the rest of his slaves were intent on serving Ragnar and Lagertha.

Lilith was so curious about the funeral and exactly what it involved. She'd never even seen dead bodies until that day Ragnar had come to the monastery, and even though she'd now seen her fair share of blood, it was different to see someone else's when they were hurt. She wanted to ask as many questions as she could, but Lagertha was vague after the first few answers she had given, and it seemed like she had spoken to Athelstan about how much information she gave about the whole ordeal.

Because he stayed with Bjorn during the day, Athelstan was somewhere between being drunk and sick to his stomach whenever they came back. And getting answers from him was even more impossible then.

"I know you're curious, Lili," he said, his tongue slurring around her name as he sat by the hearth with his head in his hands. "And I know you're getting older, so you need to know certain things. But perhaps I am not ready for you to know them. And Lagertha agrees, thankfully."

"But I have seen so much since we came here," she argued. "When can I decide what I'm ready for? How old do I have to be for it to be okay?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw like he was about to vomit. "I don't have the answer to that," he admitted. "And I know that's not an answer. I'm sorry. But these things are too much for me, and if they're too much for me, then I know they will be too much for you. What Father Cuthbert did won't prepare you for things like this, no more than it has prepared me."

Lilith huffed, watching him sit up and take a deep breath before he turned to her and took her shoulders in his hands.

"Listen to me, Lili, please. I never wanted you to see the monks at the monastery be buried for a reason. You are so bright, and you have such a big imagination. It was bad enough that I couldn't protect you from Father Cuthbert or Brother Cenwar. And it should have never come to what it did. I am only doing what I've been doing for Lagertha, to stay with Bjorn, but if I can protect you from things like this for a little while longer, then I need to try. Please."

She stared at him the entire time he spoke, watching his face and seeing how flushed he was.

"Are you going to be sick?" she pleaded.

He shook his head minimally, swallowing again and breathing in again. "No."

She didn't need him to say anything else, standing up and grabbing his hand so she could pull him to the doors of the long house. Less than a second later, he upended the contents of his stomach onto the ground, most of which turned out to be ale that he'd consumed the last several days.

"When was the last time you ate?" she demanded as he heaved again and almost fell to his knees.

"I don't — I don't remember," he gasped, wiping his mouth and taking another deep breath.

"Not today?"

He shook his head, gasping again and covering his mouth.

"Gyda and I have already eaten with Lagertha, but I can probably find you something. Come on," she beckoned and took his other hand to pull him back inside.

He offered no resistance as she almost dragged him to where the servants were still cooking food for the feast they would be having soon. An older woman whom she had spoken to at supper noticed her there with Athelstan swaying behind her, and they communicated silently. In just a few minutes, the woman produced a bowl of broth and bread, shooing them away so no one else saw them.

Lilith found a dark corner of the long house, sitting Athelstan down and then taking her place beside him as she nudged the bowl in front of him.

"Eat," she commanded. "Bjorn should know better than to get you this drunk. I know he already had his supper."

For several minutes, he didn't eat, and it seemed like the aroma of the soup made him even sicker than he'd been before. Then after a few deep breaths, he lifted the bread and dipped it into the soup, taking a small bite. One bite and then another and another, and soon, the bowl was empty.

"Sip this," Lilith said and put a small cup in front of him. "No more big gulps for you."

He side-eyed her as he sipped the weak ale she had given him, swallowing the last bit of food and then pushing the bowl away. A deep breath filled his lungs and came out as a strained groan before he looked at her.

"You're not supposed to be taking care of me, Lili," he complained. "I am the one meant to care for you."

She only sighed as she watched him. "And when you need to be taken care of?" she countered. "Who is the one to do that? Because other than me and Lagertha, no one seems to care for you at all. Even Ragnar lets you go about and do whatever. Am I not allowed to want to take care of you, since you have spent so much time taking care of me?"

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant," he insisted. "I meant that I am the adult. You are the child. It is my responsibility to care for you. If I can't do that, then what good am I?"

Lilith couldn't understand why he was so angry all of a sudden. She scooted closer to him and grabbed his arm so he would look at her. "You have been taking care of me all my life, Athelstan. And you are the only one I _want_ taking care of me. I do not care that you are a slave. And it might not be that way much longer if Ragnar has anything to say about it. You were my first friend. My first teacher. My first protector. And I am here now because of you. I will always need you. And like I said, no more big gulps for you."

He laughed unexpectedly, laying his hand over hers and then taking her under his arm again. "I don't deserve you," he whispered softly. "As a friend or as a companion. I feel like I have failed you too many times, and here you are, taking care of me. I keep saying this, and hopefully one day soon, I will be able to keep my promises to you, but — I will do better."

"I know you will," she said and nodded. "You always do."

One last sigh passed his lips before he kissed the top of her head, and Lilith scooted back to help him to his feet. He was still dizzy, and he had to hold onto her tighter than he usually did as she began walking away from the main room of the long house.

"Come on," she said. "You must sleep."

Instead of taking him to a cot close to the kitchen, Lilith laid him in her bed even while he protested. Then she slipped into Gyda's bed as her sister slept. Soon, he was snoring, and Lilith smiled to herself before she relaxed to go to sleep.

She thought about what Ragnar and she had talked about, about Athelstan no longer being a slave, and she hoped one day soon that Ragnar would at least consider making Athelstan a free man. She didn't care how unlikely it was so soon after being made a slave. She still hoped.

* * *

_**I'm going to go ahead again and ask forgiveness for not showing the whole speech with Tostig, because it was a good speech. **_

_**And let me just say that funeral rites of other cultures sometimes fascinate and disturb me, because reading up on this particular one was by far the strangest I have ever read about. I guess it wasn't enough to simply bury their dead. The Vikings/Norse had to dial it up to eleven.**_

_**Next chapter should be up in a week, and those changes I talked about before are on their way. I'm also moving a few characters around in the story. You'll see what I mean.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	16. A New Home

_**So here is when life starts preventing me from posting on time, but it's just a day late. No worries. This chapter follows up with the last one almost immediately, and we're back in Athelstan's perspective here.**_

_**Here is also where I've started adding a few things and changing things that will have a bigger impact on the story, I hope. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me. I'm always available, even if it takes me a little while to come up with an answer.**_

_**Read on!**_

* * *

_**A New Home**_

Waking up the morning after the last day of the funeral feast was harder on Athelstan than any other morning he'd ever had. His head pounded louder than ever, and his stomach rolled, threatening to lose its remaining contents. Even in the minimal light of the room around him, his eyes felt like they were being stabbed with needles. He held his hand up in front of his face to block the light, looking around slowly and seeing Gyda and Lilith asleep in the bed next to him.

How had he gotten here? Surely he hadn't made it on his own. He was still wearing all his clothes and his boots, and with the fur covering him, he discovered he couldn't breathe underneath it. But for the life of him, he couldn't move. If he did, the ground spun around, and even then, he could barely see to move anyway.

Athelstan tried to remember if Ragnar or Lagertha had said he would have to do anything with the girls today and their reading. Every bit of parchment and every book they'd acquired before had been burnt in the fire several weeks ago. As it was, Lilith hadn't had a reading lesson in almost two months. He was sure she did not miss it. Now that she was thirteen, she wanted to do more unstructured things, and he couldn't blame her. He had been the same way at her age. But he knew she needed it anyway.

So he would have to find a way to continue their lessons even if he knew it wouldn't be easy.

"Athelstan."

Lilith's soft voice drew his attention, and he lifted his eyes slowly, seeing her awake as she watched him. His head pounded louder, and he squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could.

"Are you . . . hungover?" she asked softly.

He squinted at her. "How do you know what that is?"

She smiled slightly. "That's what Ragnar calls it when he's had too much to drink." She glanced back at Gyda, rising from their bed slowly and then climbing into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around her reluctantly, feeling her warmth add to furs covering him and having to take a deep breath as he set his chin over her head. Then she spoke again. "I don't like seeing you sick," she said.

Athelstan sighed, holding her closer. "Believe me. I don't like _being_ sick. I didn't mean to drink so much, but before I knew it, it happened."

She laughed just once and then leaned back to look up at him. "So if Bjorn and Ragnar asked you to jump into the river naked in the winter, would you do that too?"

He blushed without meaning to, laughing himself. "Of course not. Though I did jump into the river to save Ragnar's life not so long ago. I suppose that's why he trusts me so much now."

Lilith smiled then, folding her arms together over his chest and laying her head over his shoulder. "I'm sure they're all grateful for you being here, Athelstan," she whispered. "They now know what I have always known."

He stroked her hair gently. "And what is that, Lili?"

"That you are brave and fair and strong, and you're the best friend anyone could ever have."

As he listened to her, the smile that had spread across his face faded a little, and for a reason unknown to him in that moment, it broke his heart that she still had so few people around her to relate to her and be her friend. Was it his fault she was like this? Was there anything that could be done to change it?

"If Ragnar and Lagertha don't understand that," she continued, "then they're not worthy of you as a friend. And that will make me sad for them."

He kept his hand over the crown of her head, holding her as close to him as he could. "Of course they know, Lili," he murmured. "I would not be here if they did not. But everything is so different now. We all have to adjust, and we all need each other now more than ever. And you and I will need to pray for guidance. To help our new family in our new home." He leaned back a little and looked down at her, lifting her chin so she would look at him. "This is a dangerous place, Lili. And I need you to be safe here. I might not always be able to be with you. So you and Gyda need to watch out for each other as well, and Bjorn will too, I imagine. Do you understand?"

She nodded. "I do. But I'm worried about you now as well."

His brow furrowed slightly. "Why?"

Sighing, she lifted her hands to his arms, facing him as she lay in front of him. "When it was just us on the farm, and then at Floki's, I knew you were safe. Ragnar and Lagertha never really treated you like a slave, and neither did Helga or Floki. But here. Here you are only a slave. No one else here will think you are any better than that. What if something happens to you? What if someone tries to hurt you?"

Though he didn't want to admit it to himself, Athelstan had hoped many of the goings on in town had not been so noticeable during the funeral. But with the fear in her voice, somehow, she had managed to learn about some of it. Somehow, she had learned about how the slaves were treated in town, and now she was again worried about him even if he had never meant for her to be.

He leaned closer to her and laid his forehead against hers, wrapping his hands around her little arms. "Ragnar will keep us _all_ safe, Lili," he whispered. "It won't be like it was when Earl Haraldson was here. The people respect Ragnar, and so they will respect his decisions. And there is still so much for him to do as the new Earl. Try not to worry about things we cannot change. Let us wait and see what the day has set upon us before we decide how we will face it, hmm?"

She nodded silently, laying close to him and looking like she had fallen asleep. But then after a few seconds, she squirmed against him, taking her hands from his arms and leaning in to kiss him before she rose quickly. "I must go make water," she said frantically. "I hope I remember where the new latrine is."

Athelstan laughed as she scrambled away, stopping abruptly when his head pounded, and he sat up over the bed before he realized what had just happened. He lifted his hands to his lips, still feeling her warmth and sighing as softly as he could without waking Gyda. All the doubt he had as to whether her behavior was his doing evaporated in that moment. Of course it was his doing. He was all she knew.

How was he supposed to make it right if he was the one doing it?

Slowly, he stood up from the bed, dizzy for a second before he reached for the post beside him. He eased out of the small room so he wouldn't wake Gyda, keeping his eyes covered as he stepped out into the main room of the long house. Finding his way to the breakfast table was easier than he expected it to be, and while he knew there would be food, what he didn't think to find there were thin stones stacked along with charred wood in a bundle next to them.

Somehow, someone had remembered they didn't have parchment to write on or quills to write with and still wanted them to continue their lessons.

"I hope this is sufficient, Priest."

Ragnar's voice surprised him, and he turned toward the other end of the room to see the older man sitting in front of the hearth with a small cup in his hands.

"My wife said you would still need something to write on for my children's lessons, and I had our new servants bring in every flat stone they could find for you to do that."

Athelstan looked through the stones, noticing how they were all smooth and less than half an inch thick. In all, there were probably fifteen stacked up, so it was almost a foot tall. "Where did they find these?" he asked even if it didn't really matter.

Ragnar sighed and stood up from the fire, moving to sit across from him with the small cup. "Drink this," he commanded. "It will help with your . . . hangover." He grinned and set the cup in front of him.

Reluctantly, Athelstan took the cup and drank its contents. He discovered it was bitter, almost spitting up when Ragnar tipped his chin up so he had no choice but to drink. Once that was done, Ragnar took the cup, and Athelstan coughed loudly.

"What is that?" he cried.

"A little mixture I make up whenever I need to be clear-headed the day after I have drunk too much," Ragnar said with a grin. "And today, I must be clear-headed. There is much to do now that I am the Earl."

Athelstan sighed softly, coughing a little more before he realized what Ragnar meant. "Forgive me, My Lord. I did not mean to speak out of turn."

The amused expression on Ragnar's face unnerved Athelstan as he sat across from him, but then he smiled and leaned closer.

"What are you so worried about?" he teased. "You already have a high place in my household, Priest. Not only for giving me a second daughter, but also for saving my life. And I did tell you I would have to think of a way to repay you. If it were solely up to me, I would make you a free man. But such status can take years to accomplish, and so far, while you have proven your loyalty to me and my family, I now have many families to look after. I must think of them now as well."

Athelstan bowed his head, dropping his shoulders as he resigned himself to whatever position Ragnar deemed him worthy of.

"As the Earl, I have inherited a great deal more slaves who are here to feed us and help us keep our household running. There are so many of them that I do not know all their names. And this is something that both Lagertha and I wish very much. You were our first slave, a distinction that not many people in town can attest to. That is why I have decided to give you the task of managing all our new slaves."

Athelstan lifted his head, sitting up straight once again. "What? Why?"

"You have proven to me that you always know the right thing to do when I call upon you," Ragnar nodded. "And you never hesitate to give me your honest opinion of things I am uncertain about. These slaves are now my responsibility, just as the other people in town are. I want you to help me share this burden. You will still have your _other_ responsibilities, teaching my children and making sure they are safe and fed. Anything else will be decided as we go on, but you are the only one I trust with this task."

"I don't know what to say," Athelstan stammered.

Ragnar grinned and then laughed. "Say you agree, and it will be done."

Athelstan was so stunned that he couldn't speak for another half a minute, looking up to see Lilith coming back from using the latrine. She saw them sitting there and sat with them, lifting her tired eyes to Athelstan as he lowered his to her.

"Well?" Ragnar said, and Athelstan looked at him. "Do you agree?"

He sighed softly, holding Lilith against him like he had earlier. "I agree," he said and nodded.

Ragnar nodded as well. "Good. Now I must go piss."

He stood up and left, taking three long strides out the side door. Athelstan sighed a second time, glancing around even as Lilith spoke up.

"What was that all about?" she asked.

Athelstan glanced at her and squeezed her gently, looking back to where Ragnar had gone. "I think he just made me a _freedman_," he said. "And his steward."

"He did?" she asked, and he looked at her to see her smiling.

He smiled too before pushing out a heavy breath. "Well, as much as he can," he said, adding, "he's only just become Earl. Normally, the slaves would be here to look after you, but he wants me to do that. And he also wants me to oversee the other slaves, since he trusts me to do it." He squeezed her shoulder. "I told you, Lili. We simply need to be careful here. Hmm?"

She nodded, still smiling as she sat next to him. Then she stood up quickly. "I almost forgot. My moon blood began last night. I will need a bath before I change clothes."

"Then go wake Lagertha," he said and nudged her off. "She will take you to the bathhouse."

She hurried away, and Athelstan waited until she was gone to turn back to the table where the flat stones set. For now, he knew the charred wood would be sufficient for writing, but eventually, he would need to find materials that would be more manageable. As he stood there, a young girl about Lilith's age came from the kitchen with a large bowl of grain meal in her little hands, stopping in front of him with an expectant look on her little face.

"She said to ask you where you wanted to put this," she said to him, looking at the bowl and then up at him.

Athelstan took two steps closer to her, only for her to back away from him with wide eyes. He automatically lifted his hands in front of him. "It's all right. I won't hurt you. Who told you to bring me this?"

She looked at the bowl again. "Ingrid." She looked up at him. "She said Earl Ragnar said you were in charge of us all now. Anything you tell us to do is like Earl Ragnar telling us."

He bowed his head, understanding easily. "What is your name?" he asked her gently.

"Þórunn," she said and bowed her head, still holding the bowl.

He lifted his hands to the bowl, under hers as he nodded. "My name is Athelstan. Tell Ingrid _thank you_ for me. I will put this out for Earl Ragnar and his family."

She looked up at him without lifting her head, taking her hands from the bowl and pulling them away before he could touch her.

Athelstan realized a second too late, putting the bowl of grain down and stopping her from leaving. "Þórunn, how old are you?"

She kept her head down, her fist clenched even as he held her arm gently. "I do not know for certain," she said through her teeth. "I began my moon blood nearly a year ago, but Ingrid said not to tell anyone. I think I am thirteen, but none of the others know. If they did — "

"And you're a slave?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded quickly, pressing her lips in a thin line.

"How long have you been a slave?"

She huffed, looking up at him with angry blue eyes. "I have always been a slave. And I always will be."

He opened his mouth to argue when a taller, older woman came from the kitchens, calling for her.

"Girl, where are you?" she demanded looking up and seeing her there with Athelstan. The scowl on her face faded instantly as she moved closer to them. "Forgive me . . . ser. If she has done wrong, I will see she is punished."

Athelstan stopped the woman from taking Þórunn, keeping his hand around her arm. "That's not necessary," he said, pausing and raising his brow so she would tell him her name.

"Ingrid," she said and bowed her head.

He nodded, acknowledging her as he spoke again. "That's not necessary, Ingrid. I was simply talking to her. I will have her out here with me, and she will help serve Earl Ragnar and his family."

Ingrid's face paled quickly, her mouth agape. She clutched her apron with both hands, scowling again at Þórunn. "She does not know how to do that," she said sourly.

"Then I will show her," Athelstan stated plainly. "You may go."

Ingrid clenched her jaw, glancing back to the private rooms and then leaving swiftly.

"You should not have done that," Þórunn exclaimed. "Now she will tell everyone what you did. She will tell the Earl and his wife, and they will have me expelled."

Athelstan sighed softly, pulling her closer to him. "No one will do that," he assured her. "And she can tell Earl Ragnar all she wants. I have a feeling it won't make a difference to him. I have something else for you to do."

She lifted her chin, glaring up at him. "What?" she demanded.

Slowly, he lowered his hand to hers and stepped back to the table where the flat stones lay. "I need these to be spread out on the table," he told her. He lifted his hands so they were half a foot apart to show her, "Like this. When you have done that, I will have something else for you to do. It's all right, Þórunn. If I am in charge of all of us, then I will find you things to do around here until it is time to cook supper."

She picked up the first stone, looking up at him and waiting for him to nod before she began doing what he had said.

He watched her for a minute, turning back toward the private rooms and discovering Lagertha there as she watched him. He stopped for just a few seconds, noticing her smile and then smiling himself as he bowed his head.

"Good morning," he greeted.

She gave him a nod and reached out to rub his arm. "Good morning. I see that it is not only Lilith or my children you are good with. You seem to have a gift with all children. That is a rare thing, Athelstan. Most men overlook them. Well, except for Ragnar."

Athelstan laughed softly. "Well, it wasn't so long ago that I was one," he said. "So I suppose I still have some insight to being one. Has Lili taken her bath? She told me she was bleeding this morning."

Lagertha nodded again. "She and Gyda are getting dressed now." She sighed, looking back at Þórunn. "I suppose it is a good thing then that I have a man gifted in raising children in my household. One who will not be tempted to leave once the spring and summer raids come back round."

He watched his new charge for just half a minute before he looked at her, noticing how happy she looked. "And why is that?" he asked her.

She lowered her gaze to the floor, absently touching her stomach, and Athelstan realized that she wasn't looking at the floor. He took a step closer to her, whispering.

"Lagertha," he said, and she smiled up at him. "Are you …"

"I am," she said and nodded. "Ragnar and I are going to have another child. A boy."

Athelstan grinned and then laughed, taking her hand in his. "That's wonderful," he exclaimed even as she lifted her fingers to his lips to stop him.

"Not so loud," she pleaded. "We still have not told our children. I suspected before we came to Kattegat, as I had missed my moon's blood once already. But then I missed it a second time, and the midwife confirmed it. If possible, however, I would like to be further along before we tell anyone else. Ragnar has just been made Earl. Winter is upon us. There is still so much to do. That is what I wished to speak to you about."

Though his smile did not fade, Athelstan heard her serious tone and stood up straight as she turned to him.

"I'm aware that you are not appraised to the workings of a woman's body," she said, and he blushed a little, bowing his head. She lay her hand over his shoulder, squeezing gently. "At least not when she is with child. So I do not expect you to help me with that. But with my son and my daughters. I'm sure Ragnar has already told you of his decision to put you in charge of the other servants, and it is a task I am certain you will excel at. I will have women to help me dress, but sometimes, I might desire your company to talk. That would not be too difficult. Would it, my dear Athelstan?"

"No, it would not," he agreed and laughed. Nodding, he added, "I'm happy for you. I will do whatever it is you need me to do."

She nodded as well. "Thank you. I'm going to see about breakfast. Keep an eye out for Gyda and Lilith. I think the bathhouse is still quite new to them. And tomorrow, it will be your turn."

Athelstan laughed again, shaking his head slightly as she stepped away from him. He noticed that Þórunn was finished setting the flat stones on the table, and he hurried to help her, seeing the confused look on her face.

"What is all this for?" she asked once he was close.

"Why don't you stay and find out? I'll make sure it's all right, if you wish."

She glanced around, still seeming like she was doing something wrong, but when she looked at him and saw he was serious, she nodded her agreement silently.

Only a few more minutes passed before Lilith and Gyda emerged from the private rooms of the long house, now wearing their newer dresses with their hair braided. They saw him before they saw Þórunn, and they both looked at each other for just a second before arriving at the table where the stones had been laid out.

"Good morning, girls," Athelstan greeted, embracing Gyda and kissing her cheek before he did the same to Lilith.

"You're looking better," Lilith said and smiled. "What else did Ragnar say to you this morning?"

He took her hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "It wasn't only that." He turned to where his helper was standing, gesturing for her to come to him. "This is Þórunn. She's going to help us this morning, as soon as Bjorn gets here. Þórunn, this is Lili and Gyda. Earl Ragnar's daughters. I'm teaching them to read, as well as their brother Bjorn."

Lilith lifted her eyes to Athelstan, and he nodded before she stepped in front of Þórunn, extending her hand slowly. "I remember you," she said, and the young girl in front of her bowed her head. "You helped me get dressed when we first came here. I think I knew I would be seeing you again. Gyda, come."

Gyda stepped forward with a smile on her face, taking Þórunn's hand gently. "Hello, Þórunn. I am Gyda. It's so nice to see you again."

Þórunn kept her head down, side-eyeing Athelstan, and he realized she was afraid. He stepped up to her side.

"It's all right," he assured her. "You won't get in trouble. I promise."

Slowly, she lifted her head, looking in Lilith and Gyda's eyes for the first time. A tiny smile tugged at her cheek, and after taking a deep breath, she nodded. "It is . . . nice to see you both again." She looked up at Athelstan, smiling wider. "Athelstan is very kind."

Lilith moved forward and linked her arm through Þórunn's. "That, he is," she agreed. "Come sit. You can do more than help us."

After a little hesitation, she followed Lilith's pull, and they all sat at the table.

Bjorn didn't come to the front until almost an hour later, when they were all eating breakfast with Ragnar and Lagertha. He noticed Þórunn immediately, sitting next to his father and taking his food before he glanced at her and then spoke.

"I did not know that we had acquired a new slave," he said nonchalantly. "Is she going to be like a handmaiden to Gyda and Lili?"

Athelstan opened his mouth to explain, but Þórunn stood up and hurried away before anyone could say anything else. He tried to follow her, but Ragnar stopped him.

"It is all right," he said and looked at Bjorn. "My son, you know very well that we have inherited almost all of Earl Haraldson's slaves. But we are not like Earl Haraldson or his men. We don't disrespect anyone who has no control over their situation. As you no longer do so to Athelstan. Is that understood?"

Bjorn glanced back to where she had gone, sighing heavily before he looked up at his father and nodded.

"Good. And there will be no more talk of this. We have many things to do, and today is only the first day." He turned his attention to Lilith and Gyda. "My daughters, I have arranged for you to have new responsibilities now that we are living here. You both remember Elisef? She is Leif's mother."

They both smiled and nodded.

"Well, you will both find her at the healer's hut, and she will teach you how to do what Helga and Floki did to save my life. She should feed you at least once, and you will come back here for supper and then your nighttime lessons with Athelstan. And you, my son, will be here for those, since I know you missed this morning's lessons."

Bjorn blushed, putting his head down without saying anything.

"And you, Athelstan," Ragnar said, prompting him to look up, "I want you to go down to the butcher to buy meat for supper. You will take your new charge with you, since you seem intent on taking her under your wing. You will also take Ingrid. She will help you navigate the merchants, and that way, we will know who is fair and who is not."

"Of course, My Lord," Athelstan nodded.

Ragnar smiled mischievously. "I will also require you to assist my lovely wife in anything she requires you to do today," he added. "She will assign those duties to you as they are needed. Hmm?"

Athelstan nodded again, trying not to blush and failing when he realized Ragnar's meaning. He glanced at the girls and then Bjorn before he returned to his food quietly.

"Father," Gyda said after a minute. "Why must we learn healing from Elisef and not Helga?"

"Well, my daughter," Ragnar said and looked at her. "While Helga is quite skilled in healing practices, along with Floki, they mostly like to keep to themselves in the woods. Elisef has also agreed to show you several other practices, so your knowledge will be much broader and you will one day be able to help more people." He paused leaned closer to speak to them more directly. "Now, while you are with Elisef, she is in charge of you. You will do what she asks, and you will not leave her side until it is time for supper. And she will bring you back here. Understand?"

Gyda looked at Lilith, and they communicated silently before they both looked at Ragnar. "Yes, Father," Gyda said.

"Yes, Father," Lilith said, much to everyone's surprise.

Ragnar sat up straighter than Athelstan had ever seen, glancing in his direction before he stood up and strode around the table to sit beside Lilith as she watched him. He wrapped his arm around her small shoulders and squeezed her against him, kissing the top of her head. "And now I truly feel like I have gained a second daughter," he said and laughed softly. "One day soon, we will need to celebrate and announce this to everyone in town. For that is how we welcome every new member of our family."

Lilith blushed, holding Ragnar's arm with both her hands and lifted her eyes to Athelstan as she laughed. He laughed as well, and soon, everyone else at the table joined them.

Ragnar leaned back then, putting his hands on Lilith's shoulders to face her. "You truly are a daughter of Ragnar Lothbrok," he announced. "You and your sister Gyda will have a special legacy that only the two of you will carry the rest of your days."

"And what about Bjorn?" Lilith asked and glanced at him.

Ragnar looked at his son, smirking. "My son knows what his legacy is," he nodded, and Bjorn nodded. "And one day, he will do a great many things. Of this, I am as certain as any father can be. But this celebration will be about you, my daughter."

Lilith only laughed softly.

"Now, everyone finish your food," he commanded them all. "Lots to do today."

After they all finished breakfast, they all left the long house to begin their individual tasks. Bjorn followed Ragnar and Lagertha to the Great Hall where people were already gathering to see the new Earl. Ragnar didn't look particularly happy about assuming his new responsibilities. While they did that, Athelstan collected Lilith and Gyda, as well as Þórunn and Ingrid from the kitchens, so they could all make their way through town.

After a week and a half long funeral ritual to bury Earl Haraldson, the sun was shining when they all walked through town. Most of the people they passed paid them no attention. A few of the men had their eyes on the younger girls, but none of them did or said anything. Ingrid stayed behind them all, carrying a large basket that would hold their bounty from the butcher.

"It looks so different now," Lilith said as she and Athelstan followed Gyda to the healing hut. "I didn't think that was possible."

He wrapped his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder. "Anything is possible now, Lili. We all just have to look after each other. Hmm?"

She nodded, and then he did as well.

The door to the Healing hut was standing open when they arrived, and Athelstan stepped inside with Gyda and Lilith as Elisef came up from the back room.

"Welcome!" she greeted. "Earl Ragnar said I would have two new pupils coming today." She smiled at Gyda and Lilith, lifting her wise eyes to Athelstan. "I remember you. You were with Ragnar and Lagertha when they came back from their second raid. When my husband was killed."

Athelstan bowed his head. "Yes," he said gently. "I am sorry for what happened to him."

She laid her hand over his shoulder. "It's all right. I know it wasn't you or Ragnar. It was Earl Haraldson. And I know my Erik is with the gods. He would fight his way into Valhalla with all his might. And besides, I still have my son, Leif. He carries his father's legacy."

"Of course," he agreed and nodded.

"Now," she said and looked at Gyda and Lilith, "these two lovely young ladies will learn everything I can teach them about the healing arts. And while we still these late harvest days, we might still be able to journey to the woods and learn about some medicinal herbs. But nothing too dangerous. I'll watch over them like they're mine. And perhaps, I can persuade my own son to help us. Hmm?"

Gyda and Lilith both nodded, looking up at Athelstan before he let go of them reluctantly.

"All right, girls," he said and nodded toward Elisef. "Mind Elisef, and I'll see you both at supper."

The older woman took both the girls under her arms and guided them further into the hut, leaving Athelstan at the door just moment before he sighed and stepped outside where Ingrid and Þórunn waited for him. Neither of them said anything to him, but Ingrid nodded off toward the market so they could go in their duties.

He nodded for her to lead the way, and with a huff, she did, walking away briskly. Athelstan reached for Þórunn, waiting for her to take his hand in hers before he followed Ingrid through the street. Again, no one paid them any attention. Ingrid glanced over her shoulder at him, lowering her eyes to his hand in Þórunn's and almost clenching her jaws before she looked away from him. He didn't let go, keeping his new charge close as they walked.

"You have not been a slave long, have you?" Þórunn asked as they walked.

Athelstan looked around them before he bowed his head. "No," he admitted. "I have not."

"What were you before you were a slave?"

He looked at her, noticing the genuine question in her blue eyes. "I was a monk."

Her brow furrowed deeply. "What is that?"

"It's sort of like a priest, except I didn't administer prayers to the people. I mostly copied manuscripts and went on missions."

"Was it something you always wanted to do?" she asked, still curious.

Athelstan looked away, thinking of the two years he'd been at the monastery before Lilith came. When he'd had to leave his family behind, he hadn't known why he had to stay at the monastery, not until a visitor had told him they had all died of a fever. For the first time in his life, Athelstan had felt alone. And then Lilith had come to the monastery, and everything had changed. For twelve years, he'd been devoted to his studies, but he'd also been devoted to Lilith in nearly every other way.

"Athelstan."

Þórunn's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he sighed heavily. He chose not to answer her, pulling her through the street to follow Ingrid.

When they made it back to the long house, Ingrid took their bounty from the butcher to the kitchens, bidding Þórunn to follow her and again nearly glaring at Athelstan as she left him there.

Neither Lagertha nor Bjorn had returned to the long house, but the flat stones needed to be cleaned, so he began to collect them so he could take them to the kitchens. He had only picked up a few when a small hand grabbed his arm and turned him around to be faced with Ingrid as she stood there alone.

"I just want to make one thing perfectly clear, Priest," she barked, her quiet demeanor gone. "You now have the authority to assign duties to those of us who have been absorbed into Earl Ragnar's household. You do not, however, have the right to upend all our duties that we've had since before you came here. And I will not have you filling that girl's head with promises you will not be able to fulfill. She is here to work. She is not here to be your pet."

She turned and left before he could argue, leaving him there confused.

Obviously, Athelstan had never been in charge of anyone before now. Even when he'd began taking care of Lilith, he'd never had to assign her things to do. He'd known as soon as Ragnar had given him this task that it wouldn't be easy, and he knew he would need guidance. He hadn't believed that observation would be so glaringly obvious so quickly.

Somehow, he would need to find some common ground with these new people. And he would need someone to help him. So he put down the stones in his hands and followed Ingrid to the kitchens. Hopefully, she could see that he only wanted to help.

* * *

_**So is it too much that I want to have ****Þórunn in the story earlier than she was in show? I kept thinking, she tells Bjorn that she has always been a slave, so she must have been there before Aslaug, right? I wanted to incorporate her into the story sooner to have more familiar faces, since I'm already adding new characters. There will be more in the next chapter.  
**_

_**Thank you to everyone who has followed this and put it in their favorites. Don't hesitate to drop me a line.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	17. Comfort

_**Well, I'm on time tonight, even if it is a little late in the day. We're moving ahead a little bit into the winter of the story, adding a few new characters and hopefully adding to the story as it progresses. **_

_**This chapter is split between Lilith and Athelstan, in order to get both their perspectives going in. I hope you like it as much as I do.**_

_**I also have a small announcement, but at the bottom.**_

_**Read on!**_

* * *

_**Comfort**_

The first time Lagertha showed Lilith and Gyda her growing belly, winter had already begun to set in over the entire town. The hearth burned brighter every day, and more people began congregating in the Great Hall during the day to stay warm. Sometimes, there were even people who slept there. It didn't seem to bother Lagertha or Ragnar, or Athelstan for that matter, since they didn't sleep in the Great Hall. Lilith was still uneasy about being around so many people, but Lagertha always assured her it was safe.

"This is simply the way it is," she said as gently as she ever did. "When Earl Haraldson was here, he would have done the same. As a people, we should all be able to rely on one another. Is that not how it was where you came from?"

Lilith shook her head. "No," she sighed. "By the time I was ten, only a few of the monks in the monastery could tolerate being around me. I mostly had to stay with Athelstan, and even then, it was never at night. After he found out what Father Cuthbert had done, he never left my side. And then we came here."

Lagertha sighed with her, cupping her cheek and rubbing it gently. "And now you are home," she said and smiled. "You both are. With us. And you always will be, my daughter. Hmm?"

Lilith smiled. "Yes, Mother."

The same surprise that had been on Ragnar's face just a few weeks earlier appeared on Lagertha's face, and she wrapped her arms around Lilith tighter than she ever had. "I was wondering when you would give me the gift of calling me that after you spoke to Ragnar," she gushed and kissed Lilith's head lightly. "And now Gyda and Bjorn truly have a sister they love and care for as only brothers and sisters can. And I know you will love this child as much as you love them."

She leaned back with a bright smile on her face, laying her hand over her belly and prompting Lilith to do the same.

"It is amazing that you have a baby growing inside you," Lilith marveled. "Gyda once said that a woman's body was the only one that could do it, but she never said how it came to be. How does it happen?"

Lagertha laughed softly. "Did Athelstan never tell you?" she teased.

"No, of course not. He only knew what he did because of his own mother and his older sister. And I knew why it happened before he did. He has always tried to protect me." Lilith paused and looked up at Lagertha. "How does it happen?"

"Well," she said and sighed, "the first thing you must know is that a child is a gift from the gods. So you mustn't squander it. And you are still so new to being a woman. The closer you are to being married to a man you love, the more you will learn about such things. But I will tell you that when a man and a woman love each other very much, when they join together as husband and wife and promise themselves to each other, the gods bless them with a child. And it is a beautiful and amazing love that I know the gods will bless you with when the time is right. It is the same love I have with Ragnar."

Lilith eased her hand over Lagertha's belly. "When will the baby come?" she asked softly.

"A baby takes nine full moons to come, and I believe this child will be born by the time the summer flowers are in bloom. Not an easy time to have a child, but it is what the gods have decided. That means that you and Gyda will have a new brother by the time Ragnar comes back from his raids in the West if he still chooses to do so. That also means that soon, we will all have new responsibilities and duties to perform here and in town. I'm sure Athelstan has already told you how different everything has become."

"He did," Lilith nodded. "And so far, he has been right. Just like always."

Lagertha laughed again, tucking a lock of Lilith's hair behind her ear and stroking her hair. "Well, you know, he has proven himself to be very wise. I think we will all benefit from his presence in the future. Now, it is nearly time for supper. Go and find Gyda, and I will have something important for you both before you take your reading lessons with Athelstan."

Hesitating just a little, Lilith stood from the bench by the hearth, leaving Lagertha slowly to do as she had been told.

In the last several weeks, since learning from Elisef for the first time, Lilith and Gyda had begun helping in the kitchens a little more. The older woman was a patient teacher, just as Athelstan had been to Lilith when she had been little, and she always gave them a good portion of food at midday. It was more than any of the monks at the monastery had done, save the one who had raised her. And sometimes, at the end of their lessons, which were only every few days anyway, Leif would come in from training and accompany them back to the Great Hall for supper.

Lilith liked Leif. He was funny and smart, and he was braver than nearly anyone else in Kattegat. He was also stronger than anyone she knew, even Athelstan, and he never shied away from making sure the men in town knew not to mess with Ragnar's two young daughters. In a way, he was like big brother to her, even joking with her when they sat around the hearth with everyone else after supper.

Lilith found Gyda where she usually did before supper, in the stables where the male servants tended to the horses and goats. Her sister had already begun watching men, especially ones she didn't know, and honestly, it was becoming tiresome. All Lilith wanted was to do her chores and help with supper so she could sit down with Athelstan and read. But she was obligated to keep her Little Sister out of trouble.

The side door to the stables was cracked open, allowing only a slip of light inside, and Lilith stepped inside as discreetly as she could, finding her sister in the corner with her face pressed to the wood that overlooked the main floor of the building. "Gyda!" she hissed.

Her sister waved her off just a short second before waving her forward, and Lilith followed her request, stepping up beside Gyda to see what she was seeing.

Though the stables were usually filled to the brim with male servants when it was time to feed and clean the animals, Gyda had already seemed to have latched onto a specific one, who along with his friend didn't appear to be much older than she or Lilith were. Of course they had to be working with no tunics on their backs, and one had long brown hair that he pulled back with a series of braids. The other had his dark hairer shaved like Bjorn's hair so the back of his head was exposed. They both glistened in the low light of the stables, with their muscles tensing as they went about in their duties.

"Mother's waiting for us," Lilith whispered to Gyda, who promptly pressed her finger to her lips.

After another minute, Gyda got on her toes and looked down inside the stall they were just above. Lilith followed her. Inside the stall, two people, a man and a woman lay together very closely, moving and kissing. Lilith didn't know what they were doing, despite living in a house with Ragnar and Lagertha, and when Gyda noticed, she laughed softly.

"They're having sex, Lili," she whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible. "It is what people do when they are in love. Surely, you've heard mother and father in the long house at night."

Lilith blushed without meaning to, and Gyda took her hand to pull her closer. They looked over the edge again, watching the man and woman. Lilith had heard these sounds before, and yes, it had come from Lagertha and Ragnar's rooms. But this was completely different. And this time, she could hear the man and woman speaking together.

"_We lucked out really that Earl Bjarni didn't last very long," _the man grunted as he moved against the woman with a steady rhythm. _"Your mother doesn't waste time on those things at all."_

Lilith looked a little closer at the couple, recognizing the man's face from the kitchens. Ingrid had said his name was Roald. He was supposed to be close to Athelstan's age, which given their current situation seemed fairly common. But the woman. Lilith knew her face as well. And her words further confirmed her suspicions.

"_Yes, well, it wasn't even her idea to marry me to him,"_ she moaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist. _"My father should have known better than to think he could sell me off like cattle."_

It was Thyri.

"_I did not tell my mother that I also made a sacrifice to Odin," _Thyri panted and held his body closer to hers. _"For him to make a sacrifice of my father for his duplicity. And it looks like I got my wish."_

Lilith looked up at Gyda, seeing the same realization in her eyes and knowing they had seen enough. Slowly, they stood up together, slipping out of the stables and immediately faced with Athelstan and Ingrid.

"What are you two doing out here?" he asked them in his usual commanding tone. It usually meant he'd had to go looking for them, and he was never happy when he had to do that.

Ingrid didn't look happy to see them either.

"I was coming to get Gyda for supper," Lilith lied as smoothly as she could. "Mother said she had something important for us in the Great Hall."

Athelstan eyed both of them suspiciously, almost seeing through Lilith's lie and opening his mouth to say something before Ingrid spoke instead.

"All right, then, go on to the Hall," she ordered them. "You have responsibilities to see to, just as we do."

Lilith grabbed Gyda's hand, and together, they hurried off to the Great Hall. Lilith glanced back once, seeing Athelstan and Ingrid arguing about something, but she couldn't tell what it was. Ingrid dropped the issue abruptly, walking away, and Athelstan looked up to see her watching him. With just a nod, he sent her on, turning to keep going himself. She and Gyda had just about rounded the corner to the Great Hall when she stopped and watched Athelstan slip into the stables through the same door she and Gyda had come from.

So on top of this important thing from Lagertha, Lilith would prepare herself for a long talk with Athelstan after supper.

The Great Hall was already filling up with even more people than the days and weeks previous, and Lilith side-stepped all of them to make it to the head table where Lagertha was talking with a dark-haired woman dressed similarly to Ingrid but with kinder eyes and a gentler smile. Their mother saw them and nodded for them to come to her, and as they got closer, Lilith saw Þórunn there with another girl who was about their age.

"Girls," she said and took them both under her arms, "this is Asa. I have chosen her to be my handmaid. She will help me when it is time for the baby to be born."

Asa faced both Lilith and Gyda, bowing her head. "My Ladies, it is an honor to serve your mother, and you as well."

Lagertha rubbed Asa's shoulder, nodding just once before she extended her hand to Þórunn and the girl standing next to her. They stepped forward together, looking up at Lagertha and then at Lilith and Gyda.

"You both remember Þórunn," she said and touched her shoulder gently. "She has already proven to be an able assistant to Athelstan, and she will continue to do so." She reached for the other girl whose hair was so blond that it was almost white, and she stepped closer to them. "This is Edda. She is the same age as you, Lilith. So I have decided to make her your handmaiden. In the same way that I have decided to make Þórunn a handmaiden to you, Gyda. They will both help each of you in any way you need, but remember, you are all just girls. I want you all to look after each other."

Lilith lifted her eyes to Lagertha, questioning only momentarily before her mother nodded that it was all right. She stepped in front of Edda and reached for her hand, smiling when Edda met her halfway. "It's wonderful to meet you, Edda," Lilith said as genuinely as she ever had. "I hope one day that we'll be friends, at least."

Edda looked to Asa for guidance, and when the older woman smiled the same way Lagertha had, she looked at Lilith and bowed her head. "I hope that as well," she said and smiled.

Lagertha squeezed Lilith's shoulder, kissing the side of her face before she did the same to Gyda and nudged all the girls toward the back. "Go on and get ready for supper. I will set new places for our new girls, and we will have new beds brought in for them. Quickly now."

Lilith squeezed Edda's hand gently, pulling her along as she glanced back at Gyda and Þórunn. They followed quietly, leaving Lagertha and Asa to finish setting the table for supper.

The noise of the Hall died down as they all stepped into the partition in the back to change out of the dresses they had both been wearing all day. Gyda and Lilith quickly took off their shoes, and while Gyda turned so Þórunn could untie the back of her dress, Lilith did the same with Edda, pulling her hair over her shoulders without saying anything. Almost as soon as the strings holding her dress together came undone, Lilith heard Edda gasp softly.

It took no time for Lilith to realize, and by then, it was too late to cover up. Gyda hurried to help, but Lilith stopped her.

"It's all right, Gyda," Lilith said and faced Edda. "It's all right."

"What happened to you?" Edda almost whispered.

"The place where I came from wasn't a very nice place," Lilith said and sighed. "At least not for me. And this is what they did to discipline me."

Slowly, Lilith pulled her arm out of the sleeve and showed it to Edda, allowing her closer to touch it.

"Did – Did the Priest – Did he – "

"No," Lilith said quickly, shaking her head. "Athelstan was the only one there who cared for me. And he always did what he could to protect me. Now that we're here, he doesn't have to do it alone anymore."

Edda's fingers came over the scar that rounded Lilith's shoulder before she accepted it, helping with the rest of the dress so a clean one could be put on in its place.

The new dress was tied into place before Edda spoke again, her voice stronger and clearer. "I am sorry that happened to you," she said, adding, "but I am glad that you are here now. Very much."

The smile on Edda's face made Lilith smile with her, and they nodded together.

"I'm glad as well," Lilith agreed.

Despite making it obvious that a talk was coming all through supper, when Athelstan sat down with Lilith and Gyda afterwards for their reading, he only had one thing to talk about, and it wasn't what either of them were expecting.

"The two of you can't go off like you've been doing," he told them over the materials in front of him. "It's getting colder, and soon, the winter snows will start. I talked to Lagertha, and she agreed that it's better for you to stay close to the long house. The last thing we need is for either of you getting caught away from town before a snow storm."

Gyda was more visibly disappointed than Lilith, sighing over the table and pouting as she looked over at Bjorn who didn't seem to care about what was being said. Athelstan noticed Gyda's face and moved around to her side, glancing at Lilith at he did so.

"I know this is a new place," he said and looked at them both. "I've found myself curious as well. But new places can also be unsafe. In the Spring and Summer, before Ragnar plans to go raiding, we can all go exploring together, when it's not so perilous to be out after it is dark. Please?"

Gyda, though still disappointed, nodded slowly, and Athelstan wrapped his arm around her to comfort her. He lifted his gaze to Lilith as he did so, and she noticed something different in his eyes that she had never seen before. She remembered the look he'd had upon finding them at the stables, but this was even different from that. Was it that he wanted to talk to her about what she had seen and simply didn't know how?

Lilith had already seen so many new things since coming to this place, even before they had come to Kattegat as a family. She knew she would see and hear more different things, and whether it happened now or later wouldn't make that much difference to her. It obviously mattered to Athelstan, even when he didn't know how to bring it up. Did she need to bring it up for him?

Instead of doing that, Lilith decided it was better to wait until Athelstan could do it on his own. That was what he always taught her. Until she could talk about it, then she wasn't ready for it. Maybe she would ask Lagertha about it again, since she was a woman and would know what to say.

After they finished their reading, Lilith and Gyda walked back to their room where Þórunn and Edda were already putting out their sleeping gowns. Since it was late, they both just changed and laid down to sleep. When Þórunn laid down with Gyda, Edda laid down with Lilith, and that was that.

* * *

Since coming to Kattegat and being put in charge of the servants that had been part of Earl Haraldson's household, Athelstan thought he would feel overwhelmed more than he ever had in his life. But he didn't. It was strange.

Kattegat was not like any place Athelstan had ever been, and he could honestly say he had been many places now and encountered many different people. Of all those places, Kattegat was still the most foreign, and therefore, the most dangerous, especially since he was regarded as a foreigner.

After many weeks, navigating this new world had naturally become easier, especially with his knowledge of the language and with Lagertha's help. Sharing the news of her pregnancy had allowed her trust in him to become more evident, and she always took long walks through town with him when Ragnar was being especially Ragnar-like. They usually had Lilith and Gyda with them, so no one looked at them strangely, but those walks never failed to put Athelstan's nerves on edge.

With winter upon them, staying close became the most important aspect of the days and nights, and despite making it very plain to Lilith and Gyda that they couldn't go roaming anymore, he knew the lure of a new place would be too much for them to ignore. So he had to employ different methods of making sure they weren't left alone.

Only a few weeks after speaking to Ingrid and finding common ground where the children were concerned, she had become a little more receptive to the idea of giving Þórunn and now Edda more freedom as far as tasks to do around the long house. They still had their disagreements, especially when it came to Lilith lying to cover for her sister, but for the most part, he took care of the daily chores while she handled everything in the kitchens.

That's where he found her the morning the first snow threatened to keep them all inside.

"What can I do for you now, Athelstan?" she asked from the small hearth where meat was already cooking.

"I wondered if I might speak to you about the girls," he said, watching her sigh before she stood up and moved to his side. "I hate to bother you, but what happened the other day will keep happening unless I can — _we_ can find a way to make sure Lili and Gyda are safe. I hoped you would be able to help me."

Wiping her hands on her apron, she gestured for him to go ahead of her, and they left the kitchens together. "Exactly what do you believe I can help you do?" she asked. "Those girls know you far better than they know me. I doubt they will listen to anything I say at this point."

He turned to her once they were in the main part of the house as it set mostly quiet. "Perhaps not, but you know the other girls here. Now that Lagertha has essentially assigned Þórunn and Edda to them both, they at least have someone to sit with at supper and keep them warm at night. Of which I am exceedingly grateful. But Þórunn and Edda will surely have other responsibilities once winter sets in, and that will leave Lili and Gyda with time on their hands I do not want them to have to go outside alone. Would you know any of the other girls who are close to Lili and Gyda's age who might be able to help as well?"

"Well, of course, I know the other girls," she snipped, exasperated. Athelstan sighed heavily, and then she did, thinking silently before she spoke again. "The only ones left I can think of are Gerda and Amma. Gerda is now eleven, and Amma is fourteen. All the others are women grown, and they have harder work to do with the grain stores and the animals. Gerda is only just learning to help in the kitchens, but it should be simple enough to change that. Amma is a little stubborn, but seeing that the children all seem to respond to you, perhaps she will as well. You will ask the Mistress before you make changes to their duties, yes?"

Athelstan nodded quickly. "Of course. Thank you. Their safety will be as important to me as Lili and Gyda, and Þórunn and Edda, of course."

The suspicion in her blue eyes appraised him for only half a minute before she nodded as well. "All right, then. I will find them and send them to you before breakfast."

She left with a bow of her head, stepping back to the kitchens to complete the task he had interrupted.

Thankfully, Lagertha had no problem allowing two more girls attend Lilith and Gyda, especially since it kept them inside most of the day. When Athelstan found her with Asa, she was in better spirits than he'd seen her since meeting her.

"You have made me happy in your devotion to my daughters' safety," she said as she dismissed Asa and moved to his side, taking his arm in her hands. "I am already dreaming what it will be like to have a new babe in the house, and you come up frequently in my dreams, Athelstan."

He blushed helplessly, and Lagertha squeezed his arm gently.

"Not like that," she insisted. "I dream of us as a family, and you are a part of this family. Just as Lilith is."

They stepped out of the back, and Athelstan spotted two girls waiting with Ingrid. Lagertha released him with a nudge, and he bowed his head, making his way to his two new charges.

Ingrid bowed her head just a little when she saw him, holding the girls in her arms as she spoke.

"Athelstan," she said and looked at the smaller girl, "this is Gerda." Then she looked at the taller girl. "And this is Amma. They will be your responsibility every day until it is time to start supper. Girls, you will do whatever Athelstan assigns you to do. No arguments."

Gerda looked up at Ingrid, waiting for a nod before nodding herself. Amma had to be nudged a little before she agreed, and Ingrid left them all quietly. Athelstan waited until she was gone to give all his attention to his new charges.

"Athelstan," Gerda said, her brown eyes inquisitive as she gazed up at him. "You are the one who is in charge of us now. Like Olaf was."

Her statement turned out to be an acknowledgment, and Athelstan nodded.

"That's right, Gerda," he agreed. "But I do not want you to think of me as someone who will punish you if you do something wrong. I will help you learn as best as I can, and eventually, I would like for us to be friends."

Gerda smiled and nodded, the auburn hair on her head bouncing as she did. "All right."

Athelstan bowed his head. "Now have either of you eaten breakfast?" he asked and looked at Amma.

With defiant blue eyes, she turned her gaze to Gerda, and when they both shook their heads, Athelstan sighed.

"That's all right," he said. "Lili and Gyda will be back soon with Edda and Þórunn, and I will make sure you both eat with them this morning."

Amma stood up straight and clenched her fists at her sides. "We are not meant to eat until after the Earl and his family," she argued.

"And that was before today," Athelstan said as calmly as he ever had. "Today, all of that changes. And no one else can change that except for me. All right?"

She didn't say anything for a minute, almost like she didn't believe him. But he didn't back down from what he said, and slowly, she accepted it.

"Amma," he said, and she took a deep breath, "you will sit with Gyda and Þórunn, and Gerda, you will sit with me and Lili and Edda. Now both of you, go wash up."

Neither of them argued, moving off to the side where a wash bowl waited.

Athelstan sighed as softly as he could, glancing toward the back and discovering that Lagertha had watched the whole thing with a smile on her face. She said nothing, bowing her head and turning to go back to the private room and collect Ragnar for breakfast.

The two newest faces at the breakfast table garnered only enough attention for Ragnar to be told their names, and after that, no one mentioned it or questioned it. Lilith and Gyda accepted their new friends just as easily as they had the first time, and Athelstan was more relieved than he could say, hoping this would further assist him in keeping them both out of trouble.

After breakfast, Lagertha sent the girls to their lessons with Ellisef, and Athelstan had Þórunn show Edda, Gerda and Amma how to clean the stones they practiced writing on while he spoke to Ragnar about accommodating them all with a new room that would be large enough for them all to sleep in.

"You seem to have become very interested in my daughters and their well-being," Ragnar teased as he sat at the hearth in the Great Hall. "I wouldn't be surprised if the other men around here became jealous of you."

Athelstan rolled his eyes, even as he took a deep breath and began again. "Well, it is my responsibility to look after Lili and Gyda, and Bjorn, and the girls are becoming increasingly curious about the world around them. It is my hope that the less they are left to their own devices, the less likely they are to be caught outside when it snows. And I'm hoping to find someone for Bjorn to be friends with as well, but I do not know any of the male servants here. Not yet. Right now, I'm concerned with Lili and Gyda's well-being. So will you agree to them having a room of their own then?"

The thoughtful expression on Ragnar face didn't mean that he was thinking about what Athelstan said. Always, there was a teasing comment or a harmless jab to be made by Ragnar in situations like this, and Athelstan was only just now becoming accustomed to it. He prepared himself for that very thing, knowing he would need his own facetious comment as a response.

"As usual, you have expressed your wisdom to me," Ragnar said, surprising Athelstan thoroughly. "And of course, you always see things that need to be done to ensure the safety of my children. That is why I gave you this responsibility. So yes, I will agree."

Athelstan was relieved, nodding just once and rising slowly before Ragnar could change his mind.

"But," Ragnar said, stopping him, and Athelstan huffed softly, "I still require something of you myself. So please, stay a moment. We have many things to discuss this morning."

Although he knew he would regret it, Athelstan took a deep breath and did as Ragnar said, sitting back down at the hearth as the man passed him a cup of ale. Though the prospect of being drunk again wasn't appealing to Athelstan in the slightest, he took the cup and then took a sip, being rewarded with one of Ragnar's happy smiles.

"It has been a while since we talked about England," Ragnar said as he took his own gulp of ale. "There is still so much I want to know. And when I return there in the summer, I want to explore much more of the land than I already have. Surely, by now, you understand that my gain is also yours, as it will help us survive more winters together."

Athelstan inhaled a short breath, nodding. "I understand," he agreed. "I will tell you what I know. Especially since you have asked this time."

Ragnar tilted his head, still grinning and pouring more ale into Athelstan's cup. "And perhaps if I succeed, I will bring you more things for you to use to teach my children to read and write. How does that bargain sound to you?"

Athelstan laughed softly. "We have made do these last weeks. I'm sure we will continue to do so. As long as you come back to your children and your wife, that will be bargain enough."

"To them and to you, Priest," he still teased.

"Of course," Athelstan said and nodded.

Ragnar nodded and took a gulp of his ale. "Good. Now tell me. Tell me about King Alle. You once said he was a great and powerful king. Tell me more about him. Tell me if he can be bargained with, and if so, how do I bargain with such a great and powerful king?"

Athelstan thought of everything that had been said to him by the other monks, remembering how they had all been impressed with the king. "I only know what I heard," he said and bowed his head a little. "Father Cuthbert always said he was a wise and generous man. And the other monks who met him only had positive things to say about him. He always sounded like a good man, but I was young when I heard these things. I don't know much from personal experience. I believe if you are fair, he will also be. But he is a king. And it's been my experience that kings do not always behave as you expect them to."

It looked at least like Ragnar listened, pouring more ale into Athelstan's cup. "Does this man have a family?" he asked, his curiosity obvious.

"He has a wife," Athelstain said and nodded, adding, "a son and two daughters. And he has brothers as well, though I don't know their names."

Ragnar stayed quiet for a minute, taking another gulp and groaning softly. Athelstan remembered that he was still healing from his ordeal with Earl Haraldson, and he moved to stand up.

"You're still healing," he said obviously. "You need to rest."

"What do you think I have been doing all these weeks?" Ragnar nearly demanded, lifting his annoyed face to meet Athelstan's. "My wife, my son, even my friends all nag at me to rest, and I am sick of resting. Now you will sit down and speak to me, and when I am finished, then you will go do something else. I want to talk about this now. Before someone else comes and tells me that I need to rest."

Athelstan blinked, realizing this was a command from his Earl, and he sat back down, feeling his heart in his throat as Ragnar nodded to his cup. He drank a little at first and then more until Ragnar smiled again. Athelstan remembered what Lilith had said after the funeral of Earl Haraldson, and that clearly would have to be rescinded in this instance.

"King Alle sounds like a reasonable man," Ragnar said. "But as you say, he is a king. So I will have to be careful when dealing with him. If I can negotiate with him, then we will all reap the benefits of such a thing. And I might even think of another way to reward you for your help. You have done so much for me already. Continue to do that, and your place here will always be secure."

With another gulp of his ale, Athelstan reasoned that he would have to be even more careful with Ragnar now, and that meant he had to relinquish even more information than he previously had. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He had no real connection to that place he'd come from anymore, not with Lilith beside him and this family that had taken them both in without question. But he had to bargain with his own conscience, knowing he would be allowing his own countrymen to be killed if they didn't want to deal with Ragnar. And he had to think carefully about the information he did give Ragnar. He wanted the man to return to them, after all, and the more accurate the information he gave was, the better.

The first major winter storm came just after the first of February, testing Athelstan's resolve to keep Lilith and Gyda inside with their own handmaidens even as the other servants continued to tread outside to perform their duties. The men especially tempted them to try leaving the long house and the Great Hall, where most of the people in town began to congregate because it was the warmest place in town. It wasn't easy bringing Elisef to the long house for her to teach the girls, but when Athelstan explained the trouble he was having, she understood.

Ragnar continued asking Athelstan about King Alle and about Northumbria. Some nights, they would talk long after everyone had gone to sleep, and sometimes, Lilith would find them there and lay on the bench beside Athelstan to sleep in front of the hearth. It only partially interrupted Ragnar, and then once she was asleep, he would continue asking questions. On these nights, Ragnar practiced his English with Athelstan, learning new words and lighting up almost the same way the girls and Bjorn did when they learned new things. It was almost like he had gained another student.

Along with talking about England and King Alle, Ragnar also allowed Athelstan to ask questions about the land he'd begun to call his home. Most subjects were able to be spoken about when the Hall was filled with people from town, because they all knew these things that Ragnar explained to Athelstan. The one thing Ragnar would not talk to him about was something called Ragnarok. In fact, no one would ever speak about it. It was strange that these people, who boasted about their gods more than any other culture Athelstan had ever encountered all seemed to know that this was the one thing they never spoke of. He couldn't even get Helga to tell him about it when she and Floki began staying in the Great Hall with everyone else.

Of course if he had known it would be such an endeavor for him to find out exactly what Ragnarok was, Athelstan probably would not have asked, since doing so involved being intoxicated with something stronger than ale that left him with a headache worse than he'd ever had being hung over from drinking. No one prepared him for what it would feel like to hallucinate for the first time in his life, and when he woke the next morning, he not only had a headache but also a bruise on his shoulder like he'd never had in his life.

Had he fallen out of bed in this night? Had he run into something that would make such a mark on him? He didn't dare ask Ragnar, since he knew that wouldn't produce anything more than another bout of teasing from the man. But he had to find out from someone, so he asked Lagertha when he saw her before breakfast.

When she looked upon his shoulder, she didn't look concerned, at least until she touched it and watched him withdraw from her.

"Are you in pain?" she asked him.

"It hurts a little," he acknowledged. "That is why I needed someone other than Ragnar to look at it. I know I am still learning about this world, but how can I do that if no one here will tell me? I cannot learn all of it through experiencing it alone. And then how will I prepare Lili for these things if I do not know them myself? How will I protect her when she needs me to?"

Lagertha sighed, taking him by the arms and shaking him a little. "You do not need to worry about Lilith being unsafe here," she assured him. "I know Ragnar can be intimidating at times, but he loves her the same as I do. And he cares a great deal for you. You will have to forgive his way. He was the same with Bjorn back on the farm. Ragnar always feels that learning is best done by doing, and in some way, I agree. With the sword and ax and shield, it is always better to learn by doing. It seems while we have expected you to adapt to us, we have still not adapted to you very well. Wait here," she nodded. "I will bring you something for the pain."

She gave him no time to argue, leaving quickly and returning with a small bowl that had strong-smelling ointment inside.

"Remove your leather and your tunic," she commanded.

Athelstan knew to obey, unclasping his belt and shrugging out of the leather jerkin before he lifted his tunic up and over his head. Suddenly, he was naked from the waist up as he stood in front of her, his heart hammering in his chest and causing him to blush.

The ointment was cool to the touch but quickly warmed as she began rubbing it over his bruised skin, and as she worked, his embarrassment faded. She noticed how he relaxed, grinning as she produced linen strips to lay over his shoulder.

"You are still so innocent, Athelstan," she commented. "I think I will be sad the day that is no longer the case."

"Why?" he asked softly.

With a deep breath, she stepped back and folded her hands over her growing belly. "Because then a small, bright light will have gone out in the world, and I will mourn. But I hope that even when that happens, you will still retain your ability to always see good in the world. It is your most endearing quality. Now, how is your shoulder?"

Gently, he flexed the muscle, feeling most of the tenderness gone. "Better," he nodded.

"Good," she said and picked up his tunic. "You will need to apply this to it once a day for about a week, and then you should be all healed, my friend."

Athelstan took his tunic, struggling to lift it above his head and stammering a little when she moved forward to help him. Her body brushed up against his, the fabric covering her belly meeting his just as the babe inside her moved. Lagertha 'oof'd softly, laying her hand over her belly and stepping back with a small grin on her face.

"That was not expected," she giggled and looked up at him. "I think even this child inside me likes you. Come. Feel."

Before he could protest, she grabbed his hand and lay it over her belly. Athelstan had never touched a woman's body in his life, and he was certain he should not be doing it now. But he had never seen Lagertha so happy, and he couldn't refuse her request.

And then the most extraordinary thing happened when the babe inside her moved against his hand. Athelstan gasped softly, lifting his other hand to the other side of her body and feeling it again. Lagertha laughed softly, holding her hands over both of his.

"That's amazing," he whispered and then laughed himself. "When Lili came to the monastery, she was already in a blanket. And my closest brother was nearly three years older than me, so I never saw any of my siblings be born. My only sister was old enough to have been married herself, but I was sent away to the monastery before that happened. And then a man from our village came to tell me that she was dead, along with the rest of my family."

Despite being happy just a few seconds earlier, Athelstan felt sad thinking of his parents and siblings. Every time he thought of them, he felt so much loss that not even the presence of all the people around him could fill that loss. Sometimes, even Lilith could not fill that space inside him.

"What was her name?" Lagertha asked softly.

He lifted his gaze to her, still holding her belly as she held his hands. "Who?"

She leaned in closer, lowering her voice. "Your sister. What was her name?"

Athelstan had to think for another moment, having only recited his sister's name in his mind since he'd gone to the monastery and having not truly thought of her until Gyda had asked him about her so many weeks after arriving here from the monastery. If he thought hard enough, he could still see her face and hear her voice, and when he looked at Lagertha, he spoke as plainly as he ever had.

"Her name was Wynflæd."

Just as she had with his name and Lilith's name, Lagertha furrowed her brow, forming the sounds on her lips before she accepted it, just as she had with him and Lilith. The babe inside her moved again, surprising Athelstan so much that he let go of her and took almost a full two steps back before she stopped him.

"I am sorry for what happened to your family," she said gently. "And I will pray to the gods for them to find peace with your God. I have been blessed by your presence, and I shall not ever squander that blessing. And perhaps one day, you will be able to honor them by doing good in this world. Yes?"

Though he hesitated a moment, when she tipped her head forward, prompting him to agree, he did so easily. Once he was smiling again, she did as well, picking up his leather jerkin and handing it to him.

"Before you know it," she began, "Spring will be upon us, and we will have many things to do before Ragnar leaves for England. And I know I can count on you to help me where there needs to be help."

Athelstan bowed his head, pulling his jerkin on and replacing his belt. "Yes, my Lady. And thank you for tending to me. I will see you at breakfast."

She nodded just once, and he left quietly, lifting his eyes to the heavens and praying for as much strength as he could at that moment.

* * *

_**I hope a few of the character moments weren't too much, especially where Thyri and Lagertha were concerned. It all goes into the ending of this part of the story.**_

_**Now, for the announcement. I'm getting really close to the last several chapters, and while I have them lined out, one of them still has to be written, and many of the will need to be re-written. I want to make the ending as good as I possibly can.**_

_**So I'll post the next chapter in a couple of weeks, so keep your fingers crossed that I'm able to do it.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who's following this and putting it in their favorites. Dropping a line or two wouldn't hurt either.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	18. Memories

_**I will be brief, because this is a LONG chapter, that I have had to split up. When I started writing it, I had so much to say and show, and so much of it is essential to the rest of the story. **_

_**Also, since I missed posting on Sunday and yesterday, consider this my apology. I'll try to post the second part of this tomorrow. This first part is in Athelstan's perspective, which is the longer portion, and the second part will be in Lilith's perspective.**_

_**I'm slowly but surely changing the story, but we'll see how it goes.**_

_**Read on!**_

* * *

_**Memories**_

The Spring rains couldn't come fast enough. That was what Ragnar said every time a new day of the winter months came and went. When that day came, he said it would be time to start preparing for the Summer raids. It seemed like every waking moment of the winter was spent waiting for Spring, and every day of Spring would be spent preparing for the Summer. And it wasn't only Ragnar who was anxious.

As the Spring neared and the air warmed enough for them to open the windows and doors of the long house, Lagertha seemed intent on doing just that. Her pregnancy progressed slowly but surely, and she became happier with each new day. Everyone in town had to know the status of the babe inside her, and graciously, she always obliged. The children also bombarded her with questions every morning, and they had already begun asking about names.

Lagertha told them the same thing whenever they asked.

"A name will be chosen when your father returns from England," she said on a particularly early morning when Spring was so close they could taste it. "For I am certain those two things will occur only days of each other."

Gyda and Lilith were disappointed as they usually had been, but they had no choice but to accept Lagertha's answer as it was. They both knew now that it was tradition for the Father of the Child to name them and welcome them into the family upon birth.

"You two should not worry over such things now," Lagertha said to them across the breakfast table. "You still have chores, and your father has already begun his preparations for the summer raids. You will need to keep up with each other more often now, and I want you both to know where your companions are at all times. We're almost finished with breakfast. Go on and find them so you can get to Elisef."

The girls only waited a moment, picking up their cloaks they had brought with them and rising from the table to do as Lagertha said. Once they were gone to the kitchens, Athelstan sighed to himself.

Since having Þórunn and Edda to spend time with, as well as Amma and Gerda, Gyda and Lilith had been busier and happier than he'd seen them in months. But they were also more anxious than he'd ever seen, Lilith especially because she had never been around a baby before. He knew she was nervous.

"I worry over what might happen with them while Ragnar is gone," Lagertha said, surprising him.

Athelstan turned to her. "Why?" he asked.

She sighed softly. "For many months now, they have been free to do what they will, and Ragnar and I have allowed it because they did so on the farm for many weeks. But when Ragnar leaves, I fear we will both be very busy keeping them out of trouble. They have companionship at night, but soon, we will all have extra responsibilities. Ragnar will expect all his children to be taken care of until he returns."

Before he could respond, Gyda and Lilith hurried out of the kitchens with Þórunn and Edda, and he watched them leave the long house before turning back to Lagertha.

"I've tried as much as I can these last months to have as much of their time filled as possible," he said and sighed the way Lagertha had. "Þórunn and Edda have both become able companions to Gyda and Lili. Amma and Gerda as well. But you're right. The next several months will not be easy."

Lagertha laughed softly, drawing his eyes to hers. "Perhaps we should have gotten you a companion as well," she prodded.

Athelstan blushed so easily that Lagertha rose from her side of the table and moved around to his side, sitting in front of him and taking his hand in hers.

"I'm teasing you, my friend," she giggled. "Well, maybe only a little. You work so hard. Perhaps you need someone to help you, now that Þórunn and Edda are with my daughters between breakfast and supper. There are a few male servants who are close to you in age. Perhaps we should speak to them."

Athelstan took a deep breath, glancing back to see Ingrid coming from the kitchens to collect the left-over food. "I have enough companionship," he assured Lagertha. "And taking care of the girls and Bjorn is enough to fill my days. Besides, I've seen nearly every servant you inherited from Earl Haraldson. None of the male servants seem particularly happy about a foreigner being in charge of them. I don't want to make anything more difficult than it already is."

Lagertha began to speak, stopped when Ingrid spoke first.

"My Lady," she said and bowed her head to Lagertha. "We are low on grain and milk for breakfast. I request permission to see the miller and purchase more for the coming weeks."

"Of course," Lagertha said and nodded. "Take Athelstan with you, and also go by the servants' quarters to find a new male servant for the kitchens. Someone to help Tait with supper."

Ingrid glanced at Athelstan before she bowed her head again, motioning for him to go with her. Then she smiled at Lagertha. "Thank you, My Lady."

Athelstan bowed his head to Lagertha then, following Ingrid out of the long house and tying his cloak around him as they stepped outside. He helped Ingrid with her cloak, and once it was in place, she glanced at him with a small smile.

"I must commend you, Athelstan," she said as they walked. "You have adapted to your new responsibilities well. I must also express my astonishment, if I may."

"Why is that, my lady?" he asked, a little surprised.

"Please, call me Ingrid," she requested. "I am not a lady, even by courtesy. And because, you were right about the girls. They have taken to their new responsibilities as well as you have. Edda is especially content in her new duties with Lilith. They seem to get along quite well. So I must thank you for making that possible. It's not a common thing for a slave to have such a companion."

Athelstan returned her small smile, sighing gently. "I was only doing what I thought would help," he admitted. "And I am glad as well, that it has turned out as well as it has. I know Gyda and Lilith are especially happy with the company. I only hope it helps them stay out of trouble while Ragnar is away."

She took a step closer to him, lowering her voice. "You are very devoted to those girls, and I am certain that if you do everything you can, then they will stay safe. And I know Earl Ragnar and his wife value you as much more than a slave. Whatever you need to keep their children safe will be provided to you. All you need is to ask."

He bowed his head, still smiling. "You have been very helpful, Ingrid," he praised. "Any time I have needed something, you have not hesitated to assist me. I could not ask for a better guide."

For a moment, she was speechless. He watched her face change from embarrassment to acceptance slowly, and then she smiled again, looking up at him. "You flatter me, Athelstan," she insisted. "I have merely been doing my duty to you. You are Earl Ragnar's steward, and you are above the rest of us. Some of us might not be accustomed to that, but eventually, they will. It's my responsibility to assist you in that. Now, are you ready to deal with the miller? You'll remember he can be a bit of a stickler."

Athelstan laughed softly. "Well, after the last time, I doubt I can do much worse."

She nodded, laughing just once as they continued on to the market.

The coming of Spring was celebrated with a large feast that the entire town was invited to, and Ragnar announced his plans for the Summer raids. As Ragnar's steward, Athelstan was expected to be beside him through the entire celebration, who along with Lagertha would be expected to make a sacrifice to the gods for success in the coming endeavors. It was meant to be an honor. That was what Athelstan kept telling himself as they prepared the animals.

Athelstan was no stranger to the slaughtering of animals, at least for food in the monastery, but he'd never killed an animal himself. He couldn't say he was looking forward to doing it in front of the entire town, including Lilith and Gyda.

"I have never seen you so nervous," Ragnar teased as he stood beside Athelstan. "Surely, you have seen animals killed before."

"Of course I have," Athelstan said and bowed his head. "Every winter, the butcher would slaughter animals for us to hang and store. But I never did the killing myself. It is against everything I believe."

Ragnar glanced at Lagertha as she stood on his other side, her hands protectively covering her belly. Then he whispered to Athelstan. "Then do this in the name of your God," he suggested, causing Athelstan to look at him incredulously. "It is for you and my family that I do this. For our survival and our prosperity. Do this for your family. And don't think of it as killing. Think of is as a process. Do not let him see the blade and the gods will do the rest."

Athelstan took as deep a breath as he could, drawing Lagertha's attention and prompting her to move Ragnar so she was between them. She gave her husband an admonishing glare before taking Athelstan's arm in her hand.

"Listen, Athelstan," she whispered. "If you are nervous, the animal also will be. This is a small offering, and the more you tell yourself that, the more you will believe it. Say it."

He looked at her, and she shook him gently. The animals that turned out to be three male goats were led into the town square then, and Athelstan turned to watch them.

"This is a small offering," he said softly, and Lagertha squeezed his arm encouragingly.

"The knife will do most of the work for you," she assured him. "Under the chin, just behind the jaw. You will feel the blood, and you will lay him down so they may collect the offering."

He took another deep breath as the men leading the goats stopped at the center of the square and waited. He recognized the men as servants from Haraldson's household who had been inherited by Ragnar and Lagertha. The two older men didn't look very familiar, but Tait from the kitchens stood there as well, nodding for Athelstan to come forward.

One at a time, Athelstan, Lagertha and Ragnar stepped into the square, standing with the goats and the men, and Ragnar raised his hand, bringing everyone's attention to him.

"Tonight, on this Spring Eve," he announced and glanced at Lagertha and Athelstan, "we prepare ourselves for new adventures and new lands. We ask the gods to bless us with new fortune and new knowledge. We sacrifice these offerings in their names in the hope that we shall all prosper and share in their wealth. For this is our future, my friends. And now we command ourselves to do their bidding."

The first man who looked to be many years older than Ragnar pulled a knife from his belt and passed it to his Earl, bowing his head once it was done. Ragnar took the knife and nodded to the man, whispering something to him before taking the goat's harness.

"In the name of the All-Father, Odin," Ragnar called to the people watching and waiting, "I make this sacrifice."

With two quick movements, Ragnar sliced the goat's throat and knelt to the ground, laying its head over the waiting receptacle which turned out to be a large bowl.

Athelstan thought he might be sick as he watched the blood fill the bowl, but he looked into the crowd instead, finding Lilith and Gyda as they watched with Bjorn. He took another deep breath, telling himself he was doing this for them. Not for his own God, whom he hadn't really prayed to in nearly three weeks. To the gods of this land who would be better capable of protecting these children he cared for so much. And he would do it for Lagertha and her baby, whom he already cared for as much as he could given the circumstances. And he did it for Ragnar, no matter how much the man still insisted on teasing him and prodding him for knowledge.

Once Ragnar was done, he stepped back, nodding his thanks to the man in front of him. Then Lagertha glanced at Athelstan and stepped forward to the man holding the goat she would sacrifice. He was a little younger than the first man, but still a little older than Ragnar and Lagertha. He bowed his head to her and passed the knife on his belt to her.

"Thank you, Arvid," she said so softly that only Athelstan and Ragnar could hear her.

"I make this sacrifice in the name of Njörðr," she called in a clear, powerful voice, "the god of the sea and the wind."

Again, with two quick movements, she cut the goat's throat and knelt to the ground so the bowl would collect the blood as it spilled from the animal.

Once that was done, she stood up and nodded to Arvid. He glanced at Athelstan, his blue eyes somewhere between severe and sympathetic. Lagertha turned her own gaze to Athelstan, nodding toward Tait and then covering her belly again.

Another deep breath followed, and Athelstan stepped forward, stopping in front of Tait and nodding. Though they had not spoken much in the last several months, there seemed to be an understanding in Tait's young green eyes as he passed the blade to Athelstan and then the harness. Athelstan took the things offered to him, gripping the handle of the knife and lifting his chin so everyone would hear him.

"In the name of Thor, the god of thunder and lightning," he proclaimed, stronger than he'd expected, "I make this sacrifice."

It took every bit of strength he had not to close his eyes as he swiped the sharp edge of the blade forward against the goat's throat, slicing through skin and muscle, and then back, separating the muscle from the bone within. Hot blood poured from the wound, and Athelstan knelt quickly, holding the animal's head over the bowl as its blood filled the reservoir. Tait knelt with him, balancing him and taking the animal with a nod.

Athelstan stood up then, taking a step back and then another until he was standing beside Lagertha. She touched his arm, and he looked at her, watching her face turn from proud to concerned. Passed her, Ragnar was grinning, satisfied as he kept his hands tucked into his belt. It wasn't until Tait lifted the bowl and carried it to be in front of Athelstan that he realized he was shaking. He tried to wipe his forehead, but Tait shook his head to stop him.

That was when a völva from the town came with her staff, stepping up beside Tait to dip her fingers into the blood and flick a good amount of it over Athelstan's face. He flinched without meaning to, but Lagertha held him steady as the woman came around to do the same thing to her and Ragnar. Once that was done, Tait and the other two men left with the bowls, and Ragnar spoke again.

"May we all be blessed by the gods," he shouted, obviously happy by what he had just witnessed. "And soon, we will all reap the benefits of a long-awaited and successful journey. Don't everyone celebrate too hard!"

He laughed then and motioned for the children to come forward. Bjorn immediately went to his father, and Gyda ran to her mother with a wide smile on her face. Lilith hurried to Athelstan, wrapping her arm around his waist as he draped his arm over her shoulders.

"You're as white as a sheet," she commented. "But you did well. I am proud of you, Athelstan."

He took another deep breath, holding her closer. "For the first time," he squeaked out, clearing his throat as softly as he could.

"But not for the last time," she commented, indicating that she had heard him.

He reached up to wipe his face again, but this time, Lilith stopped him.

"Don't do that yet," she commanded. "Gyda says it is an honor. And you have earned it. Who cares what anyone says?"

Athelstan couldn't stop the smirk that creased his left cheek, and when Gyda came to embrace him, he returned her gesture easily.

"Now you really are like Family, Athelstan," she giggled. "One day, soon, I hope, Father will make it official."

"Come, my daughters," Lagertha called. "Many more things to do before tomorrow."

Lilith and Gyda both hugged Athelstan once more before they followed Lagertha back to the long house. Bjorn followed them, glancing over his shoulder at Athelstan and having something that resembled a smile appear on his face.

When they were all gone, Ragnar stepped over to Athelstan's side. "You have honored me with your actions," he said very formally. "That is why I know I have not made a mistake in making you my steward. You remember Earl Haraldson's steward, Svein? He was that pudgy man who was always so full of himself and was rumored to kill boys for his master. And then Rollo buried an ax in his chest, and I knew I would have to replace him. Of course, nothing made me happier. He was an insult to our people for his crimes. I don't even think we buried him. But you," Ragnar said and turned to Athelstan.

"You give the word steward a new meaning. You are as honorable as a warrior, and you command the highest respect as naturally as you breathe. With no expectation of anything in return. It is true that I cannot make you a free man as of yet, but I will give you as much responsibility as I can. Then when the time comes, I am certain that you will earn that right on your own."

Athelstan couldn't hide his astonishment, silent as he listened to Ragnar. "My Lord?"

Ragnar took one step closer, laying his hand over Athelstan's shoulder and glancing around before he lowered his voice. "You have given me the gift of knowledge, my friend. We have spoken on many things, and you have helped me to not only understand your King but also your land. And in return, I will place you in as high a position I can until I return. When I leave, you will help my wife as she needs you, but you will also oversee every servant in my household. My children will be your children. Their companions will be your companions, and they will respect you because I command it. We made a bargain, after all, and I plan to fulfill it."

"I am overwhelmed, My Lord! And honored. Of course I will do what is needed to keep the children safe. And I will do what I can to help Lagertha. You are all my family."

Ragnar grinned, squeezing his shoulder and nodding for him to follow Lagertha back to the long house.

Athelstan didn't hesitate, doing as Ragnar had bid him to do, and he turned Ragnar's words over in his head as he walked. It was almost too much to process, especially now that nearly a year had passed since he and Lilith had been brought here. He'd watched her flourish as she adapted to the world around her, and it was more than he'd ever wanted. Now it felt like he was doing it too. Had he finally adapted? Was this place now his home?

The next morning marked the beginning of a flurry of activities that were only meant to aid Ragnar and the men he had chosen to go with him to England. Many of the male servants were assigned to do these things, taking them away from the animals needing tending and the planting needing to be done. Athelstan had a little trouble finding other female servants to help with the left over chores, but Ingrid helped, and amazingly, so did Tait. He still hadn't spoken to Athelstan in so many words, but they had an understanding. It was more than he could have hoped for.

As the boats were prepared, the warriors traveling with Ragnar sparred every morning. Many of the men leaving came to sit in the Great Hall at night, making it necessary to keep Lilith and Gyda in the long house more often than usual. Athelstan worried something might happen to them in town, so sometimes, he collected them from Elisef himself, garnering a proud nod from Leif as the man came in from sparring on the beach. Athelstan became very accustomed to seeing Leif's face, and he hoped one day that they would speak again.

Summer arrived before anyone was ready for it, bringing with it the tide and the winds needed to make a successful journey across the sea. Ragnar was ready when that day came, as were many of the men traveling with him. Athelstan was not ready. Despite having the knowledge that this would all turn out to be a good thing, he could not reconcile with how it was coming about. In order for them to survive, others would be made to suffer. He prayed the night before Ragnar was meant to leave even though he wasn't sure what to pray for anymore.

The boats were stocked and the men were gathered before Ragnar collected his own pallet and his new cloak that Lagertha had made for him. He had his sword and his shield, giving it all to Arvid who had come to assist him in this very thing, before he turned to his family as they waited.

He and Lagertha shared a kiss and a knowing look before he grasped onto Bjorn's shoulder to pull him into a short embrace. He looked in Bjorn's eyes, not speaking, waiting until his son nodded to smile and move in front of Lilith and Gyda. Finally, he spoke.

"My daughters, I will miss you terribly, but I know you will be safe. Look after each other and listen to your mother. And listen to Athelstan."

Gyda answered him by wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him as tight as she could. He kissed the side of her head and held her against him while still claiming Lilith's shoulder. When he stepped back, she mirrored Gyda, embracing Ragnar and not letting go until he released her.

"I will pray for you, Father," Lilith said softly.

He caressed her cheek as gently as ever. "Then I know the gods will be with me."

He turned to Arvid without another world, nodding for the man to follow him and leaving the long house swiftly.

The horns sounded shortly after Ragnar left, signaling that the boats were leaving, and Lagertha sighed deeply, rubbing her hands over her belly protectively.

"He will be all right," she said, though it sounded like she meant to convince herself more than anyone else.

Gyda took her mother's hand to console her. "Of course he will be. He has Leif and Arne with him. And Torstein and Floki. Even Rollo has gone with him. They will all be all right."

Lagertha squeezed her hand and then lifted her eyes to Athelstan, smiling a reassuring smile. "Well, for today, I will allow you all to do what you wish. Tomorrow, we will all have our turn in the bathhouse. After that, our new responsibilities will begin."

Gyda took Lilith's hand immediately, and they hurried off to the kitchens to find Þórunn and Edda. Bjorn turned to face his mother and Athelstan then.

"I will be down on the beach with the men who did not go with father," he announced. "One of them said he would show me his bow."

Lagertha squeezed his shoulder and kissed his forehead, which he promptly wiped away and turned to leave without saying anything. She laughed as soon as he was gone, still covering her belly.

"He becomes more of a man every day," she lamented. "Soon, my little boy will be gone, and he will be a grown man, giving me grandchildren. And then my daughters will get married and fill my life with beautiful granddaughters."

She glanced at Athelstan as she spoke, waiting for him to react, and when he didn't, she stepped closer to him.

"That does not worry you anymore?" she inquired. "Lilith growing up and getting married? Having children?"

He took a deep breath, knowing the prospect did not fill him with joy as of yet, but he knew that day was coming sooner than he wanted it to. He was no longer afraid of it, even if he tried not to think about it. "I know she's growing up," he confessed. "And I know I cannot stop it, no matter how much I want to. I do not want her to grow up too fast. She is still a child, and I want her to be a child for as long as possible. But, mostly, I want her to be happy. And as long as she is, who am I to say how that happens?"

Lagertha linked her arm around his, gently kissing his shoulder before she spoke again. "You are so wise and so innocent," she marveled. "Are you sure you are not a god, Athelstan?"

He blushed about as deeply as he ever had, and she leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"Go see about supper. The days may yet be long, but we still must keep up with our own schedule, even in Ragnar's absence."

Athelstan nodded as she released him. "Of course, My Lady."

The day after the ships left, Lagertha had new chores and responsibilities ready for all three of her children, as well as Athelstan even though his duties revolved around assisting her with the townspeople and their need to have a new gathering as soon as possible. There were many offenses that had to be dealt with while Ragnar was away, and it was now her responsibility to make sure the decisions she handed down were fair to everyone involved.

Most of the offenses were land disputes, and most of them were easy to resolve, especially since the people involved wanted the resolutions to be as simple as possible. A few of them involved stealing, and one man brought in his wife, claiming she had bore a child that did not belong to him. Lagertha settled that in a clever way that did not settle well with the man, but the woman looked grateful to Lagertha for being firm with her husband for the sake of her child.

Many of the disputes caused Lilith to have questions during their lessons before bed, and even though Athelstan did his best to explain what he could, there were some things that Lagertha had to answer to keep her from worrying.

"Everything we do is the will of the gods, my daughter," Lagertha said during one such lesson. "And it is my duty to listen to the people who come to me for judgement. But some men especially do not like our laws that allow their wives to have the same rights as they do. Those men want to have power over us, Lilith, but we must not allow that. You must never allow a man to have power over you in that way. You are just as valuable as he is, and you have the same rights to defend yourself as he does."

Lagertha took her under her arm then, lifting her gaze to Athelstan as he watched them and nodding just once. He returned her gesture, giving another stone to Edda as she waited to take them away to be cleaned.

"So, what happens when someone does something they cannot atone for?" Lilith asked after a minute.

"What do you mean?" Lagertha asked.

Lilith lifted her eyes to Athelstan. "What happens when someone is hurt like I was? Or when someone is killed?"

A soft sigh passed Lagertha's lips as she squeezed Lilith's shoulders gently. "Well," she began, "if something like what happened to you also happened to child here, then that child would be placed with another family who would not repeat the same actions. The ones responsible would be punished in the same manner they chose to take on the child."

The frown on Lilith's face surprised Athelstan so much that he moved around to sit with Lilith as she spoke.

"You mean, they would be hurt in the same way I was?" she asked, and it sounded like she didn't understand why it would be that way.

"Well, not like you were hurt, my dear Lilith," Lagertha amended from what she had said. "However they abused their child, they would endure the same thing. If they were allowed to go on without punishment, they would likely do it again. We have to ensure the safety of everyone, and this is the best way to do that. No one should ever endure what you did, for years or months or even days. But the punishment must fit the crime."

Though her expression didn't change, it looked like Lilith understood a little better. She looked up at Athelstan, another question forming in her eyes before she spoke again. "What about when someone is killed? What happens then?"

Athelstan looked up at Lagertha as she looked at him again, and he immediately thought back to when he'd seen the monks hanging in the town square in those first weeks after they had come here. He knew it wasn't the same, but he still didn't want Lilith to be exposed to that so soon. Lagertha seemed to see the fear in his eyes, and she hesitated for a minute before she looked at Lilith.

"That depends on many things," Lagertha said vaguely. "Many things have to be considered before we decide those things. And with any luck, we will not have to deal with anything so serious while Ragnar is away. It is nearly time for you to go to bed. Go on with Gyda, and we will have many more things to do tomorrow."

Lilith sighed the same way Lagertha had, rising from the table to kiss the two of them goodnight before she and Gyda both left the room alone. Athelstan watched and waited until she was gone to exhale the breath he'd been holding in, feeling Lagertha's hand on his shoulder before he glanced back at her and stood himself to finish with the stones.

Bjorn didn't stand up until his mother looked at him, nodding for him to follow his sisters to bed. He did so slowly, speaking softly. "Why did you not tell her the truth?"he asked, looking from Athelstan to his mother. "If she is my age, should she not know these things? Father had me watch so I would be a man when I received my ring."

Athelstan began to speak, but Lagertha did instead.

"Lilith has already seen enough hardship," she told him. "All her life, and she is still learning of this place. When the time comes, we will help her. And if memory serves, it was your father who 'chose' to take you to the Thing so young. If it had been left to me, another year would have passed before I allowed it. So by my counting, she has a few months more before then. Now, go to bed."

Bjorn didn't argue, turning and leaving despite not getting the answer he expected.

Athelstan waited until he was gone to stand up and move around to where Edda still waited. He helped her with the remaining stones, sending her to the kitchen and watching before he spoke without looking in Lagertha's direction.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Lagertha stood slowly, her belly somehow bigger than it had been a week earlier when Ragnar had left. She lay her hand over his arm, consoling him as he waited for Þórunn and Edda to leave the kitchens.

"Lilith is obviously a bright child," she commented. "But she is also very curious and sensitive to others. I would not want her to suffer unnecessarily, as I am certain you do not as well. She will decide when she is ready for such things, and we will be ready to teach her. You did the best you could with the restrictions placed on you. Now your resources are virtually limitless. But your pupil is still adapting. We can do this together, Athelstan. It is obviously the way the gods wanted it."

He glanced at her, overwhelmed as he absorbed her words. He had cared for Lilith alone for so long that it was still difficult to accept others helping him, and Lagertha especially had taken on the responsibilities as no one else ever had. "Again, thank you," he said softly.

She began to speak when Þórunn and Edda came out of the kitchen with Gerda and Amma, and instead, she sighed gently. He did as well, leaving her side and joining his charges to get them to bed here Gyda and Lilith had already retired.

"Athelstan," Edda said as they walked.

"Yes, Edda?"

She hesitated, and he glanced back at her, seeing that she was afraid and moving to her side. "What is it?" he asked her as gently as he could.

She glanced at the other girls, pushing out a heavy breath before she spoke again. "I wanted to ask you if you would walk to the butcher with me tomorrow," she said and took another breath.

"I wouldn't mind," he conceded. "Why do you want me to go with you?"

Edda hesitated again, putting her head down like she was ashamed, and Athelstan began to speak again when Amma spoke over him.

"She is afraid of the boys who bother her when she goes," she said curtly. "And I have told her not to be afraid of them. They see her afraid, and they bother her more."

Edda bowed her head further, tucking her chin to her chest, and Athelstan gave Amma an admonishing look before he turned to Edda.

"I'll go with you," he told her, waiting until she looked at him and nodded to let the subject drop.

"Go on to bed, all of you," he said and nodded to the room they shared with Gyda and Lilith.

None of them argued, and Athelstan waited for them to be safe inside the room to go back to the main room of the long house that was now vacant of anyone else. He finished putting away the writing materials, clearing the table and moving to put another few logs of wood on the hearth when he heard footsteps coming from the back. He looked up to see Lagertha there alone, rubbing her back with both her hands.

"My Lady, are you all right?" he called to her.

She looked up to see him there, remembering his continued presence. "I require assistance sleeping," she said softly. "He is very active tonight."

It took Athelstan a minute to realize she meant the baby, and he sighed, relieved. In just two movements, he left the hearth and strode to her side. "Of course, My Lady. I would be happy to help."

Together, he and Lagertha moved back to the private rooms and then her bed with Ragnar. She needed no instruction, climbing into the bed and reaching for Athelstan to do the same. He hesitated still, taking a deep breath as he sat over the blanket and then scooted close to her.

"What do you wish of me?" he whispered softly.

"Talk to me," she replied and settled in next to him. "Tell me about your sister."

Athelstan thought for a moment, slowly remembering details and speaking softly to keep from disturbing the girls' sleep since they were close.

Once Lagertha was asleep, Athelstan stayed next to her, remembering when she and Ragnar had approached him and how terrified he'd been. He realized now that it wasn't only because of how scared he'd been at the prospect of doing anything like that but also how horrified he'd been at actually considering what they offered him. He had prayed all night after they had left him, and he still caught himself praying whenever he heard them together now. With Ragnar gone, it had been blessedly quiet. He wondered if it was even appropriate for him to be doing this now.

Eventually, Athelstan fell asleep as he sat up in the bed still wearing his clothes and boots, and he woke up laying under the furs in the bed by himself. When he looked around for Lagertha, he saw his boots and his jerkin laying over the nearby chair. She emerged from the side door still wearing her nightgown, and he stood up as quickly as he could, stumbling a little when he did.

Lagertha hurried forward as quickly as she could. "Athelstan, be careful," she cried.

"I'm all right," he insisted. "I just stood too quickly."

She sat him down on the bed and held him there when he tried to rise. "From now on, you will not be required to rise when I enter the room. It is a ridiculous formality, and I will not have you obligated to do such a thing. Understand?"

He sighed heavily. "Of course, My Lady."

Lagertha pushed out a sharp breath, cradling his face before she moved away to gather her clothes for the day.

Athelstan made sure to leave before Asa came to help Lagertha dress, finding Edda in the kitchen and waiting for her to be ready so they could walk to the butcher's hut.

"Does this happen every time you come to the butcher, Edda?" he asked as they walked.

"Just about," she exhaled, clutching the basket in her arms as she glanced around.

"What are their names?"

"Egil is the eldest," she explained. "He is the worst of them. The other is Helge, and he is younger."

The names sounded familiar, but Athelstan had only had regular interaction with Tait and the women in the kitchens. Even the new servant Roald didn't speak to him very often. It was possible neither of these slaves had been in the long house since Ragnar had become Earl.

As they wound through the path to the butcher's hut, a familiar young man saw them and began following them. Athelstan tried to stay as far ahead of their shadow as the path allowed, but soon, the young man was just behind them. They made it to the butcher's hut before he could do whatever he was planning, and though the butcher tried to haggle them over the hens and pigs, he finally settled on a price and helped them pack everything into the basket Edda had brought with her.

For a short time, Athelstan forgot about the young man who had followed them, at least until they left the butcher's hut and discovered him there waiting with another young man about the same age.

Edda was immediately afraid, taking Athelstan's arm in her hands as the two men came closer to them. They were both taller than Athelstan and they both looked stronger, more than likely having done hard, manual labor all their lives. Athelstan knew he'd gotten physically stronger the last year of his life working in this place, but he still didn't have the kind of strength Ragnar wanted him to have.

"Good day to you, Priest," the first man sneered. "If you'll release your hold on our girl, you can be on your way."

Edda held his arm tighter, taking in a sharp breath as she hid further behind him.

"That doesn't appear to be what she wants," Athelstan countered, standing his ground as best as he could.

"And how would you know what she wants?" the other man demanded. "You're not one of us, Priest. You have no right to speak for any of us, let alone tell us how to do our work."

"Your Earl disagrees with you, so you should go about your day and leave this girl alone. She clearly doesn't appreciate your advances."

The first man didn't like being told that, and he glanced at the other before they moved closer together. Athelstan pushed Edda behind him completely, backing away until her back met the wall of the butcher's hut and there was nowhere to go.

Athelstan deduced that the first man was clearly older, and the other one was simply following along with his harassment. He glanced back at Edda, seeing how terrified she was and knowing it was his responsibility to keep her safe.

"Egil," he said, remembering how Edda had been more afraid saying his name and watching the first man react to hearing his name. "If you do not leave the girl alone now, I will have Earl Ragnar's wife, Lagertha, assign you to the worst possible work in the fields. And I have the authority to do it, since she listens to me more than anyone else. If you both walk away, this will be the last you'll see of this girl and of me. And I won't tell Earl Ragnar what you have done. I can promise his punishment will be a thousand times worse than anything Lagertha can come up with."

Egil sneered again, stepping closer and staring down his nose at Athelstan. "You think you can threaten me? Priest," he spat. He reached out before Athelstan could react, grabbing his throat and shoving him back into the wall. "I could split you in half if I wanted to."

"You're going to want to stop that, Egil."

A loud, commanding voice startled him as he still held Athelstan's throat, and he glared, turning his head in the direction of the voice. Athelstan could barely breathe, gripping Egil's arm to push him away. Over Egil's shoulder, he saw the man from their sacrifice in the Spring, the one who had helped Ragnar.

"This has nothing to do with you, Halldor," Egil spat.

"Actually, it does. You're threatening the Earl's steward, and I have been charged with protecting him as well as anyone he sees fit. That includes that girl you keep harassing. Let them go."

Egil didn't let go of Athelstan, squeezing his hand around his throat. Athelstan's vision began to turn white, and his fingertips tingled from losing oxygen.

"You're killing him," Edda cried. "Stop! Please!"

Egil glanced at his friend, and the man moved toward Halldor with a small ax in his hand.

"Helge," Halldor warned, gripping the hilt of his sword and squashing that move with just a look.

Someone grabbed Egil then, and his hand let go of Athelstan's throat a second before he fell to the ground holding his other arm. In his place, Arvid stood with a bloody knife, watching Athelstan with a blank expression.

Air rushed into his lungs, filling them quickly as he coughed roughly and falling to his knees when his legs gave out. Edda knelt to his side, taking his hand when he reached out for her. Halldor knelt beside her, taking Athelstan's shoulder.

"Take deep breaths," he commanded in English, startling Edda. "You're all right, boy."

It took a few more minutes for Athelstan to catch his breath, and in that time, Arvid collected Egil and Helge, keeping them out of the street but not out of view so everyone who passed knew what was happening. Halldor helped Athelstan to his feet, holding him steady as he got his bearings back.

"Are you from England?" Athelstan asked him in the Northern tongue so Edda would understand them.

"Originally," Halldor replied. "I was exiled to Francia and from there, I roamed through the wilderness until I was captured by the Rus. They bargained me for money from Haraldson, and I came here about ten years ago. Are you all right now?"

Athelstan took a deep breath, glancing at Edda as she still held his hand and then up at Halldor. "I am. Thank you, Halldor. Thank you both. I am in your debt. We both are."

Halldor glanced at Edda, his eyes falling on her hand in Athelstan's before he glanced back at Arvid. "We should take you to a healer," he suggested.

"No," Athelstan said. "To Lagertha. She will want to deal with them first."

It only took a moment for Halldor and Arvid to agree, and they all left the butcher's hut to go back to the Great Hall where Lagertha was holding another assembly. There weren't as many people there this morning, but when Athelstan came in with Edda, they gave all their attention to him. Lagertha was at attention immediately.

"Athelstan," she said urgently. "What has happened?"

He glanced at Edda as she kept her head down. "My Lady, Edda was just harassed in the street as she performed her duty to your household. These two young men, Egil and Helge, are responsible, and I humbly ask for you to punish them accordingly. I witnessed this myself, and one of them assaulted me as well."

The surprise on her face turned to fury immediately. She looked at Arvid and Halldor as they held Egil and Helge away from everyone else. "Arvid, Halldor, is this true?"

Both men glanced at Athelstan and Edda before they responded.

"It's true, My Lady," Halldor assented.

Arivd nodded. "Yes, My Lady."

Lagertha clenched her jaw, reaching for Athelstan and Edda. They both climbed the steps in front of her, and she spoke to Edda first.

"Dear girl, are you all right?" she pleaded.

Edda glanced at Athelstan and gave him a small smile before she turned to Lagertha and spoke. "Yes, My Lady. Athelstan protected me."

Lagertha took her hand and held it just a moment before she looked at Athelstan. "Are you hurt?" she asked, reaching for his neck where he surely already had a bruise forming.

"I am fine, My Lady. Just a little out of sorts."

She took his arm and comforted him just a little before she nodded for him to sit at her side with Edda. He did as she commanded, and she turned all of her attention to the men who had assaulted them.

"Arvid, Halldor, bring them forward."

Neither Egil nor Helge resisted, but they both glared at Athelstan as he sat above them.

"Tell me," Lagertha demanded. "Why have you done this? Why have you attacked your Steward and a handmaiden to my daughter Lilith?"

"He is not my steward," Egil spat. "He is a foreign dog who goes around marking every female in this town, and they all bow to him like little bitches."

"That is not what I asked you," she shouted over him. "Say another word against him, and you will receive the most severe punishment I can think of for your attitude. Now I ask again, why did you attack him? Why did you attack this girl?"

"Because she is a slave and I am a slave, and she has no more right than any other slave to refuse. And he got in my way. And I would have gotten him out of my way if your guard dog had not stopped me."

Lagertha took as deep a breath as she could, her nostrils flaring as she glanced at Athelstan again. "You are mistaken, Egil, in saying that she is a slave. Edda is not a slave. She is my daughter's handmaiden, which places her station far above yours. Under these circumstances, I could very well marry her to a nobleman. Like my Steward. You, on the other hand, are only a slave, and I will treat you accordingly."

The glare on Egil's face morphed from anger to fury, and he barely contained whatever retort that threatened to leave his mouth.

"Helge," she called, and Arvid pushed him forward. "Why did you help Egil do this? You know Athelstan is higher above you, and merely speaking out against him has dire consequences. But if you were not an active participant, your punishment will not be as severe as Egil's."

The blank expression on Helge's face did not change as he stood there, and it looked like he wouldn't speak at all until Lagertha looked up at Arvid.

"I have been a slave all my life," Helge stated. "And I have been told all my life that I will never achieve freedom, even after I marry and have children, and then they might not even have freedom. And this foreigner, this Christian dog comes to my home and consorts with my women like he has any right to even speak to them. I look at him now holding her hand, and it sickens me. Every one of them that he has touched is tainted now with his Christian God, and if I could, I would take all of them to Freyr for a sacrifice."

As she sat next to Athelstan, Edda hid her face behind his shoulder, more terrified than he'd ever seen anyone. He tried to comfort her, looking up at Lagertha as she still clenched her jaw. She took many cleansing breaths, turning back to Arvid and Halldor.

In an instant, her mind was made up. "Take these men to the town square. They will be chained to the stockades until I feel enough people have seen them and know that if anyone speaks against Earl Ragnar's steward or lays a hand on my daughters' handmaidens, they will receive the same punishment."

The sky boomed with thunder then, and lightning filtered through the clouds that had already begun to gather over the town. This immediately pleased Lagertha as she stood up to face Egil and Helge.

"It appears the gods agree with my decision," she proclaimed. "And I will have both of you know that if either of you attempt anything like this again, you will not be chained up in the square for everyone to see how you have betrayed your Earl. You will not be alive to experience such humiliation. Because you will both be dead." She turned to Arvid and Halldor, nodding for them to take Egil and Helge out of the Great Hall.

When they were gone, she returned to where Athelstan still sat with Edda. "Both of you go on to the long house. Elisef is with the girls now, and she will give you something for your injuries."

Athelstan didn't hesitate, taking Edda under his arm and leaving the Great Hall. The people around him no longer glared at him, but there wasn't any kind of appreciation in their eyes either. In that moment, Athelstan didn't care what looks they gave him. He only cared about keeping the girls safe.

Until Egil and Helge were taken out of the square, where they stayed for about a week, Athelstan accompanied Edda to the butcher every morning before his lessons with Gyda and Lilith. After having heard Athelstan's mother tongue, Edda began to show an interest in learning, and after asking Lagertha, he began to teach her as well. Lilith was happy to have another person to speak English with, and it seemed to bring the two of them closer together as friends.

A few days after Egil and Helge were dismissed from the household, they received two new visitors in the form of Earl Haraldson's remaining family. Athelstan had not seen Siggy since before the beginning of Spring, and even then, it had only been in passing. Thyri, on the other hand, had a tendency to spend time with Roald in the stables with the horses. Athelstan had seen her talking to him on many occasions, and they seemed to be involved.

"My Lady . . . Siggy," Athelstan said as soon as he saw her in the front entrance of the Great Hall. "How might I help you this morning?"

She stammered a little, looking at her daughter and taking a deep breath before she stepped forward. "I wish to speak to Earl Ragnar's wife," she requested. "My daughter and I both wish to speak to Lagertha."

Athelstan was a little surprised, but he bowed his head and turned for them to follow him. He walked passed Ingrid as she cleared away the breakfast table, and she looked passed him at Siggy and Thyri. When she didn't say anything, he bowed his head to keep going back to the private rooms where Lagertha had disappeared with Bjorn and the girls.

"You are wearing your Earl's colors now," Thyri said as they walked. "The Black of the Raven."

Athelstan glanced at the black jerkin he'd only just begun wearing, and he sighed softly, remembering when Lagertha had presented it to him not long after he'd protected Edda in town. He'd insisted on continuing to wear his white tunic, since he was still technically a servant, but she had told him she would soon be replacing that as well.

"So I am," he replied to Thyri's statement.

The partition to the back rooms opened quietly, revealing Lagertha as she puttered around the table and the children as they sat around the card table playing a board game. Amma and Gerda were helping Lagertha while Þórunn and Edda sat behind Gyda and Lilith putting their hair up for the day.

"My Lady Lagertha," Athelstan said, bringing all their attention to him and the two women with him. "I hope you can find it in your heart to speak to the wife and daughter of the late Earl."

Lagertha didn't hesitate, moving around to greet them. "Of course," she said graciously. "Please. Come, Siggy. Thyri. Sit down and join us."

Bjorn stood up quickly, moving to where they all stood. "Wait," he pleaded. "Earl Haraldson tried to kill my father."

Lagertha sighed softly, glancing at Athelstan and then looking at her son. "I know," she acknowledged. "And if he had succeeded, I would be standing where Siggy and her daughter are standing now. So what would you like me to say to them?"

Bjorn looked at Athelstan as well before he glanced behind him at Gyda and Lilith. Then he turned back to Siggy and Thyri. "I would ask them to sit down."

Siggy sighed then, relieved. "Thank you," she said and glanced back at Thyri, gesturing for her to sit. They took the seat away from the table, and Lagertha glanced back at her children.

"Amma, my dear, take Gerda, Þórunn, and Edda to Ingrid and see if she has anything to help with until it is time for Gyda and Lilith to go to Elisef."

For once, the eldest of them did not argue, gesturing to Gerda and then Þórunn and Edda so they could all leave.

"Mother," Lilith said, and Lagertha looked at her, "may Edda stay with me? I just started this game, and she's helping me and Gyda to beat Bjorn."

Lagertha sighed and nodded. "I suppose so," she agreed. "The rest of you go on."

Amma left with Gerda and Þórunn, and once they were gone, Lagertha sat across from Siggy and Thyri.

"I see that your lawful daughter had adapted quite well to you and her new family," Siggy commented. "I always believed she would."

Lagertha sighed as she got comfortable in her chair. "Yes, well, she was in need of a mother's affection, and she and my natural daughter have become inseparable. But that is not why you are here today. What can I do for you, Siggy?"

Siggy glanced over at Athelstan and the children before she spoke. "It is what I can do for you," she said to Lagertha. "I want to serve you, and your family."

Athelstan looked up from the wine he had begun to pour, looking at Siggy and seeing that she was absolutely serious. Lagertha looked over at him, breathing deep as she still adjusted the way she sat. He moved in quickly with a pillow she had begun using during Assembly, sliding it behind her and receiving a grateful smile before she looked back at Siggy.

"That really is not necessary," Lagertha said. "We have enough servants already, and I would be afraid you would not have much to do. And besides, I know you are already staying with Rollo. Would you not prefer to remain there for when he returns?"

Siggy glanced at her daughter, wringing her hands tightly. "Right now, I must think of the safety of my own child. I know she is already a woman grown, but even if Rollo returns, she is not his responsibility. She is mine, now that her father is gone. You are fair, and the people already respect you and your family. I have come to respect you as well, and it would be my honor to serve you."

Athelstan set three cups between the women, bowing his head to them and noticing that Thyri was grinning at him before he moved back to where Bjorn had sat back down with the girls. He noticed that Lilith was squirming a little, and when she looked at him, she pushed out a heavy breath before speaking.

"I'm all right," she assured him. "I'm just not so sure about her."

"About who?" he asked her, glancing at Siggy. "Siggy is all right. She was gentle with you when we first came here."

"Not Siggy," Lilith said, still squirming.

He glanced back at Thyri as she now held her eyes on Lagertha. "Why are you not sure about Thyri?" he asked quietly.

She opened her mouth to speak when Lagertha called him to her. He looked back, seeing her with her hand up to him. She waved him over to her, and he sighed, leaving Lilith to sit at Lagertha's side.

"Athelstan," she said and looked to Siggy andd Thyri. "You have become quite knowledgeable of our household, and you speak to Ingrid on a daily basis. Do you think we would be able to take on two additional women anywhere in the long house?"

He turned his attention to Siggy and Thyri, noticing the grin had reappeared on Thyri's face and glancing back at Lilith before he spoke. "Of course we could," he said and nodded. "Perhaps not in the kitchens, but Asa has said she will need more help with you when it is time to have the baby, and Kindra and Tova have told me they need more assistance with the clothes and the bathhouse. And anything else can be decided later on when Earl Ragnar returns."

Lagertha sighed again, holding her belly protectively. "If it's really what you want," she said to Siggy, "then I accept your offer of service."

Siggy gasped softly, moving forward quickly and kneeling before Lagertha. "Thank you," she exclaimed.

Lagertha claimed her shoulder and smiled gently. "You and your daughter Thyri are now under my protection, and you will work in my household. But I promise you that I will never treat you as a servant."

Siggy bowed her head, almost kissing Lagertha's hands before they all stood up together. Thyri followed them, and Lagertha took both of her hands as well.

"It will be time to begin supper soon, but if you would both like, you may familiarize yourself with our household again. You will find many of the women who help me will also help you. And if you need anything, you need only ask me or Athelstan, as he is Ragnar's steward and my partner in these matters until Ragnar returns."

"Thank you," Siggy said again and bowed her head again.

Thyri nodded as well, smiling as she glanced in Athelstan's direction. "Thank you, My Lady."

Lagertha laughed softly and reached for Athelstan's shoulder. "My steward will show you where Asa is, and he'll find you a proper place to sleep."

Athelstan bowed his head then as well, gesturing outside of the private rooms for them to go ahead of him and glancing back at Lilith as she sat with Edda. He could see she was still uncomfortable, and he knew he would have to find out why now that Thyri would be around the long house much more than before.

For several days, the other servants in the long house slowly became accustomed to having Siggy and Thyri in the house again. Ingrid and Asa adapted the quickest, and even though a few of the others had trouble not bowing every time they saw their former masters, for the most part, everything went on like normal.

Siggy became most useful to Lagertha, keeping her occupied as she neared the end of her pregnancy and became increasingly uncomfortable any time she had to sit down for longer than a few minutes. They frequently stood together in front of the loom, making new clothes and sometimes, Athelstan saw them talking softly. Asa still helped Lagertha in the mornings and with her baths, so there was no clashing between them, which Athelstan was glad for.

Thyri helped with the materials to make the clothes and the linens for the bathhouse. Anytime Athelstan saw her, she was spinning thread outside the kitchens, no doubt waiting for Roald to finish his duties with Ingrid and Kindra. Every now and then, he would catch her staring at him, and he would remember how uncomfortable Lilith had been just seeing Thyri again. It was several days before he had a chance to find out what was wrong, and it wasn't what he was hoping.

The summer storms got stronger as the days passed, and many of them spent days inside to stay dry. Most everyone was fine doing that, and Athelstan made sure every bed had extra blankets for the damp nights they had to endure. One such instance caused him to catch Thyri and Roald in the middle of one of their involvements, and he quickly left them alone, hearing the sounds they made fade into the background until he couldn't hear them.

He sat at the hearth that was currently vacant, which was strange until he realized how late it was, and he added another log to the hearth before he pulled a chair up to sit in and lean back. Thunder shook the house as he sat there, followed by lightning and then more thunder, and Athelstan found himself muttering softly.

"Oh, Thor, son of Odin and Earth, God of Thunder. My Friend, and Guardian of my family. Thank you for blessing and protecting my family, my house, my life. Hail Thor, I praise you. May you always watch over me and my family and my friends. Mighty Thor, grant me your strength and be with us all these blessed summer nights."

There was only a brief pause before a booming voice spoke to him. "I'll have to think about it."

Athelstan opened his eyes, discovering a broad-shouldered, leather-clad, blond-haired man sitting across the hearth from him with piercing blue eyes, much like Ragnar's. He blinked a few times, uncertain where this man had come from, and that's when he noticed how different the hearth looked. It was supposed to be rectangular-shaped and filled to the brim with burning wood. It wasn't supposed to be a circular fire pit with just a few heavy logs to keep them warm. He looked around, realizing that the long house was gone, replaced by the forest around them as dark and foreboding as ever.

"What is this?" Athelstan demanded. "Who are you?"

The blond man smiled, holding his hands over the flames. "Do not panic, Athelstan, son of Wilfred. I only wish to speak to you."

Still blinking, Athelstan thought he was drunk or hallucinating. He hadn't drunk any ale since Ragnar had left, and yet, he was imagining this. He had to be. Didn't he? How did this man know his father's name?

"You're a very curious one, Athelstan. Much better suited to the clever one, Loki, but I had to see what all the fuss was about."

Athelstan scooted forward in his chair. "Who — Who are you?"

"Well, I'd have thought it would be obvious by now," he said just as the sky lit up with lightning and boomed with thunder.

"Thor?" Athelstan whispered and then gasped, widening his eyes as far as they would go.

"Well, of course it's me! I don't usually allow a prayer to me go unheard, especially from such an unsuspecting little man. Now, curiously enough, I've also had quite a few people praying to me about you. Sometimes about how you don't belong here and should go back across the sea. Some of them even want to see me drown you, but that doesn't seem fair after everything you've done for me. That's why I wanted to talk to you myself."

"I'm dreaming," Athelstan deduced. "I must have fallen asleep by the hearth. That's the only explanation for this."

The god of thunder chuckled as he poured a large cup with ale and upturned it into his mouth in one gulp. "If you say so, Son of Wilfred. But that just makes this all the more curious for me. Most people bow to me when they see me. I must admit this is quite the change, and I can't say I don't like it. Now, to business. Why do people here still want you gone? You've sacrificed to me. You've all but pledged yourself to protecting them. You've even allowed that child who is like you to become one of them. It looks much to me like you've already adapted to this world. So surely, they must accept you eventually."

Athelstan sighed, still believing he was dreaming but listening to the words being said to him and knowing exactly why people wouldn't accept him. "It's because I will always be a foreigner in their eyes," he almost spat. "It will never matter to them how much I adapt or how much I sacrifice from my old life. I am a Christian, an outsider. That's all I'll ever be in their eyes."

"Not all of them," Thor said. He finished his ale and stood up, as tall as a mountain and glowing like the sun, moving round to sit at Athelstan's side. "There are hundreds of people in this town. Many of them speak ill of you, but I only care about the precious few who pray to me for your safety and prosperity. My brothers and sisters like to play with Midgardians, but I want to prove your worth. And right now, you are doing me a great deal of good, son of Wilfred. You just keep protecting these people you care for so much, and I have a feeling you will always be blessed by the gods."

He clapped his hand over Athelstan shoulder, chuckling and shaking him so violently than he almost fell forward into the hearth. When he sat back up, Athelstan found himself sitting in the long house with the brightly lit hearth in front of him. Beside him, he saw a large cup that still had a few droplets of ale in the bottom.

Another hand on his shoulder caused Athelstan to lift his eyes and see Olaf above him with a solemn expression on his face.

"Surely there are better places to sleep for the Earl's steward," he commented even as he sat down on Athelstan's other side.

"Sir, forgive me," Athelstan pleaded, attempting to rise but stopped by Olaf.

"Sit down, boy," the old man commanded. "I'm no longer in charge around here. I do not command such respect. I merely saw you sitting here, and I felt it was my duty to keep you company. I heard from Arvid that you had some trouble in town with Edda. She's a sweet girl. I hope you understand that."

Athelstan couldn't speak for several seconds, listening to Olaf's words and realizing. "You were in charge of the other servants while Earl Haraldson lived here," he announced loudly.

Olaf brought his finger to his lips. "Quiet your voice, boy." He sighed heavily. "But you are right. I was in charge of them all before Haraldson died. Although, after he lost his sons and had to kill one of his own men after tricking him into bedding his wife, Haraldson wasn't the same man. But you are quite different from the people here. Is that why you're sitting out here instead of back there?" he asked and pointed to the private rooms.

Athelstan huffed. "No. I was . . . trying to give someone privacy."

"Ah, yes, Thyri and her plaything. I saw them as well. With the summer coming along well, I'm sure that will become much more frequent."

"That plaything's name is Roald," Athelstan said through clenched teeth. "And you make it sound like she's using him."

Olaf shrugged. "Oh, she is. It's what she does. And she visits the healing house afterward. When her father decided to marry her off last year, he forbid her from continuing her extracurricular activities. She didn't like him doing that, so she started visiting Roald in the stables. But I'm not here to talk about her. I'm here to talk about you. You've adjusted quite well to your new position, Athelstan. One would think you might have been meant to do it all along. Especially with as well as you've gotten on with the children, particularly the girls."

Athelstan blushed, looking away and putting his head down.

"Oh, don't worry, my boy," Olaf said reassuringly. "It's part of your responsibility to do so. But because you are young, it does cause a bit of a problem with the male servants, as you have already experienced. Those same two boys did the same thing to Tait a few months ago after he assisted you at the sacrifice. But there will always be boys like that everywhere. Best not to let them get the better of you, I say."

Every time Athelstan thought about Egil and Helge, he touched his neck, remembering how close he'd been to losing consciousness. He remembered Edda screaming, and he remembered all the vile things Egil and Helge had said about how he'd been favored by the female slaves almost as soon as he'd become Ragnar's steward. He'd told himself it was because he wanted to be kind to them and show them as much respect as he could. But now, it had been observed by someone who obviously didn't believe that.

"I am only trying to keep them safe," he said of the girls in his care. "I have been charged with their safety, and if anything happened to them — "

"Nothing would happen to you," Olaf said. "Not only because you are the first slave, but you are also the Earl's steward. Those two things afford you quite a bit of privilege. If I were you, I would use that to ensure that people respect you. It is what they are obligated to do."

Athelstan leaned forward with his hands clasped together. "I do not want to obligate anyone to respect me. Respect must be earned, and it does not matter where I am. I will always feel that way."

It was quiet a minute before Olaf leaned forward as well, speaking more softly as he did. "Then it will happen eventually. I find we have much in common, Athelstan. I suppose we will see exactly how much more that becomes apparent."

Athelstan didn't have a ready answer for Olaf, so he said nothing, staring into the fire and thinking of these two odd conversations he'd just had that neither made any sense but made everything make sense all at once.

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_**I wondered if putting the sacrifice in was too much, but when I wrote it, it made sense to me, so I kept it. Same thing with the "dream" of Thor. I hope you all like it.**_

_**Again, I'll do my best to post the second part of this tomorrow, since it will be considerably shorter but still important.**_

_**Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, followed and put this in their favorites. I appreciate it more than I can say!**_

_**Until next time!**_


	19. Memories II

_**Vikings is tonight! Looks like a good time to post part two of the current chapter. Again, this is in Lilith's perspective, and it has an important ending.**_

_**A few more notes will be at the bottom.**_

* * *

_**Memories, Part II**_

Lilith woke from a strange dream to discover the room around her nearly pitch black even as Edda held her securely. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Lilith remembered her dream. There had been blood and screaming, Lagertha had been sad and angry at the same time, and Gyda had been scared. But there had been so much blood. Blood everywhere and Lagertha at the middle of it.

What did it mean?

She knew her moon blood was still a few weeks away, but maybe this didn't have anything to do with that. Lilith had always had dreams, and she always tried to decipher them on her own before involving anyone else. She wasn't sure she could do that this time.

She heard someone talking outside her room with Gyda and their handmaidens, and without waking Edda, Lilith stood up to leave the room as quietly as she could. It was still cold here at night, even in the summer, but Lilith left behind her cloak, needing to investigate this talking. Then she would go back to bed.

The main room of the long house was still bright and warm from the hearth fire, and around it, she found Athelstan as he sat with Olaf. Edda had told her that Olaf used to do what Athelstan did now, looking over the other slaves. Lilith hadn't realized Olaf was an older man, like the one who had begged to go to England with Ragnar.

Slowly, she made her way to where Athelstan sat, bringing his attention to her as she came closer, and he stood up to face her.

"Lili, it's late," he said even as he caressed her cheek. "You should be sleeping. What's wrong?"

"I had a dream," she simply said, and he sighed, removing his cloak and draping it over her shoulders so she could sit on the bench beside him.

"What was this dream?" he asked and eased her hair from her face.

She sighed softly, laying her head over his arm. "There was blood and screaming," she whispered, glancing at Olaf as he watched her. "I had never seen so much blood, and Lagertha was crying. She was sad and angry at once, and it frightened me to see her that way. But there was so much blood."

Athelstan sighed softly, holding her closer to him and kissing her head. "It was just a dream, Lili," he whispered, consoling her. "You've had many dreams before that did not come true. And I'm sure you miss Ragnar, as do I. But I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I promise you."

Lilith wrapped her other arm around him, missing his warmth and wishing she could sleep out here with him next to the fire. She'd become accustomed to Edda holding her at night, and they had already begun practicing her English when they were alone. But Lilith wanted no one except Athelstan to comfort her. No one else could quiet her fears like he could.

"You're the Earl's lawful daughter," Olaf said, and they both looked at him. "I remember seeing you the day Ragnar Lothbrok brought you here from his first raid. Dear child, do you dream like that quite often?"

Lilith lifted her head, looking at Athelstan. He nodded that it was all right, and she answered Olaf. "I do, sir. And yes, I am Ragnar's lawful daughter. Edda told me your name is Olaf."

He laughed softly. "Oh, she did, did she? Well, she would be correct. And I can already see now that you and Athelstan are very close. It must be true what they said that you both came from the same place in England."

"It is true," she nodded. "From where do you come?"

"Lili," Athelstan chastised.

"No, it's all right," Olaf said. He lowered his eyes to Lilith's. "My dear, I am from a place called Denmark. It's quite a way from here, though not as far as where you're from. Your protector here has become very astute in his position, and he's related very well to the other slaves. But he has quite a close friendship with you, and I can see that it deepens every day."

"Well, Athelstan raised me," Lilith told him. "I've known him every day of my life."

Olaf nodded. "I see. Well, it is time for me to retire. I should think the two of you need to as well. Good night, Athelstan. And good night, Lilith."

He stood up without saying anything else, disappearing out the front doors and leaving Lilith and Athelstan alone in front of the hearth.

"Edda says he is worse than the Seer when he talks in riddles and makes people act like idiots," Lilith said as she stared at the doors.

Athelstan sighed. "Lili, that's not fair. Now, come on. Is your dream the only reason why you can't sleep?"

She held onto him tighter. "No," she said softly. "I'm worried about Ragnar. And so is Gyda. What if something happens to him?"

"Nothing will happen to Ragnar," he assured her. "He's gone raiding before, and he's always come back, hasn't he?"

Lilith pulled in a deep breath and nodded.

"Then there's no reason why he would not come back now. And besides, even if something did happen to him, you have a lot of people here who care for you and would look after you. Not just me. You have Lagertha and Gyda, and Edda. The two of you have gotten close, and I am grateful for that. There are many people here who are not happy about it, and I don't want you to get hurt. Everyone in this house will protect you. Even Siggy and Thyri, despite being so new."

The mention of Thyri's name reminded Lilith of the day she'd seen her in the barn with Roald, and the fact that she and her mother were now back in the long house just didn't feel right to her. It just felt strange.

It was quiet another minute as Athelstan held her closer, and she stared into the fire, thinking about Ragnar and Lagertha and her dream and wondering what it all meant.

"Lili," Athelstan said after a minute, "I know you're still uncomfortable around Thyri. Why does she make you uncomfortable?"

Lilith sighed again, sitting up straight as she still looked into the fire. "Why does it matter?"

He rubbed her arm gently. "It matters because I don't want you to feel unsafe here. And if she makes you uncomfortable, then I can have Ingrid assign her something that will keep her from the long house most of the day. What happened? Did she do something or say something?"

She shook her head. "It's not like that. I just – I– I saw her doing something, and Gyda said to talk to Lagertha, but I never did. I thought I had forgotten it, but then she came here with Siggy, and now every time I look at her, I think about it. Like I think about my dreams. It just feels strange."

Only a second or two passed before he let go of her and turned her to face him, his hands claiming her shoulders so she could look straight at him. "Lili, did you see Thyri with Roald, from the kitchens?"

Lilith nodded.

"And did you see them – Were they – Lili, did they see you?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

He took a deep breath, as deep as she'd ever seen him, and he pulled her closer to hold her against him. "Come on," he said after a long second. "You should be in bed."

She didn't argue with him, allowing him to pull her to her feet and following him back to the private rooms.

"Are you going to sleep?" she asked as they walked.

He squeezed her gently. "I will do my best, dear girl."

They arrived at the door to her room, and he turned her to face him before letting her go inside.

"Lili, I need you to keep what you saw to yourself, all right? If you talk to Lagertha about it, don't tell her what you saw. Please? It's not something you need to be learning just yet. Okay?"

It was so strange for him to ask her not to tell Lagertha this one thing, but Lilith knew he was serious, so of course, she agreed and nodded. He moved forward and kissed her forehead.

"Go on to bed then. I'll see you in the morning."

She barely hesitated, moving back to her bed with Edda and laying down before he left, but she stayed awake a long time after he was gone, thinking about how strange it was that he acted like he'd seen the same thing she had.

Lilith eventually fell asleep, but she did not sleep long, awakened by screaming that was the most horrible screams she'd ever heard in her life. More screaming followed, and then Lagertha cried for Asa. She cried for Athelstan, and Lilith got up just as Gyda did. They woke Þórunn and Edda before leaving their room, stepping into the main room of the long house as the other servants scrambled around.

"This cannot happen! It cannot! Help me! Please!"

Lilith took Gyda's hand as they moved forward, and she glanced back at Edda and Þórunn before moving forward.

More screaming followed, and then grunting and crying, and Lilith felt her heart in her throat as she got closer to the partition that separated Lagertha's room from the main room of the house. The doors to the house sprung open to reveal Ingrid and Kindra hurrying through with basins of steaming water, but neither of them saw Lilith or Gyda.

Finally, Lilith could see inside Lagertha's room as Asa and Athelstan scrambled around the bed with Lagertha in the middle of it. They moved together as they held Lagertha up from the bed, and Ingrid and Kindra pulled the furs and linens from the mattress. Lagertha screamed again, and Lilith felt the tears in her eyes slip down her cheeks.

That was when she saw the blood covering the linens, and she knew something was wrong.

"Athelstan," she said so softly that she did not think anyone would hear her.

Somehow, he did, looking up to see her there and hurrying around the bed to where she was standing with Gyda.

"What are you doing out here?" he demanded, his hands clamped around her arms. "You can't be out here!"

"What's wrong with Mother?" Gyda cried. "Why is she screaming?"

He stood up then, the hard expression on his face not fading at all. "None of you needs to be out here. Go on back to bed now!"

Lagertha screamed again, and he shoved Lilith away from him.

"Go back to bed now! All of you! Thyri!"

She appeared behind him, and he nudged her toward them. "Take them back to their room. Now."

She didn't hesitate, moving to be in front of Lilith and taking her shoulder. "It's all right. Come on."

Though she didn't fight Thyri's pull, Lilith glanced back at Athelstan, seeing that he had blood all over his tunic and up his forearms. She looked down at her gown and discovered his hand prints over the sleeves.

"What is happening?" Edda asked as they were rushed back to their room.

"It is not for any of you to worry over right now," Thyri replied. "When it is over, they will come to get you."

"But Athelstan was covered in blood," Gyda exclaimed. "Is Mother having the baby? Was she supposed to be screaming like that?"

Thyri did not respond to that, urging them all forward.

More screaming followed, and while Þórunn and Gyda both accepted Thyri's abrupt dismissal, Lilith couldn't sit still. Every time Lagertha screamed, she would squirm, and Edda would hold her hand tighter. At one point, she stood up from where she'd been made to sit and paced, trying to hear something else even if nothing else was so loud as the sound of Lagertha struggling.

It was morning before Ingrid came to their room alone. She was still in the clothes she'd worn the day before, except now her eyes were red and her hair was so out of place that several strands were already falling around her pale face. She looked at Thyri and nodded for her to leave, and then she turned her attention to the four girls in front of her.

"What's happening?" Gyda demanded, taking Lilith's hand in hers and gripping it tightly.

For another minute, Ingrid said nothing. She struggled to find the words for so long that Lilith knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"Lagertha has lost the baby," she said as gently as she could.

Gyda began to cry as soon as the words were spoken, turning to Lilith and burying her face in her sister's shoulder. Lilith held Gyda as securely as she could, never looking away from Ingrid.

"How?" she pleaded.

"I do not know," Ingrid shook her head, covering her mouth as she let go of a soft sob. "The midwife said she was doing well last week, and last night, she woke up screaming. We may never know why this happened. It is sometimes the will of the gods that these things happen. I am so sorry, dear girl." She reached for Lilith's hand and then Gyda's. "It will be a few hours before she will be able to see anyone. I will send Asa to get you, all right?"

She stood up before Lilith called her back.

"What about Athelstan?" she pleaded. "Is he all right?"

Ingrid stood up straight then, clenching her jaw before she spoke. "He will be fine," she snipped. "All of you stay here."

She gave them no chance to argue, hurrying away without another word.

Lilith huffed, holding Gyda closer to her. Edda and Þórunn sat with them, but for several minutes, no one spoke. What were they supposed to say?

Despite knowing she was supposed to wait for someone to come and get her, Lilith couldn't sit still long enough for that to happen. There were so many people in the long house whispering and running around, and she had never experienced anything like this. It was impossible not to go looking for the one person she knew would be able to tell her what she wanted to know.

Gyda didn't stop crying all morning, and Þórunn comforted her as best as she could. Lilith bid them to stay where they were, and when she left their room, Edda naturally followed her. Lilith didn't stop her, taking her hand after a few seconds so they could walk together.

"I just want to talk to Athelstan," she reminded Edda as they walked. "No one else. All right?"

Edda nodded silently.

The long house, while vacant of most people who did not need to be there, was a flurry of activity as slaves busied themselves with as many random duties as they could find. Lilith didn't care about any of them. She didn't care that she was still wearing her night gown or that it was still stained with the blood from Athelstan's hands. She only cared about making sure he was all right.

Most of the people around her ignored her, which was fine with her as she pulled Edda through the main room of the house, and then beyond the main doors, she saw him outside. His tunic was still bloody, but his arms had since been cleaned. He stood alone as people walked passed him, and he took a deep breath before turning to come back inside. Then he saw her.

Whatever anger he'd had in him earlier had vanished completely. He hurried through the doors to where she had stopped, and instantly, she was in his arms as he held her more securely than he ever had. Her feet left the ground before he cradled her head and then kissed her cheek, whispering softly.

"I'm so sorry, Lili," he cried. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I was trying to protect you, but I didn't want to scare you. Are you all right?"

He leaned back to look at her, easing her hair from her face, and when she nodded, he kissed her cheek again and set her down on the floor. She got a better look at his face in the light from outside, seeing his eyes red and the remnants of blood over his cheek. He noticed how she looked at him, taking her hand and kneeling in front of her.

"Did Ingrid tell you what happened?" he asked softly, finally seeing Edda there and reaching for her hand as well.

Lilith nodded. "She said Lagertha lost the baby. How did it happen?"

He took another deep breath, holding their hands a little tighter. "I'm not sure. Asa said she had never seen it happen like this, but she has seen it before. Lagertha lost so much blood. We did not know if she would survive. That's why I didn't want you to be out here. Lili, I'm so sorry."

She looked at Edda, seeing a sympathetic expression on her face and turning back to Athelstan. "It's all right. I was just worried about you. Are you all right now?"

He bowed his head just a little, closing his eyes and then lifting them again to look at her. "I'm tired," he admitted. "And I'm worried about what this means. But for right now, I'm all right." He lowered his eyes to her gown, seeing the blood on her sleeves and rising to his feet. "Edda, take her to change," he half-commanded. "Then bring her and Gyda back out here. I'll see if Lagertha is up to seeing them."

Edda didn't hesitate, taking Lilith's hand again to pull her off. They only got a few steps away before Lilith ran back to him and threw her arms around him. He sighed against the top of her head, kissing her gently and squeezing her tightly. For a few precious seconds, it was quiet other than the two of them standing there, and when he let go of her again, he leaned down to kiss her before sending her and Edda to complete their task.

They were almost to the first partition when Lilith glanced back at him, noticing that while he was standing there by himself, Thyri was off in a corner of her own, watching him. She didn't know what it meant, but it made her distrust of Thyri grow just a little bit more than it already had.

Whatever happened next, it would be something no one was prepared for, but Lilith knew she would do whatever she could to get through it. She knew she would do whatever she needed to help Athelstan get through it as well.

* * *

_**I seriously thought about not writing Lagertha's miscarriage, but I felt like it needed to be written to fit into the rest of the story. So like many things, it's just a little different.**_

_**I might be changing my posting day to Wednesday since I still need a week to get the next chapter ready. Ironic that it happens to be on the same night as Vikings!**_

_**Until next time!**_


	20. Journey

_**I tried my best to get this posted last night, but it just wasn't going to happen. So here we are. And it's a long chapter for the the longer wait.**_

_**We're in Lilith's perspective here, and I've added some interesting things that will be important to the story going forward.**_

_**It's late, so I won't take up your time up here.**_

_**Read on!**_

* * *

_**Journey**_

Lilith stood beside Athelstan as he watched Lagertha more carefully than he had anyone before. In the distance, three ships drew closer to the docks they all stood on, waiting as patiently as they could for the raiding men to return. Two weeks earlier, Lagertha had lost the baby, and Asa had nearly ordered her to stay in bed. Siggy had picked up the slack, helping with chores around the long house and sending Thyri to check on the fields waiting to be harvested. For two weeks, no one had spoken about what happened. No one mentioned it to Lagertha or her children. It was a subject that was now forbidden to be mentioned.

Now Ragnar was returning. Lilith and Gyda had done everything that had been asked of them, even when it had involved leaving the long house to give Lagertha a little peace. Þórunn and Edda stayed with them and helped with the chores, as did Gerda and Amma, but it wasn't easy to stay positive when nearly everyone around town whispered it behind their backs. Bjorn handled the situation better than anyone expected him to, but when it was just their family sitting down to eat, he was more quiet than usual even if he didn't snap at people when they tried to make him talk.

Lagertha was braver than anyone expected her to be. She heeded Asa's instruction and stayed in bed for nearly four days after losing the baby, but then she insisted on seeing her children so they would know she was all right. She couldn't handle listening to the people who needed their disputes sorted, but she could reassure her son and daughters that she would be healed before they knew it.

Today was not that day.

As she stood beside Athelstan and held Gyda's hand, Lilith saw how pale Lagertha was and how weak she still looked. She stood on her own two feet, but she barely had a hold on her composure. She wasn't ready to do this, and Asa had told her as much. But of course, Lagertha had insisted.

"This is my duty to my husband," she said as they had walked to the docks. "He should hear this from me and no one else."

When Athelstan had tried to help her walk down the pier, she had pushed his hand away and shook her head at him.

"I am all right, Athelstan," she barked softly.

"No, you're not," he argued and glanced at Lilith and Gyda. "You're still healing, and Asa was plain when she said you needed to rest. Your spirit might be willing, but your body— "

"Will be fine," she said through clenched teeth. "Please. Do not coddle me. I am a grown woman. I have lost a child before. Now is no dif . . . rent."

Her voice fell silent as she gripped her belly, and Athelstan moved in again, wrapping his arm around her back to steady her.

"Of course it's different," he exclaimed. "Lagertha — "

"Earl Ragnar!"

The people around them began to cheer as the lead ship approached the pier, and at its bow, Ragnar stood ahead of everyone else. The smile on his face was unmistakable, as was his posture that stated undoubtedly the success of his travels. Lilith glanced at Gyda and then Bjorn, taking a deep breath and moving with the crowd to greet their father.

The first thing Ragnar did upon jumping from his ship to the pier was spread his arms as wide as they would go, beckoning his family to him.

"My children! Son! Daughters! Come and greet your father who returns to you with spoils and treasures. I have brought all of you gifts from England."

Bjorn was first in embracing his father, and Ragnar ruffled his hair with a kiss on his head before moving to face Lilith and Gyda. He hugged them in his arms tighter than he had upon leaving, kissing their foreheads and leaning back to look at them both.

"You are both even more beautiful than I remember," he gushed. "Though it has only been a few months, you are both quickly becoming young women. This makes me so proud."

Gyda laughed softly, sadly, and Lilith tried to keep the smile on her face as he stood up straight. She knew he had noticed their expressions, and finally, he turned to where Athelstan was still trying to help Lagertha stay on her feet.

"I was expecting a slightly different greeting upon my return," he said suspiciously. "Has something happened I should know about?"

He glanced down Lagertha's body and then back up at her face, glancing back at his children and then up at Athelstan.

"Where is my new son?" he demanded, the smile on his face quickly fading.

Lagertha clenched her jaw, pressing her lips together and glancing in Athelstan's direction.

Athelstan took a step closer to Ragnar, opening his mouth to speak. "Ragnar — "

"Our son is gone," Lagertha stated, her voice stilted as tears slipped down her cheeks.

Ragnar looked at Athelstan for nearly a minute, glancing back at Lilith and Gyda and then Bjorn before he turned back to his wife. "Gone?" he repeated. "What do you mean, gone? What happened?"

Lagertha scowled in Athelstan's direction before she glanced at Lilith and Gyda. "It was out of my hands," she sobbed, covering her mouth and turning her face from Ragnar's for only a second before he lifted her chin so she had to look at him.

Every bit of joy that had been on his face and in his voice faded completely, and despite what he'd just learned, he accepted it slowly, pulling Lagertha into his arms. He whispered to her and kissed her cheek, leaning back to look at her for a moment before he kissed her forehead and took over her care from Athelstan.

Only a few seconds passed as the other men from the boats carried their treasure from the hulls to take them to the Great Hall. Athelstan saw Torstein and Arne before he stepped forward to take Lilith and Gyda under his arms and lead them back into town. He nodded for Bjorn to follow them, and slowly, they all left the docks.

No fewer than six large trunks were set before the Earl's chair, full to the brim with gold and silver, as well as one large trunk filled with golden plates and crosses. An eighth trunk set uncharacteristically closed on the farthest end of the treasure, and Lilith regarded it curiously. What was inside it that was so mysterious that no one had thought to open it?

Ragnar helped Lagertha to her chair, kissing her forehead again and then sitting down in his chair as everyone from outside gathered around to take it the loot he'd brought back from England.

"My friends! Hail to Odin and Thor for our success. For this bounty would not be possible without them. Soon, we will begin our harvest, and that will surely supply us with the food we need to sustain us for the winter. But this treasure will bring us many other things that will see us through to next summer, when we will sail West again and bring back even greater treasure. I bid you all the come and share this victory with us. We will have a feast tonight to celebrate."

Everyone cheered and applauded as Ragnar motioned for Athelstan and his children to sit beside him. As soon as they were all close, he lowered his voice and grinned slightly.

"You will notice this last trunk that I have asked not to be opened," he told them and laughed softly. "I bargained with King Alle and gained something that will become more valuable to me than gold or silver. You will pleased to know, Athelstan, that upon my humble request, the king granted me a trunk filled with everything you will need to continue the education of my children."

Athelstan smiled as he glanced at Lilith and Gyda and then Bjorn. "Ragnar, I am stunned," he exclaimed. "But also happy. How did you manage to get King Alle to do that?"

The impish grin on Ragnar's face was enough to make Athelstan's smile drop significantly. "I made him an offer he could not refuse," Ragnar shrugged.

"Ragnar," Athelstan said carefully, "you didn't kill anyone, did you? Not for this. Not for me."

Ragnar claimed Athelstan's shoulder and squeezed him gently. "Do not worry, my friend. Your conscience should be clear. We all do the gods' bidding when they ask it of us."

Athelstan shook his head just once, standing as Ragnar waved over Tait and Halldor so they could take the trunk to the long house, and once they were gone, Athelstan turned to Lilith and Gyda.

"All right, girls," he said. "Find Edda and Þórunn. They will help you get ready for the feast tonight. Send Asa and Siggy over to help Lagertha."

Lilith didn't hesitate, taking Gyda's hand and pulling her along so they could leave the Great Hall. Neither of them spoke as they stepped across the way between the two buildings and then into the long house as the other servants went on in their duties. Finding Edda and Þórunn was easy, since they were cleaning the tables of food from their morning reading lessons. Amma and Gerda were helping Ingrid in the kitchens, so it was just the four of them in their room finding dresses to wear for the feast.

"Father did not look upset," Gyda said as she changed out of her slip dress and took a clean dress from Þórunn. "But it sometimes takes him a little while to show what he is feeling. I hope he understands it is not Mother's fault. And they can always have another baby."

"Well, of course, it isn't her fault," Lilith said as she held the small tin of ointment that Helga had given her for her birthday just a week earlier. Edda had applied it to Lilith's scars three times already, helping her to become quite familiar with them. "And I'm sure once she is healed, they will want to try for another baby. No one would deserve it more."

Edda finished with the ointment and used a linen cloth to wipe away the excess before she lifted the blue dress that waited and helped Lilith pull it over her head. Edda tied the strings at the back, speaking a little too honestly.

"If it was the will of the gods, then Lagertha would already have the sons that Ragnar desires. If that has not happened, then the gods must have a different destiny for her. Some women are not meant to simply give men sons to go off to battle."

Gyda and Lilith both looked at her, silent for a minute before she noticed and stepped back like she had done something wrong.

"Forgive me," she pleaded. "That was what my mother used to say. Before she died."

Lilith glanced at Gyda, noticing the frown on her face and sighing softly as she turned back to Edda. "It's all right," she assured her. "And I am sorry about your mother. I still do not know what happened to my mother who gave birth to me. I already know how different things are here, and I sometimes have trouble understanding why it has to be like that. Gyda helps me to understand, but perhaps you could help me as well."

Slowly, Edda lifted her head, realizing that Lilith wasn't upset by what she said and smiling a little before she gathered up Lilith's cloak so they could all leave their room.

This feast they had to celebrate Ragnar's success was not unlike any other feast they'd had since coming to live in town, even with the subdued tone everyone seemed to have in regards to Lagertha. She had to leave not an hour after sitting down, and Asa followed her as closely as she could without tripping over her. When she left, Ragnar waved Lilith and Gyda to his side, also gesturing to Torstein who was sitting just a few feet away.

"My daughters, I wanted to give you these gifts once you had already eaten enough, because when you see them, you will not believe your eyes."

Torstein arrived at the table with two small cloth pouches, colored red and blue, and lay them before Gyda and Lilith. First, Ragnar draped his arm over Lilith's shoulders and spoke softly to her.

"My daughter, inside this pouch you will find one of the rarest stones in the world," he said and helped her open the pouch. "The king himself confirmed this to me. And I immediately thought of you, for you are the rarest of them all. And it is only a small token of my love."

Inside the pouch, Lilith found a blue, beaded necklace, much like the amber necklace Athelstan had given her. But it also had white beads between the blue beads. Lilith had never seen anything like it, and she immediately smiled at her father.

"The king," Ragnar said to her, "called this blue stone lapis lazuli. And the white stone is called a pearl. They find it inside clams and harvest them like vegetables."

Lilith laughed softly and looked at the necklace again. "It's beautiful, Father," she gushed. "I love it."

She moved forward and embraced him as tightly as she ever had, waiting for him to reciprocate before she let go and watched him turn to Gyda to help her with the gift he'd brought her.

"Gyda, my love," Ragnar said and claimed her shoulders. "These gems for you are some of the only ones the King had in his collection, and as soon as I saw them, I knew they would be just for you."

From inside the red pouch, Gyda extracted a red beaded necklace with a gold clasp, and she ran it between her fingers before she laughed softly and smiled up at Ragnar. "It's beautiful," she exclaimed. "Thank you, Father."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "You are most welcome, my child," he whispered. Then he reached for Lilith to hold them closer. "These gifts are for you to know how much I thought of you while I was away. So you will know when I am gone that you are always in my thoughts. And I will always do what is in my power to return to you both, and to your brother. To your mother, and of course, to Athelstan."

He kissed them both on the head before nodding for them to return to their seats. Lilith sat next to Athelstan, still holding her necklace and showing it to him as he turned back to her from his conversation with Leif.

"Look at my new necklace, Athelstan," she exclaimed.

"It's beautiful, Lili," he said and laughed softly.

"Is it all right if I wear it with the necklace you gave me?"

He put his arm around her shoulders, bending his head so she would hear him over the gentle roar of the Hall. "Lili, you may wear any gift that is given to you if it comes from someone who loves you. Not only mine, but also Gyda's and Ragnar's, and Lagertha's, as well. I will not be upset. I promise."

She laughed and nodded.

He kissed the side of her face and nudged her back to her plate so she could finish her food before they went back to the long house.

The feasting did not diminish even when Lagertha came to get Gyda and Lilith for bed, and though she said good night to Ragnar, he only barely said anything to her, opting instead to talk to Arne and Torstein as they sat close to him. It took all of her strength not to say anything to him, collecting her daughters and leaving the Hall without saying anything to anyone else.

"Girls, I want you to get changed for bed and come back to my bed," she instructed. "Your father seems intent of entertaining his friends, and I want my daughters close to me tonight."

Neither Lilith nor Gyda hesitated, nodding their agreement and going off to change as quickly as they could. Þórunn and Edda had already returned to the kitchen, so when Lilith and Gyda finished changing, they both returned to where Lagertha was already sitting up in bed waiting.

"Mother," Gyda said as she and Lilith snuggled up under Lagertha's arms. "Tell us a story."

Lagertha smiled slightly, rubbing her forehead and then looking at Lilith to kiss her forehead. "What story would you like to hear?" she asked them.

Gyda looked at Lilith also and nodded, prompting her silently.

"Tell us about Heimdallr," Lilith requested. "I have been curious about him since you invoked his name with that couple with the new baby. What does he do?"

Lagertha's smile grew quickly, and she squeezed them both before taking a deep breath and beginning. "Heimdallr is unique even among our gods," she said and sank into the bed to get comfortable. Lilith and Gyda followed her, laying their heads on her shoulders as they listened. "Of all the gods, he is the brightest. He is the one who stands guard over all of Asgard, and he sees and hears all things. He possesses the foreknowledge of the world and knows of every prophecy. He is also a great friend to us here on Midgard. He walks among us on many occasions, and he helps those of us who are in the greatest need."

"Like the couple who had not been able to have a baby?" Lilith asked.

"Yes, my daughter. Heimdallr is said to go on seafaring journeys amongst us in Midgard. He will walk down the middle of a path and choose a deserving couple to stay with. For three days, he sups with them, advises them on their house or their farm, helping them anyway he can. He also lies with them both, sleeping between them and giving them his blessing. It is considered a great honor to be chosen by a god, for any reason."

Lilith listened intently as she always did, noticing how the smile on Lagertha's face faded a little as she told this story until it was gone completely. She wrapped her arm around Lagertha's waist and tilted her head back to look up at her.

"Mother," she murmured.

"Yes, Lilith?"

"Can people pray to Heimdallr? Would he come to those who did, or ?"

Lagertha sighed again, stroking Lilith's hair and pressing her cheek to Lilith's forehead. "My dear girl, even if you did, gods do as they wish. They do not always answer us when we pray. And besides, I have been praying to the gods since I lost my unborn son. I suppose I will until I am with child again."

Lilith breathed in as deeply as she could, holding Lagertha tighter and closing her eyes. Lagertha squeezed her and then did the same to Gyda.

"Go to sleep, my daughters. Tomorrow will wait."

Gyda didn't wait, scooting even closer and laying her hand over Lilith's arm so they were both holding onto Lagertha. Slowly, the room became still, the only sound coming from the hearth just outside the partition.

Long after Lagertha and Gyda went to sleep, Lilith lay awake with her sister and mother, remembering what she'd seen and heard the day Lagertha had lost the baby. She remembered that man who had dragged his wife in front of them and complained that she had cheated on him and wanted her punished. Lagertha had invoked Heimdallr's name for the gift of the child that woman had given her husband, and at the time, Lilith had thought it strange. But now, it made sense. Maybe if Lagertha could do that for a man in town, Lilith could do that for her mother. Maybe then, she and Ragnar would have another child.

While Gyda and Lagertha slept, Lilith thought as hard as she could, praying to Heimdallr that he would choose Lagertha and Ragnar to give a child. She could think of no one who deserved it more.

Lilith fell asleep with the god's name on her lips, and she dreamed that a bright shining man came to the town and spent time with Lagertha and Ragnar. But there was no baby. She saw blood and blades, altars and wooden bowls, dead animals hanging from their feet and Leif with an odd smile on his face. Never a baby.

Days after Ragnar's return turned into weeks, and slowly, the distance between him and Lagertha began to grow. They still slept in the same bed, and they still listened to people in town every other day, but they only spoke to each other when it was necessary. Lilith felt helpless watching them, and Gyda told her the same thing. Not even when the harvest was brought in did it prompt a word between them other than to acknowledge if they had enough food to last them through winter.

Then at the end of the autumn harvest, a single ship sailed into the fjord carrying a red and gold banner with a sun emblem over it. It was a brisk autumn day that would have normally been spent indoors, but they all had to meet this new arrival on the docks just before their midday meal.

"Who would come this late in the year?" Bjorn asked his father as they stood at the end of the docks.

Ragnar glanced in his son's direction before he looked back at Athelstan as he stood with Lilith and Gyda. "Whoever he is, we will welcome him all the same. Dealing with a King of England is one thing. This man is clearly not an Englishman. He might be a Dane or a Swede. My predecessor once tried to make an alliance with a Swede. Perhaps he is here to make an alliance."

Lilith looked at Gyda before they both looked up at Athelstan, and it looked he was thinking the same thing. The last Swede who had tried to make an alliance with Earl Haraldson had done so by marrying Thyri. Lilith had heard of alliances through marriage, even if she did not understand the practice. Would Ragnar really marry one of them off to a total stranger?

The dark-haired man standing at the front of the first boat held himself like he was very important, much like Earl Haraldson once had, and there was a younger man behind him with the same look about him. Whatever they were here for, Lilith knew one thing just by looking at them. Important men had come to Kattegat, and they brought uncertainty with them.

Men on the docks caught the lines of the boat and pulled it to the dock, helping the older man onto the pier and bowing as he stepped in front of Ragnar and Bjorn.

"Earl Ragnar Lothbrok," he stated, having not been introduced but aware of Ragnar's identity all the same.

Ragnar bowed his head slightly. "I am, and you are, My Lord?"

"I am Jarl Sigmund, of Jutland," he declared, his green eyes glittering in the clear light of day. He paused and turned to the younger man. "This is my eldest son, Ingmar. I am here because I have heard of your exploits, and I wanted to see if the stories were true. If they are, then I would also wish to make an alliance with you. For I believe, by the gods, that we would be destined to accomplish great things together."

Ragnar glanced back at Athelstan and then at Lilith and Gyda. The smile on his face fell slightly before he turned back to Jarl Sigmund. "We were not expecting you, My Lord. But we welcome you all the same. Please. My steward will show you to the Great Hall where my wife is currently preparing a midday meal for us all."

Jarl Sigmund and his son stepped around Ragnar, and Athelstan sighed softly before he nudged the girls behind him so he could face the new arrivals.

"My lords, please. If you will follow me. Bjorn, help your sisters."

That was all he said as he led the two strange men away, and before they were even a few feet away, Jarl Sigmund glanced back to Lilith and Gyda with a strange look on his face. It took them both a minute to realize that he was smiling, and it wasn't aimed at Lilith. No, it was Gyda he smiled at, and she immediately ducked behind Lilith to hide.

Ragnar followed Athelstan and their guests, and Bjorn stepped up to Lilith's side.

"Come," he commanded gently. He reached for Lilith's hand, waiting for her to take it before he started down the docks. Lilith kept her other hand in Gyda's, and they all left the docks together.

"Sister, please," Gyda whispered as they walked. "You have to protect me from that man. The same thing happened to Thyri. I don't want that to happen to me."

Lilith squeezed her hand as tightly as she could. "Do not worry, my sister. Our father would never do such a thing. And if he did, I would not let anyone take you away from here. I swear that to you."

It turned out that once they had all sat down in the Great Hall, Lagertha had already spoken to Ragnar about the possibility of an alliance through marriage, and she instructed Lilith and Gyda to sit as far from the Jarl and his son as possible. That did not deter the older man from smiling at Gyda, almost simpering. Gyda traded places with Lilith and Bjorn in order to sit next to her father, and once she was there, she scooted her chair as close to him as she could, giving no explanation, but not really needing too.

Ragnar took her under his arm as soon as she was close, kissing her in her hair and protecting her even as he spoke to Jarl Sigmund.

Lilith didn't really pay attention to what they said. She knew it was something only adults talked about, and even though she was getting older, she was still considered a child by many people. After several minutes, the only thing she could really pay attention to was Jarl Sigmund's son as he sat across from her and Athelstan.

"The two of you are different from everyone else here," he stated plainly, the twinkle in his light brown eyes as obvious as snow on a winter day. "Tell me, Steward, from where do you come? You are not a Northman, nor are you a Swede. Are you from Denmark or Götland?"

Athelstan glanced down the table to where Ragnar was sitting and engaged in a serious conversation with Jarl Sigmund. After a minute, he sighed and looked at Ingmar. "You are correct, My Lord, in saying we are not like anyone else here. We both come from England, which is the land that Ragnar sailed to this past year and brought back his treasure. We came back with him on his first raid."

The older man was taken by this, grinning wider. "Is that so? So you were both captives? Slaves?"

"I was a slave, yes," Athelstan confirmed. "For many months on Ragnar's farm before he became Earl. Then he made me his first slave, which placed me in charge of the others. Only recently did he make me his steward, but I suppose, technically, I am still a slave. Lili, on the other hand, was made Ragnar's lawful daughter as soon as she arrived here." He paused and looked at her as she looked up at him, taking her hand in his. "And I will always be grateful for that."

Lilith smiled a little, looking at Ingmar to see the grin on his face change. No longer did he look curious. Something resembling a sneer had replaced his grin.

"So the two of you must already be intended," he accused, trying not to glare and failing. "Given how close you are sitting to each other, and the ease with which you regard her."

Lilith didn't know what that meant, not even after everything she and Lagertha had talked about since her mother's miscarriage. Athelstan, however, understood Ingmar immediately.

"I assure you, my lord, that Lili and I are not intended," he nearly exclaimed even though he did not release her hand. "If and when the day ever comes for her to choose a husband, it will be her choice. And in any case, Ragnar would not marry her off to the first man who showed an interest in her. He cares for her too much."

"Don't be so sure of that, Steward," Ingmar taunted and smiled broadly. "I have four sisters, all younger than me. The youngest has just now turned fourteen, and my father has already brokered an alliance with a Jarl in Götland when she is old enough to make the journey on her own. Her elder sister was married to a Jarl in Denmark when she was sixteen, and their elder sisters were married to men who had promised money and men to my father. It is the way of our people, to join our families and make a stronger dynasty that will last for generations. If your Earl wishes to do the same, he will make the smart choice. He will marry his daughter to a powerful man who will promise him even more fame than he has already acquired on his own. Any daughter would be a good match, but of course, it is his natural daughter who will bear the burden of doing her duty to her father. Once you've lived in our country a while longer, you will understand this as well. Perhaps the two of you will be married. Since you are not like anyone else around here, I doubt they would want to mix your blood with theirs."

The look of horror on Athelstan's face was unmistakable as he stared at Ingmar. For nearly a minute, neither he nor Lilith spoke. She glanced at Gyda as she sat on Bjorn's other side, and then down the table at Ragnar and Lagertha. What were they supposed to say? What were they supposed to do?

"You look uncomfortable, Steward," Ingmar teased. "Perhaps your Earl has already mentioned doing such a thing. If not, it will happen soon. My father barely waited a day after my sisters began their moon blood to make marriage alliances for them. And this one," he said, nodding to Lilith like she couldn't speak or even react, "looks strong enough."

"Please, my lord," Athelstan shouted, bringing everyone's attention to him. He huffed and rose quickly, moving around to Ragnar's side and whispering to him urgently. Ragnar looked in Ingmar's direction.

Lilith watched her father's face change from being open and smiling to a glare that looked worse than any she had ever seen. He took Athelstan's arm and pulled him closer, whispering back and then nudging Gyda up to follow him. Gyda stood up reluctantly, and then Athelstan moved to her side.

"Come, Lili," he commanded in a similar tone to the one he'd had after Lagertha's miscarriage. "It's time for you to see Elisef. We will find Edda and Þórunn on the way."

She didn't wait, taking his hand and allowing him to pull her away from the table. She glanced back only once, noticing that both Jarl Sigmund and Ingmar watched them leave with equally disappointed looks on their faces.

The walk out of the Great Hall and into the long house to find Edda and Þórunn was a silent, short one, and since the light was already diminishing, Lilith guessed their lesson with Elisef would be a brief one. But then Athelstan retrieved a basket from the kitchens and sent Amma and Gerda to the Great Hall to help Asa, and their intended destination was not so certain.

Athelstan directed the girls away from the long house once he had the basket, and they strode through the darkening streets of town to Elisef's house, where she had begun giving them lessons with men going to the healing hut for farming accidents. He never said anything to Gyda or even Lilith as they walked, not even when he knocked on Elisef's front door.

"Athelstan!" she exclaimed as she smiled. "What a surprise! Please come in."

She stepped aside so they could all enter her house, and she took their cloaks before she closed the door.

"Elisef, please accept my apologies for this unannounced visit," Athelstan said and bowed his head. "I know it is an odd day for us to come, but we required shelter for the night. For Earl Ragnar's daughters and their handmaidens. He said you would not mind having us for the night."

He handed her the basket, which turned out to hold bread and meat and cheese for a large group of people. Elisef took the basket graciously, glancing at Gyda and Lilith before she turned back toward the hearth at the center of her house.

"It is an honor to have al you at my hearth," she laughed, gently shaking her head. "I am surprised that Earl Ragnar thought of me, but might I ask why shelter is needed for his daughters and their handmaidens? Surely the long house would be more appropriate."

Athelstan glanced at Lilith and Gyda before he looked back at Elisef. "There are guests in the Great Hall who are not being . . . appropriate with the girls," he said with a sigh. "And I did not think they would be safe. Ragnar agreed with me. If it's too much of an imposition, I could find somewhere else for them to stay, but – "

"No, it's all right," she assured him, her hands up in surrender. "You've brought enough food for all of you. I'll simply have to find a place for you all to sleep. I'm sure Leif would not mind giving up his bed, and I'll share mine."

"What are you saying about me?" Leif asked as he emerged from the back room of the house. He stopped when he saw Athelstan and the girls with him, looking over at his mother. "What is this?"

"Leif," Elisef said and gestured to Athelstan. "The Earl's daughters and their handmaidens will be staying with us tonight. And we are honored to have them here with us. So I will expect you to give up your bed tonight. Is that understood?"

After a minute, Leif gave Athelstan a nod before he turned to face Lilith and Gyda. "Now, you see. I am a grown man, and I still have to do what my mother tells me. It would be my privilege to share my hearth and my food with Earl Ragnar's daughters. And his steward. I was just about to go get some meat for supper. It looks like I will be bringing more than usual home. Please excuse me."

He turned to leave when Athelstan stood up to follow him.

"I'll come with you," Athelstan said.

Leif didn't protest, nodding and gesturing to the door before they both left.

As soon as the men were gone, Elisef emptied the basket and spread out its contents over her table.

"Girls, come and help me," she requested. "While they are out, we will prepare these things for us to eat. Perhaps I will even teach you a few things."

Lilith led the way, sitting down with Edda beside her before Gyda and Þórunn sat on the other side of the table. They all began cutting up vegetables, and Elisef cut up the meat and cheese. They were all silent a minute before Lilith spoke without looking up from her task.

"Elisef, what does 'intended' mean?" she asked.

The older woman looked up from the food in front of her. "How do you mean, dear Lilith?"

Lilith inhaled deeply, exhaling loudly before she spoke. "Between a man and a woman," she said, finally looking up at Elisef.

For another minute, no one said anything. Elisef sat down so she could face the girls as they all looked at her. "Has a boy shown an interest in you, Lilith?" she asked in a dire tone.

"No," Lilith shook her head. "At least, I don't think so. But – Just now, at the feast, Jarl Sigmund's son Ingmar implied that Athelstan and I are intended. Athelstan said that we are not, but what does it mean?"

Elisef also took a deep breath and reached for Lilith's hands. "Lilith, Dear One, being someone's intended means very simply that they intend to marry you. Just as Earl Ragnar is married to Lagertha. And I was married to my precious Erik. Though, I can guess that is not how the Jarl's son meant it when he spoke." She paused for just a few seconds, squeezing Lilith's hands. "You care for Athelstan a great deal, my child. And he cares for you. Beyond that it does not matter what people from the outside will say or think. People like the Jarl and his son only see the world one way. But it is not the only way. Hmm?"

Lilith glanced at Edda and then Þórunn before she finally looked at Gyda. Her sister nodded, and then Lilith nodded. Elisef caressed her cheek and smiled, standing up from the table.

"Finish with the vegetables," she gestured. "Once I have meat, we will begin cooking."

Athelstan and Leif returned with two full burlap sacks of chicken and pork, and Elisef almost immediately got to work preparing their supper. Lilith sat and watched as the three adults worked around the cauldron above the hearth, her eyes never leaving Athelstan as he helped Leif debone the chicken. She had seen him do it dozens of times, even now that they lived in town and had other servants to do it for him. She wasn't sure what was different now, but somehow, it was just different.

Supper was quiet, especially since neither Lilith nor Gyda had eaten much at the feast for Jarl Sigmund and his son. They were both full to the brim and exhausted by the time they turned in for bed, and Elisef helped them, as well as Edda and Þórunn to the back where the beds were waiting for them. Once she had a partition up, the girls undressed for bed to their slip dresses and eased under the furs on Elisef and Leif's beds. Elisef spent a few minutes unbraiding her hair and taking out her earrings, and once she finished, she also slipped under the furs beside Lilith and Edda.

"All right, girls," she said to them all. "Sleep well. I'll see you all in the morning."

Lilith turned so her back was to Edda's chest, and her dear friend wrapped her arms around her so they could both keep warm. She fell asleep as gently as she ever had, despite so many questions still circling around in her head.

Thankfully, Jarl Sigmund and his son did not stay longer than a few days. Lilith was not sorry to see them go, especially since Gyda was practically glued to their father's side at every meal and always disappeared into the long house whenever possible. Bjorn didn't seem too upset for the men to leave either, but he never said anything to Lilith or Gyda. Whatever the Jarl came to discuss, he left without coming to an agreement with Ragnar, but Lilith never found out what it was. Maybe the man _had_ come to make alliance with Ragnar. He left without accomplishing his goal.

Winter settled in for a second time after they had moved to town, and with new books, parchment and quills, they spent much of their time inside at the breakfast table learning new passages to read and write. Athelstan managed to find them paint and brushes, and as the short days stretched on, they all found themselves gathered around the hearth hearing stories about the gods like they had done when they had been with Floki.

For a little while, a few weeks, it looked like Ragnar and Lagertha had reconciled, and Lilith was happy to see them close again. If it was any indication, perhaps they would soon have a new baby soon. Ragnar was still quiet in the mornings, but he always had a smile for Lilith and Gyda at the breakfast table. Elisef came to the long house for their lessons as it got colder outside, and they brought in more furs for their beds.

Since they could not go outside the explore, Lilith and Gyda helped Lagertha and Siggy at the loom, spinning yarn and organizing the material for new dresses and tunics. Þórunn and Edda had to split their time staying with Gyda and Lilith, while they also helped Ingrid in the kitchens. Amma and Gerda spent most of their time doing that as well.

Then at the beginning of the year, during a heavy snowstorm, Lagertha woke in the middle of the night screaming like she had the night of her last miscarriage. This time, Ragnar was in the bed with her, and when Ingrid came to tell Lilith and Gyda, she told them Lagertha had more than likely only been a month or so pregnant. Lilith didn't go looking for Athelstan that night. She stayed with Gyda and prayed for Lagertha to recover. But she also had so many questions.

Why could Lagertha not have another baby? Why would the gods not bless her with another child, when it was so obvious that she wanted one desperately? Lilith had to admit that she knew very little about how long a woman could have children, but Lagertha did not seem so old. And she was so kind and compassionate with her children. Any child would be lucky to have Lagertha as a mother.

Ragnar came back after almost a day, and his quiet demeanor only got worse. He no longer smiled at Lilith or Gyda, and as the days stretched out into more weeks, the distance between Ragnar and Lagertha grew to the point that everyone noticed. Athelstan tried a few times to get them talking at breakfast, but it never worked. So instead he focused on getting the girls ready for Spring.

The last snows fell less than a week before the birds began singing again, and the snow melted just as quickly as it had fallen, allowing them all the leave the long house, and not too soon. Ragnar could not leave the long house quickly enough, and on one occasion, he and Athelstan disappeared into the woods after breakfast and did not return until the next morning with the prize of buck for the butcher and a new pelt for Athelstan's bed beside the hearth. That was when Ragnar made an announcement to the town.

"My friends! I know it will soon by time for us to raid again," he said to which many people murmured agreement. He glanced at Lagertha and then at his children as they sat near him, and he looked up at Athelstan before he spoke. "But this year, I have decided instead that it is long overdue that we pay tribute to our gods. You are all aware that this year marks the end of a nine-year wait for our festival at Uppsala. This summer, we shall travel there and partake in the nine-day celebration of our gods and our people, because while it is always important for us to provide for our families and our community, it is also important to remember who makes all of this possible. I will expect everyone able to make the journey to come with us and rejoice in the gods!"

The people gathered dispersed slowly, and Ragnar gestured for Lilith and Gyda, and Bjorn to come closer to him, and once they were sitting around him, he spoke quietly.

"My children, this will be a monumental occasion for us as a family," he informed them. "Your mother and I once attended the festival when we were much younger, and now you will all be going for the first time. I want this to be a wondrous experience for all of you, so if there is anything you wish to know, all you have to do is ask me or your mother. And you, Lilith, especially will want to observe and absorb as much as you can, for you will see the very essence of our culture when you see the temple at Uppsala."

Ragnar's enthusiasm rubbed off on Lilith easily, and she smiled as he leaned forward to kiss her head gently. When he leaned away, she looked up at Athelstan as he watched them and then spoke up.

"What about Athelstan?" she asked. "Will he be coming as well?"

Ragnar glanced up at Athelstan as well, a familiar smirk appearing on his face that Lilith hadn't seen in months, and he laughed softly. "Of course he will come," he said. "If that is his wish."

Lilith looked at Gyda, and together, they both looked up at Athelstan. "Will you come, Athelstan?" Lilith asked. "The whole family is coming. You should come as well."

It took a minute, but when he saw how everyone was looking at him, he bowed his head and nodded.

"Of course I will come," he agreed. "We're a family, after all. We should all go together. I will simply have Ingrid look after everything here."

Lilith smiled and looked up at Ragnar, seeing the smirk on his face even more prominent and wondering what he was thinking. It had been a long time since she had seen this look about him, probably not since she had seen him the first time almost two years previous.

Once the assembly was over, Ragnar left yet again, and Lagertha disappeared into the back of the Great Hall, leaving Athelstan to manage the servants as they began cooking supper. Lilith and Gyda left the Great Hall to find Edda and Þórunn in the long house, and they all sat around the hearth talking about the upcoming festival.

"You are both so lucky to be going," Edda gushed as she sat braiding Lilith's hair. "Everyone who is old enough to have gone before says it is an amazing experience. And to travel there is a great journey. I wish I could go with you."

"Edda, why can you not go?" Lilith asked.

Edda glanced at Gyda and then Þórunn before she spoke obviously. "Slaves are not usually allowed to go," she stated plainly.

Lilith thought back to what Ragnar had said about Athelstan going with them, and it was curious. If slaves were not usually allowed to go to Uppsala, then how was Athelstan allowed to go? Wasn't he still a slave?

The next day was warm enough for them to not only leave the long house for a little while, but to also leave town to explore the woods. Athelstan and Bjorn both took Lilith and Gyda into the awaiting wilderness with Edda and Þórunn in town with a basket of food, assuring them all it would be well before supper when they got back into town. Bjorn took his bow so he could hunt, and Þórunn carried an extra basket to pick wild mushrooms.

"Lili, I want you to stay close to Gyda and Edda," Athelstan instructed as they walked along a path barely beaten into the ground. "No wandering off today, all right?"

Lilith sighed as she held Gyda's hand, making her way up into the trees as they stood tall as the sky. The birds beckoned her forward, and Edda led them to a small clearing where wild flowers already grew.

"We should pick some flowers," Edda said, reaching for Gyda's hand so they could ease along the edge of the tall grass.

Lilith let them go, moving around the tree trunks to pick up sticks for a small fire. The birds sang so sweetly that she could not stop listening to them, keeping the trees to her right and the clearing to her left so she could look back and see Edda and Gyda. She wasn't even looking when she saw the doe in front of her as it stared at her. Lilith didn't move, not wanting to scare it away. It only took a step or two toward her before it turned and ran away. She thought it was strange, continuing in her task and looking down to see a bird lying on the ground. It was dead.

With a look behind her, Lilith knelt to the ground and gently lifted the bird in her hands. She had never seen dead animals before, not like this. It was cold but still soft, so it must have just died. Lilith held it just half a minute before it suddenly sprung to life, chirping loudly and flapping it wings, almost shaking away whatever had overtaken it. It appeared almost like it gazed up at her before it flew away, singing its song and disappearing into the trees above her. Lilith was confused. How could a dead animal come back to life?

With her sticks in hand, Lilith ran back around the edge of the clearing, into the trees where she had left Athelstan. He was sorting through the mushrooms Þórunn had picked, and when he saw her running to him, he turned to catch her just as she got to him.

"Lili, what's wrong? Why are you running?"

"I found a bird! It was on the ground, it was dead! But then it was alive! And it flew away!"

He lifted his hands to her face, speaking calmly. "Lili, stop shouting. I'm right here. Now slow down and start again. What happened?"

Lilith took as deep a breath as she could, lifting her hands to his arms. "I was gathering sticks for a fire," she said and inhaled again. "Gyda and Edda were picking flowers. There was a doe, but it ran off. I looked down and there was a bird on the ground. It was dead. I knew because it was cold. But then it came back to life! I didn't think dead animals could do that."

The confusion on Athelstan's face was as plain as day, and he looked around to see that at that moment, it was just the two of them in the spot where he'd caught her. He lay his hands on her shoulders, sighing softly before he spoke again.

"It's all right, Lili," he assured her. "I'm sure it wasn't dead. The branches of the trees are so high up. It probably fell and hit the ground. Sometimes, when that happens, the birds can look like they're dead, except they are usually only asleep."

He sounded so certain, but Lilith shook her head. "But it was so cold," she pressed. "Doesn't that mean its heart stopped? I touched it, and it came to life!"

Gently, he caressed her cheek. "I'm sure that's how it seemed. But I've seen it before, and besides, people can't bring things back from the dead. Only God can do that, and sometimes, even He cannot do that. It flew away, didn't it?"

Lilith nodded, breathing deeply again and feeling the urgency of what had happened fade slowly.

"Then everything is as it should be. Come on. You can help me sort through the mushrooms. And then you can practice your drawing. It's been too long since we got to do that, hmm?"

With one last deep breath, she slipped her hand into his when he offered it, sitting down on a fallen log to look through the basket of mushrooms. She thought back to the bird, so certain of what she had seen and felt, but maybe Athelstan was right. Maybe it hadn't been dead at all.

The time to leave for Uppsala came more quickly than Lilith expected, even with Athelstan and Bjorn walking into the woods with her and Gyda every other day. Edda and Þórunn went with them, and sometimes Amma and Gerda did as well. The animals all came out as it got warmer, and the flowers blossomed brighter. The closer they got to summer, the more it felt like they were approaching something important.

People in town began talking about the festival not long after it was announced, and by the time they were all ready to leave, it was all anyone could talk about. Even the slaves could not speak about anything else. Lilith had never seen or heard anything like it.

"How will we get to Uppsala?" Lilith asked as she and Gyda helped Lagertha pack up their sleeping bundles.

"Well, first, we will take the boats," Lagertha told her. "It is a long way to the temple, and it is easier to sail most of the way there. When we reach the other side of the fjord, we will begin walking, and then we will reach the hills and mountains. It will take quite a few days, so I want you and Gyda to wear your boots. You can take your shoes for when we visit the grove."

Lilith nodded as she handed Gyda the last of their belongings. "Why do we only go to Uppsala every nine years?" she asked.

Lagertha glanced at Gyda and grinned slightly, sitting on the bed and beckoning Lilith to her. She took Lilith under her arm and squeezed her shoulder gently. "It is because the number nine is very important to us. There are nine worlds within the limbs of Yggdrasil, the source of all life. The god Heimdallr had nine mothers to give him life. Njörðr and his wife Skaði spent nine nights each in Thrymheim and Nóatún when disagreeing on where to live. And the great god Odin hanged from Yggdrasil for nine days and nights to receive the knowledge of everything. And while we honor our gods every day, the festival at Uppsala is an especially important time for us to honor them and please them. When we arrive and after we are blessed, I will explain it all to you. Right now, go and get your satchels with your new journals. I'm sure you will want to remember every moment of this journey."

Lilith smiled and nodded again, following Gyda out of the room and hurrying to where Þórunn and Edda were finishing with packs of clothes and the necklaces Ragnar had given them the year previous.

"I wish you could come with us," Lilith said to Edda.

"You will simply have to remember all of it and tell me about it when you return," Edda said as she helped Lilith with the bundle of her clothes.

Lilith sighed softly, remembering why Edda couldn't go and thinking it was silly. She took the bundle, and together, she and Edda followed Gyda and Þórunn out into the main room of the long house where Athelstan was waiting for them. Leif was with him, already carrying a large pack on his back.

"Come along, girls," Athelstan called. "We have a long journey ahead of us."

Leif stepped in and took the bundles, stepping back to wait patiently as Athelstan spoke to Edda and Þórunn.

"I want both of you to help Ingrid when she needs you, and try to look after Amma and Gerda," he requested, claiming their shoulders and rubbing them gently when they both nodded. "And don't let anyone else give you any trouble. Helge and Egil might not be in town anymore, but you still need to be careful. All right?"

They nodded again, and he leaned in to kiss their foreheads before he turned to guide Lilith and Gyda out of the long house. Leif followed them closely, taking up the rear of their band as they walked through town to the docks where everyone else who was going loaded up the boats.

"Find a place to sit away from midship, Lili," Athelstan instructed. "Gyda, sit with your sister. We will — "

"Athelstan!" Ragnar yelled. "Come sit with me. We must talk about something important."

Athelstan only hesitated a moment before Ragnar waved, and he sighed as he stood over Lilith and Gyda. "Both of you stay here," he commanded as gently as he could. "I'll come back when it's time to eat."

And with that, he moved to the bow of the ship where Ragnar waited, sitting down and huddling close as Ragnar spoke. They both glanced back at her and Gyda just once before looking away, and Lilith pushed out a heavy breath.

"Do not worry, Lilith," Leif said as he sat beside her rowing them out of the fjord. "I'll stay right here with you and Gyda. Hmm?"

Lilith looked up at him, seeing his smile and smiling back before she settled in for her first voyage since arriving in Kattgat two years earlier.

* * *

**_I've said this before, but I love doing research for stories, since I learn all these interesting things about what I'm writing about. And I love making additions like those to the story._**

**_Pay attention to the bird. It's important._**

**_I'm finishing up the last few chapters, and I'm so closing to the end now. I hope everyone likes it!_**

**_Thanks to everyone who's added this to their favorites and follows, and thanks to the few who have reviewed. I really appreciate it!_**

**_Until next time!_**


	21. Uppsala

_**So late I guess that for some it will be tomorrow when you read this, but here we are. And I probably could have split this in two parts, but the last chapters are written and only need to be edited, and they won't be this long, so it's long.**_

_**There are many more changes in this chapter than it will probably seem there should be, but since much of this is in Athelstan's perspective, I wanted it to feel just a little different from what actually happened. Lilith's presence changed everything. And for the most part, I think it was worth it. And the last little bit is in Lilith's perspective, because reasons.**_

_**More at the bottom. Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Uppsala**_

After days of travel, after sailing and walking and climbing as far as he ever had in his life, Athelstan gazed upon the temple at Uppsala and knew he had never seen anything like it in his life. He could barely catch his breath, holding Lilith's hand on his right side and clutching his sleeping bundle that was slung over his shoulder with his left hand.

Five days earlier, when they had left Kattegat to come here, he'd been reminded by nearly everyone that when he saw the temple, he would be more amazed than he ever had been in his life. For the most part, that was true. The mountains had been the most impressive, despite being surrounded by them for the last two years. Athelstan had never climbed so much before now. And he knew Lilith struggled as well. Thankfully, they had been blessed with Leif's presence through the entire journey.

Since Elisef had stayed behind, along with Edda and Þórunn, Leif had focused almost every second of their journey to keeping Lilith and Gyda company as Ragnar demanded all of Athelstan's attention. Lagertha had fed her children when it was time, but she mostly stayed on the other end of the boat, eyeing her husband almost like she wanted to set him on fire. For once, Athelstan could sympathize with her, and whenever she looked in his direction, she could see that.

"Try not to get too distracted, Athelstan," Leif said as they climbed together. "You're almost to the end of your journey. Best not to stumble."

Leif's words left Athelstan confused, but he didn't respond, holding Lilith's hand tighter so she wouldn't fall. She couldn't stop looking at everything either, and he wanted her to experience everything here there was to experience.

"Have you ever seen anything like this, Athelstan?" she asked as they arrived at the main path and followed everyone else up the hillside.

"I have not," he said and sighed softly. "But it reminds me of the church in Hexham. I traveled there once when you were four or five. Brother Cuthren took me so we could bargain for a new plow for the crops we needed to plant. It looked so magnificent, and I was marveled by how it had been built. But this is so much more spectacular than that."

Lilith laughed softly, pulling him along as Siggy and Thyri caught up to them.

All along the journey here, on the boat and during their climb, Athelstan had noticed Thyri watching him. At one point, she had smiled at him with a knowing grin, and it had made him so uncomfortable that Ragnar had noticed. She clearly knew something Athelstan did not, and she wasn't very good at hiding it. Whatever it was, her staring and smiling got worse the closer they got to the temple, and now that they were here, it appeared she couldn't contain herself. After catching her so many times with Roald, Athelstan was surprised at her. Was she really like the way Olaf had described her?

Siggy, on the other hand, gave him only a moment's attention when he had mentioned how Ragnar and Lagertha were almost ignoring each other.

"It is because she can no longer bear him sons," she snipped at him. "If she cannot do that, then he must find someone who can. That is how our world works, Priest. Sons ensure a legacy continues."

Athelstan could not hide his confusion. "Surely, having daughters is just as important. Gyda is just as capable of carrying his legacy as Bjorn would be. And so is Lili."

Siggy had scoffed. "If we only ever had daughters, our world would not thrive. Our daughters must bear the burden of ensuring our alliances. Just as my daughter was bid before her father died. Gyda and Lilith will be required to do the same thing if that day comes, and Earl Ragnar will see to that, Priest."

Though her answer horrified him, Athelstan could only think how callous it would be of Ragnar to expect any woman to provide him with sons solely for the purpose of ensuring his own legacy. He knew it was so much more different here than where he'd come from, but he didn't understand how any culture could be that way. And surely, there had to be a way to protect Lilith from all of that. Ragnar had to know that Athelstan would never allow it.

The Grove was impressive, sprinkled with wreaths and decorations meant to invoke the gods. It reminded Athelstan of Christmas when he and Lilith had decorated the gathering hall with holly and garland. Instinctively, Athelstan knew this place was nothing like that, but he could pretend for a little while until it was necessary for him to accept another truth.

"Athelstan," Lagertha called, bringing his attention to her. She waved him forward, and he hurried to her side. "Stay close with Lilith until after we are blessed in the temple. Then you will be free to walk around the ceremonial grounds."

She squeezed his arm gently, and he bowed his hand, helping Lilith up the steps as she followed Bjorn and Gyda up the steps to the front door.

Lined up along the edges of the walkway, priests greeted them with low hums. They reminded Athelstan of the bishops he had seen visit the monastery to give them blessings, except these men bore make-up on their face that was both terrifying and intriguing. What purpose did it serve? Floki and Helga frequently painted their faces, but why? Was it something they did to please the gods?

Inside the temple, carved wooden statues depicted the gods, looming over them as watchers and monoliths of an ancient culture. Athelstan had never seen anything like them. Lilith tried to hurry ahead of him, and he stopped her as quickly as he could.

"Slow down, Lili," he whispered urgently. "It will not go faster just because you run there."

She sighed softly and waited for him, watching as Lagertha waved them forward and looking up at him to make sure it was all right. He nodded for her to go ahead, and she smiled, stepping forward as Ragnar turned and beckoned her to him. He grinned at Athelstan and nodded to Gyda's other side as they all stepped up to face the older priest waiting.

The blessing turned out to be something that Athelstan was familiar with, as the priest sprinkled blood on each of them as he invoked the gods. Once that was done, Lagertha pulled the girls in one direction as Ragnar nodded for Bjorn and Athelstan to go in the opposite direction. The first carved statue they came to was Thor was he held his hammer over them all, and Athelstan thought of the visit he'd had from the god so many months ago, as well as the words they had shared. Since then, Athelstan had tried to invoke the god many times, but that first time had been the only one where they had spoken. Athelstan had never told anyone about it, but while they were here, maybe he would.

After the statue of Thor was Odin, whom Ragnar always claimed kinship to, and after Bjorn was given the chance to pray to the god, Ragnar went after him to invoke the god personally. Athelstan watched quietly, remembering what Siggy had said and how distant Lagertha had been, and he wondered. Now that it was believed that Lagertha could no longer bear him sons, would he pray for another woman who could? From everything Athelstan knew about Ragnar and Lagertha, they had always been in love, so fiercely that absolutely nothing could ever come between them. Athelstan had watched the two of them share in the joy of a new child, and he had watched Lagertha lose that child, watched the light in her eyes fade until she was only a shadow of herself. He had watched Ragnar comfort Lagertha and then slowly, the comfort had stopped.

Was it right for Ragnar to only care about sons for his own legacy? Was he really that selfish, and would he really commit his own daughters to alliances with men who promised him things? Athelstan knew he would never be able to allow that. Ragnar had to know that.

The vendors behind the statues drew several people to them, selling trinkets and spices to anyone who they caught in their net. Lagertha had stopped at a woman's booth who was selling hair beads, and Athelstan drifted over to where she stood. Gyda was already folding a silver piece into her hair, and Lilith eagerly waited for her own.

"Already enjoying yourself, I see," he said, and she turned to him smiling.

"Athelstan! That woman over there," she pointed to another stall that was selling precious stones, "says that my necklace you gave me is a gift from Freyja. She also said it brings out the brown in my eyes, whatever that means. Did you know when you bought it that it was for the goddess of love and beauty?"

He shook his head even as he grinned. "I'm afraid I didn't. I was still learning the language, and all I knew what that it was pretty. That's quite the coincidence that you have a necklace for a goddess who is not only beautiful but also powerful. It suits you."

Lilith beamed so proudly that she barely saw Lagertha reach for her.

"Lilith, my daughter, come face me," her mother summoned.

While they did that, Athelstan looked around the temple, taking in the light as it streamed in through the ceiling. Never in his life had he seen light do that, and it filled him with a hope he had never felt. It felt like anything could happen.

When Lagertha and the girls finished with the vendor, she led them all outside through the back of the temple. Before them, the ceremonial grounds spread out across the hillside, covered in trees, more decorations, and little tents and huts for dwelling. There were hundreds of people making their way through the trees, from this group of patrons and that one. Athelstan saw some children, but for the most part, adults milled around with drinks and food. It was unlike anything he had ever seen.

The hut they would be occupying had four different rooms, surrounding the main room where they would eat, and Lagertha bid them all to sit down as a few of the servants they had brought with them tended a fire in the middle of the room. Despite leaving Ingrid behind with Þórunn and Edda, Kindra and Tova had been allowed to come, mostly since they had both come before. Kindra was happy to see Athelstan, nodding to him and assuring him that everything was all right. Tova smiled when he stepped up beside her, but she chose not to speak.

"All right, girls," Lagertha said to Lilith and Gyda, "stow your satchels until after supper, and if you want, you may change out of your boots and put on your shoes to explore a little. Athelstan," she said, and he turned to her, "make sure we have everything we need for everyone to eat. Tomorrow will be a long day for some of us."

He bowed his head slightly. "Of course, my lady."

Slowly, the others in their group came into the hut, gathering around in the limited seating and taking drinks as they waited for the food. Athelstan felt more than one person in the room watching him, on several occasions, but whenever he looked around, no one was looking at him. Lilith was helping Gyda and Lagertha with vegetables. Bjorn was laughing with Arne and Torstein. Ragnar was . . . being Ragnar, which was expected. It was strange.

Still, Athelstan tried to focus on his task, standing beside Tova and across from Kindra as they prepared the spices for the foods.

"So you have both been here before?" he asked them softly.

"I have," Kindra said first, smiling slightly. "When I was a girl. Haralson's father allowed me to go."

He nodded, turning his gaze to Tova as she remained quiet. "What about you, Tova?"

With a deep breath, she looked up at him. "I was seventeen. I helped prepare the sacrifices. It was a very eye-opening experience."

Something in her voice warned him about what she had seen or heard the last time she had come, but Athelstan wanted to reassure her as much as he could given the circumstances. "Certainly, this time will be different," he said and squeezed her shoulder gently.

Her face went blank as her eyes widened, and Athelstan didn't think he'd said anything wrong. She walked away before he could say anything else, leaving him confused and worried. Kindra stepped around to his side to stop him from going after her.

"It's all right, Athelstan," she insisted. "I'll go see about her. Stay here."

He exhaled sharply, bowing his head again, and glancing around again when he felt someone watching him. This time, it was Thryi who was looking at him, and Athelstan huffed, moving away from the table to sit down. From here, he saw everyone else in various stages of supper preparations and deep conversations. For the moment, he was the only one doing neither of those things, and then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ragnar watching him. Arne came to give him a drink, and slowly, his attention was taken away from the eyes on him that suddenly made him uneasy.

Slowly, as the food became ready, bowls were served and the talking almost completely stopped. But again, slowly, as the food disappeared, the house cleared of almost everyone except for Lagertha, the children and Athelstan. Ragnar didn't leave, but he may as well have not been there for as quiet as he was. Kindra and Tova remained in the hut as well, putting away the unused food and turning down the beds that would be slept in for the duration of their stay on the grounds.

"All right, children," Lagertha said, reaching for the girls and Bjorn. "For just a little while, we can look around. It will be bedtime soon, and I'm sure you'll want to save all your strength for tomorrow."

She nodded for Athelstan to go with her, and Lilith reached for him once he was close enough so they could leave the hut together.

The only thing different about the ceremonial grounds were the pins holding all the animals, and when Athelstan first saw them, he guessed it was because of so many people being near the temple. But then he remembered that they had brought food with them, and it made him curious. What were all these animals for, if not to feed anyone?

"Lagertha," he said as they all walked around, between these trees and around those groups of people already sitting around fires.

"Yes, Athelstan?" she said and glanced back at him.

"What are all these animals pinned up for? We brought all our food with us, so I'm wondering why they're here."

For almost a minute, she didn't say anything, glancing around and then off in the distance before she looked back at him. "These animals will all be killed as sacrifices, as part of the ceremony at the end of the festival. The same way our animals are a part of our ceremonies. They play their part just as we all do."

Athelstan looked around again, seeing goats, chickens and pigs, but there were also deer and horses. It shouldn't have stunned him to have all these animals here, but it did. For many months now, nearly a year, Athelstan had found himself praying many times to the God of his homeland. After Lagertha's miscarriage, when she and Ragnar had begun to drift apart, when Ragnar had insisted on taking Athelstan hunting for the first time in his life, Athelstan had prayed. For strength, for courage, for a stronger constitution so he wouldn't vomit at the sight of Ragnar butchering a large deer and strongly encouraging Athelstan to assist him.

Was his Christianity beginning to rear its forgotten head after so long? Did he really have so much trouble with the sacrifice of animals, when he'd already seen it done by the very people who had come here with him? His conscience had never left him, but now it felt like his soul was warning him about something. What more could he need to be warned of but the sacrifices of animals to the gods of the land he currently occupied?

Slowly, he began to count. Nine horses. Nine deer. "Nine goats and nine pigs," he exclaimed. "There's nine of everything."

Lagertha grinned as she lowered her gaze to the girls. They both looked up at her and then at Athelstan. "Yes," she acknowledged. "Nine males of every species. You will remember that the number nine has a great significance to us."

Athelstan nodded. "Yes, the nine realms of Yggdrasil and the nine mothers of Heimdallr. The nine daughters of Ægir. And Odin hanged for nine and days and nights to receive _rúnar, _the knowledge of the runes."

Her grin grew to a proud smile. "Yes. See, you have learned some things of our culture. That is very good."

He bowed his head, tucking his chin to his chest. "I only know it because of you. And Ragnar. Though when I speak to him, he mostly wants to know about where I come from. It takes a great deal of ale for him to talk about himself."

Lagertha sighed softly. "I have known him for as long as my son has been alive inside me, and sometimes, he is still a mystery to me. So don't take it to heart. When he is ready, he will tell you, and you will not be able to stop him."

As they walked through the grove, they came upon an empty pin that was a little bigger than the others. Unlike the others, there was no water or food in this one, and Athelstan was confused, stopping to gauge its purpose.

"My Lady, what is this pin for?" he asked.

Lagertha sighed, glancing at Gyda and Lilith again before she spoke. "This is for the humans who have been chosen to be sacrificed," she stated as plainly as she could.

"Humans?" Lilith exclaimed.

"Yes, Lilith, my dear," Lagertha soothed as gently as she could. She leaned over a little so she could hold Lilith's shoulders as she spoke. "Sometimes, the gods demand much more from us than our animals and our homes. Sometimes, they demand our lives. And they are gods. And we must do what they bid us to do. The men chosen for this honor are ensuring that we survive and thrive in this changing world, and we honor them by continuing to live our lives by way of the gods who bid us to do so. And now that you are a part of our world, they will do it for you as well. For your safety and your prosperity. I know from what Athelstan has told me," she said and looked up at him to see a terrified expression on his face, "that your God asks you to sacrifice things to live a more devout life. And even though the things sacrificed might not be the same, the intention is the same. Is it not?"

Lilith sighed heavily and lifted her gaze to Athelstan. She didn't say anything but the thoughtful look on her face made it obvious that she was contemplating what Lagertha said. She looked back at the pin and then up at Athelstan, moving forward to take his hand and pull him off away from that part of the grove. Lagertha came up beside him, pulling Gyda with her.

"Ragnar should have spoken to you earlier," Lagertha said softly. "He should've told you more about what will happen over the next several days. I'm glad I was able to tell you what you needed to know. Since we don't want you to misunderstand something. If there is anything else you wish to know, you simply have to ask. Hmm?"

Athelstan bowed his head, holding Lilith's hand tighter and following Lagertha and the children around the grounds until it was obvious they were going back to the hut for the night. With the summer months already begun, the light had only diminished enough for there to be shadows through the trees and fires lit to keep everyone warm. It was going to be difficult to get Gyda and Lilith to focus with so much going on, much less Bjorn, since all he wanted was to follow his father everywhere.

The first full day of the festival was marked with small offerings. They had brought many of these from the people in town, and Kindra showed Athelstan how those were arranged. Lagertha spent that time visiting more of the vendors with Lilith and Gyda to purchase small gifts that she later told him would be going home with them for Edda and Þórunn. She also explained that giving their patron to the vendors allowed them to share the wealth they had gained. Of course, it made more sense when she explained.

At night, Ragnar bid Athelstan to drink and interact with the other people in the grove. Even though it was easy to see his intention, Athelstan still struggled not to drink too much. Nearly everyone else did the same as Ragnar, and it was difficult to refuse.

On the second and third days, the celebrations outside the hut became louder to the point that the drums and shouting and moaning could be heard through every wall of the hut. It became difficult for Lagertha to keep the children inside at night, and at the end of the third day, Ragnar left the hut even after Lagertha pleaded for him to stay.

"It's only because of the excitement," Athelstan tried to explain as he ate next to Lilith.

For half a minute, Lagertha did not speak, the food in front of her waiting for her to take the first bite. Then she took a deep breath and lifted her gaze to him. "Ragnar is free to do what he will while we are here," she huffed. "And you are not responsible for him or anyone else here."

Stunned, Athelstan glanced at Lilith and then Gyda before bowing his head.

"Tomorrow," she said after a minute, "you should join the others in the grove, Athelstan. I will keep up with the girls. But you should get to experience the festival the same as everyone else."

At first, he wanted to argue, since he didn't want to leave her to do anything alone, but by the tone of her voice, he knew she wasn't asking him to do this. She was commanding him. So he only hesitated a little before he answered her. "Yes, My Lady."

That ended the discussion right there.

The next morning, despite not knowing what to expect, Athelstan left the relative safety of the hut to walk around the grove by himself. He quickly discovered the people populating the grove were all engaged in a heightened feast-like frenzy. Some people were already drunk. Many people were huddle around small fires in the midst of drinking and eating. A few people had paired off and were in various stages of undress.

It was nothing Athelstan had never seen before, especially with the feasts and sacrifices he had attended at Ragnar's side. Of course, he had not been in such close proximity of some of it, but the benefits of seeing much of it already prevented Athelstan from being too overwhelmed. That did not mean he was accustomed to it. Quite the contrary. But that didn't mean he would just embrace the mayhem.

"Athelstan!"

His name broke through the noise, and he followed it to where nearly everyone in their group was sitting around a small fire. Helga stood up and waved him over to her, smiling brightly as he followed her pull and reaching for him as he came to be beside her.

"Drink!" she giggled. "Drink to the night and to the gods. It would not be right if you did not get to do that now."

She handed him a small cup, and as soon as he took it, she kissed his cheek and then his lips. Athelstan should have been shocked at her behavior, but he knew everyone here was fully immersed in the festivities, and he couldn't really fault them for that. Honestly, having her behave this way made him think of the few times Lilith had done the same thing. He knew it wasn't uncommon anyway.

"You should enjoy yourself while you are here, Priest," Floki taunted. "Who knows when you will have the opportunity again."

Athelstan smirked as he drank. Of course Floki would be the teasing, almost-threatening one of the group. Usually, it was Rollo who would look at him with a threat in his eyes. Right now, Rollo was the one smiling and laughing as he reclined in Siggy's arms.

"Come here, Priest," Rollo commanded with a soft chuckle. He reached behind him for a small bowl and presented it to Athelstan as he knelt in front of Rollo. "This is the food of the gods, and it will open you up to their influence. Eat."

In the bowl, a variety of mushrooms waited to be plucked. Athelstan didn't want to appear reluctant, even if the last time he had experienced anything like that, he had woken with a horrible headache. But if he was going to be accepted, he would have to forgo many of the restrictions he had put on himself so many years earlier. So he reached into the bowl and took a healthy helping of the mushrooms, lifting it to his mouth and eating it quickly.

Instantly, the taste overpowered every bit of ale he'd drunk since arriving. It wasn't a good taste either, almost like dirt and salt, but then Rollo nodded to his cup for him to take a drink. Athelstan tried to take a small sip, but Rollo nudged the end up further, causing him to swallow a gulp of ale along with the mushrooms, as they disappeared into his stomach.

"Very good, Priest," Rollo nodded. He lifted his hands to Athelstan's face, speaking directly to him for what felt like the first time. "May the gods in their wisdom bless you and show themselves to you, if you are worthy."

For a second, Athelstan thought Rollo was going to kiss him like Helga had. Instead, he nodded and released Athelstan's face, again reclining in Siggy's arms. She laughed softly, and slowly, everyone did as well. Arne and Leif both raised their cups to him, and Thyri grinned at him over her own cup, making it difficult to think of anything other than her behavior all the way here.

Slowly, as the mushrooms and ale worked its way through his system, Athelstan lost all track of time. He wandered away from their small group after Rollo sent him on his way. Many of the people around him called for him, though it didn't seem possible for them to know his name. Men clapped their hands over his shoulders, and women reached for his face to kiss him. One woman almost succeeded in pulling him off to her tent, but he staggered away from her to find his own party.

The light diminished enough for the fires to become almost as bright as the day. Everything around him began to blur together, and as his dizziness got worse, Athelstan saw the orange of the fires turn yellow and then white. The smoke turned to mist, and the white turned to a dress flowing through the air away from him. The laughing around him focused into a single sound from a familiar source, and Athelstan tried to follow the sound as he wandered through the grove. He tried not to trip and fall, looking for the white dress again and seeing it just behind a tall tree, wrapped around the body of a familiar woman.

Her scarred skin gave her away, but her smile captivated him as it always had. She peeked around the tree, laughing again and noticing that he had seen her. Before he could touch her, she shot off into the trees, further away from the part of the grove he was somewhat familiar with. Athelstan followed her, having not dreamt of her in months despite the fact that she had been by his side the entire time. He knew her smile because he had been the first person she had ever smiled at, and he knew her laugh because he had been the first she had ever laughed with. No one else would ever smile at him the way she did, and no one else would ever laugh with him the way she did.

The white dress drew him closer to her, as did her spirited laugh and her quick steps. It was a game they were playing, and she always won. She had always been able to hide from him. He had never been able to hide from her.

No sooner did he see her in front of him did he trip and fall, landing on his hands and finding himself back in the grove. The fires turned back to orange, and the smoke diminished his vision, making it impossible for him to see anything. Had she been real? Would he be able to find her again?

"Come now, Athelstan," he heard behind him and looked up to see Leif. "Surely, Rollo did not make it where the gods could not reach you in such a heightened state."

He reached down and took Athelstan by the shoulders, lifting him to his feet and steadying him easily. Athelstan lifted his hands to Leif, no longer desperate to move forward.

"Leif," he pleaded. "I am lost. Please help me find my way."

For a few short seconds, it was like they were the only two people in the entire grove. Leif smiled and released Athelstan, turning him around until he faced the direction he had come from.

"You are not lost, Athelstan. The gods know your path. All you have to do is follow it. Hmm?"

The smoke cleared for just half a minute, and Athelstan took one tentative step forward before another and then another until he was moving toward the part of the grove he had come from. He glanced behind him just once, but Leif was gone. With a little more resolve, Athelstan moved over the ground with a little more ease than before. He didn't know if his head was clearing up, but he kept walking until he found the hut he'd left that morning. Or was it a different day? How long had he been gone?

Athelstan knew this was the right hut, seeing Ragnar's banner over the entryway as he stumbled inside and managed to sit down at the table. It could have been minutes or hours, but he held his head the entire time, wishing for the room to stop spinning.

"Athelstan?"

He looked up to see two Lagertha's there as she watched over him. Her nightgown glimmered even in the low light of the hut, and her hair flowed around her shoulders like wings as she sat beside him and took his hand in hers.

"You're bleeding," she said and lay a wet cloth over his palm.

In his intoxicated state, he hadn't even realized he was hurt, and he leaned forward with his head in his other hand. "I should not have left the hut," he huffed.

For several seconds, she didn't speak, pressing the cloth to his skin and holding his hand in hers. The hearth at the center of the hut crackled loudly, but other than that, it was completely quiet. Athelstan wondered if he would be able to lay down and sleep off whatever Rollo had given him, but before he could stand up to do that, Lagertha took his other hand in hers.

"This is a part of your journey, Athelstan," she told him, sighing softly. "It is the way of the gods, and you have been made to follow this way. You would not be here otherwise."

All Athelstan could do at this point was huff again and try to take a deep breath. Everyone had been speaking to him this way since before leaving Kattegat, and honestly, it was becoming tiresome to try and decipher their meaning. Surely, they did not still mean for him to remain ignorant as they once had. He wasn't as unobservant as he had once been. Over the last two years, Athelstan had been rather adept at reading these people, and he knew something very certain. There was something about this place they weren't telling him.

"Lady Lagertha."

The familiar, yet unfamiliar voice caught his attention, and he and Lagertha both looked up to see Thyri there by herself. Lagertha let go of Athelstan's hand only long enough to help him to his feet. He was still dizzy, but Lagertha held him steady.

"You need to go with Thyri now," she told him and nodded. "She will take you to . . . lie down. And in the morning, everything will be so much clearer. I promise."

Though he did not understand why he could not stay where he was, Athelstan knew by Lagertha's tone that it was not a suggestion that he leave with Thyri. He knew she was again commanding him. So when Thyri stepped forward and took his hand, he didn't hesitate as much as he would have, allowing her to lead him away from the hut.

"Come, Priest," Thyri said and grinned. "I will help you."

Athelstan was only able to look back once, watching Lagertha as she watched him with what looked like grief in her eyes. The same grief from when she had lost her unborn child a year earlier. It was so strange.

Thyri led Athelstan to a smaller hut, almost a tent, and she sat him down next to the fire in the middle. He was still dizzy, so sitting on the ground was better than standing up at the moment. She handed him a cup, and he took it very reluctantly.

"What is it?" he asked, lifting his gaze to her as she knelt in front of him.

"Water," she said simply. "You should be clear-headed now."

Athelstan took a hesitant sip, making sure it was water she gave him before he took as big a gulp as he could. The cool water hit his stomach like hot metal hitting cold water, and he almost vomited right then. Somehow, he managed to hold onto the contents of his stomach, and he took another drink of the water. Though the dizziness remained, his vision cleared, and he looked around, noting how small the tent was.

"Why did you bring me here?" he asked, taking the last gulp of water. "Would it not have been better to stay with Lagertha?"

Thyri poured more water into the cup and grinned, scooting a little closer to him. "Not now," she informed him. "You will understand soon enough."

Athelstan scoffed over his cup. More cryptic words. And these came from a woman he barely knew who had recently been involved with another man. How was he supposed to trust anything these people told him if they insisted he remain ignorant until it was convenient for them?

As he continued to drink the water, Thyri rose up to be on her knees, and she waited just a moment before she began untying the side of her dress. Athelstan tried to stop her, not understanding what she was doing even if he was absolutely positive it was wrong for her to do it.

"No, Thyri," he pleaded. "We cannot. I cannot."

"But we must," she whispered, shrugging out of her dress to be naked from the waist up.

Athelstan had never seen a woman naked this close up, and his body had not felt a naked woman this close to him. But it did not change the fact that he did not want to do this now. What about Lagertha and the girls? What about Lilith? She would worry about him. Thyri cared not for his protests, reaching out to untie the front of his tunic.

"Why must we?" he asked only a second before she kissed him on the mouth.

She grinned as she pushed the tunic off so he was naked from the waist up as well. "It is because we have to. Don't you understand?"

Her fingers played with the strings holding his pants together, and her cryptic words angered him more than any of the others ever had. "No, I don't understand," he shouted, startling her. "Why must this happen now? When I don't even want it to happen. Why, Thyri?"

She stuttered for several seconds, giving him enough time to stand up with the waist of his pants held up by his own hands. She rose in front of him, allowing her dress to fall to the ground, and when he gazed upon her naked body, Athelstan began to understand her behavior a little.

"Is this because I am the Earl's steward?" he demanded. "Is this so you and your mother can yet again be in good standing with the man who replaced your father? Because I am telling you now that it will not work. I am dedicated another person here."

She held up her hands in surrender, still grinning as she stepped closer to him. "That is not why I am doing this," she said softly. "I swear on the gods. I would never do that for my mother."

He stood up straight as she lay her hands on his shoulders, almost holding him still as she inched closer until her bare chest could touch his. The instant her taut nipples brushed against his skin, Athelstan lost almost all his composure. He clenched his fists, not wanting to give in no matter how much his body wanted him to. He would not be ruled by physical manipulation, and he would not succumb to the lull in her voice or the warmth of her skin. He couldn't. He would be lost to God if he did.

Athelstan backed away from her again, realizing why this was wrong and why he couldn't go through with it. "Thyri, please. I cannot do this. I promised someone a long time ago that I wouldn't do this, and I cannot break that promise. You must understand."

"It does not matter, Priest," she shook her head. "I am bid by the gods and my Earl to do this, and I must."

The thought of Ragnar asking Thyri to do what she was doing now made no sense to Athelstan, not even with as strange as Ragnar and Thyri had both been acting. Why would it be so important to him that she do this?

Athelstan stalked forward and grabbed her by the arms. "Tell me why Ragnar wants you to do this," he commanded. "Tell me why it's so important for you to do this."

She hesitated for almost a second, and he shook her roughly.

"Tell me," he shouted.

The fear in her eyes should have deterred him from being so forceful, but Athelstan was done with being treated this way. He was done with them saying cryptic words and looking at him in their cryptic ways. He was done being ignorant.

"It is because you are to be sacrificed at the end of the ceremony," she cried as she tried to pull her arms from his hands.

Athelstan could not hide his shock, not even after all the cryptic words and cryptic looks and seeing the animals to be sacrificed and Lagertha's kind words when she had spoken to him and the girls. He could not hide his astonishment, not even after he'd felt something strange was going on. It made sense. They were all treating him this way because they did not believe he was going back with them to Kattegat. Of course.

Slowly, he let go of her, stepping away. "They told you to do this," he realized.

She bowed her head, almost ashamed. "I was given a choice, but yes, they said it had to be me. No one else was unattached, and after they told me, I wanted to do it. You have nothing to fear, Priest. I will take care of everything."

Thyri stepped forward again, trying to touch his face again as he stopped her.

"What else did Ragnar tell you to do, other than take me to your bed?" he demanded.

She huffed. "Afterward," she said and looked up at him, "I am meant to wash you and let them know you are ready."

Athelstan scoffed and shook his head, letting go of her. "So my ignorance is more important to them than my dignity. They wanted me to go into this blind and deaf and dumb, instead of knowing what my fate would be. Without even thinking I might not even want to go through with it. With this barbaric ritual of sacrificing people. You go tell them I'm ready. Tell them I enjoyed it. And I will sit here with the knowledge that they neither cared for my well-being nor my intelligence. To think that any of you believed I would ever leave Lili, for any reason?"

She didn't move for a minute, and he clenched his fists.

"Go!"

There was no hesitation in her movements as she gathered up her clothes and moved to leave the tent. Just before she did, she glanced back at him and the glare in his eyes. She didn't say anything, but Athelstan didn't need her to. She wouldn't say anything to the others, because that would be her being ridiculed for failing. So now he had to think of what he would say to Ragnar and Lagertha.

Both of them had known all the way here what would happen to him, and they had both lied to him and Lilith about what happened at this place. At least Lagertha had informed him of the sacrifices. But Ragnar had said nothing. Athelstan had to know why.

The fire in the tent diminished before Athelstan realized he hadn't slept at all, and he stuck his head outside the tent to see the grove lit up with early morning light. He pulled his tunic back on and replaced his belt, remembering what Thyri had said and knowing he hadn't accepted whatever decision had been made without his knowledge or consent. He didn't know how he was going to confront Ragnar, but when he stepped out of the tent and realized how close to the grove and animal pins he truly was, Athelstan felt shame for the first time in two years.

The gravity of the situation he'd found himself in hit as heavy as a blow to the chest, and seeing nearly nine men in the pin for the humans only made him feel worse. He had been primed and drunken and intoxicated to the point that he shouldn't have refused Thyri, but he had. And that had to make a difference.

Before he had the chance to go and find Ragnar to tell him what he'd been told and to see the truth of it in his eyes, Ragnar found him, who, along with Floki, looked like he'd been waiting for Athelstan to emerge from the tent Thyri had taken him to.

"Athelstan!" he called and nodded him closer. "I want you to meet someone."

That someone turned out to be King Horik of Denmark, an intriguing man who surrounded himself with guards and had just come to the festival a day earlier even though it had already been going on for nearly five days. He greeted Ragnar warmly, and they spoke to each other like it had been fated by the gods that they meet. Athelstan only sat there trying his hardest to contain the anger he now felt toward Ragnar. It did not help matters when Ragnar spoke to Horik about the things they had once spoken about before he sailed to England a year earlier.

"I'm not satisfied with what I have achieved so far," Ragnar inferred to King Horik. "I want to send bigger raiding parties to the west, yes to plunder, but also to explore new lands."

Horik looked about as shocked as a bird soaring through the sky. "There are other lands to west?" he questioned, marveled, or something resembling it.

Ragnar grinned his knowing grin. "There is a kingdom called Francia. It is a kingdom far larger, far richer and far more powerful than England," he revealed, to which Athelstan shook his head to himself. Athelstan knew it had always been a possibility of this happening, but he hadn't realized why Ragnar had suddenly wanted to know when they had boarded the boat to come here. Now he knew.

"Athelstan, come," Ragnar beckoned, extended his hand and nodding for Athelstan to come to him. Reluctantly, he did as he was bid, sitting uncomfortably next to Ragnar to face King Horik. "This man has seen it."

The king looked up at Ragnar and then at Athelstan, leaning forward and prompting him to speak.

"I was a Christian monk in England," he began slowly. "I traveled to different lands as a missionary. We went to Francia when I was nineteen."

The curious expression on Horik's face morphed into a wide smile, and he nodded. "I have heard of Christians," he revealed, "and of their God. And are you still a Christian?"

The question was a simple one, considering Athelstan hadn't really been praying regularly for over a year, maybe two. But there was something else in Horik's voice, a challenge of some kind, and Athelstan knew it wasn't just a question. It was a test. Horik had no doubt heard of the slave who had come from England, and of the other men who had been dragged here as well. It was obvious he wasn't just curious. He was taunting Athelstan.

So, of course, after just a few seconds, Athelstan answered him as appropriately as he could. "No," he said and shook his head.

Horik laughed. "Of course not! How could you be a Christian and walk among our gods?" He turned away from Athelstan, almost forgetting he was there as he lifted his gaze to Ragnar. "I share your appetite for new adventure, Ragnar Lothbrok, and I would gladly join forces with you, since as King, I'm naturally not in favor of individual enterprise by my earls or anyone else. And believe me, I would just be happy enough to have my name linked with yours when the poets tell the story of how we Norsemen sailed west and discovered new worlds."

Ragnar grinned his knowing grin, laying his hand over Athelstan's shoulder and almost thanking him for his knowledge. Athelstan just wanted to get away.

"Come!" Horik shouted happily. "Eat! Please."

They were directed back to a small set up where food and drinks were waiting, and even before he sat down, Athelstan fabricated a reason he needed to go.

"Earl Ragnar, King Horik, I must apologize, but I am needed elsewhere at the moment, so if you will excuse me," he said quickly and bowed before Ragnar could stop him.

As soon as he was outside, Athelstan pulled in the deepest breath he ever had, thankful for the morning air and the animals calling and the drums beating. He hurried away from the only other hut in this part of the grove, keeping his head down as he headed in the direction of the hut where he was sure Lilith and Gyda were probably still eating breakfast. He wanted to be in their presence right now. He was certain neither of them had known this, and therefore, he could trust them to not act so strangely as everyone else had been. He didn't want to be around anyone else right now.

Unfortunately, the path he decided to take from one side of the grove to the other led him directly in front of the temple. The priests still beat their drums and hummed their chants, and other than the little bells tinkling and the wind rustling through the leaves, it was silent. Then through the smoke, Athelstan saw the Seer standing at the top of the steps that led into the temple. He hadn't even known the Seer had come with them, much less climbed all the way up to the temple just to confer with the priests in the temple. But based on what Ragnar told him, the Seer had abilities that no mortal man possessed. So maybe he came here a different way.

Right now, he was gazing down at Athelstan expectantly, and there was no mistaking what his intention was. Somehow, Athelstan knew after everything he'd heard and seen.

It was time.

He climbed the steps slowly, looking around and noticing that it was just him coming to the temple. Would that mean he would do this alone?

The Seer waited until they were facing each other to speak. "Come," he demanded.

Athelstan did not hesitate, following the Seer into the temple. It still made Athelstan shiver upon entering, and the light still spilled out into the rafters of the building, fanning out behind the carved statue of Odin. No church he'd ever visited had ever made him feel this way. Those places had all invoked wonder and reverence and humility. This place just made him feel small.

"Have you come here of your own free will?"

The priest's voice startled him, but when he looked back at the entrance of the temple and discovered the Seer gone, Athelstan turned to face the priest as steadily as he could.

"I have," he answered.

The priest eyed him suspiciously, stepping closer to him. "I have sensed something from you from the first moment I saw you," he explained. "Something I had not felt in many years. You are not born of this land, and yet, you have embraced our culture. This is unusual. When I spoke to Earl Ragnar, he said there were two of you. A young girl who has been made the lawful daughter of Earl Ragnar. Is this true? Is it true that she bears the mark of your God upon her body?"

Athelstan clenched his jaw and then his fists, taking in a deep breath and pushing it out sharply. "Yes. It's true. And yes, she was marked by a man who claimed to be doing it in the name of his God."

"You care for this child," the priest stated plainly.

"I do," Athelstan nodded.

"You have raised this child."

Athelstan nodded again. "I have."

"And you will bind your soul with this child when she is a woman."

Athelstan shook his head. "What? No! I would never do that. Not now."

"That is not what has been prophesied." The priest paused, looking over Athelstan's face and then the rest of him before he spoke again. "I see it. And it is what will be. Do you know why you are here?"

Athelstan clenched his jaw again. "I do. I am meant to be a sacrifice at the end of the festival." He bowed his head, trying to hide his anger. "Even though no one told me about it, and they all smiled at me and got me drunk and filled me with magic mushrooms and tried to have me lay with a woman I barely know. And — I can't leave Lili," he whispered so softly he was sure no one else had heard him. "I can't leave her."

The priest stepped forward again, taking Athelstan by the shoulder and prompting him to lift his head so they were eye to eye. "I see life. I see death. I see you in between life and death. Your blood will not be your blood. It will be her blood. And therefore you cannot be sacrificed."

He let go of Athelstan and stepped away, bowing his head and signaling that it was over.

Athelstan stepped forward. "What does all of that mean?" he demanded. "Whose blood are you talking about?"

"It has been prophesied. You cannot be sacrificed. Now go!"

Confused, Athelstan left the temple, stepping back out into the light of day and finding the Seer on the steps of the temple. He didn't look up to see Athelstan there, but he rose all the same and moved up the steps to the temple.

"Wait here," he instructed as he walked passed Athelstan.

When the Seer didn't come back after a few minutes, Athelstan sat down on the steps, thinking of what the priest had said and not understanding even a little. How could he ever be between life and death? How could his blood not be his blood? And what blood would hers? Who was she?

People kept wandering around the grove as the minutes became an hour, and then an hour became two. Athelstan pulled his legs up to his chest, the words of the priest circling around his head, and he wrapped his arms around his legs, laying his head over his knees. He realized after another hour that what the priest said didn't matter. Ragnar had chosen Athelstan to be sacrificed, and it didn't matter why. For himself. For his family, his friends. And he had chosen not to say anything. It would have been so simple. Why had nothing been said?

It was almost dark when the Seer finally came out of the temple, and by then, Athelstan had almost fallen asleep. For a split second when he opened his eyes, he saw her there knelt in front of him. The woman in his dreams. Her white dress was still pristine despite running around the grove, and her golden brown eyes were as clear as a spring morning. She reached for his face, almost touching him when the Seer spoke.

"I have conferred with the gods," the ancient man said, and they both looked up at him. "And it has been determined that you will not be sacrificed in their name. It seems that you have a greater purpose to fulfill. I will bring together our people, and we will all choose another to be sacrificed. Come."

Athelstan looked in front of him, but she was gone, as though she had disappeared on the smoke. Or maybe she hadn't been there at all. Or perhaps she had been there the whole time. He stood up with the Seer, dizzy from sitting down so long and stiff all over. He managed not to fall, and once he was steady, the Seer turned away and led him away from the temple. Athelstan followed him only because when he looked behind him, the willowy white dress he kept seeing drifted away toward the part of the grove where Lagertha was more than likely waiting with the girls and Bjorn.

It only took the Seer and Athelstan a few minutes to make it back to the hut where Lagertha had been staying with the girls. Ragnar was standing outside the hut, relaxed as he leaned against the post in front of the door. He said nothing to Athelstan or the Seer, watching them as they stepped into the hut. Lagertha was sitting at the table that had been pushed to the side of the main room, and Lilith and Gyda waited with her. As soon as they saw Athelstan, they hurried to him.

"You didn't come back last night," Gyda exclaimed as she held him.

"We were worried about you," Lilith cried.

"I'm all right now," he assured them. "But something's happened. So we all need to sit down, all right?"

He let go of Gyda, nudging her back to where Lagertha sat and holding Lilith beside him as he sat down.

Whatever was about to happen, he would do it with her by his side, just as she always had been.

* * *

Many times over the last several days, Lilith had known something strange had been happening around her. The journey here, the blessing, her bleeding and now Gyda had begun her moon blood; it was all so strange. Since coming to this place and being with these people, Lilith had begun seeing everything as a sign of something happening.

When Lagertha had told her and Gyda, and by chance, Athelstan about the sacrifices that would happen at the end of the festival, it had felt like the events that had led her and Athelstan here were coming to a head. She knew something amazing was about to happen. The feasting and the music and the moaning had all culminated the night before, and this morning, the grove had been a different place. It had no longer been warm. Now it was cold, despite it being summer.

Lagertha had tried to keep her and Gyda busy, having them cook breakfast and then visit the vendors again, but this time to sell things rather than buying anything. They had stopped at another camp and eaten with a few of the women there, but none of those women interested Lilith. She had not seen Athelstan properly since arriving here, and the night before, he hadn't come back to the hut to sleep. Lilith knew he was a grown-up, and she knew he was allowed to do things she wasn't, even if he was still technically a slave. That didn't mean she had to like him being in a strange place with strange people who could hurt him whenever they wanted — the same way Helge and Egil had tried to hurt him and Edda.

Now that he was back, Lilith wasn't going to let him leave again. Even when Lagertha asked her to help Gyda and Bjorn arrange the benches so everyone could sit down when they arrived, Lilith watched Athelstan like a hawk, returning to his side when everyone else began to come back to the hut for this announcement the Seer was making.

First, Torstein and Arne came in, staggering a little but clearly sober as they sat down, and Siggy and Thyri came in after them. Leif and Rollo followed, and then Helga and Floki. Ragnar was the last one to come into the hut, gesturing for Athelstan to sit in front with him, and when Lilith came with him, he almost scowled at her before sitting down himself as the Seer stood over them all.

"I have come to tell you that the sacrifice of this man will not please the gods," the Seer said and gestured to Athelstan as he sat quietly with his head down.

Lilith looked up at the Seer. Did she hear that right? Athelstan was going to be sacrificed? That could not be right. She looked at him, still holding his hand and leaning closer so he would look at her.

"It's all right, Lili," he whispered. "Just wait."

He was so calm. It had to be true. Lilith didn't know whether to be confused or angry. How did he know?

"The sacrifice of this man will not only anger the gods," the Seer continued without acknowledging Lilith's glare, "but it also will disrupt a Greater Fate he has been given by the Æsir. I have conferred with the gods and the priests in the temple, and it is done. It cannot be undone. Therefore if you do not wish to endure the consequence of this, one amongst you must take his place at the ceremony, and you must hope that it is acceptable to the gods for all our sake."

The inside of the hut stayed quiet as they all sat close together. A minute passed before Ragnar sat up and looked around, laying his hand over Athelstan's shoulder.

"I ask you, Ancient One, what fate could a slave possibly have that is more important than any of ours here in Midgard?"

Athelstan gripped Lilith's hand so tight that his knuckles turned white, and he glared at Ragnar, clenching his teeth as the Seer responded to Ragnar's question.

"It is not for me or you to determine anyone's fate, Ragnar Lothbrok. You know more than I that we are all only here to do the gods' bidding. They have a plan and a path for us all, and so too a Fate for this foreigner who is still learning our ways. Now," he said and looked at everyone else.

It was so quiet after that, only the sound of the crackling fire filled the air around them. Lilith looked back at Lagertha and Gyda, uncertain what to do. Lilith's eyes found Helga and then Leif, wondering quietly. How could anyone be asked to make a choice like this? Had they known that Athelstan was to be the one sacrificed?

Leif looked away and then Lilith did, holding Athelstan's hand and lifting her other hand to his arm to comfort him. A seat behind them creaked, and they both looked back to see Leif stand up when no one else would.

"Before anyone can claim this honor," he began, "I desire to be sacrificed. If it is the will of the gods that Athelstan be spared, then I will gladly take his place. For my family and for all of you. My friends, and for everyone in Midgard. I trust the gods will find my sacrifice acceptable, and in that way, I do so of my own free will."

Lilith looked up at Athelstan, watching the anger on his face fade slowly. She couldn't tell if he was surprised at all, but she was. No one else spoke in response to Leif's announcement, not even when the Seer smiled with acceptance.

Now Lilith was confused. What did this mean? Athelstan would not be sacrificed as the Seer said, but instead, Leif would be sent to the altar to die? Was that really how it was here? What kind of place had they been brought to where people offered up their own family and friends as sacrifices to the gods?

Lilith understood that Athelstan was going to stay with them, but that meant that Leif wouldn't be going back with them. She looked back at him, not wanting to leave Athelstan's side but also not wanting Leif to leave.

"Leif," she called, rising from Athelstan's side and hurrying to her friend. "Where are you going?"

No one moved to stop her, not even when Leif turned to her and lay his hand over her shoulder.

"It is time for me to go, Dear One," he said, his voice so soft. "The gods are calling me to them, and I must answer them."

"But I don't want you to go," she cried, hating that she sounded so small.

Athelstan began to rise to comfort her, but Lagertha stood instead. She hurried to Lilith's side, taking her in her arms and sitting down so Leif could kneel in front of them both.

"Leif is doing this for all of us, Lilith," Lagertha whispered. "Even Athelstan."

"But why?" Lilith demanded.

Leif took both Lilith's hands in his as gently as he ever had, smiling sadly. "I know you are still so young, and so new to our way of life, but one day, I hope you understand this. When the gods demand a sacrifice, we must do as they say. I am doing this for you, Dear One. Because you are my good friend. And I am doing this for Athelstan, because he is also my friend. So that both of you may keep each other and protect one another. Yes?"

Lilith glanced back at Athelstan, seeing him no longer calm as he sat next to Ragnar. He had become anxious and tried to stand up even when Ragnar kept him sitting down. Lilith remembered what Lagertha had said about the sacrifices days earlier, and she knew from the few she'd seen what was involved. She understood that part. She probably understood more than anyone else. The marks on her backside were evidence enough of that.

"Lilith, my daughter," Lagertha said and stoked her hair gently. "Leif has to go now. But he will be smiling down at you from Valhalla for the rest of your life. I promise. And you will have all of us to protect you and love you."

Without hesitating, Lilith moved forward and wrapped her arms around Leif, trying her best not to cry and failing when he claimed the back of her head and then leaned back to kiss the side of her face. He reached into his beard then, unfurling the beads in his unruly hair and presenting them to her.

"These were given to me by my mother, when I was about your age," he said and lay them in her palm before closing his hand around them. "They are all I have left in this world that means anything to me, and I want you to have them. Lagertha will help you to put them in your own hair. So I will always be with you."

Lilith looked at the beads and then Lagertha, who nodded and wrapped her hand around Lilith's. She looked at Leif and nodded too, holding in her tears as she glanced at Athelstan and nodded. Leif looked at Lilith again and gently took her face in his hands, leaning forward to kiss her lips lightly before he rose and glanced at everyone else in the hut. With one nod, he left, the Seer went with him.

Barely a minute passed before Lilith left Lagertha's arms, hurrying back to the front where Athelstan still sat. He caught her as she fell into his arms, holding her against him and whispering to her.

"It's all right," he reassured her, cradling her gently. "I'm here. I'm right here. You're safe. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

She clung to him like she never had. It wasn't enough that he was holding her and reassuring her. She wanted him away from his place, where it seemed like everyone had conspired to take him away from her. She had hated the last person who had done that. Lilith didn't want to hate Lagertha and Ragnar.

Ragnar tried to comfort her as well, almost touching her and then stopping when Athelstan turned his head in Ragnar's direction. No words were spoken, but enough was said.

Slowly, one person at a time, the inside the hut emptied until only Ragnar and Lagertha remained with Athelstan and their children. It stayed quiet as Lagertha stood from where she's sat and moved to kneel in front of Lilith and Athelstan.

"Lilith, my dear, look at me."

Slowly, Athelstan let go of her, allowing her to sit forward.

Lagertha took her hands as securely as she could without appearing hesitant. "The sacrifices will be tomorrow evening, before twilight. I know you are confused, and I know you are sad, but we must be there for Leif. Can you do that?"

For a few seconds, Lilith couldn't speak. She stared at Lagertha and wondered. "Did you know?" she asked out loud.

Lagertha looked at Athelstan and then at Gyda, sighing softly. "I did," she admitted. "But you must understand — "

"I understand," Lilith snapped, rising and taking her hands from Lagertha's. "I understand better than you do. And of course, I will be there for Leif. It is the least I can do, since no one was there for Athelstan."

Before anyone could stop her, Lilith ran away, out of the hut and into the grove. No longer was it a happy place, with people celebrating and dancing and singing. Now it was a sad place, where people were mourning and praying and crying. Lilith didn't like this place anymore. It no longer interested her the way it had when they had arrived. Now all she wanted to do was leave.

"Lili!"

Athelstan's voice cut through the low hum of praying, and Lilith turned to see him hurrying toward her.

"Did you know?" she demanded before he could grab hold of her.

"No! Of course not. Not until last night. And the Seer had me waiting at the temple all day. I didn't know what to say when I saw you, so I figured when he told them all, it would be over with. But — Lili, please, I'm sorry."

"So now, Leif has to die?" she cried. "He has to die for you, and for me. And why? Athelstan! Why?!"

He clamped his hands around her arms and pulled her into his, pressing her to his chest and cradling her head. "I don't know why," he whispered as she sobbed against his chest. "I am so sorry this is happening. I wish it didn't have to happen like this. But Lili, it's not safe out here. Let me take you somewhere safe."

She didn't fight him, allowing him to walk her away from the grove. First, she thought he was taking her back to the hut, but then he walked passed it and showed her to a little tent off by itself. She found herself cold as she sat inside, and he used the dying embers of the small fire to start a new blaze before reaching for her.

It was warm inside Athelstan's arms, as it always had been, but her anger had not subsided, as he discovered when the grip she had on his arm tightened to the point of causing him pain.

"Lili, calm down," he pleaded. "You're all right. Everything will be all right. I swear. And you don't have to watch the sacrifices tomorrow. No matter what Ragnar or Lagertha say. It's not our custom, so you don't have to observe it."

She loosed her hold on his arm, laying her head over his shoulder as she gazed into the small fire. "And what will people say if I do not go?" she wondered, clenching her teeth.

"I don't know," he conceded. "Does it matter?"

"I am the lawful daughter of Earl Ragnar. If I do not go, people will question whether I deserve to be called that. Because I come from somewhere else."

Quickly, he pushed her back, lifting her chin so she had to look at him. "Lili, listen to me, please. You are Ragnar's daughter. By law and by love. He loves you, and so does Lagertha. No one will ever question that. Never."

"If they love me, then why did they want to take you from me?" she demanded.

He sighed and bowed his head. "I don't know. I know we are both still learning about this place, and I wish I had a better answer for you. But it's all right, Lili. I'm here, and I'm not leaving you. I won't ever leave you."

For almost a second, it looked like he was going to kiss her like Leif had, and Lilith wondered why she would think that. Instead, he pulled her into his arm and lay down with her inside them, pressing his cheek to hers and almost willing her to fall asleep. But she couldn't. There was still one thing she had to know.

"Who was it?" she asked.

"Who was what?"

She turned her head in his direction without looking at him. "Who told you about the sacrifice? Who told you it was going to be you?"

He sighed against the back of her head. "It was Thyri. She came to get me and prepare me for the ceremony, and she told me."

Lilith had to press down the swell of fury that rose up inside her, and she realized she had heard them talking the night before. She had known all along that she couldn't trust Thyri, and now it seemed like her distrust had been proven. And even if Lilith was so young, she knew she would trust her instincts the next time she felt them telling her what to trust and not trust.

"I want to be there for Leif," she said softly. "He's my friend. And he would do the same for you."

For half a minute, he didn't speak. "I know," he said after being silent.

Lilith tried to relax after that, closing her eyes and thinking of Leif. He had looked so happy. For him, she would watch the sacrifices. She had attended a few in Kattegat. How different could it be?

* * *

_**I read quite a few things online that were posted around the end of season one that said Athelstan wouldn't have been upset, and I guess that would have been true to some degree. But like I said, Lilith's presence changed everything. Let me know what you think.**_

_**Also, while I will be editing the upcoming chapters over the next several days since I won't be working, I may try to post the next chapter on Wednesday. If not, consider this an early Christmas present to everyone who is celebrating.**_

_**Otherwise, everybody have a great weekend!**_


	22. Unworthy

_**I hope everyone had a good holiday! The new year is just around the corner, and a new decade! I hope we're all ready for it. And I hope you're all ready for a new chapter.**_

_**This is going to be in Athelstan's perspective, and we're still reeling from the last chapter, it looks like. After what happened, I hope what comes feels like it should happen. Also, this chapter was planned far in advance. These last few chapters all were.**_

_**I keep using the word hope, but it's all I've got.**_

_**So, enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Unworthy**_

Though it wasn't something he wanted, when it was time for the sacrifices and Lilith wanted to watch for Leif's sake, Athelstan gave in just as he always had. He didn't think it was something she needed to see, but she wanted to be there for her friend, and she was adamant that she would be all right. Athelstan had been protecting her for so long that it was difficult for him to let her do things he knew would hurt her. He knew she had to learn, but this wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. And he wanted her to be able to trust him, even if it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to trust the people around her.

She stood at the front with Ragnar and Lagertha through the whole thing, from the first goat to the last horse. She didn't react to any of it, not even when they brought in the first man who would die on the altar. Neither of them were innocent to the sight of animals being killed, even if it had once been for a different reason, but the human sacrifices were especially difficult for Athelstan to watch. For the first twelve years of her life, he'd taught Lilith that all human life was precious. To have to witness so much life being taken away was almost too emotional for him to bear. He could only imagine how it affected Lilith.

And then Leif came through the crowd, ready for his turn on the altar. Athelstan had always seen him for his strength, and for his kindness to Lilith, even if he knew the man was as strong a warrior as Ragnar, if not better. Seeing him this way was painful, and Athelstan almost regretted not being able to take the place the people around him had wanted for him. But then, he saw that not only was Lilith crying for Leif, but she was also holding in enough anger to be shaking noticeably, and he remembered how he'd been tricked into coming here. He remembered how they'd all known and had never told him. And he remembered how strange Ragnar had been behaving since they had left Kattegat. It was enough to keep him from feeling sorry for Leif, no matter how good the man had been to him and Lilith. It didn't matter that he'd been their friend. He'd lied to them both.

Leif looked at them before he lay on the altar, finding Lilith's face and then Athelstan's before he simply nodded and climbed onto the table. As soon as the blade touched his skin, Lilith looked away, held in place by Ragnar's arm for only a second before she pushed him away and hurried to where Athelstan was standing. He caught her just as she threw her arms around him, and when Ragnar glanced back at him, Athelstan only stared back, still angry at this man he'd known for two years.

Because the sacrifices marked the end of the festival, when it was over, it was time to go home. Only a few ceremonial things remained, and Lagertha guided them all back to the hut while Ragnar followed King Horik into the temple. It would take several hours to pack everything up, which meant they wouldn't leave until the next morning. None of that mattered to Lilith. The instant they were back in the hut, she glued herself to his side, refusing to let him leave her even if she knew no one was taking him away anymore.

Lagertha tried a few times, making a modest meal for them to eat and asking Lilith to sit beside her.

"I know it has been a difficult week," Lagertha said as candidly as she could under the circumstances. She ate a bite of her food and took a deep breath. "Soon, we will be home, and you will see Edda again. You're looking forward to that, aren't you?"

Lilith didn't speak, nudging a piece of her food around the bowl in front of her. Her lips twitched tellingly, and Athelstan knew she was doing everything she could not to shout the way she had the day before.

"I know you have missed her this week," Lagertha pressed. "The two of you have become almost inseparable, the same as Gyda and Þórunn. I am very glad now that Athelstan suggested them to keep you company. Gerda and Amma as well. He is so wise. He knows you so well. He knows so much it is a little frightening sometimes."

Barely a second passed before Lilith finally snapped at her. "Well, of course he knows me. He knows me better than anyone. And now it looks like he always will."

Neither Athelstan nor Lagertha could stop her as she shot up from the table and stomped away from the main room of the hut. Athelstan sighed as he sat next to Gyda, and he pushed his food away, leaning over to kiss Gyda's cheek.

"I'll go see about her," he said and stood up to follow Lilith.

The sound of Lilith's cries was easy to follow, and he found her sitting over the bed he'd been sleeping in since they had arrived. With a long sigh, he sat beside her and draped his arm around her, comforting her even if he didn't know how he was supposed to fix what was wrong. He didn't even know if he could overcome it himself, so how could he expect her to do it? So he just sat there and held her until she stopped crying.

Even when that happened, she wouldn't let go of him. He understood more than he probably should, but he knew it couldn't stay like this.

"You don't need to worry anymore, Lili," he whispered as he knelt in front of her to untie her shoes and put them aside. "We're going home tomorrow, and everything will go back to normal."

She huffed. "Nothing will be normal again," she complained. "I should never have listened to Lagertha. I thought she cared about you."

He sighed softly, sitting beside her. "She does," he assured her. "In her own way. And she loves you. I know you're scared, but there's no need for you to be. I promise."

She didn't budge, putting her head down and holding his hand tighter.

"Athelstan," Lagertha said from the door, and he looked up. "Is she all right?"

It took all his strength to stand up and face her. "No, she's not," he said bluntly. "She's angry, and she's terrified, and I don't blame her."

Lagertha looked passed him, watching Lilith before she took his shoulder in her hand. "You must forgive us," she pleaded. "If I had known this would happen, I would not have — "

"What?" he demanded. "You wouldn't have what? Offered me up as a sacrifice in the first place? Withheld that important detail from me the entire time we were traveling here? Fed me and clothed me and cleaned me so it was obvious you already knew what my fate was? Would you have told Lili about the sacrifices if you'd known ahead of time how she would react?"

She clenched her jaw, straightening her shoulders even though she kept her head down. "This was not done to harm her. It was not done out of malice or deception. This was supposed to be an honor for you, because we chose you. I thought what everyone else thought. I thought you had embraced our culture fully. I did not and could not know the Seer would make a new prophecy for you, or that we had made the wrong choice. There was no way to know. How were we to know?" she pleaded with him.

Athelstan tipped his chin up, much taller than her in that moment. "You could have told me. I don't know what I would have done, but at least then, it would have been my choice. You could have warned me that Thyri was going to try to seduce me. And you could have shown me and Lili that the love you had for her meant something to you, that you wouldn't do this because of honor or protection. I had brothers when I was at the monastery, and they all despised Lili to the point of being afraid of her. And they all died. I never really had friends until I came here. I thought that meant something to you. I thought I meant something to you. But I guess I was wrong."

She opened her mouth to say more, possibly to apologize, but he stopped her.

"Please just go," he said and looked away. "I don't want to do this right now, and I don't want to say something that will make me feel guilty. So please, just leave. It is late, and Lili is tired."

Instead of pressing the matter, she bowed her head, looking at Lilith a second time and then him before she nodded and left.

Athelstan sat back down with Lilith, holding her against him for another minute before he whispered to her. "Come on then," he said. "Let's just get some sleep."

She didn't argue, allowing him to lay her down and then turning to him with her head over his chest. When she finally relaxed enough, Athelstan lay awake thinking of what Lagertha said.

Of course, it wasn't solely her responsibility to decide on these things. The free women had more say than the slaves, but in the end, it came down to one person who had the final say in this. That person was Ragnar. That was who Athelstan needed to speak to. And he would do that as soon as he woke the next morning.

Athelstan waited until he could leave Lilith asleep to confront Ragnar. He'd endured watching Leif take his place in the ceremony, and he'd held Lilith all night as she cried at the loss of her friend. He wasn't doing that again, and Ragnar would know that before they left this place. He'd grown to care for Ragnar's family, and these people, and now, he only felt betrayed by them all. Even Thyri with her looks and her attempted seduction had all been to trick him into being sacrificed for their benefit. It didn't matter what Lagertha said to explain or excuse what they had done. None of her words mattered to him now.

He had not confronted anyone in years, not since he'd discovered Lilith's marks and shamed all the men responsible for her suffering. He wasn't making her go through that again. Not even for a new family she had already accepted and loved as much as he did.

Ragnar was sleep-deprived from staying up the night before, but he was still coherent enough to see Athelstan waiting for him outside their hut.

"I will never forgive you for this," Athelstan shouted at him. "Do you hear me? Never. Lili has been through too much, and she has had too much taken away from her. I don't care about your gods or your fame or even the people who follow you like you're the only reason they're alive. I only care about her. She is more important to me than any religion or place or people, and the last people who tried to take me from her all ended up dead. Do you understand that?"

Ragnar barely reacted, but he didn't stop Athelstan from saying what he needed to say. It was quiet and vacant in the grove, so no one was around to see it. Athelstan didn't care if anyone saw him do this. He didn't care if he was still a slave or not, and he didn't care if Ragnar could beat him or kill him. He would make this man who had uprooted both their lives and thrust them into this world without a care understand that it wasn't going to be so simple anymore.

Finally, Ragnar looked at him. "This did not have anything to do with Lilith," he said, but it wasn't an apology, or even the beginning of one. "You might not care about our gods, but I do. And this was not done to harm anyone. This is how we do things here. You have lived here long enough to see that. What has changed?"

Athelstan exploded. "What changed is that you all brought me here to be ritually sacrificed like a common animal! You all tricked me into coming here, and not once did any of you take a moment to tell me why you wanted me here." He grabbed Ragnar's jerkin, lowering his voice. "You had every opportunity to tell me this was happening. And I trusted you. I trusted all of you, and now all I feel is that I've been used and betrayed, and I never thought I would ever feel that again. And it is because of you. Leif probably knew what was happening, and that's why he volunteered so quickly when the Seer said you _couldn't_ sacrifice me. I thought I had earned your respect and your trust, but clearly, I was wrong. Clearly, the only thing I ever was to you, to any of you, was expendable." Ragnar almost growled when he said that, trying to argue, but Athelstan wouldn't let him. "I will not have that," he shouted. "Are you listening? I will not have it!"

"This was not done to you," Ragnar countered. "This was done for us all. Is that not how it is done for your God? Making sacrifices for the greater good. Giving up things that matter to you to please your God. That is why you were chosen. It was not because you were expendable. It was because it was a sacrifice for us all. Especially for me. Don't you see that?"

Athelstan shook his head. "No, this wasn't for any of them. This was for you, and you alone. And don't you dare try to use my God to justify this. Don't. Don't think I don't know what the Seer told you. Don't think I don't know that you don't believe Lagertha will bear you any more sons! I know all of it. And I have known you long enough to know how you think. To know how this place works. How you all demand sons and sell off your daughters to the highest bidder. Lili is not yours to do that with. She is not some common whore to bargain land or riches with! She is m–"

"She is what?" Ragnar challenged. "She is yours? And you say she is not property."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!" Athelstan bellowed. "She is mine, but not in the way you're thinking. I do not own her, nor does she own me. But she is mine, and I am hers, and I will not have anyone taking us apart again. Not even you. None of you will ever take her from me, or me from her. I wouldn't expect you to understand, and I don't care if you have what you think are good reasons for any of this. Why did you not tell me? I want to know."

"Would it have made a difference?" Ragnar questioned, and it now looked like he was struggling not to react to Athelstan's words.

Slowly, Athelstan let go of him, backing away a few steps. "I don't know," he admitted. "But you should've asked. You should've known. You should've seen. And it's because you didn't that Lili's hurting right now. She won't let anyone near her but me, and it is your doing. Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I did see," he revealed. "And I did know. And I should have asked. You are right. It was my decision to proceed, and I should not have done so without first consulting you. But I knew what your answer would be, and I was responsible for more than just you in this. I did think of myself, but I also thought of my children and my people. Whether you believe me or not, that includes you and Lilith. This was not to get rid of you or separate you from her. This was meant to be an honor for you. That you of all people would be the one to save us. To save me."

Athelstan shook his head again. "You can't do it, can you?" he demanded.

"Do what?" Ragnar almost mocked.

"You can't apologize. You can't say you're sorry for putting either of us through this."

"I am not sorry for my choices," Ragnar stated plainly. "I have never been sorry for the choices I have made. For example, I am not sorry that I brought you here when I did or how I did. If I had not, I would not have gained a daughter and a friend. And I do consider you a friend, Athelstan. No matter what you might believe to the contrary."

"So how am I supposed to trust you now?"

Ragnar stepped closer, taking Athelstan by the shoulders. "You will trust me as you always have. I did not tell you for a reason. And one day, you will know what that reason is. Whether you believe me or not, I do respect you. I care for you a great deal, my friend. And I know it will not help for me to say that I was outvoted, so to say. And though I did not want to lose my friend Leif, he made his choice. And it benefitted us both." He sighed softly, letting go. "I will be leaving here with King Horik's men to travel to Götland and deal with an important matter. You will return home with my family, and I am sure that you will care for them as you always have. For I know how much you love my children, and I will trust that this will not change that."

Athelstan stared for a few seconds, realizing that while he was being heard, it didn't change anything. He clenched his fists, taking a deep breath before he spoke. "I would never let anything happen to Bjorn or Gyda. I love them like they are mine. This is not about them. This is between you and me. And you can try and make me forget about this, but it won't work. I will never forget this. And I will never forgive you for hurting Lili."

He didn't let Ragnar speak again, turning and walking away so what he'd said was the last thing spoken.

Athelstan wandered through the grove until the sun was peeking over the horizon behind the temple, thinking of everything Ragnar had said and the way he'd said it. He thought about Lagertha and how she had at least looked remorseful, and he knew while he hadn't overreacted, this was just what they did. He'd learned enough about that in the last 24 months, but it did nothing to improve his mood. It did nothing to change how he felt.

He realized he had to return to their hut when he saw groups of people from other towns packing up to leave, and though he didn't want to face Lagertha or Ragnar just yet, he had to make sure the children were ready to go. So he trudged through the grove as it filled with people again, arriving at the hut just as Lagertha was packing away the blankets they had brought with them.

She glanced at him as he stepped inside, but she said nothing, going back to her task without a word. Athelstan stepped back to where he'd been sleeping, finding Lilith there with Gyda also packing what she'd brought with her. When she saw him, she stopped what she was doing and rushed to him.

"Athelstan," she cried. "I woke up and you were gone."

He sighed softly as he held her. "It's all right. I just needed some air. Are you almost finished packing?"

She nodded, and he nudged her away, looking at her as he spoke. "Make sure you don't forget anything. It's a long journey home, and we won't be able to come back."

She nodded a second time, turning back to where she and Gyda were packing up the small things they'd both brought.

"Gyda, that goes for you as well," he said, and she glanced at him, staring only a second before she smiled and nodded.

It took Athelstan no time to pack what he'd brought, since it wasn't much, and he rolled up his bed so he would be able to carry it back to the boat. He finished quickly, stepping back into the main room where Lagertha was still packing.

"Where's Bjorn?" he asked.

She hesitated for a minute before she spoke. "He has chosen to go with his father to Götland," she said. "We will be going back to Kattegat on our own. I hope that will be all right with you. I will need you to help me with Gyda and Lilith while we're walking back to the boats."

"Of course," he said quickly. "I'll help however I can."

"Good," she said and nothing else.

She went on in her packing and didn't look at him. Athelstan took a breath and sat at the table in the middle of the room.

"May I talk to you about something?" he inquired.

Finally, she turned to face him, hopefully seeing how conflicted he was as she put down what was in her hands to sit with him. "Of course. What is it you wish to talk about?"

For a few seconds, he struggled to find the right words, not wanting her to get the wrong idea about what he had to say. "The first time I had to leave Lili at the monastery, she was ten years old. And for ten years, I had basically been the only person she trusted. I had cared for her and taught her and loved her in a way none of the others there did or could have. And when I left her, it hurt her even if I didn't mean for it to. The abbot there, Father Cuthbert, wasn't cruel. But he was set in his ways, and he didn't like disobedience. So when she disobeyed him even a little, he punished her. And she suffered something I never wanted her to."

She nodded just once. "I saw her scars," she acknowledged. "You told me of how he punished her. It still angers me to think of it."

"Well, yes," he said, pausing and glancing back to where he'd left Lilith before he went on, "but more than that. I never wanted her to be lonely. She didn't have anyone besides me to keep her company, and when I was gone, she was alone except when she was learning to read or write. I wanted her to have someone her own age to talk to and play with, and I could never do that. Not how she wanted me to. For two years, Father Cuthbert sent me on missions. It's how I learned your language and was able to teach her. So I can't say it was time wasted. But he also did it to separate me from her. That's how he punished her. He cared more about keeping me pure and incorruptible by making sure I was nowhere near her, than he did about giving her compassion and companionship. And every time I came back from a mission, she clung to me even tighter.

"The last time I came back, I'd been gone for nearly a year. And Father Cuthbert would've sent me away again had I not realized why he was doing it. I had missed a year of her life, and I knew it would continue unless I put a stop to it. So that is what I did. I knew after a year of being away from her that I could not do it again. She had become such a big part of my life, and without her in it, I found it almost meaningless. It scares me sometimes, but after this, only leaving her scares me more than how much she means to me."

Slowly, Lagertha reached for his hands, taking them both in hers as she spoke. "It is very clear that you love Lilith and would do anything for her," she said. "And I am sorry that I made you doubt that I love her as well. You brought her to us, and you asked Ragnar to bring her into our family, and for that, I will always be grateful. I never wanted you to feel as though we did not care for you as well. You have become such a great source of comfort and friendship to me especially. And Lilith is so precious to me. You are as much a part of our family as she is, Athelstan. And you always will be. You have my word."

Even though he didn't believe it was necessary, Athelstan still squeezed her hands with his and bowed his head. "I'm sorry for how I acted last night," he said softly. "I have not been so angry in over two years, and I didn't know how else to dispel it. I do love Lili, and I would do anything for her, but I didn't mean to react the way I did. Forgive me."

"You have done nothing to be forgiven for," Lagertha assured him. "If you will recall when we first met, I threatened you with bodily harm at the notion of anything happening to my children. I would expect nothing less from you for the sake of yours."

Athelstan laughed softly, almost correcting her, but he knew it was the best way she could listen to what he said and understand what he meant. And everyone said it was true that he behaved like Lilith was his, so perhaps it was for the best. Maybe that's what he would do to keep her safe.

Lilith and Gyda came into the room a moment later, carrying their own beds and small satchels of their journals. Athelstan stood to greet them, and then Lagertha did, urging them forward to her open her arms. Lilith went slowly, but she did so without having to make sure it was all right with Athelstan.

"My girls," Lagertha greeted. "Your brother has chosen to go with his father to Götland, and so it will be you and me and Athelstan on our journey back home. But we will be together. That is all that matters. Yes?"

Both Gyda and Lilith nodded, and Lagertha stood up. "It is quite a walk back to the boats. Again, I need you both to wear your boots for the journey."

They both sat down to find their boots and the entrance to the hut flew open, allowing Torstein and Arne inside.

"Time to go!" Torstein bellowed as he laughed. "Do you need any help with anything in here?"

Lagertha gave him and Arne the rolled up beds that would be used for sleeping, and they took them without speaking, though they both looked in Athelstan's direction just once before they left the hut with their bounty to do what Lagertha had asked.

Ragnar didn't make an appearance until it was time to leave the grove, coming toward them with Bjorn as he smiled smugly. Athelstan didn't say anything to him, keeping his distance as Ragnar beckoned Gyda and Lilith forward. They went to him slowly, and he held them securely inside his arms.

"It is almost time to go home," he said and kissed their cheeks. "You are both ready to go home. Yes?"

Gyda responded with a small smile on her face. "Yes, Father. We are ready to go home."

"Good," he said and stroked her hair. "I have been asked by King Horik to help him in a personal matter, and so I will go with him to resolve this before I return myself. But your mother will be taking care of you, as will Athelstan," he said and looked up at him. "I want you to keep up with your lessons while I'm away, and with any hope, your brother's learnings will not suffer while he is with me."

Gyda laughed softly, and after a second, Lilith did as well. Ragnar sighed heavily, pulling her into his arms to hold her as tightly as he ever had. He whispered to her, cradling her head and then kissing her check before he let her go and reached out to do the same to Gyda. Once that was done, he strode over the where Lagertha was waiting with Siggy and Thyri.

He embraced his wife and whispered to her, again looking up at Athelstan before he leaned away from Lagertha and cupped her face in his hands. She nodded as well, holding his arms before he let go and went to join King Horik's men. Amongst them, Athelstan saw Rollo, Floki, Torstein and Arne. It seemed like Ragnar was taking all the men he trusted with him. It made Athelstan feel much smaller than he had when he'd confronted Ragnar earlier.

The horns sounded then, signaling it was time to leave. The discussions and goodbyes all ceased as they filed out of the grove to begin the long walk back to the boats that had been left several dozen miles down the embankment. The walk would be quiet even with many people walking down the path to the water.

Athelstan helped Lilith and Gyda with their beds and their satchels, staying close and almost resigning himself to his new role. Of course, Ragnar didn't want him to go to Götland. He would be of no use there. At least in Kattegat, Athelstan could look after the girls and keep them and Lagertha safe. So that's what he would do.

* * *

_**There are only four chapters after this and a few more changes to be done, so here we go!**_

_**I might just move my posting day to Friday, since it's becoming easier to do it then. So how about next Friday?**_

_**Until next time!**_


	23. Certainty

_**Happy New Year, everybody! Here's to 2020 being a good one!**_

_**This chapter is kind of a fallout of the last one, but I don't think it's too bad. I really wanted this to be when Athelstan and Lagertha begin to understand one another, so I hope you like it.**_

_**This chapter is also split between Athelstan and Lilith's perspective, so we can get both of their takes on what's happened.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**Certainty**_

For a long while after leaving the grove and the temple, they all walked together as they had after arriving a week earlier. Bjorn stayed close to his mother and sisters, and Athelstan was glad since it gave them all a chance to say goodbye. Ragnar had already moved to the front of the line, and many of the men who were leaving with him followed him along the way. There wasn't much to say, so the walk back to the boats was quiet. Helga joined them after an hour, helping carry the pallets and the food, but she didn't say anything to anyone. Whenever Athelstan caught her looking at him, she just smiled and kept walking. He didn't know what to say that wouldn't come out as an accusation like it had with Lagertha, so he didn't say anything either. It was very unnerving.

Since the boats were all tied off together, they all stayed together until it was time to board the boats to leave. Ragnar and those going with him all climbed into the boat that would carry them to Götland, while Lagertha led her children and everyone else to the two boats that were left.

Bjorn said one final goodbye to Lagertha, and she to him before he followed Ragnar. While they did that, Athelstan helped Lilith and Gyda into the boat so they could get settled before they left. Siggy and Thyri also boarded the boat, and for a second, Thyri tried to say something to him. But when he ignored her, she sighed and went to sit where her mother had settled. Athelstan didn't know what to say to her, especially since he didn't really know her to begin with. So he chose not to say anything.

Lagertha came back then, sitting near the bow where he was, and with a nod, she told the midshipman to push off.

Athelstan noticed she was shaking, leaning closer make sure she was all right. "Did Bjorn say something?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I am fine. I'll just be glad when we are home, and away from this place."

For a minute, he was stunned by her words, but then she looked at him, and he could only nod, agreeing with her. So far, Uppsala had not been a pleasant experience for him, and he was glad it was over. After this, going back to Kattegat was a welcome prospect.

Just as it had been on the way here, the weather remained agreeable on the way back. Any time the clouds built up and it threatened to rain, Athelstan held Lilith and Gyda close to him, and he stayed ready to move them under the canopy to sit between the men and women rowing the boat. It never became necessary. The sun would come out soon after that, and he relaxed even if he still kept the girls in his arms.

The first night, and then the second night, he slept sitting up with Lilith and Gyda under his arms and his cloak to keep them warm. He made sure they had enough to eat and drink, and he told them short stories between the food and water to keep them occupied. On the third night, Lagertha bid him to lay close to her while the girls slept between them. He still saw the fear in her eyes, but he said nothing, knowing she would say something when there as something to say.

"Ragnar was supposed to tell you after you had been chosen," she said not long after they had all laid down to go to sleep.

When she didn't say anything after that, Athelstan looked in her direction, her blank expression telling him everything he needed to know. He lowered his eyes to Lilith as she slept in his arms, thinking of how angry she had been and knowing it would be days before she wasn't so angry anymore.

"We all believed he would tell you before we arrived," Lagertha continued, still not looking at him. "I told him it was his responsibility because he was our Earl, and you were his friend. No one else questioned why it was taking him so long. I was the only one who pressed him, and it seemed to make him wait even longer. And for that, I am truly sorry. You should have known before we left Kattegat."

Athelstan nudged Lilith away, sitting up to face the rest of the boat as the other men and women rowed diligently.

"I wish that was good enough," he lamented. "And I wish it wasn't like this now. I don't know why Ragnar didn't tell me. I wish I did. I'm still trying to figure him out, and this isn't helping at all. I thought I knew him, and I thought he knew me well enough to know how angry I would be at him for doing this."

Slowly, Lagertha sat up with him and reached for his arm. "Athelstan, we chose you because we care about you. Losing you would have cause so many of us pain, but we were willing to endure that to have you be the one to save us. Didn't Ragnar tell you that?"

"This isn't about the sacrifice," he chided. "It's not about me! This is about Lili. How can you not understand that, after knowing her for so long? Do you not understand how fragile she is, how innocent she is? I made a promise to her as well, and you very nearly caused me to break it. Don't you see that?"

She bowed her head, ashamed. "I am sorry. And of course I understand. Lilith has brought so much joy and happiness to all our lives. I can barely remember what our lives were like before she was here. But the same can be said of you, Athelstan." She eased her hand into his, and he turned to look at her. "I should have told you more than I did. It should have been me to prepare you for the sacrifice, not Thyri. The men all chose her, and no one thought to question them. I should have."

Athelstan glanced at Lilith and then Gyda, imagining for a moment what it might have been like if Lagertha had done what Thyri had been meant to do. "Lagertha," he whispered and held her hand tighter. "Even if it had — "

"But I understand that it could not be me," she assented. "And I understand your anger. I hope we can understand each other eventually, so you will not be so angry anymore."

The breath he took surprised her and himself at the same time. "I — " He bowed his head and took as deep a breath as he could. "I'm not angry with you, Lagertha. And I know this wasn't completely your doing. You have loved Lili the entire time she has been here, and it is all I ever wanted for her. Of course I forgive you for anything you think you did wrong. I feel like we have both been through quite enough the last several days."

With his hand still in hers, Lagertha lay her other hand over them both. "From this day forward, I will value your friendship, and you will never have to question it ever again."

Athelstan sighed softly, nodding and then laying back down with Lilith while she still slept. Lagertha lay with Gyda as she had been before, and together, they relaxed enough to get to sleep.

In his sleep, Athelstan saw the woman in his dreams again, sitting beside him in her pristine white dress and a soft glow all around her, even in the darkness. They were sailing somewhere safe, and she was smiling down at him. He lifted his hand to touch her cheek, but she vanished before he could, drifting away on the breeze as it carried them along.

Athelstan did not know why he kept dreaming of her, especially since he already knew who she was, or rather, who she would be. It was something significant, and yet, he could not comprehend it. One day, he hoped he knew what it meant.

"You are lucky," Lagertha said on morning of the fifth day. "I wish I could forgive as easily as you do. I wish I didn't carry around so much anguish and longing. How did you cope when you learned what had happened to Lilith?"

The memory of that day still filled Athelstan with anger he didn't know what to do with, and whenever he thought of it, he always tried to push it away. But the moment that Lagertha brought it up, it all came rushing back.

"I still don't know," he admitted. "I was so furious, at Father Cuthbert, at the other brothers there, for what they had done and for what they had allowed to happen. Of all the things he had done to us when we disobeyed, I never expected what he did to her to be worse. And he was never sorry for what he had done. But mostly, I was angry at myself."

He paused, and she turned to him as they sat away from the girls.

"Why would you be angry at yourself?" she wondered. "You did nothing."

Athelstan shook his head. "No, I didn't. And that was why I was angry. I had promised her from the time she could understand and respond to me that I would protect her as best as I could. And from what I learned, Father Cuthbert truly believed he was doing what was best for her. When he sent me away the first time, he expected her to obey him, and when she didn't, he punished her. And I never knew. Because he threatened to remove me from her life permanently if she told me. When I learned that she endured every punishment so she would have me in her life, I had never been more ashamed. She was a child, and I was an adult, and I couldn't protect her."

He paused again, but when he looked at her, he only saw how worried and afraid she was. He pulled in a deep breath and pushed it out. "In many ways, I am still angry about what happened, even if it stopped so long ago. She still suffers from what was done to her, and every time I see her scars, it renews some part of that anger. I don't know what I would do to the next person who tried to do that to her. Now I have to remind myself that she won't ever suffer that fate again because she has people around her who love her. At least until this happened. These last few days, I find that I have had to accept what happened even if it still angers me."

Lagertha took in a deep breath as well, pressing her lips together as she huffed and put her head down. "These last few days, I have found myself thanking the gods for your presence," she reminded to him. "I hope one day that it will be easier to talk of this without feeling so guilty. I hope that for us both, Athelstan."

He eased closer to her and looked up to where Lilith and Gyda were sitting, only thinking for half a minute before he spoke again. "I'm sure everything will be better when we make it back to Kattegat," he assured her.

She glanced at him and nodded, but when she didn't say anything back, he only sat beside her so she would be able to lean on him if she needed.

"My Lady Lagertha," the midshipman called up to her, "we've arrived."

For half a minute, she didn't move. Then she stood and turned to face the bow as they drew closer to Kattegat in the distance. Athelstan watched her closely, remembering what he'd said and how she had responded, and he knew he would have to be there for her when she needed him, especially where the girls were concerned.

* * *

Despite it being early in the day when they returned to Kattegat, Lilith discovered she was more tired than she had been after making it all the way to the temple at Uppsala. Of course, Leif had helped her for a good portion of the way, even if she had done quite a bit of it herself. Now that she had walked back to the boats and sat cramped in the hull of another boat the last several days, she was exhausted. Gyda was as well, and when they were inside the safety of the long house, the first thing they both asked Lagertha was if they could find Edda and Þórunn and go back to sleep.

To Lilith's surprise, Lagertha agreed, and not too enthusiastically. That worried Lilith more than she thought it would after the week she'd just had, but not enough that she didn't go straight to the long house with Gyda once everything was unpacked. That's where they found Edda and Þórunn.

"Things have not been the same without you here," Þórunn said as she and Edda walked with Gyda and Lilith. "Ingrid has been relentless, and Amma nearly got herself whipped for disobeying. She and Gerda have been helping in the fields to prepare the harvest."

"But thankfully," Edda said and took Lilith's hand in hers, "now everything will go back to the way it was before. Especially since Athelstan is also back. There were people talking like he wouldn't be coming back from Uppsala, but I'm glad that turned out not to be true."

Lilith sighed softly, instantly remembering Leif and the sacrifice and pushing her anger away as best as she could. After so many days, it was still too easy to see the sad smile on his face and connect it with the one from her dreams. Had she known it all along? What were her dreams trying to tell her?

"Something else happened at Uppsala," Gyda said, and they all looked at her. "It is something that will make us all closer as friends. Come. I will tell you."

As Þórunn and Edda helped them out of their traveling clothes and into sleeping gowns, both Lilith and Gyda told them everything about the festival. Gyda told them about the vendors and the gifts they had brought back for their handmaidens. Lilith told them about the temple and how amazing it had been to see something so old and magnificent. When Edda asked about Athelstan, Lilith was the one who told her about the sacrifices and how no one had explained to him what was happening. Edda wasn't surprised by that.

"But I also began my moon blood," Gyda said when it became tense after talking about what had happened. "So now I am a woman like each of you."

Lilith sighed and smiled, holding the tin for her scars so Edda could apply it gently.

Since Gyda had started her bleeding at the festival, she had been asking Lilith every question she could about what was happening to her body, and it wasn't just about the bleeding, which stopped before they began their journey home. Gyda said she had been having strange dreams, and sometimes, the things she felt in her dreams found their way into her mind while she was awake. Lilith had experienced the same things, but she had Athelstan to keep her from dwelling on it too much. Because their chores had diminished considerably since moving to town, all Gyda could do was think about these thoughts.

All the way home, they had talked, to the point that Lilith had nearly run out of things to say. Normally, she would have asked Lagertha, but now that they were away from the temple, Lagertha was no longer in the mood to talk about nearly anything. But now, she could talk to Edda and Þórunn.

"It isn't just these dreams I'm having," Gyda said as she and Þórunn pushed their bed against Lilith and Edda's and then laid down together. "It's these thoughts I keep thinking. And feelings I keep feeling. It is strange how it all happened at once. It was like that for all of you?"

Lilith nodded, sighing heavily as she glanced at back Edda. "It was," she confirmed. "It is. And Athelstan says that's normal for girls. He remembered his sister being the same way, even though he was very young the last he saw her."

Gyda sighed as well, settling into Þórunn's arms. Her eyes were as heavy as Lilith's, and when she reached for her hand, it was easy to allow her to take it. "I'm worried about Mother," she admitted.

"I am too," Lilith agreed.

Slowly, Gyda's eyes closed, and Lilith didn't fight her own sleep, closing her eyes as well.

The smell of food cooking woke Lilith from her slumber as it usually did in the mornings, and she opened her eyes to discover Gyda, Þórunn and Edda still asleep. She looked around to see late afternoon light coming through the top of the room where they were sleeping, and she decided it was almost time for supper. With a gentle nudge, she woke the others, and they all rose together to find Lagertha and Athelstan.

The long house was mostly empty, but across the way to the Great Hall, a small crowd had gathered around Lagertha as she sat before them all explaining where Ragnar was.

"As I said, this was a very important errand King Horik has asked Earl Ragnar to perform, but I am confident that as soon as it is finished, he will return to Kattegat. Our journey to Uppsala was successful, and we should all pray to the gods for their protection now that our sacrifice has been given to them."

A few of the people gathered grumbled even as they all turned to leave, and when Lagertha looked up to see Lilith and Gyda at the doors with Edda and Þórunn, she gestured for them to come to her.

"I trust you are all well-rested," she said, waiting for them to nod before she continued. "Good. Now all of you go to the back with Athelstan and Siggy to help with supper. We will be eating over here while the linens and furs are changed from our beds."

Gyda didn't question her, taking Lilith's hand and pulling her toward the back of the Hall where the food was currently being cooked. Lilith glanced back just once, seeing Lagertha's pinched face and her sour expression and wondering what had been said at the gathering.

Athelstan was currently tending the fire as a pot of food cooked, and he smiled when he saw Gyda and Lilith with Þórunn and Edda, reaching for them all as he stood up.

"Well, good afternoon," he greeted and hugged them each of them, lingering with Lilith and Edda. "I checked on you just an hour ago, and you were all sleeping so soundly. Are you rested up now?"

Gyda nodded and then Lilith did, and he pulled them to where Siggy was cutting up vegetables for supper with Ingrid.

"Good," he said. "Sit over here with Siggy and Ingrid, and when Lagertha comes back, we'll sit down and eat. Edda, Þórunn, you can help as well."

They sat down across from Siggy, and she passed small knives to them so they could help her. She looked up at Athelstan just as she did, but nothing was said as she went back to her chopping. Lilith looked at Athelstan too, but he was already adding food to the pot to cook with his back to her.

It stayed quiet as they all worked, and when Siggy stood up to carry the food she had cut up to the fire, she whispered something to Athelstan that Lilith couldn't hear before leaving to go to the front of the Hall.

"Athelstan, is everything all right?" Lilith asked, turning to him as he still stood by the fire.

He hesitated, not answering her for a minute. "Everything's fine, Lili," he said after being quiet. "We're all just getting used to our old schedule again. I hope you're both able to concentrate tonight for your writing lessons. It's been over two weeks since we had one."

She finished with her onions and carried them to where he stood, waiting until it was all in the pot before she spoke again. "What was that assembly for that Lagertha was having when we came in?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I didn't know there was one," he said, but he didn't look at her as he spoke.

Lilith stared up at him until he noticed she wasn't moving away, but when he looked at her, he said nothing.

Siggy came back before either of them could speak, hurrying to Athelstan's side as Lilith stood beside him.

"Lagertha needs you, Priest," she announced.

He didn't say anything to Lilith, stepping around her to leave the back, and once he as gone, Siggy gently lay her hand on Lilith's shoulder.

"Do not worry, child," she pressed. "There are many things we must become accustomed to again now that we are home. Help your sister."

Since she was not given the option of doing anything else, Lilith huffed as loudly as she could and sat back down with Gyda.

Supper was decidedly more somber than it had been since Ragnar had been gone the last time, and even then, it wasn't this bad. Lagertha wouldn't speak, and she barely ate. Siggy and Thyri both sat across from her and spoke only to each other. Edda and Þórunn only sat and ate, since there wasn't much they could talk about. Gyda was so worried about her mother that she didn't say anything to any else either, and Athelstan had his nose so far into his cup that Lilith thought he might drown in it. And there was so much that needed to be said. Lilith didn't know how to make that happen anymore.

The next several days were like this, and though Athelstan still sat with Lilith and Gyda to give them new reading and writing lessons, he was just as quiet and evasive as he had been their first day back. Lilith had to know what had happened, and she knew there was only one way to make him tell her. She waited until they had all gone to bed maybe a week after that, taking her blanket with her to find Athelstan as he lay in front of the fire to keep it tended.

Ever since before they had left for Uppsala, he had been doing this, and it was always strange to Lilith since there were now other servants to do it so he could focus on her and Gyda and Lagertha. There was another reason why he was doing it now, and Lilith knew it had everything to do with what had happened when they had returned.

Just as she suspected, when she came upon him in the main gathering place of the long house, he wasn't sleeping at all. He was sitting up alone without his cloak on even though it was much cooler at night now.

"Are you sleeping at all?" she asked him as she walked closer to him.

He looked away from the fire to see her there, sighing heavily. "Lili, it's late. Why aren't you asleep?"

She sat on the bench next to him, keeping her blanket around her shoulders. "I am not sleeping because you are not sleeping," she told him. "And I cannot sleep until I know what is bothering you. And I know something is bothering you, Athelstan. You have been trying to hide it, but you have done a very poor job. If you tell me, maybe I can help."

Clenching his jaw, he turned back to the fire. "I wish you could," he admitted. "But I don't think the words of a little girl would persuade the people of this town from their thinking or their words. And while you might have been accepted by them, I still have not been. There is nothing to be done about it. You cannot help, so you should not worry over it. Not because of me."

Lilith didn't hesitate, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the long house into the night even if it wasn't completely dark.

"Lili, please," he exclaimed. "You should be asleep."

"So should you," she countered. "And until you do, I won't. Besides, I'm going to show you something."

He huffed as he followed her, and she pulled him down to the water front where the slave quarters stood against the barn where the animals stayed in the winter.

Lilith had explored every corner of Kattegat with Gyda when they had first moved here, and though she had been Earl Ragnar's daughter, many of the people in town had known she wasn't from there. They had not been kind to her, even when she had been with Gyda or Bjorn, but slowly, the harsh looks and harsh words had ceased. And now she could go anywhere she wanted by herself.

"The people here didn't accept me when we first moved here either," she reminded him as she pulled him into the barn. "And even if I was with my sister and brother, they scowled at me. So I always hid in here when Bjorn was training with Ragnar or when Gyda was helping Lagertha with our clothes."

The inside of the barn was much warmer since it was still summer, but it was easy to move around the horses and goats to where the hearth fire burned low at the middle of the building. There lay a speckled grey cat and her litter of kittens as they kept warm and napped like cats usually did when they were happy.

"Do you still remember all of the ducks and goats and dogs at the monastery?" she asked him.

"Of course I do," he answered. "What does that have to do with anything? And why are we here and not back in the long house? We can't sleep out here, Lili."

"I did," she said simply.

She turned to face him, sitting by the fire and lifting one of the kittens to her lap to hold it. It cried a little but then settled and went back to sleep as she pet it. She looked up at him, waiting until he sat in front of her to look down at the kitten.

"You've slept out here?" he asked, confused.

She shook her head. "No. Not out here."

It took him another minute to understand, and he sighed heavily, closing his eyes for a second before he looked at her again. "Lili. Why would you sleep with the animals? Surely it wasn't safe for you there."

"Well, of course it wasn't," she exclaimed. "But you were gone, and every time I did something he didn't like, I was either punished for it or sent to bed without supper. No one else there cared for me, and I didn't have anywhere else to go. So, yes, I slept in the barn with the goats and the dogs. It was the only place where I felt any warmth, and the animals didn't care how I had come to be there. They only cared that I was nice to them."

The embarrassment on Athelstan's face was enough for Lilith to put the kitten down and scoot closer to him. She took his hands in hers, the same way he always did with her, sighing like he had. "My point is that it doesn't matter if these people accept you. It doesn't matter if they don't appreciate you, and it doesn't matter if they never do. I do. You are the only one here who has always taken care of me, and even if I have others who can help, I don't want only them to do it. And it should only matter if the person who needs you knows where you belong. I know where you belong, Athelstan. Isn't that enough?"

He stared at her without saying anything for almost a whole minute. He pulled her into his arms without speaking, holding her so tightly that he nearly crushed her like Ragnar always did. Lilith held onto him with both her arms, knowing what had happened even if he hadn't really told her.

"I was trying to protect you," he whispered. "I had almost forgotten that nearly everyone who went to Uppsala knew what was going to happen to me. It turns out many people in town knew as well, and they were not happy to see me return. Lagertha said you would understand, but I couldn't put that on your shoulders. I have been protecting you for so long. It seems it is a habit I cannot break, even when I see it affecting everyone around me. Forgive me. Please."

Lilith held onto him tighter. "Always," she promised.

His whole body shook like he was crying, and for a few seconds, she was worried that she had made it worse. Then he laughed and cradled her head, kissed her forehead and lay his own forehead against hers.

"And will you please tell me how you became so wise?" he pleaded. "I would never presume to believe it was me you learned this from."

She laughed then too. "Of course I learned it from you. You're the only teacher I've ever had, Athelstan."

He kissed her forehead again, holding her closer and taking the deepest breath before he pushed it out. It was quiet a minute before he spoke against the side of her head. "Now can we please go back to the long house? You really do need to sleep."

Lilith laughed softly. "I will if you will."

He squeezed her just once before he leaned back to look at her. He didn't say anything for a minute, just looking at her. "You have grown so much since we came here," he marveled. "But you must try to promise that you won't grow up too fast. At least so I can keep up with you."

"I'll do my best, Athelstan."

He nodded, accepting what she said before he took her hand and pulled her to her feet. Once she was by his side, he started off out of the barn, and Lilith did nothing to stop him. For this one time, she let him lead her.

Lagertha was sitting up in front of the hearth fire of the long house when they made it back. She didn't look up to see them there until Lilith stepped ahead of Athelstan with her blanket and sat down next to her adoptive mother. Lagertha looked almost surprised to see them, but she welcomed Lilith all the same.

"It is so late," she said softly. "You should both be asleep."

Athelstan almost began to explain, but instead, he just sighed and sat on Lilith's other side.

It was quiet for several minutes before Lagertha sighed herself and rose with Lilith in her arms. "Come on," she said to them. "Tomorrow will be a busy day. Athelstan," she said and held out her hand to him.

Lilith looked up at him, almost pleading with him to come with her, and he bowed his head again, lifting his hand to Lagertha's slowly. They all left the hearth fire together then, retiring to the back rooms so they could all get a good night's sleep.

Lagertha bid them both to sleep in her bed with her, and once she had climbed beneath the furs, Athelstan helped Lilith onto the bed before he climbed in behind her. She didn't wait for Lagertha to sleep, turning to face Athelstan.

"Even if these people here don't ever accept you, you will always have a place here," she whispered to him. "With me and with Gyda and Bjorn. With Edda and Þórunn. I don't think anyone could teach them any of the things you've taught them. And I don't think they would ever want anyone else to at this point."

He sighed softly, scooting closer to her as he relaxed and lifting his hand to her face. "You're right," he said. "And deep down, I knew this. But it didn't help at the time."

"Well, then you just tell them what the Seer said," she commanded gently. "If they will not believe you or Lagertha, they should believe him. And he said you could not be sacrificed. It shouldn't matter why, and it's high time they accepted it. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. Hmm?"

A small smile crept across his face, and that made Lilith smile with him. "No," he said and leaned in to kiss her forehead again. "We're not going anywhere."

She accepted his answer easily, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes so she could sleep. It was strange being in Lagertha's bed like this, since she and Ragnar had been trying for another baby before going to Uppsala. But Lilith liked it this way. It was much better than when she had to sleep by herself at the monastery.

Falling asleep was easier now than it had been the last several nights, and Lilith had a new dream while she slept, but it wasn't a happy dream. She saw Lagertha crying in her dream, being taken away on a cart. She saw Bjorn running, but she didn't see where he was going. And she saw a new face, a woman's face with keen eyes and a knowing smile. She had never seen a face like this before, but it was coming.

She knew that much when she woke up.

* * *

_**Only three chapters left, and the next one is an important one. If you can guess what's coming, I might post the chapter a little early.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who's following and put this in their favorites, and thanks to all my reviewers, though I wish there were more of you!**_

_**Until next time!**_


	24. Sickness

_**Good night, everyone! I hope you've all had a good week. Here's to a good weekend. **_

_**This is a really important chapter, so I won't keep you. I'll just ask you to keep an open mind and try not to jump to conclusions.**_

_**Read on!**_

* * *

_**Sickness **_

The day after Gyda's birthday, which was only celebrated between their small family, Athelstan was back to making out reading and writing lessons from her and Lilith. Even in her concern over Ragnar, Lagertha had insisted their lessons continue, and of course, Athelstan was happy to oblige. He knew the girls missed their father and brother, and it wasn't easy to keep them focused on anything he taught them, but he still made the effort. Gyda was especially worried about her mother, but she never said anything except when she knew Lagertha would listen to her. The morning after her birthday, she wasn't as distracted, so it was easier to help her with her new writing.

He was also still learning, and so was Lilith. Of the Northern languages, Athelstan knew there was still so much to learn, and he had Gyda to help him and Lilith navigate the letters and words to help them sound more like they belonged there. Edda helped when she was able, but since coming back, she had been given more responsibilities in the kitchens where Ingrid could watch her. Lilith still preferred to speak in her native tongue when it was just her and Athelstan, but that was only at night before she went to sleep. Gyda practiced then as well, but Athelstan made sure they both knew not to do it in front of Lagertha unless she wanted to learn as well. So far, she had given no indication of that.

"So much of your language could be similar to ours," Gyda said as she and Lilith sat with Athelstan around the breakfast table. "What other languages do you speak? What other places have you been?"

Athelstan glanced at Lilith before he answered her. "I also speak Latin," he said. He nodded to Lilith. "I taught Lilith when she was only five. So she knows it as well as her native language, just like I do."

"Athelstan also taught me Frankish," Lilith added. "It is the language they speak in Paris."

"Where is Paris?" Gyda asked.

"Athelstan, tell Gyda about Paris like you told me about it."

Sighing, Athelstan closed his journal and put down his quill. "Paris is a long way away from here, and it is much larger than England. It has many more people in it who all live very different lives than we do here. It also has a vastly larger amount of churches that are all some of the tallest buildings in the world."

"So you have been there?" Gyda asked him, also looking at Lilith.

"I've been there," he clarified. "Lilith has not." He looked at her and smiled. "But I still want to show it to her one day. I have also been to Denmark and Svealand, and that is where I learned your language."

Her curiosity piqued, Gyda put her brush away and pushed the parchment aside, leaning over the table. "We should all go to Paris together," she grinned. "It sounds like a wonderful place, and Athelstan, you can be our guide. Mother and Father and Bjorn can come with us. It will be the greatest adventure we've ever had."

Athelstan laughed softly. "That sounds like a good idea, Gyda," he agreed. "And you would love Paris. The people there are the best I have ever encountered, and the food was also the best I've ever tasted."

"We should make it an adventure we will plan together," Gyda said. "That way, we will all experience it at the same time. We should tell Mother and Father as soon as he returns."

"We should," Athelstan said and nodded. "And we will. Right now, we need to finish this and then you both have a few chores to do this morning before helping to make supper. So let's hurry up so we can help your mother. Hmm?"

Gyda accepted what he said with a nod, and she picked up her brush so she could go back to what she had been doing before.

Athelstan watched her and Lilith as they sat together, unable to comprehend how much they already communicated with each other without speaking a word. Sometimes, he and Lilith could do it as well, but not to this degree. The thought made him smile. Lilith had finally found children her age to be herself with, just like he had always wanted.

When he deemed them both finished for the morning, he sent them off to find Elisef so she could give them their chores, picking up the parchment they had left behind and gathering up his journal to put it all away for the day.

Edda came just as he was finishing up with her wash bin so she could help clean up the table. Athelstan smiled when he saw her, going on in his own duties as she collected the plates and bowls left from breakfast.

"I miss sitting with you and Lili and Gyda during the day," she said as she worked. "I wish Ingrid did not need me so much in the kitchens."

He put down the parchment in his hands and moved around to help her. "Well, hopefully, everything will be back to normal soon enough. With Ragnar and the men gone, all our responsibilities are changed. When he returns, it will get better. I will talk with Ingrid."

Edda nodded and sighed, stopping in her chore and sitting down. She lifted her eyes to his, speaking softly. "I — I did not know," she said, clearly hoping he would understand without her saying much more.

Thankfully, Athelstan understood what she meant, sitting in front of her and keeping voice low as he spoke. "Then you are in a very small group," he informed her.

She reached for his hand, holding it as tightly as she ever had. "I would not ever want you to be sacrificed. I would miss you too much, as I'm certain Lili would as well. Ingrid did not say how it was decided, but when you came back, she told me I wasn't allowed to speak of it anymore. These things are the will of the gods. My mother said the same thing before she died."

Athelstan lay his hand over hers. "It's all right, Edda. You know you can talk to me about anything. And I didn't even know about the sacrifice, so I still haven't been able to talk to anyone about it either. I suspect there will be a lot of that going around. So if you need someone to talk to you, you can talk to me. I care about you as much as I care for Gyda, and she is a sister to Lili, so you must be as well."

She laughed softly and leaned forward, kissing his cheek and then rising to finish cleaning off the table. "I will see you at supper tonight," she reminded him and he nodded, watching her leave.

He sat there for a minute or two, thinking of how she'd been told not to speak about the sacrifice or that he'd returned when he clearly hadn't been meant to. Only six weeks had passed since they had returned to Kattegat, and still, Athelstan was angry. He still felt betrayed by these people, and he didn't know if that would change any time soon.

After another minute, he stood up again and began collecting the parchment and quills to put them away for the next lesson he would given Lilith and Gyda.

"Priest."

The sound of her voice stopped him immediately, and not because it was a pleasant or welcoming sound. He put the parchment down, along with his journal, slowly turning to face her. "Thyri."

The smile on her face remained in place as she stepped closer to him. "You work so well with Gyda and Lilith," she said almost apologetically. "And all the other servants. Perhaps that is what the gods had planned for you all along."

Athelstan did not bow, his face blank as he responded. "I suppose so. At least I have been given the chance to find out for myself, even if some of the people here didn't think of that so many weeks ago."

The corners of her mouth fell as she realized he wasn't going to give in so easily. She still tried to keep her head up. "Both of those things should be considered an honor," she commented. "And it worked out for you, didn't it?"

He had to take a step away from her, unable to understand how she could say something like that after everything that had happened. "Worked out?" he repeated. "How exactly is that supposed to make me feel? Because I had to watch a man I considered a friend be sacrificed in my place or because I was treated like the only good I could do was to die for the rest of you? Is that how it worked out for me?"

Her smile disappeared completely as her face flushed and her nostrils flared. She looked away, around at the other people in the Great Hall even if none of them were paying attention to him or her.

"Am I embarrassing you?" he nearly demanded. "Does it make you angry that I won't play along like I did before? Now that we both know that it _worked out_ for me."

She tried to speak, but no words would leave her mouth.

Athelstan turned to leave, only for her to take his arm before he could.

"I am sorry," she cried. "All right? I am sorry for what I did. I thought you knew. How was I supposed to know no one had told you? I thought I was helping. I swear."

He looked down at her hand that held his sleeve, and when he did, she let go, stepping away from him just a little. "So you're sorry," he said. "What exactly are you sorry for? Are you sorry for trying to seduce me? For waiting until I was at my most vulnerable to make me think it was something I wanted? For thinking that I would allow you to do it simply because it was expected? Or are you sorry that it didn't work? That because you didn't get to do what you were told, that somehow it absolved you of any wrong doing? Please, tell why you're sorry."

She clenched her jaw, straightening her back. "It is not my fault that you fooled us all into believing you had embraced our way of life. And it is not my fault that you could not accept your place as the rest of us have. All for a child. Who has no more accepted our way than any foreigner possibly could."

Athelstan grabbed her by the arm without realizing it. "And that is why your seduction did not work," he said, his voice low and threatening. "Because you do not know me. Because you do not understand anything about me. You don't know what is in my heart, and you never will. Because that _child_ understands me more than you ever will. She knows my heart in a way no one ever will, no matter what way she ever is. And you'll do well to remember that before you attempt to insult her, or me, for that matter."

She gasped as she pulled her arm from his hand, and he looked down, seeing that he'd left an imprint around her forearm. He looked at her, seeing that she was afraid, but he realized that he wasn't sorry. He turned from her then, picking up the parchment and his journal and hurrying away before he felt compelled to apologize.

He had nothing to apologize for.

The morning disappeared as Athelstan hid in the back of the long house. He organized the parchment and paints until he'd rearranged them four times, and he knew he had to leave the long house before it was time to eat again.

Supper was especially awkward since neither Siggy nor Lagertha knew what had happened between Athelstan and Thyri. She wouldn't look at him, and he refused to pay her any attention. She had obviously seen him talking to Edda and thought he would be just as forgiving to her. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Athelstan was surprised at himself, since he usually forgave anyone who wronged him. But he could not change his mind on this. No one who had known had given him the same consideration, so he couldn't give them any.

After supper, Siggy and Thyri left without saying anything to Lagertha or Athelstan, and after he got Lilith and Gyda to bed, Athelstan went to talk to Ingrid about changing Edda's responsibilities to what they had been before the journey to Uppsala.

"What can I help you with at this late hour, Athelstan?" Ingrid asked as she prepared the grain for breakfast the next morning.

"I wanted to talk to you about Edda," he said, and she stopped, looking up at him.

"What about her?"

He sighed softly, stepping further into the kitchen. "She talked to me today. About what happened at Uppsala, or rather what didn't happen. It's clear that she misses the stability she had when she was helping Lili, and I think it's been long enough for her to resume her duties as Lili's companion. I told her I would talk to you about it."

She continued mixed the grain, making bread and folding it as she pondered what he'd said. Then she huffed. "I told her _not_ to talk about that," she complained. "It was done, and there was no point is bringing it up where it would only cause harm."

"Harm to whom?" he demanded, and she looked at him again. "Harm to the people who knew it was supposed to happen, who never said anything to me? Or harm to me, because I was kept in the dark about it until it was almost time to be done? Or who?"

Calmly, she stepped around to be in front of him, wiping her hands clean. "It would do harm to her, Athelstan," she stated plainly. "And to you. I have been watching you with Edda and Þórunn since you came here, and it's very obvious that you care for them very much. Edda especially because she is Lilith's companion, and so she is like yours as well. I did not want her to agonize over watching you leave and knowing you would not come back. So I chose not to tell her or Þórunn, and I would not have if Lilith and Gyda had not told them when you did come back. I wanted to save her a little pain. Was that so wrong?"

Athelstan pushed out a sharp, staggered breath. "No, of course not," he said, shutting his eyes as tight as he could. "Forgive me, please. I did not mean to blame you. I wish someone had shown that same consideration to Lili. And no one did. And I am angry, and I cannot stop being angry."

Gently, she lifted her hands to his shoulders and nudged him on. "Sit down," she commanded in a soft voice. Once she sat with him, she rubbed his shoulder, trying to console him. "I am certain that Lady Lagertha wanted you to know. You were supposed to know. It might not help you understand, but you were not meant to be ignorant. And with time, you'll understand that it was not done out of malice. It was meant to be an honor."

He huffed again, leaning over and covering his face with both his hands. "Why does everyone keep saying that?" he nearly yelled. "It doesn't _feel_ like an honor. I feel like I've been used. I feel like everything I thought I understood has been ripped away from me, and I cannot grasp onto it again no matter how hard I try. I feel betrayed. Why do I feel like this if it was supposed to be an honor for me to be sacrificed for the good of everyone else?"

Ingrid did not speak for almost a minute, waiting until he looked at her to say anything. "You have adapted to this place the best way anyone would expect," she said diplomatically. "And it's obvious you want to do that, for yourself, and not just for Lilith. But you were not raised here. You were not brought up knowing our ways, and it won't be something that is easily traded one for another. You might never understand, just as I would probably never understand your ways. I suppose the people saying that, myself included, are simply trying to comfort you, despite the difficulty." She lay her hand over his arm, prompting him to look at her. "It's all right if you don't understand now. Or if you ever do. Your main priority right now is the safety and well-being of those girls. Focus on that. One day, everything else will follow."

"And if it doesn't?" he pleaded. "How am I supposed to help Lili if she moves forward but I don't?"

She turned to face him, speaking to him more directly. "When you were first brought here, what kept you from dying?"

Athelstan was stunned silent, looking away even as he thought. "The only reason I survived was because of Ragnar. Because he decided I would be useful to him."

"And after that? When Ragnar wasn't around, or when you had to contend with the people on his farm? What did you do?"

He stuttered for a minute. "I don't — I don't understand how . . . that — "

"You had to adapt, did you not?"

"Well, of course I did. If I had not, I would not have been able to protect Lili. And she would — "

"Then that is what you must do now. Adapt, Athelstan. It is what we must all do, no matter what the circumstance. Even when it is difficult. Would you not agree?"

It took him another minute to understand what she was saying, and he pulled in as deep a breath as he could before he answered her. "I would," he nodded. "Of course I would. It just feels impossible at this point."

"Give yourself time, Athelstan. At the very least." She stood up before he had the chance to respond. "It is quite late. You should get some rest. Edda will especially need your guidance in the morning when she and Þórunn resume their duties tomorrow."

Athelstan stood up with her, relieved despite being slightly embarrassed. "Thank you, my lady."

She tried to stop him, but he insisted.

"In this instance, I must," he said. "Not just for Edda, but for listening. Thank you. And good night."

He bowed his head slightly, and she did as well before he left her in the kitchens. He thought of what she had said as he walked back to the hearth, realizing that while he was still angry, he would not be angry for much longer. Something inside him told him there would be no time for anger in the very near future.

Thankfully, for breakfast, neither Siggy nor Thyri came to the long house to eat with them, allowing Athelstan and Lagertha to have a peaceful meal with the girls. Edda and Þórunn joined them with grain from the kitchens, and after they all finished eating, Athelstan began Lilith and Gyda's reading and writing lessons with Edda's assistance. Þórunn cleared away the bowls from breakfast and went to draw Lilith and Gyda a bath, allowing them to finish their lesson in relative peace.

Athelstan could tell as he sat with Lilith and Gyda and Edda that they had all missed learning together, and it made him hopeful that everything would soon be back to normal after such an uncertain time. Watching Edda and Lilith also made him think about what Ingrid had said, and he wondered when he'd allowed it to happen. Since he could remember, Athelstan had only been devoted to Lilith and making sure she was safe. Now he found himself concerned for the well-being of another young girl, and maybe he had always been concerned for Edda. He couldn't imagine it changing any time soon.

After breakfast, Edda took Lilith and Gyda to bathe, and Athelstan put everything from their lessons away, carrying it to one of the back rooms where no one would bother them. He left the long house alone, stepping across the way to the Great Hall and discovering Lagertha was already in the middle of a conversation with Siggy. They had been talking the last several days and weeks about Lagertha's worries over Ragnar, and if it helped to improve Lagertha's mood, then Athelstan was glad for Siggy's presence. He didn't see Thyri anywhere nearby, for which he was very grateful, so he left the Great Hall to walk down to the stables.

He found Tait there as the young man filled the horse stalls with hay, thinking of the few times they had almost spoken and approaching him as the other slaves went on in their morning.

"Good morning, Tait!"

It took almost a minute for him to look up from his work, and when he did, he nodded to Athelstan before going back to hay in front of him. When Athelstan didn't leave, Tait glanced behind him again.

"Is there something I can do for you, Steward?" he asked.

Slowly, Athelstan stepped forward. "I just wondered if we could talk. We've come so close, but there never seems to be anything for us to talk about."

Tait huffed as he shoveled another bale of hay. "We are talking now. Of what do you wish to speak?"

It took a minute for Athelstan to collect his thoughts, unable to say anything as he stood there. Before he could speak again, Tait put his pitch fork down, stepping in front of Athelstan. "Is there something I've done wrong, Steward? We've never had reason to speak until now."

Athelstan stammered on for a few seconds. "Well, I just thought that — Since you've always been accepting, I wondered if possibly — That we could be friends."

Tait stared at him like he was speaking in the wrong language, and for a minute, he looked almost disgusted. Athelstan took that as his answer, bowing his head quickly. "But if that is not possible, then I will accept it, of course."

He turned to leave when Tait grabbed his shoulder. "For a holy man, you certainly don't exercise a lot of faith in the people around you."

Athelstan stopped and turned to him. "What?"

Tait grinned slightly. "That's what Earl Ragnar called you when he first became earl. He said you were a holy man where you are from. It always seemed to me that holy men should have faith in their people, in order to guide them. But you don't seem to have much faith in us. Are we not your people now?"

Athelstan pushed out a soft breath. "Of course. Forgive me. And yes, I was, as Ragnar understood, a holy man when he first encountered me. Everyone calls me Priest so much that I simply allowed it after a while since it wasn't easy to explain the truth. And I forget sometimes that not everyone looks at me like that anymore. I still try to have faith, though after everything that's happened, it's difficult."

With a long sigh, Tait put his pitch fork away and gestured to the stable doors so they could stay out of the way of the other slaves. Athelstan followed him slowly, relieved even if he was still apprehensive.

"You and Halldor come from the same land," Tait said and settled against the door frame. "But he never talks about it. I suppose it's been so long that he no longer considers it home. Do you?"

"I miss it still sometimes," Athelstan replied as he sighed. "I miss traveling to other places and learning about them. And I miss having a bed of my own when I've had a long day on my feet. But with what happened to Lili, I don't think I ever considered it home. After a while, she was the only reason I was there. So I suppose not. Lili is my home now."

Tait nodded. "She has adapted to this place far more quickly than anyone else I've ever seen," he commented. "Though I suppose that has much to do with you. So she is a credit to you as a teacher."

"Tait, the horses!" a boy inside the stables yelled.

Their conversation ended there as Athelstan stood up straight and stepped out of the stables. "We'll talk later when it is not so busy," he said to Tait and bowed his head again. "Good morning."

He left the stables a little less apprehensively, glancing back to see Tait gone and sighing softly as he made his way back to the long house.

The long house was much more crowded when he stepped into the front doors, and he was about to ask why when he saw Lilith and Gyda running toward him.

"Girls! What's going on?"

Gyda got to him first, grabbing his hand. "Siggy has become sick," she cried.

Lilith grabbed his other arm. "Lagertha needs you in the Great Hall. Elisef says we have to isolate anyone who's been exposed to her, in case they get sick as well."

Athelstan held both their hands tighter. "Let's go see what Lagertha needs first," he said, and together, they ran across the way to the Great Hall.

If the long house was crowded, then the Great Hall was filled to capacity, even as Lagertha attempted to keep them from yelling over one another. When she saw Athelstan, she sighed heavily and nodded for him to come to her.

He looked at Lilith and Gyda, kissing them gently. "Stay here," he whispered. "Please. Until we know how serious it is."

Lilith took Gyda's hand, and they both stepped back so he could hurry to where Lagertha stood with Elisef.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"I am not sure," Lagertha exhaled. "Siggy was fine this morning while we spoke, and then she looked feverish. She was coming to find Thyri when she collapsed almost an hour ago. I do not know what to do."

"We are doing what we can to keep her isolated," Elisef explained. "And we must try to bring her fever down."

"How do we do that?" Athelstan asked.

"We need water," Lagertha said. "But we also need herbs from Floki's supplies. We must burn them to cleanse the town and anyone who has become infected."

"How do we get there from here?" he demanded. "I'll take the girls with me."

"Gyda knows where it is. Be quick about it. We do not yet know how many people Siggy came into contact with. A great number of people are about to get very sick if we do not hurry."

Athelstan turned to leave when she called him back. She hurried to him, gripping his tunic tightly. "Watch over my children, Athelstan," she pleaded. "I could not bear it if anything happened to them. Or you."

He took her hands in his, squeezing them tightly. "I won't let them out of my sight. I swear."

She nodded for him to go, and he hurried back to where Lilith and Gyda waited.

"Come on, girls," he said urgently. "We have work to do."

With that, they hurried away from the Great Hall, leaving town and making their way to Floki's. Gyda did know the way, and she hurried ahead of them. Athelstan helped Lilith with the winding path, and when they caught up with Gyda, she ran across the sand and then up the path to Floki's hut.

"Helga!" she yelled. "Helga!"

Athelstan and Lilith arrived just as the petite woman came out of the hut, and Gyda reached her first.

"Gyda, child! Why are you here? What has happened?"

"Siggy is sick," Gyda exclaimed. "And Mother doesn't know what is wrong with her. We need your help."

Helga gestured for them all to come inside. "How did Siggy become sick?" she demanded.

"Lagertha didn't say how Siggy became ill," Athelstan said as he followed Helga. "But she was feverish, and Lagertha said it was possible others in town who had been in contact with Siggy might become sick as well. And she said something about needing to cleanse the town of the sickness."

Helga was already sifting through the herbs she had stored, taking this one and that one and putting them in a pouch. She muttered to herself as she chose another three, filling the pouch before she turned back to Athelstan. "We have very little time," she said and urged him to go ahead of her. "We must get this to Lagertha now."

He didn't argue with her, taking Lilith and Gyda and leaving the hut with them in front of him.

The journey back to town was quicker as they all ran along the path together, and Athelstan tried to remember the last time anything like this had happened to the people around him. Before he'd gone on missions and left Lilith at the monastery, there had only been a few bouts of sickness amongst his brothers. They'd lost a few to the sickness, but it had never been serious. Athelstan didn't know if this time would be anything like that.

They made it back to town as many more people ran around the streets. Some were trying to get indoors. Others were separating from the main group at the center of town. Lagertha was nowhere to be seen, but it looked like everyone knew where to go, converging on the Great Hall at once. Athelstan had to push through the crowd with Lilith and Gyda in his arms, and he made sure Helga stayed close to him so they could get inside where he was sure Lagertha still worked with Elisef.

"Lagertha!" he shouted.

She looked up from the linens in front of her, sighing softly before she hurried to him. "Three others have come complaining of the same symptoms, and they have since collapsed the same way Siggy did. Do you know where Thyri is?"

Athelstan huffed. "No. I haven't seen her since yesterday."

Lagertha stared at him maybe half a minute before she looked at Helga and then the girls. "I need both of you to remain in the long house with Þórunn and Edda until we find out what is happening," she pleaded. Then she took them both in her arms. "I need to know you are both safe. Can you both do that for me?"

"We will, Mother," Gyda said and took Lilith's hand to pull her out of the Great Hall.

Lilith looked back at Athelstan just once, and he nodded for her to go before Lagertha lay her hand over his shoulder.

"I need you to help me, Athelstan," she pleaded. "I cannot do this without you."

He lifted his hand to her arm, sighing softly. "I'm here," he swore. "Tell me what you need me to do."

She exhaled, relieved. "More people will come here, and they will be weak, and we must care for them as best as we can. No matter what the gods have decided for them. And we cannot hesitate in our care. Do you understand?"

He nodded.

"Then I need you to find Thyri for me," she pleaded. "For Siggy. I do not know how much longer she has, if what she told me is true."

Athelstan pulled in as deep a breath as he could, exhaling and nodding before he left the Great Hall to do what had been asked of him.

Since they had come back from Uppsala, Siggy and Thyri had mostly been staying in the long house with Lagertha, since they were still a part of her household. But before that, Siggy had lived with Rollo in a hut closer to the beach. Athelstan looked there first, feeling a little apprehensive after the argument he'd had with Thyri the day before.

He still didn't feel sorry for what he'd said. He still hadn't let go of the anger he'd felt over what happened, and it was obvious that many people around him expected to have by now. Honestly, he didn't believe he ever would. After apologizing for her role in the deception that nearly took him to the sacrificial altar, Lagertha had been doing everything in her power to show her love and appreciation of his presence. Lilith had loosened her hold on him, even if only slightly, and Gyda had as well, though hers hadn't been nearly as much.

Siggy hadn't said anything to him, but he hadn't expected her to. When Thyri had tried to apologize, Athelstan had realized quickly that her words hadn't really been meant to convey her sympathy. Only her guilt. It wasn't enough.

From behind, the little hut looked no different than any of the others around it. A smoke stack escaped the pipes above it, and Athelstan hoped he would be able to simply explain what had happened so Thryi would come with him. The front door was cracked open, and when he stepped inside, Athelstan saw the hearth barely burning. Thyri was nowhere to be found.

He was disappointed for a minute, glancing around and thinking of anywhere else he could look. Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw something white in the floor behind the hearth. Quickly, he stepped around the fire and discovered Thyri in the floor unconscious. He knelt beside her, feeling her forehead.

"Thyri," he whispered.

She didn't wake, and Athelstan sighed. Her skin was on fire, and her breathing was labored. He pushed out a heavy breath, reaching out for her and lifting her in his arms so he could carry her out of the hut.

The walk to the Great Hall was a long one, and Athelstan had to take his steps slow so he wouldn't drop the woman in his arms. His feelings toward her aside, if she was sick, it was his responsibility to help care for her. Lagertha would know what to do.

"Lagertha!" he shouted as soon as he was inside the Great Hall. "Helga!"

They both came quickly, and while Lagertha directed him where to lay Thyri, Helga brought over a wet linen to put on her face.

"Did you find her this way?" Lagertha asked.

Athelstan huffed again. "Yes. And it looked like she has been this way for a while. What does it mean? Is it spreading?"

Lagertha looked up at Helga and then around at the people in the Hall. "I am not certain. Siggy did not say it was like this."

He stood up and backed away, looking at the people who had become ill. Already there were five of them, and if it was in the air, then so many others would become ill. His thoughts went to Lilith and Gyda, and he was about to go to them when another group of people hurried into the Hall carrying another sick person between them.

"Athelstan, help me!" Lagertha called.

He pushed out an uneven breath, turning so the new arrivals could move to the back and then following them to where Lagertha was helping Helga mix what herbs she could so they could burn them.

They worked all afternoon and into the night with the sick, and more continued to be brought in until there was nearly nowhere for them to go. Lagertha only stopped once to take a break, and Athelstan stayed in her stead, helping Elisef and Helga with the cleansing but also keeping the water fresh for people to drink. Once he found himself sitting above Thyri, pressing a cold linen to her face, and he thought about what he'd said to her.

He still believed every word he'd said, and he still knew that she wasn't really sorry for what she'd done even if her guilt over the aftermath should have been enough for him to forgive her. Maybe one day, he would forgive her.

It was morning before he was able to step outside into the cool air and catch his breath. He had never gone this long without sleeping, and his body ached almost all over. He was about to sit down when he looked over at the long house and saw Lilith there by herself. Slowly, he moved toward her, feeling dizzy for the first time and having to stop in the middle of the way so he wouldn't fall down. He looked up at Lilith, and she was blurry for a second before coming into focus again. He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly and then opening them to discover two Liliths in front of him. One was considerably taller than the other.

He took one more step forward, feeling his knees buckle as he fell forward, barely catching himself before he hit the ground. After that, everything was black.

* * *

Lilith rushed forward the instant Athelstan hit the ground, reaching him instantly and turning him over to look at him. His face was flushed, and his breathing was ragged. She leaned down and pressed her ear to his chest, hearing his heart beating and sighing, relieved. Then she looked up, not knowing who to call for first.

Her instincts won out as she yelled. "Lagertha! Please! It's Athelstan!"

The distraught woman came running out of the Great Hall only a second later, discovering them and hurrying to where they were. "What happened?" she demanded. She leaned over with her ear to his mouth.

"I don't know! He just collapsed. It's the same as it was with Siggy. Is he going to die?" Lilith cried.

Lagertha didn't answer, looking up and gesturing for the men in the Great Hall to come closer. They lifted Athelstan from the ground and carried him inside. Once he was on a mat of his own, Lilith sat beside him and took his hand in hers. If he was sick, he would need someone to watch over him.

"Lilith, my daughter, you should go stay with Gyda where it is safe," Lagertha insisted, cupping her face gently.

"I am not leaving him," Lilith said stubbornly. "He wouldn't leave me, so I'm not leaving him."

Lagertha sighed, stroking Lilith's hair gently as she stood up and moved to another mat that held another sick person.

Lilith looked around her, seeing all the sick people and remembering when some of the brothers at the monastery had gotten sick. This was nothing like that. It was much worse. Athelstan had gotten sick none of the times when the others had. Now that he was, she would not leave him unless she absolutely had to.

She didn't eat breakfast, but when Lagertha insisted she go eat in the long house with Gyda, Lilith had to comply. She agreed only because she wanted to bring water to Athelstan. After that, she wouldn't leave him again.

When Lilith stepped into the long house, she noticed that it wasn't as crowded, though most of the people here were huddled around the front hearth while the back rooms were left vacant. She moved to where she usually slept, finding Gyda there alone. Þórunn and Edda were nowhere to be found.

"Lili," Gyda said softly. "I am not feeling well. I do not know what is wrong with me."

Lilith hurried to her sister's side, touching her face and feeling it hot like Athelstan's had been. "We have get you to Mother," she commanded. "Come, Sister."

She helped Gyda to her feet, feeling how heavy she was for the first time and holding her as upright as she could so they could leave the back of the long house. No one seemed to notice them, and Lilith made it to the Great Hall before she lost her balance.

"Mother!" she cried as she and Gyda both fell to the floor.

Lagertha was at attention immediately, hurrying to where they had fallen. "What happened?" she demanded.

"She said she wasn't feeling well. She is feverish, just like the others. I could not find Edda or Þórunn. I thought the long house was safe."

"As did I," Lagertha said and sighed. She moved forward and lifted Gyda in her arms. "Come. We must help her."

Lilith followed her to an empty mat, not asking why it was empty and sitting down on Gyda's other side as Lagertha pressed a cold cloth to Gyda's forehead.

"We must bring her fever down," Lagertha said. "Lilith, bring some sage from Helga. We must burn it."

Lilith did as she was asked, hurrying to where Helga was separating sprigs of sage and thyme, and when she saw Lilith, she knew what to do, handing a new set of herbs to her as they burned gently. Nothing was said as Lilith took it back to Lagertha and sat back down.

"You should go sit with Athelstan," Lagertha urged. "He will need you."

For once, Lilith was relieved, doing so without any hesitation at all. She got water from the pail and sat beside Athelstan just as he opened his eyes slightly.

"Athelstan," she whispered, touching his cheek and prompting him to look at her.

"Lili," he almost squeaked, taking a deep breath though it looked he was unable to do so very well.

She lowered the water to his lips, and he drank a little before coughing raggedly. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He shook his head. "No, don't be."

He was quiet probably a minute before he looked at her again. "Lili, you shouldn't be in here. I don't want you to get sick."

She rubbed his forehead and then leaned down to kiss his warm skin. "I am not leaving you."

He sighed then, his breathing still rough, and he closed his eyes, unable to lift his head or even speak again to argue with her.

Amma and Gerda were brought to the Great Hall not long after Athelstan, along with Ingrid, and Lilith became worried about Edda and Þórunn when they didn't come to the Hall with anyone else. She didn't know if they were sick. She didn't know if they were alive, and she wanted to go find them. But at the moment, she was not moving from where she sat.

Another afternoon and night passed, and while Lilith was sitting with Athelstan, she watched Siggy as the woman discovered that Thyri had succumbed to the illness. Lilith felt sorry for Siggy. She didn't know what it was like to lose someone like that, but she still felt sad that Thyri had not woken like her mother had.

Athelstan became so weak that he could not open his eyes. He could not eat anything or even drink any of the water Lilith tried to give him. His fever refused to break no matter how many wet cloths she put on his face, and he could no longer squeeze her hand when she held his inside it.

She watched Lagertha sit with Gyda, and she wondered what more could be done. Were they supposed to pray? Would that even make a difference now that so many people were sick?

Lagertha left in the middle of the night that night, after another three bodies were taken out of the Great Hall. In all, Lilith had watched more than two dozen of them be taken out so far, and she knew why. They were all dead.

Lilith looked around for Siggy, noticing the woman was still sitting over Thryi's body with incense. The older woman was also stitching together a wreath with the herbs from Helga's supplies. Helga had since left to burn the sage around town, having not fallen to whatever this illness was. Lilith was surprised that she herself had not become sick, but it didn't matter now.

Þórunn and Edda were finally able to come to the Great Hall that morning, but Elisef kept them from entering.

"Asa said that Gyda was sick," Þórunn said as she stood in front of Elisef. "Is she going to be all right?"

Elisef glanced back at where Lilith was sitting, gesturing for her to rise and come to them, and reluctantly, Lilith did so, letting go of Athelstan's hand as she stood up. Edda couldn't wait, rushing to Lilith and embracing her quickly.

"I should have been with you," she cried. "Kindra should not have called me away. You are not sick, are you?"

Lilith squeezed Edda gently. "No, I am not sick. But Gyda and Athelstan are both very ill, and it is not safe for either of you to be in here. Kindra was probably trying to keep you safe."

"Tova said that Ingrid was brought in yesterday," Þórunn said as Lilith leaned forward to embrace her. "No one in the kitchens knows what they're supposed to be doing."

Lilith sighed as she stepped back, glancing back at Athelstan. "I'm sure Asa and Kindra are doing their best. Until Athelstan is better, they will have no other choice. And the two of you should help them. I'm staying with Gyda and Athelstan. I'll look after them. Siggy woke up yesterday evening, so it's very likely he will as well. If anything happens, I'll come to get you both. Go on."

She nodded for them to leave, and reluctantly, they did as she said. She watched them until they were both inside the long house, gazing up at Elisef before she turned back to return to Athelstan's side. Lagertha had still not returned, but Lilith had already decided not to leave the Great Hall. She decided her mother would come back when she needed to.

It was nearly dark outside when Lilith realized that Lagertha hadn't been in the Great Hall all day, and that bothered her. She looked over at Gyda, noticing that she was by herself. It wasn't right for her sister to be alone, so she looked at Athelstan and kissed his forehead. He would be all right for just a minute.

Gyda was only a few mats away from Athelstan, so Lilith crawled over the people between them, arriving at her sister's side and taking her hand to comfort her. Lilith was surprised to find her sister's hand almost cold, and when she looked at Gyda's face, her eyes were wide open and staring at nothing.

"Gyda," Lilith whispered, touching her face and feeling her cheek cold as well.

Breath caught in Lilith's throat as she sat there, and she realized what was wrong with Gyda.

She was dead.

* * *

_**Okay. First. I'm going to have to say I'm sorry. But I promise it's not over. So please bear with me and stay tuned.**_

_**And I'm going to have to ask you to remember this is marked supernatural for a reason.**_

_**And I'll try to get the next chapter up a little sooner.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	25. Savior

_**I wanted to post this early, so I hope this is a good follow-up to the last chapter. This is where the supernatural part of the story makes an appearance.**_

_**This chapter is also split between Lilith and Athelstan's perspective. I hope you like it.**_

_**Please, read on.**_

* * *

_**Savior**_

Gyda's skin was ice cold and turning blue. Lilith remembered from the bird she had touched that it meant the blood had stopped flowing. But Lilith had only touched that bird, and it had come back to life. She was sure of it now.

She would have to try something different with Gyda. This time, she was certain something would have to be given. Something would have to be sacrificed. That was the way things worked around here.

Nearly everyone around her was asleep or feverish, including Athelstan. Lagertha was still nowhere to be seen, and Elisef had since left to bring back more herbs for incense. Lilith had to do something before anyone could stop her. She grabbed Gyda's cold hands and pulled on her as hard as she could to get her out of the Great Hall. Lilith only hoped she had enough strength to get her sister to the beach. They were still about the same size, but dragging what was essentially dead weight was different. It took more of her strength than she thought she had, but without alerting anyone, she made it to the water front.

Once there, Lilith took out the knife she had taken and sat next to Gyda. She made sure both Gyda's feet were in the water before she dragged the knife across her palm. It hurt differently than when Father Cuthbert had marked her, but it still hurt, and Lilith had to stifle her cries as she rose and sat over Gyda with her feet also in the water.

"I don't know what God to pray to anymore," she whispered as she lowered her hand over Gyda's mouth so her blood would drip inside. "Whoever or wherever or whatever You are, hear me. I'm pleading to whoever is listening. I don't want to lose my sister. God. Odin. Bless me."

She covered Gyda's mouth with her bloody hand, remembering when they had made a pact to be blood sisters before they'd gone to Uppsala. She hoped this new blood of hers found what was still inside Gyda's body.

With the light diminishing, Lilith lifted her head and found the moon as it lit up the night sky. Then she screamed as loud as she could for as long as she could, the way she always did when she had cried for Athelstan all those times when she needed him to hear her while he was far away. It had worked a few times. She needed it to work now even if it wasn't Athelstan she was attempting to reach.

The birds cawed and the insects screeched along with her, and a large wave crashed into the beach, enveloping them both. Lilith felt something tug at her belly, pulling her to the ground until she was laying on top of Gyda with her hand still over her mouth. She felt her eyes droop as she laid her head over Gyda's chest. She felt her hands and then her arms and then her back tingle like she was cold.

And then slowly, she felt Gyda move. She heard air move inside Gyda's body. She heard Gyda's heart stutter a little and then beat. Once. Twice. Again. And again.

It was the last thing she heard before she closed her eyes.

* * *

Athelstan woke with a start, still feverish but finally clear-headed after being so weak for so long. The Great Hall was filled with the sick and the dead, of those who had only just passed. He wanted to pray for their souls, but as he looked around with blurry vision, he realized Lilith was gone from his side. He sat up and crawled over to where Gyda had been laying, but she was gone as well. Beside the mat, Thyri lay dead, and her mother Siggy sobbed over her body. Athelstan would have normally comforted the woman, but he knew no comfort would bring back her daughter.

He rose slowly, unsteady on his feet as he stumbled to the nearby table to gain a little balance. He was almost immediately stopped by Lagertha.

"You are too weak to be walking around like this," she said and pushed him to sit. "You should be still sleeping."

"I have to find Lili," he huffed, falling forward before Lagertha stopped him. "She was here before I closed my eyes, and she shouldn't be by herself."

Lagertha wet a fresh cloth and wiped his face of the sweat covering it. "It will do her no good to find you like this," she insisted. "Stay here or I will move you to a bed where you will not have such freedom to move."

She rubbed his cheek and set a small cup of water in front of him, rising with her hand over his shoulder as she glanced around the overcrowded hall.

"Where is Gyda?" she asked, more to herself than anyone else.

Athelstan looked up then as well, breathing deep and standing as steadily as he could. He looked to the doors as they stood open to let in the light of morning, swearing on everything he believed that he could see two little footprints and then drag marks in the dirt. He didn't wait for Lagertha, moving around the table and toward the doors.

"Athelstan!" she called after him. He did not stop, and she followed him. "Athelstan!"

He stumbled a few times as he walked, following the little feet as best as he could. Lagertha caught him and put her arm around him to hold him up as they got closer to the beach and the ground sloped downward. Then they reached the sand, and he looked out to find the source of the little feet that had led him there.

"Gods!" Lagertha cried. "Gyda! Lilith."

She ran around him to where the two little girls were laying on the sand motionless. Athelstan had to take his time, falling to his knees as he reached Lilith's other side. Lagertha was already running her hands over Gyda's chest, and she moved to Lilith to do the same thing.

"There is blood," she said, "but I cannot find the source. They are both so cold!"

Athelstan leaned over Lilith, laying his ear over her mouth and sighing heavily, relieved, when she exhaled against the side of his face. "She's breathing."

Lagertha repeated his movements, relieved to discover the same with Gyda. "But where is the blood coming from?"

Athelstan ran his hands over Lilith's torso, unable to feel any wounds, but then he took her hands in his and felt one of them wet from a sticky substance, lifting it and discovering her bloody palm.

Lagertha looked up just as he discovered it, looking at Gyda as her face lay smeared with blood. "I do not understand. Why would Lilith do this?"

"I don't know," Athelstan said and shook his head. "But we must get them inside. They need warmth."

A few able-bodied people had followed them to the beach, and Lagertha beckoned them forward to help. "We must get them inside," she ordered. "Now."

No one hesitated or questioned their lady, hurrying forward and doing as she said. Lagertha gathered up Athelstan to help him back to the long house. There weren't many people around to see them enter and then disappear into the back where Lagertha had been attempting to rest when she hadn't been helping the sick.

She deposited Athelstan on one side of the bed before she moved the other where the girls were laid carefully. She wiped the blood from Gyda's face before sitting down to bandage Lilith's hand quickly. Athelstan watched her the whole time, not speaking but remembering the story Lilith had told him before they had gone to Uppsala – about a bird she found dead and brought back to life just by touching it.

He closed his eyes without meaning to, opening them again to discover both he and Lagertha on the bed with Lilith and Gyda between them. Both girls were still asleep but now breathing almost in time with one another. Lagertha held her own daughter close as she caressed Lilith's face.

"I believe that my daughter was dead," she whispered and lifted her eyes to Athelstan. "And if that is true, then I believe Lilith gave up part of her life force to save my Gyda. I do not understand how the gods could work their ways in such a young girl's body, but I am no less grateful to still have them both in my life. And you, Athelstan, for bringing her to us. I know you did not come to us of your own free will, but you are our family now. Do you understand?"

He nodded only a little, as he was still dizzy and did not wish to lose whatever constitution he'd gained.

"When Ragnar returns, I will ask him to free you from your service to us. If you wish to stay, then you will."

Athelstan only understood a little of what she said, hearing her proclamation and simply holding Lilith closer to him as he'd been doing before getting sick himself. He would go wherever she went. He knew that now. It mattered not what god he worshiped or what altar he prayed at. His own God had brought her to him for him to care for, and he would spend his life doing that for as long as she needed. Lilith would never leave Gyda or Bjorn, nor would she ever leave Ragnar or Lagertha. She had adopted them as much as they her. This was her family now, and so it was his as well.

Lilith stirred in his arms, facing him as she opened her eyes to see him in his disheveled state.

"Athelstan," she whispered.

He held her closer and pressed his cheek to her forehead. "I'm here, Lili. I'm right here. You're all right, I promise."

"What about Gyda?" she asked and turned her head toward Lagertha.

"She is all right, as well," he assured her, kissing her head. "Whatever you did, you healed her."

She pushed out a shallow breath, closing her eyes and allowing tears to fall gently.

"Lili, are you in pain?" he pleaded, cradling her head.

"No," she whispered. "I didn't know if it would work. I told you about the bird," she said, and he nodded. "It was so small. I only touched it, and it came back to life. I thought this time would have to be different. I knew I would have to give something away if it was going to work. I only had one thing I could give. It had to be more than a touch. More than with the bird. Gyda is so much bigger than a bird."

Athelstan laughed softly despite himself, kissing her again. "Yes, she is. And now, you are both all right."

Slowly, Lilith turned over so her chest was to Gyda's back, taking her sister in her arms even as Lagertha held her. Almost instantly, Gyda woke up, blinking slowly.

"Gyda!" Lagertha cried softly. "My love. I am here. Lilith is here, and Athelstan is here. You are safe, and you are better."

"I'm thirsty, Mother."

Lagertha smiled and laughed just once. "Then you will drink, my child."

She brought back two cups of water, helping both her girls sit up with Athelstan and giving them as much as they needed. Athelstan watched Lilith closely, slowly realizing how close he'd come yet again to losing her even if this time had been her doing. He also knew that if anyone else in town found out what she'd done, it would not be good for her. Perhaps it wouldn't be like it had been at the monastery, but it wouldn't be much better.

The sun was setting before Asa came in to talk to Lagertha, and she beckoned her lady to the partition that led out into the main rooms before she spoke softly. Athelstan didn't hear any of what she said, instead focusing on Lilith and Gyda, but once as they spoke, he looked up to see a defeated expression spread across Lagertha's face as she received news she wasn't expecting. Just as Asa finished and bowed her head, Edda and Þórunn appeared behind her, obviously wanting to see that Lilith and Gyda were all right.

"Not now, girls," Lagertha said to them as Asa left quickly.

"But Amma and Gerda," Edda shrilled. "Lilith wasn't sick when we last saw her. What happened?"

Lagertha sighed heavily, glancing back at him before she spoke. "She was not sick. She was tired, and we brought her here with Gyda when her sister's fever broke. They are all still very weak. The two of you have other responsibilities right now. In another day, perhaps, they will be well enough for visitors. Go on."

Þórunn didn't wait, taking Edda's hand and pulling her off into the long house. Lagertha paused for just half a minute before she returned and sat on the opposite side of the bed.

Athelstan knew the look on her face. It was the same one she'd had after losing her baby a year earlier and when Thyri had taken him to prepare for the sacrifice. She was grieving. "What's wrong?" he asked. "What's happened?"

It took her a minute to speak as she brought her fingers to her lips. "Ingrid is dead," she revealed, looking at him as he watched her. "Amma and Gerda have also succumbed to the illness. Olaf and a few of the other male servants. Dozens more have also died, and I can't — I cannot fathom what we have done for this to happen to us."

Athelstan tried to sit up, only achieving it part of the way as he settled back against the wall above the bed. Lagertha glanced at him and then the girls, caressing Gyda's cheek and Lilith's before she did the same to him.

"You must save your strength, my friend," she whispered even as tears slipped down her cheeks. "You may no longer be ill, but you need to rest."

He huffed as he struggled to catch his breath. "I'm sorry," he exhaled and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Why?' she asked.

"Perhaps," he began, pausing as he sucked in another deep breath, "if I had been able to be sacrificed, then — "

"Then it would be worse," she shouted, startling him easily. Largertha exhaled sharply, grasping onto his shoulder. "That's not how it works, Athelstan. If you had been sacrificed at Uppsala, it would have angered the gods. Their wrath would have been unavoidable. And we were all wrong to think we knew your destiny. The gods had already chosen your path, and it was not our place to change it as we saw fit. That was our mistake. And now, we must work to remedy that. Perhaps that is how Lilith was able to save Gyda."

For a minute, he said nothing, lowering his gaze to Lilith as she slept in the bend of his arm. "Then why did I get sick?" he asked, almost pleading. "If I wasn't supposed to be sacrificed, then why was I not protected like you or Lili?"

Lagertha lifted her hand to his face again. "The gods are always testing us," she reminded him. "Doesn't your God test your faith from time to time? This was a test, Athelstan. And you have passed their test. Now you must prepare yourself for the next one, whenever it comes. Rest," she commanded. "I'll see about finding us something to eat."

She gave him no time to argue, rising from the bed and leaving quietly to keep from waking the girls. Athelstan barely waited for her to be gone, closing his eyes and sleeping again for the third time that day.

The next time Athelstan opened his eyes, the room around was filled with light from the shutters along the ceiling, making it difficult to see anything beyond the bed where he still lay. Slowly, a new presence entered the room, obscured from his sight even though he could see it perfectly. The light surrounding him caused it to glow so bright that he had to hold his hand up in front of his eyes to keep from being blinded. As he watched, the brightness faded enough so he could see a form within it, and finally, the body of a woman came into focus. It wasn't just any woman. It was the woman from his dreams.

She smiled when she saw that he could see her, sitting behind him as a swath of light illuminated her so brightly that he had to squint. When she reached for his face, he leaned into her touch, only realizing that she hadn't ever touched him before now when he felt her cool fingers against his forehead.

The brightness faded just as quickly as it had appeared, and when Athelstan opened his eyes again, she was gone. It wasn't as bright as it had been, and when he lowered his eyes to the partition, Edda was standing there with two bowls in her hands.

"You're awake," she said and smiled, stepping into the room as quietly as ever.

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked hoarsely, clearing his throat gently.

She sat on the bed with the bowls, looking over him and then across from him where Lilith and Gyda were still sleeping. "It has only been a night since I was here last," she assured him. "Lady Lagertha decided it was time for you to all eat, and Þórunn is still helping Asa and Kindra in the kitchens."

Athelstan huffed as he lay there, feeling his arm almost numb with Lilith laying on it. He pulled his arm out from under her as slowly as he could, without waking her before he sat up a little, and Edda smiled again.

"Here," she said and handed him a bowl of grain meal. "You should eat."

He took the bowl graciously, unable to remember the last time he had eaten anything.

The room stayed quiet another minute as he ate, and before he knew it, the food was gone. He tried to cover his mouth, embarrassed by his lack of manners, and Edda laughed softly, taking the bowl as she glanced at Lilith and Gyda again.

"Athelstan," she almost whispered. "Please tell me the truth. Did Lili get sick like Gyda?"

He looked at the girls, knowing the truth and knowing it wasn't safe for anyone else to know what had happened. "She did not get sick," he replied. "She was simply tired, like Lagertha said. And she and Gyda will both be fine."

"Then why is she hurt? She was not hurt when I saw her last."

Athelstan took a deep breath and sat up, his whole body aching from the top of his head to his toes. "Lagertha and I are not certain yet how she hurt herself," he said as he took Edda's hands in his. "But she will heal. We all will. I promise."

Edda bowed her head, holding his hands tighter. "So many people have died," she cried quietly. "How are we supposed to heal from this?"

He lifted her hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles and them lifting her chin so she would look at him. "We will all have to help each other," he told her as confidently as he could. "Lili will need you as much as Gyda will need Þórunn, and I feel that I will need you to help me as well. Because I was ill, and it may be several days until I am able to look after them. Since Þórunn is helping in the kitchens, you will help here while Lagertha is tending to the people in town. Will you do that for me, Edda?"

It only took her a second to nod and agree. "Of course I will. I did not expect it to happen, but I have come to love you all so much. You and Lili, especially. I will do whatever is asked of me until you are all well. I swear."

Athelstan was so surprised by her declaration that he pulled her into his arms without thinking. Other than Lilith, no one else had ever told him they love him, not even his parents before they had sent him to the monastery. He knew Lagertha and Gyda cared a great deal for him, but it was different to hear someone say they loved him.

"Edda," he whispered and cradled her head in his palm. "I love you as well. The same as I do Lili and Gyda, and Lagertha. I promise I will take better care of you when I am well. It's the least I can do."

She held onto him as tightly as anyone ever had, and almost a minute, it was completely quiet.

"What are you two doing?"

Lilith's scratchy voice got both their attention, and Athelstan turned to lay beside her as she turned to face him.

"We're waiting for you to wake up," he said and kissed her forehead. "And Gyda. Edda has brought you both some food to eat."

As gently as he could, Athelstan helped Lilith sit up, allowing her to lean against his chest so Edda could help her with the bowl she had brought. As he sat there, Athelstan watched the two of them, surprised by how close they had become in a short period of time and hopeful that it would last as long as they both lived. Nothing would make him happier.

He also watched Edda, noticing how she spotted the bandage on Lilith's hand and coming up with an explanation if she asked about it again. But she didn't. When Lilith had eaten enough, she moved around to wake Gyda and help her eat the rest of the food in the bowl. Just before she left, she looked at him, and it was almost like she knew he wasn't telling her the truth about Lilith. But she said nothing to him and left with the bowls and spoons to take them back to the kitchen.

Athelstan was able to leave bed before either Lilith or Gyda, dressing in an old tunic and pants and accompanying Lagertha to the Great Hall where many of the survivors of the plague had congregated. Though he had been ill with the rest of them, quite a few of them had concerns about his survival that Lagertha felt the need to have him present while she dealt with their concerns.

"This plague is proof, Lady Lagertha," an older man shouted. "That Priest should have been sacrificed at Uppsala. It was agreed. It should have happened."

Lagertha sighed as she sat above everyone else. She glanced at Athelstan as he sat beside her, only waiting a minute before she responded. "We will never know why this happened," she called over the people watching her. "But it was not because Athelstan was not sacrificed. The Seer was clear about that. If we had given this man's life to the gods, this plague would have been much worse. You are alive now because the gods chose to keep you alive. So is Athelstan. Now is the time for mourning. It is not a time for us to question the circumstances of this illness."

"But if the Priest lives," a younger woman pleaded, "we might be struck with another calamity. We should sacrifice him now to keep the rest of us safe."

Quite a few of the others agreed with this woman, prompting Athelstan to bow his head so he didn't have to look any of them in the eyes as they spoke. He was still weak from being sick, and he hadn't eaten a full meal is over a week. Maybe these people were right. Maybe —

"Athelstan will not be sacrificed," she yelled, taking a deep breath and rising slowly. "And if it weren't for him, none of us would have survived this plague to begin with. He is a valued member of my household and will remain so for the foreseeable future."

Slowly, Arvid stepped up through the crowd, glancing at Athelstan before he spoke. "Perhaps, my lady, we should quell the people's fears with the knowledge that we have already performed a sacrifice that very well may have stopped the spread of this plague."

The hopeful look on her face that had been absent for so long made a timely reappearance.

"Yes, thank you, Arvid," she said and reached back for Athelstan's hand to hold it in hers. "There is no need to sacrifice Athelstan to the gods now. As you well know, the plague has not spread to any new victims in nearly two days, and those whose fever has broken are now healing. My daughter being one of them. And her sister is also recuperating from helping many of you when you were ill. As I said, now is a time of mourning. I will be planning a funeral for everyone who perished, and then we will all begin to move forward from this."

Though a few more people still whispered to each other over what was said, when Lagertha said this, nearly everyone agreed. Arvid kept his eyes forward, watching Lagertha as she sat down while still holding Athelstan's hand. He didn't look away until Lagertha gestured for him to come closer. Then he glanced around him and stepped forward.

"My lady?"

"Please take Athelstan back to the long house and stay with him and the girls until I return," she commanded in a soft voice.

He bowed his head without saying anything, reaching for Athelstan and helping him stand up.

The people gathered parted for them as they left, and Athelstan glanced back at Lagertha to see the concern if her face almost double from what it had been before anyone had spoken. Whatever she was thinking, listening to these people had made it worse.

Since Lilith and Gyda were still too weak to get out of bed, supper that night was set up so they could sit with Edda and Þórunn while Athelstan sat with Lagertha and Siggy at the supper table. It wasn't exactly a happy affair, since both Athelstan and Siggy were still recovering from their ordeal, and Siggy was especially quiet because she was still mourning the loss of her daughter. Since getting out of bed, Athelstan had tried to give her some kind of condolence, but she wouldn't even look at him. After this, he would probably stop trying.

Despite initially relieving Arvid when she came back to the long house, Lagertha requested him to come back when they were finished eating. Siggy left before either Athelstan or Lagertha were finished, prompting Asa to enter the small room by herself.

"My lady, is everything all right?" she asked immediately.

"Everything is fine, Asa," Lagertha assured her. "Please go check on the girls and prepare a bowl of water so we may wash our faces before bed."

Asa bowed her head. "Yes, my lady."

She left, and Lagertha glanced at Athelstan.

"Do not worry about Siggy," she said as she ate slowly. "She is still grieving, and I am sure she will be all right soon."

He pushed out a heavy breath, pushing his food away and leaning forward with his head in his hands. "I know she is grieving. I grieve with her. No parent should lose their child. I find myself ever grateful that you did not lose Gyda or Lilith. I am also grateful that I did not lose them. But now everything is uncertain again."

She stood up from her side of the table and moved to sit at his side. "Why are things uncertain again?" she asked.

Athelstan lifted his head, keeping his eyes closed. "While I was ill, no one was concerned with me other than those who needed to be. You and Lili and Gyda. Now that we're all healing, those people are concerned again. And Lili might not be safe anymore. Not if I am still alive and people don't think I should be."

Lagertha did not hesitate. "You are alive by the will of the gods, Athelstan," she declared, taking his hand in hers. "And those people will not question the gods. I will not let any of them harm you or Lilith. I swear it. And it does not matter if they do not believe you should be alive. I know you should be alive. I would be lost without you."

He huffed, lifting his hand to his forehead. "I am still so weak," he whispered.

She cupped his cheek, feeling behind his ear and under his jaw, more than likely for another fever. When she found none, she rubbed his shoulder. "Then you should continue to rest," she said and stood up to help him to his feet.

Athelstan did not refuse her command, allowing her to help him and leaning on her as she walked him back to where the girls were still probably eating. Arvid followed them and then stationed himself at the first partition as they continued on to the back rooms.

"I do not want you to worry about anything happening to you or my children," Lagertha insisted. "The only thing I want you to be concerned with is the care of my girls. And I will take care of everything else."

Still, Athelstan did not argue as they arrived at the back room and discovered Lilith and Gyda asleep over the middle of the bed.

Lagertha helped him to the side of the bed with Lilith before she moved around to get ready for bed. Though his dizziness did not dissipate, Athelstan still watched her as she changed into a gown and began taking her hair down. Neither of them spoke until she was sitting on the bed behind Gyda with a comb in her hands, continuing to unbraid her hair.

"If there are any further concerns," she said, and he looked up at her, "I will handle them personally. If anyone believes more is to be done, I will take care of it myself. We all have a long healing period ahead of us, and I will not have anyone set back by worrying over things that cannot be changed."

He didn't know what to say, choosing not to say anything even when she looked at him and reached for his cheek.

"Hmm?"

He nodded, and she smiled a little, leaning over to kiss Lilith's forehead before she did the same thing to Gyda. When she laid down behind Gyda, Athelstan closed his eyes, almost asleep when he thought he heard her whisper.

"I will make a sacrifice of myself if I must."

He was asleep a second later.

It was another few days before both Lilith and Gyda were strong enough to leave bed, and it was only to gather the bodies of the sick so they could be burned. Athelstan stood with both girls while Lagertha and Siggy lit three large pyres which held many of the dead, including Thyri. He noticed that Lilith hadn't let go of Gyda's hand since waking from healing her, and he wasn't sure Lilith would ever let go.

Several days after the town was empty of the sick, Athelstan felt strong enough to leave Lilith and Gyda in Lagertha's care as he went looking for anyone left who wasn't sick and in need of food or water. At the end of his walk, he found himself at the water front where he had found Lilith unconscious. He sat on the sand near where her head had been, taking a handful and allowing it to fall through his fingers.

How easy could it have been to find them both dead? What had happened to give Lilith that kind of power? Over life and death? As far as Athelstan knew, no one on Earth had that power. How had it been possible for a young girl to do something so extraordinary? The very knowledge of it shook him to his core.

"Athelstan."

He turned to see Lagertha there, almost rising before she stopped him.

"It's all right," she said, her hand on his shoulder.

"Where is Lili?"

"She is with Siggy," she said and sat down. "And Gyda. Edda and Þórunn are with them both. No one will harm her. You have my word."

He pushed out a heavy breath, crossing his legs in front of him and taking another handful of sand. "Lili said something to me once," he began. "She found a bird dead in the woods, and when she picked it up, it came to life in her hands. She only told me about it because it scared her, and I told her the bird must not have been dead. I told her sometimes animals can fall and hit the ground, and they can be in a deep sleep. But they always wake back up. But she was so sure she had healed it herself." He stopped and closed his eyes. "This is my fault," he said and shook his head.

"How?" she asked and squeezed his arm.

"I don't know. It just is. And when everyone finds out what she's done, it will be mayhem. I will not be able to protect her then. She won't be a child anymore."

Lagertha took his face in her hands, making him look at her. "No one will know what she has done," she swore. "No one will know, because I will not tell them. And you will not tell them. When anyone asks, I will tell them it was a gift from the gods, and it is true."

Athelstan sighed, gripping her wrists in his hands. "And what will you tell Ragnar?" he pleaded. "How will you tell him that Gyda was so sick and so weak that it was like she was dead but Lili brought her back to life?"

"He loves Lilith as much as I do," she declared. "He wants to protect her as much as I do. I will tell him the truth, and we will swear him to keep the secret. Until Lilith is able to choose on her own, we cannot force her to give a part of herself to anyone simply because she is able to."

"And Siggy?" he said. "When she discovers that Lili might have been able to save her daughter? How will we explain that?"

Lagertha looked away from him, and then he looked around as it grew darker. No one was around to hear what they said, and once that was clear, she made him look at her again. "We do not know why Lilith chose to save Gyda," she whispered so close to his ear that it was certain no one would hear her. "And we will not question why she did so. Until she is older, we will both keep her safe. I swear that to you."

Athelstan took a deep breath, bowing his head and allowing Lagertha to press her lips to the side of his face.

"We will share this burden with Ragnar," she said and held him closer. "And Gyda will as well."

The birds chirped sweetly as they sat on the sand, watching the sky darken for just a little while longer before she stood up and helped him to his feet. Once they were on their way back to the long house, Lagertha took his arm in hers so they could walk side-by-side.

"You have carried Lilith's burden her entire life, dear Athelstan," she said and squeezed his arm. "For so long, it has been your sole responsibility to see that she is safe and well-cared for, and you have done such a good job making her into the beautiful young lady she is now. One would think she was your own, such as you treat her. But now, you are not alone. You do not have to carry this alone anymore. It is now _our_ responsibility to see that she is safe, and it will stay that way no matter what. Yes?"

He nodded. "Yes."

She nodded as well. "Good. We will eat with our girls and put them to bed, and then you will put yourself to bed. I sense that Ragnar might be home sooner than we believe, and there is much we will need to do before that happens."

That was the last thing either of them said before they reached the long house and got to work preparing supper for the girls and Siggy.

Their meal was simple that night, and the conversation was almost nonexistent as Lagertha and Athelstan tended to Gyda and Lilith with Edda and Þórunn's help. Siggy still wasn't good company, eating only because she was expected to and excusing herself to leave the long house after just a few spoonfuls of food. Athelstan was glad for her exit, sensing that Lilith would want to apologize for not doing more to save Thyri.

Once Edda and Þórunn had Lilith and Gyda ready for bed, Athelstan helped Lilith with her hair before laying her in the bed so he could speak to her alone.

"We need to talk about something," he said softly, holding her closer with her bandaged hand in his. "And I need you to listen to me very carefully. Yes?"

She nodded, and he sighed.

"What you have done, how you saved Gyda, it was a miracle. I've told you about miracles?" She nodded, and he went on. "Lili, you can never tell anyone what you did. I know you don't really understand it yet yourself, but if people knew what you had done, it would be dangerous for you. Do you understand?"

She nodded, but he wasn't sure if she did.

"Please promise me you won't tell anyone what you did, especially Siggy. If she found out you could have saved her daughter, I don't know what she would do. I don't know how she would react, and I must keep you safe. All right?"

Again, she nodded. He was about to pull her closer when she spoke plainly.

"I could not have saved Thyri anyway," she said, and he leaned away, confused.

"Why not, Lili?"

"Because she was not my sister," she stated. "Not like Gyda is."

"How do you mean? Wasn't she as deserving of this gift as anyone else?"

"Perhaps, but not by me. Gyda and I have shared blood. I think that is the reason why it worked. Are you angry with me?"

Athelstan was stunned. But he wasn't angry. How could he be? Lilith was still so young and couldn't possibly understand the things she did, even if it was out of instinct.

"Of course I'm not angry," he promised her. "I just need you to be careful. Don't tell anyone else about this. Please?"

She nodded. "I will not tell anyone. I promise."

To that, Athelstan sighed and held her closer, kissing her hair and slowly falling to sleep.

* * *

_**There's just one chapter left, and we're getting to the last couple of changes I've made for the story.**_

_**I'm also already working on Part 2, so I'll have news about that in the last chapter.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who's been reading, following and adding this to your favorites.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	26. To the Gods

_**All right, here we are. This is the last chapter. I've tried to make the kinds of changes I think would enrich the story, and I hope everyone who's read feels the same way. I have also kind of ended this the way it ends in the show, with questions and answers, I hope.**_

_**More at the bottom.**_

* * *

_**To the gods**_

A few weeks after Lilith and Gyda's recovery, the town was still recovering. Siggy's sadness had lifted a little as she helped care for the girls, and she was even helping Athelstan with meals and smiling again, though it was fleeting. Athelstan was no longer afraid of Lilith saying anything to Siggy about not being able to save her daughter. In the weeks that followed her revealing that she would not have been able to save Thyri, Lilith seemed to understand that saying anything would not help in Siggy's grieving. Athelstan wasn't so sure about anyone else in town, but he could see that Siggy was truly concerned for the girls' welfare. At the moment at least, he knew he could trust her.

Lagertha, on the other hand, had not dropped her facade once in the weeks since they had discovered and sworn to protect Lilith's ability. She also had not let Athelstan out of her sight for longer than absolutely necessary, wanting him and her girls at her side whenever they settled any remaining disputes and when it was time to sleep. She had insisted on him sleeping in her bed with her and the girls, and while he would have normally objected, Athelstan could see how afraid she was of something else happening to him, so he relented despite being certain people began to notice.

Finally, one morning when the weather had cleared up enough for them to open up a few of the shutters, Lagertha decided they could all use a bath. She had Edda and Þórunn bring in wash tubs for Gyda and Lilith, filling them with fresh hot water and bidding Siggy to help them while Athelstan saw to breakfast on the other side of the long house. He thought perhaps she would have him use one of the washrooms outside, but she came to him alone with linens and fresh clothes, beckoning him to her as she left the long house.

"Come, Athelstan," she said. "We will go together."

At that point, not many servants were around, but Asa and Kindra gave him curious looks before Lagertha took his hand and pulled him from the long house. More people gave them looks as they walked through town and then along the path that led away from town, but Lagertha kept her head up as they walked.

"Should we really be leaving town like this?" Athelstan asked even as he continued following her.

She stopped, turning to him as she still held his hand. "And why not?" she asked him. "As far as anyone knows, you are still a servant in my household. And it is time for you to bathe."

Despite himself, Athelstan bowed his head, embarrassed for having even asked. Lagertha stepped closer to him, claiming his shoulder and then his cheek so he would look at her.

"You must know that I do not see you that way anymore," she stressed. "To me, you are family. But until Ragnar makes you a free man, no one else will see you as more than a slave. Athelstan, say you believe me. Say you believe I would never treat you that way."

He sighed softly, nodding as he spoke. "Of course, I believe you. I trust you. I do. But what will happen when Ragnar returns and he finds out about this? About the way you're acting and this now — us going off alone like this?"

Taking a deep breath, Lagertha lifted her other hand to his shoulder, looking at him straight on. "If it comes to it, I will tell him. And I will deal with the people in town." She shook him slightly, gripping his shoulders. "After everything that has happened, I must do something keep anything else from happening to you."

He shook his head. "What are you doing?" he pleaded.

She took his hand in hers again, looking around before she began walking again. "Come with me," she said. "I will explain."

Athelstan again saw how afraid she was, knowing he could trust her but also realizing he didn't have much choice but to do as she asked. He'd never seen anyone act this way before, not even Ragnar just before they had left for Uppsala. Whatever was going on in her head, it was stronger than any reaction he'd ever seen anyone have before now.

They kept on the path for several more minutes, crossing a stream into denser woods and obviously toward a very specific place even if Athelstan couldn't remember anything being this way.

"Before we arrive," she said as she still walked at a steady pace, "I must ask you a very personal question. And I need you to answer me honestly."

"What is it you must know?" he asked as he still followed her.

"While we were at Uppsala, before the sacrifices, I know you went with Thyri to prepare for the ceremony before you saw the Seer. Did you have sex with her?"

Athelstan stopped, and then she did, turning to face him. "Why must you know that?" he shouted.

Lagertha stepped closer to him. "I know she was distant with you after that night. I guessed that you had refused her, but I must know for certain if you did or not. I would not ask if it was not important."

"How — I mean, no. I didn't. I couldn't. For the same reason I couldn't the first time, only this time, I was angry at her. I was furious at Ragnar. And . . . I made a promise, and I don't usually break my promises." He stopped on his last word, almost backing away from her. "Lagertha," he said, pleading. "I — "

"Just come with me," she commanded, taking his hand and pulling him off again.

Athelstan became reluctant, remembering that night with Thyri and remembering how angry he'd been at her and everyone else for tricking him and lying to him. He'd been so intoxicated that at first, he'd only been confused. And he remembered how surprised and startled she'd been by his reaction. He still didn't know if he would have gone through with it if he'd known about it in advance, which had obviously been the plan from the start.

Why did it matter to Lagertha, unless she planned to do the same thing?

Finally, they reached their destination, which seemed to be like the hot springs at the farm, steaming and filling the trees around them with a dense fog that kept it covered from prying eyes. Lagertha deposited the linens on a rock near the water, turning to face him and reaching into her own hair to undo the braids holding it up.

"When I first realized that you were not a willing participant in the sacrifice at Uppsala," she began, "of course I was upset with Ragnar, but I thought it was like the Seer said and you simply had a greater Fate than the one we had originally believed. And I accepted that, especially when you expressed your vehemence over our decision. And I thought your persistent anger was because of you being a priest and it being against your faith. It was not until several days later that I understood fully. It was not about you or your faith. It was about something – someone entirely different. Wasn't it?"

Athelstan sighed, watching her as she stepped closer and began to unbraid his hair as well. "Yes," he said simply.

She turned his back to her, working her fingers through his long hair. He'd never had it this long before, so he had no control over the shivers that shook his whole body as the braids came undone.

"I can't leave Lili," he whispered. "I swore to her that I never would. I promised her. And I never — "

"Break your promises," she repeated. "I understand."

She finished with his hair and untied the belt around his waist, dropping it to the ground before she lifted the tunic he wore up and over his head so he was naked from the waist up. When she touched a spot on his lower back, Athelstan almost pulled away, but she stopped him.

"Did someone do this to you?" she asked of the scars she was sure to find.

"Yes," he answered, knowing she was want to know more but unable to say anymore.

"Why?" she pressed.

"For the same reason it was done to Lili," he revealed.

She did not let go of him, nor did she allow him to move away from her. "Someone did this to punish you," she concluded.

Athelstan nodded, unable to say anything else.

"I am sorry, Athelstan," she said softly. Gently, she stroked the back of his head and then turned him to face her. "No one should ever go through what the two of you have endured. I did not realize when we chose you to be our sacrifice that we would be separating you from someone who needed you as much as you needed her. I thought she would adapt as she always has. I was wrong. I caused her and you pain over this, and that was not my intention at all. And that is why I am doing this. That is why I must sacrifice something to the gods, and to do that, I need you to be willing to sacrifice something with me."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she stopped him, placing her fingers over his mouth.

"Please," she whispered. "I know the reason why you were unwilling, and I understand. But when it comes to our lives and our fate, sometimes, we do not have a choice. You have been so gracious, and you have never asked for anything. This isn't a command, my dear friend. This is a request. Don't you think your God would grant me that much?"

Athelstan didn't know how to respond. He gazed over her face, still seeing her afraid but also desperate to the point of pleading with him. When she took her hand from his mouth, she leaned in until her lips were aligned with his, and before he could move away, she kissed him so gently that he flinched.

It wasn't like with Thyri. He'd been drunk and unstable on whatever Rollo had fed him earlier that day. And she had looked so different in the darkness, reaching for him and smiling at him. He'd never seen a woman like her before. She hadn't been like Lagertha or even Siggy. They had both been strengthened by marriage and children and life. Thyri had still been young and playful, but she had also more than likely never experienced much hardship before her father had died. And it had been her handling of him, along with everyone else, that had ultimately forced him to stop her.

Lagertha let go before he could think about it too much, lightly caressing his cheek and bowing her head so her forehead was against his mouth. For the first time in his life, Athelstan felt his heart splitting open to make room for this woman in front of him. It no longer felt like a sin to touch her or look at her or even share her bed even if all they'd done was sleep with Gyda and Lilith between them. The only thing stopping him was the vow he'd made to Father Cuthbert so long ago, or so it felt.

Hadn't he already broken part of that vow in the last two years by being in this place and with these people? He had sacrificed so much since arriving here, and now, finally, it felt like he was gaining something, no matter how small.

He leaned away from her, meeting her eyes with his and realizing why it was different. Athelstan hadn't known anything about Thyri when she approached him. But he knew everything about Lagertha. He knew her hopes and fears, her strengths and weaknesses. And that made this worth the sacrifice she said was needed.

Lagertha saw his decision before he said anything, nodding just once before she stepped away from him and began to remove her dress.

He opened his mouth to speak before she could untie the side of her dress, but he didn't know what he wanted to say. And then, in one swift movement, her blue dress was gone to reveal a simple shift that she had probably been sleeping in for days.

"Remove your pants and your boots," she instructed. "And get in the water. We must bathe first, and then I will show you."

Athelstan pushed out a heavy sigh, sitting down to pull off his boots and then rising to untie his pants so he could take them off as well. He had never been naked in front of anyone except the monks at the monastery, and some of his older instincts did not want him to be naked now. He had to fight all of them to face Lagertha as she pulled the shift she wore off to leave it on the ground. For a minute, he just stared at her face, not wanting to look down. Then she moved closer to him, and he had no choice.

Her skin was as pale as his, and pink as the softest flower that bloomed in Spring. Lagertha touched his face, even as his eyes skimmed over her torso to take in her body as she allowed him to do so. Her shoulders sloped in such a way that his fingers itched to touch her, in a way he'd never felt before, and it didn't feel wrong the way he'd been taught. Her breasts were fuller than Thyri's, both with age and stronger muscle underneath, as Lagertha had obviously been wielding a sword most of her life. And her belly was smooth and slightly rounded over until it met her wide hips. The blond thatch of hair between her legs made him blush so furiously that he thought he would have to sit down. But …

She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his life, save the one from his dreams.

Finally, she lifted his chin to make him look at her face, noticing how he drank in her body and smiling only a little.

"So," she teased as she stepped close enough to drape her arms around his shoulders, "you are a man after all, Priest."

Athelstan laughed softly, not knowing what to do with his hands before he lifted them to her arms. "I am only human, my Lady."

She caressed his cheek, smoothing his hair from his face before she released him. "Into the water," she gestured, still smiling.

For once, he did not hesitate, kneeling to the edge of the spring and dropping in swiftly. She followed him, slipping beneath the surface to wet her hair before she drifted toward him and nodded for him to do the same as she had.

Without speaking, she turned his back to her and drifted to the middle of the spring, working her fingers through his hair to untangle it. After several minutes, she began rubbing his shoulders, and he realized she was cleaning him herself. No one had done that since he'd been a child, but this time, it had a completely different effect on him.

"How old were you when this was done to you?" Lagertha asked suddenly, bringing him out of his thoughts as she touched the scars on his back.

"About how old Lili is now," he answered before he could change his mind. "She was eight at the time, and she had just started to become curious about the world away from the monastery. I knew I was forbidden to tell her about it, even if I only knew a little myself. When Father Cuthbert discovered what I had done, he punished me accordingly, and he made me swear I would never do it again. I never told Lili because I did not want her to be afraid of him. When I found out what he was doing to her without my knowledge, I was angrier than I had ever been in my life. That she had been made to endure something far worse than a lone punishment for breaking a rule. She had been punished for existing, for being the way she was, for refusing to follow his restrictions or his rules. And I swore I would protect her after that, because I had failed her for the first twelve years of her life."

"But you were a child yourself," she stressed as she had before. "How could you have known or done anything to stop him from harming her?"

"It isn't that," he admitted. "I _was_ only a child, and I could not have stopped him. But I should have known. Maybe then I could have shared her punishment, and it would not have been so severe. Lili and I are the same, after all, and we should have been treated the same."

"How are you the same?" Lagertha asked as she cupped water over his shoulders.

He turned his head to her, speaking as plainly as he ever had. "I am an orphan, just like she was when she was left at the monastery. My family all died after I was sent there, and I was alone before she came. The other monks were always afraid of her, even the ones who tolerated her and made her clothes. I was the only one who treated her like a little girl. And I should have protected her. So I cannot leave her. I will not."

Lagertha wrapped her arms around his shoulders unexpectedly, causing Athelstan to gasp sharply. She didn't let go, stroking his hair still and kissing his shoulder gently. "I continue to learn new things about you every day, my dear friend. I did not realize your love for Lilith was so strong. And for that, I must beg your forgiveness. I see now that you were just as affected by what happened to her as she was. I should have seen. If I had, then I would not have agreed to make you our sacrifice at Uppsala." She leaned away and made him face her, cupping his face in her hands. "I did not know. It is no excuse, but it is the best I can offer you."

He knew she wanted him to say he forgave her, but honestly, he wasn't sure if he had yet. Though several weeks had passed since then, Lilith was still more adamant about having him close to her. It was still affecting her, and therefore, it still affected him as well.

"Are you afraid?" she whispered as gently as she could.

Athelstan nodded just once. "A little," he admitted.

She seemed to understand, nudging him away from her. "Go wait over there while I finish," she ordered. "Do not dress. We are not finished."

Athelstan felt his heart sink as his shoulders fell. He had hoped telling her everything would dissuade her from her goal, but she had only become more determined. Slowly, he did as she asked, moving to the rocks by the spring and pulling up out of the water. He did not dress, as she instructed, sitting and waiting for her to finish bathing herself.

It took her no more time than it had for her to wash him, and she rose up out of the water away from him, kneeling where she had deposited the linens and bringing them to him. With the white fabric in her arms, she pulled a knife out of them without saying anything, and Athelstan felt his heart in his throat instantly. He no longer saw her nakedness or that she was wet in front of him. He only saw the knife.

"My Lady," he pleaded trying to back away from her.

She knelt at his feet, the knife in one hand as she held out the other and swiped the blade over her extended palm. Blood blossomed over her skin, filling it as she cupped her hand and pressed her hands together. Then with her bloody hand, she reached for both of his. Athelstan obeyed reluctantly, watching her slash his opposite hand and press them together as she'd done to her own. He discovered it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, and when she opened his hands and lifted them to her face, he understood. She lay both her hands over his face, bidding him to allow her close, and he did so without hesitating.

Her warmth enveloped him immediately, and she wrapped her arms around him so her chest was against his and he could feel her heart pounding along with his. She didn't kiss him again, only keeping her face close to his as she commanded him and his attention easily.

"Do not be afraid."

He barely had time to nod before she began, reaching between their bodies for the one part of him he'd always been told would never be of need for anything like this.

His whole body became a tuning fork. Every time she moved or touched him or moaned against his mouth, it vibrated through his chest and settled in his gut, making it easier for her to touch him and stroke him. He felt her wetness before they came together, and he felt light-headed again. She grabbed his head, keeping him upright as she kept her eyes on him and bid him to do the same. There was really no need for it though.

Athelstan found he couldn't take his eyes off her.

He felt every part of her, her skin, her breasts, and even her breath, electrify his entire being, causing his hands to claim her waist to bring her closer to him. He felt himself giving in, and Lagertha could see that it was happening. She encouraged it, stroking him faster and coming even closer to him with her lips brushing against his, but she still didn't kiss him. Her warmth became like a fire, engulfing him completely.

Of a woman's body, Athelstan knew only what he'd learned all those years ago with his older sister and what he'd learned for Lilith's sake when she began bleeding. He'd never thought of it beyond that, and he never believed he would. Now he wished he had. What if he was meant to satisfy Lagertha the way she was working on satisfying him? He didn't know how to do that.

He knew the exact instant that she moved as close as she could and lowered her body over him. He came inside her so swiftly that she gasped when he did, and she held him close to her for nearly a minute before lowering her eyes to his and moving against him. The first movement took his breath away, as did the second and the third. Slowly, she increased the tempo, taking him with her until they were breathing in time with one another and moaning together.

When she began squeezing him inside her, Athelstan felt his skin tingle, and his eyesight turned almost white. But he didn't lose consciousness. In fact, he held onto her tighter, breathing her in deeper as he sank deeper inside her.

"Athelstan," she commanded softly. "Look at me."

He did as she said, feeling the center of his body coil so tight until there was nothing left to do but release the coil.

The instant it was quiet again, and Athelstan was laying on his back with Lagertha laying at his side, he felt his guilt return. Had he taken advantage of her being so emotional and so desperate? Had she taken advantage of him being so innocent and so trusting of her? He couldn't understand, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Was he truly lost to God now? Was his soul tainted now?

Lagertha rose to her elbow then, reaching for his face and making him look at her. "Stop all of those questions chasing themselves in your head," she pleaded. "You are not to blame, and neither am I. This was the gods, and we were commanded to obey. Isn't that how it is with your God?"

Silently, Athelstan just stared at her.

She sat up and pulled him to sit in front of her.

The blood from his hand still stained her face and every inch of her skin that he had touched, and he was sure her blood was still on him, but that did not seem to bother her.

"Athelstan, when we make a sacrifice to the gods, blood must be spilled. Usually, it is life we give up to them to please them and gain their protection. But that does not always need to be the case. Sometimes, it is something important to us that we must sacrifice to please them. You had never been with a woman until now, and that is your sacrifice. It does not make you any less virtuous or honorable. In fact, in my eyes, it makes you more so. And I had never been unfaithful to my husband, despite our many quarrels, and that is my sacrifice. But I still love him, and I am still loyal to him. Do you understand?" she questioned. She took his shoulders in her hands, shaking him a little. "Say you understand. And we will be finished."

He wanted to say he did, but he couldn't. He knew it would take a long time for him to understand this. So instead, he said the only thing he could. "I want to," he admitted.

Lagertha didn't press him as she had before, standing up from him slowly and stepping toward the water. "We must wash this away and get dressed," she decided. "And then I will dress your wound, if you will do the same for me."

He stood up to face her, realizing it was over. "Of course," he agreed.

Once all the blood was gone from their bodies, Lagertha gave Athelstan clean clothes to wear before she dressed in her own. He found he couldn't take his eyes off her as she sat on one of the rocks and began braiding her hair. He had always been fascinated by her, and now it was for a different reason. She looked up at him as he stared at her, sighing softly and reaching for him. He went to her easily, and she took his hand that was cut to dress it in a clean bandage.

"This will heal quickly," she said as she spread a salve over the cut to keep it from hurting and then wrapped it. "And you should change this at least every other day. Understand?"

Athelstan nodded, and she handed him a bandage for her hand as well as the salve. He worked quickly, gently covering her wound and then wrapping the linen around her hand. As soon as he was finished, she stood up and moved to get her shoes. Athelstan found he couldn't move from where he stood, watching her and feeling the dread from before slide back in.

She had everything packed and ready to go before she looked at him, lifting her eyebrows slightly. "Come on," she nodded and reached for him again.

With a heavy sigh, Athelstan followed her, allowing her to pull him away from the spring and keeping his head down as they walked back to town. He couldn't keep from looking at his bandaged hand and hers and worrying that everyone would know what they had done. And that worried him more than anything. Everyone would see. Someone would tell Ragnar. And then what would happen?

Lagertha took an alternate route into town, behind this building and that one, making it difficult for anyone to see them. They stepped into the long house through a side entrance that was currently unguarded, and she looked to the front of the house before she pushed him back to the private quarters where Siggy was now feeding the girls after their bath.

She saw them as soon as they stepped through the partition, rising to meet them. "Lagertha," she said and immediately looked down to see their bandaged hands. "You were both gone so long, I — "

"Take these to be washed," she ordered. "I do not wish them to be burned with the other clothes we have discarded."

Siggy paused, looking at Athelstan and almost trying to see something different about him.

"Siggy," Lagertha said, and she looked away from him. "Go on. It will be time for supper soon."

Silently, Siggy took the bundle and left, glancing back at them both as she did. When she was gone, Lagertha turned to Athelstan and lowered her voice.

"Tell no one of this," she commanded. "Just as we swore not to speak of Lilith's gift, we will not speak of this. We have sacrificed to the gods and nothing more. Hmm?"

He nodded, and she pulled him into her arm, claiming the back of his head.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, my friend," she whispered.

When she leaned back and cupped his cheek, Athelstan nodded again even if her words did nothing to diminish how he felt. He didn't know if anything ever would again.

"Athelstan!" Lilith called to him. "Can we paint until supper? We haven't done that in so long. Gyda and I want to paint. Edda and Þórunn want to learn."

He smiled despite himself, glancing at Lagertha as she nodded and nudged him toward where they were sitting.

"We will paint for as long as your heart desires," he promised Lilith, taking her and Gyda in his arms so they could find Edda and Þórunn and go to where the parchment and paints were kept.

Just before he disappeared to the very back room with the girls, he turned his head to look at Lagertha, remembering what they'd done and knowing it should not have happened but also understanding why it did. One day, he hoped he would feel differently about it, and he could see when she sighed that she felt the same way.

When Ragnar returned, they would both have to work hard to keep him from finding out from anyone else if it came to it. Athelstan worried about that more than anything. He didn't know how Ragnar would react and that scared him.

The painting and drawing lasted well into the afternoon, as Asa and Kindra brought supper to the table and prompted them to put the supplies away until after they had eaten. By then, Lagertha's mood had improved, and both her daughters noticed. Athelstan especially noticed, curious even if he never said anything to her. Lilith and Gyda both spoke up over their food.

"Mother, are you all right?" Gyda asked first.

Lagertha smiled a little as she ate, and she finished what was in her mouth before she also spoke. "I am fine, my child. It has been many weeks since the illness passed, and we're beginning to rebuild. This makes me happy. And having you here makes me happy. Should it not?"

Gyda grinned. "No, of course, it should. I'm glad you're better."

"As am I," Lagertha nodded.

Lilith glanced in Athelstan's direction, her eyes finding the bandage on his hand for probably the hundredth time even though she had not asked about it yet. "Mother, when you do think Father will be home?"

"I am not sure," she said and shook her head. "I sense that it will be sooner than we expect, but we do not know what King Horik has asked him to do. Therefore we cannot say how long it will take him to finish it. I hope he is careful in his dealings with the King. I want him back just as much as everyone else does."

"And Bjorn?" Gyda asked.

Lagertha smiled again and laughed. "Yes, and Bjorn. I want them both back, very much."

After supper, Athelstan sent Lilith and Gyda to get ready for bed with Edda and Þórunn, helping Asa clean up the table and carry the dishes to the kitchens. They were nearly finished when Asa spoke up.

"We will need to make new assignments here and in the bathhouse before Earl Ragnar comes back," she said, and he glanced back at her to see that she was looking at him.

He nodded. "And so we do. Ing— I mean, if you know of any of the servants who would do well, we will meet them tomorrow."

She sighed softly, stepping away from where the food was being pressed to make grain for the next day. "I miss her as well," she said without saying the name. "We all feel her absence, as I'm sure the girls feel it as well. It will be many months before this passes, and we will all need to help each other. I will help you, Athelstan, if you will help me."

She inclined her head, prompting him to nod and agree.

"Of course I will help you. If you will take over in the kitchens, just as she did, then I will take care of everything with Lagertha and the girls."

That ended the conversation as she bowed her head and moved away to finish what she had previously been doing. Athelstan finished as well, leaving the kitchen with a glance back at her and feeling relief for the first time in weeks. It finally felt like everything was returning to normal.

Athelstan stepped out into the main rooms of the long house, discovering the same hearth from his vision of Thor filling the room as the same trees rose up into the night sky. By the hearth, he saw the woman from his dreams sitting and waiting for something. She glowed like a beacon, lifting her hand and beckoning him to her. He went to her without hesitation, and when she reached for his hand, it was the bandaged one she took in hers.

The darkness evaporated instantly, replaced by a small meadow filled with blue and yellow wild flowers. He stood at the center of it, enveloped in the warmth of the sun. The hand in his brought his attention to her as she still sat in front of a small hearth. For a minute, he was confused. He knew this woman was someone that Lilith would one day become, and it seemed in his dreams and visions of her that she was always surrounded by light and joy. He remembered seeing her after the illness, how her cool touch had soothed his fever. He knew Lilith had stayed with him until she had gone off with Gyda to save her.

Why was he seeing her now?

"Athelstan."

Lagertha's voice disrupted the vision, and he was back in the dark room of the long house. He turned to see her behind him with a concerned look about her face.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly. "You were just standing there."

He took a deep breath, looking back at the hearth and discovering it vacant of people. He sighed and bowed his head. "Yes, my lady. I am all right. I am simply tired."

She took his arm in her hands and gently pulled him back toward the private rooms where she and the girls slept. "Then you should sleep," she said. "And you should sleep in a proper bed tonight. I meant what I said about Ragnar coming back sooner than we expect. And if that happens, we will all need our rest and our strength."

They arrived at her dark room a moment later, and while she moved around lighting the torches, Athelstan remained planted at the door, watching her. She began to untie the back of her dress, glancing back at him.

"Help me with this, will you, please, my dear Athelstan?"

He hesitated a little, crossing the room slowly until he was behind her, and she pulled her hair over her shoulder so he could unfasten her dress. Once that was done, he moved away, and she pulled the dress off. For the longest two or three seconds, she was naked as she pulled a new nightgown over her head and then sat down to pull her hair down. He didn't follow her until she again glanced over her shoulder at him.

"Athelstan," she said and nodded for him.

He huffed and did as she said, coming up behind her to help take down her hair.

"Things do not have to change between us," she assured him. "What we did is not so different from what you would have done with Thyri. Would you have been nervous around her if you had gone through with it?"

"It's different," he stated, even as he eased his fingers through her hair to undo her braids. "And she was not married to the man who could still kill me if he saw fit." He finished and stepped away, huffing as she turned to face him. "But it didn't happen with her. I barely knew anything about her. It happened with you, Lagertha. And it cannot happen again."

She reached for his hand, remaining seated as she lifted her gaze to his. "I understand," she murmured. "And I agree. But we are still friends, and family. I do not want what we did to change that. Would it be unfair of me to still need you as a friend to talk to when I am in need of it?"

Athelstan squeezed her hand. "Of course not. I don't want it to change anything either. That is why I am so terrified that it will without either of us realizing it. And if that happens, neither of us will be able to stop it."

She began to stand, but he stopped her.

"I should go back to the hearth," he said and released her hand. "I'll see you in the morning."

He didn't give her a chance to stop him, hurrying back to the main rooms of the long house and finding a bench to sleep on that was pushed up against the wall. First he sat down, thinking of Lagertha's naked body and how it had felt against his. He squeezed his eyes shut, laying over the bench on his back and staring up at the ceiling as the fires from outside danced along the rafters.

He couldn't pray to God for strength or forgiveness anymore. He knew that was pointless. And now, he couldn't pray to Odin or Thor, because he knew that would do him no good. Now, he truly felt lost.

* * *

**_And that's the end of Part One. And I hope it met all of your expectations. I know it met mine._**

**_Now, for Part Two. I'm writing it now, but it is only about halfway finished. I'm aiming right now to begin posting it closer to the summer, just like this story was posted, but we'll see. If I can get more done before then, I might move it up._**

**_Part Two is looking to be quite a bit longer than Part One, so I'm excited to have you all read it._**

**_Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, everyone who has followed this and put it in their favorites. If you have any remaining questions, don't hesitate to drop me a line._**

**_For now, I'm marking this as complete!_**

**_See you next time!_**


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